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Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:30:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
chergiannoni
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April 3, 2008, 11:00 pm PDT

Time for The "Top Gun"

Quote From: mcjoyce

You are not overreacting, your mom is over the top.  Try telling her that you just need her to love you and be there for you.  The criticizisms are hurtig you and she needs to stop.  If there is a family member you trust or a guidance counselor or teacher you can talk to you should tell them what is going on and how it is making you feel. Maybe they can help you talk to your mom and support you.  At the very least maybe they can help her to ease off of you a little bit.  Don' forget that everyone has value as a person and you "are" good enough.  Be your best self for you not anyone else, you might have to accept the fact that you may never be good enough for your mom and she may never be satisfied bcause she is an impossible person and that is not your problem. 

Well.... maybe it's time to call in Dr. Phil.  If things are that out of control honey for you and your siblings and your Mom is always down your back or crying about something, it sounds like a job for someone with the qualifications to get to the bottom of things and help your family find a solution.  Send your concerns to Dr. Phil and get the help you really need!  Good luck and God Bless... Cheryle  cherbear122852 @ verizon.net
 
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ladiehawke
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April 3, 2008, 11:09 pm PDT

The Teen Daughter

I felt terrible for the teen daughter, Lexie. She had that look on her face that the woman who had the very, very controlling husband had on her face. I know how she felt when she said that she could never do anything right no matter how hard she tried. I know how it felt to have no choice as to what you could wear for clothes. In my family, you got what my mom wanted to buy for you, or you get nothing at all. I had my mother pull out a pair of my elderly dead uncle's and she told me I should wear them cause I was fat and they would fit. By that time I was able to refuse to wear them.

Dr. Phil should have called the show what it really was about...controlling mom's and he should have made it a two parter and tell them exactly what being controlling can do to children. You could see that poor Lexie was depressed. The other girl is always going to be second guessing herself because mom isn't there to tell her what to do. Sad. I feel for those kids. Especially Lexie.}
 
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annieward
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April 4, 2008, 4:42 am PDT

equip your children to be adults

I was really taken aback by the mothers on your show.  Yes each of us has "perfect" children.  I think the difference between these women and myself is that my children are perfect for who they are...flaws and all.

Each child is an individual with their good their bad and their indifferent parts of them.

Ladies allow your children to be who they are for only then can they be perfect.

Perfection is a point of view.  No matter how perfect you think your kids are there is going to be someone out there who is going to break that bubble and without the tools to handle this your child will be less than perfect.

Those 3 kids on the show were great unto themselves.  Let them fall a few times. When My kids were young I would say I would rather they fall now while I am here to pick them up, dust them off and send them out again then for them to fall when they are older and on their own. But I now know that I have given them the tools to pick themselves up.  As parents thats all that you can do...equip your children to be adults.
 
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tvillemom
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April 4, 2008, 5:09 am PDT

Not a Momzilla but a Dadzillla

Thank you sooooo much for your show on Momzillas!!!  My Girls thank you from the bottom of their hearts. We have been trying so hard to get my husband, their dad, to realize that he really needs to give the girls a little trust and room to grow.  His biggest problem was that for the past 17 years he was working afternoons, he has in the past year been working straight days.  We have 3 girls 17, 16 and 11, these girls are really good girls and all they have asked for is a little room to grow.  When he is home they have had to be home by 5:00 p.m.  He doesn't let them go for walks around our small town of 1000 people and if they are not home within 5 minutes of when they say they are going to be home, he ends up going looking for them or sends out the posse after them...the posse being ME!

We watch your show almost faithfully, as well as he does and he trusts your opinion and we have used a lot of your shows to help our children realize what kind of life they need to think about and the types of people that are out there.  YESTERDAYS SHOW!!  That was a huge breakthrough for the girls.  Our middle daughter especially feels like she is a prisoner in our home and during your show, we had a discussion about how he treats these girls.  She told him that he really needs to trust them a little, it isn't like they want to be out until midnight or anything, but being out for a walk around town, going to a friend's house for a few hours is really not a bad thing.  He did try to defend his actions by saying that he just wants to protect them because that is his job.  We understand that and jokingly we told him that they wouldn't know a bad person if they ran into them because they weren't allowed outdoors!  Well after yesterdays show, he really saw himself and what could be if he didn't give them room.  We are all breathing a sigh of relief now, after all they are 17 and 16 and chances are, there is not a whole lot of time left for them here to learn and experience the things they need to before they head out into this huge crazy world of ours.  Again, THANK YOU FOR OUR BREAKTHROUGH SHOW!!!
 
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ymafive
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April 4, 2008, 5:48 am PDT

Appreciate your kids for who they are

I watched the perfectionst Moms show from my daughters hospital room.  I was appalled at the way these mothers were treating their children.  I have five children and my twelve year old daughter has been battling cancer for the last year and a half.  Because of this she can't run or jump, and she is completely bald.  She will never be a sports star, and probably won't win a beauty contest, but to my husband and I she could not be more perfect.  The Moms on the show need to appreciate their kids and cherish every day they have with them.  Would they be able to handle it if one of their kids had a life threatening illness?  I don't think so.  One Mom said she had her tubes tied so that she could concentrate on raising one perfect child.  I really feel sorry for that Mom, you don't realize what you are missing.  I have five wonderful children, no, they are not perfect, but they are my pride and joy.  Right now I am praying that my daughter gets to live, and these Moms are praying that their kids win beauty contests and ball games.   You need to appreciate your kids for who they are and not try to make them what YOU want them to be.  You should just want them to be happy and healthy.
 
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kivarocks
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April 4, 2008, 6:03 am PDT

I DON'T THINK YO WERE LISTENING !!

Quote From: elizabethpayge

I think Dr. Phil was a little too harsh today.  I agreed with SOME of the things the mom did and the way she treated her daughter (that's called being a good parent). I think more parents need to be like her.  Too many parents today are NOT involved in their childs life, and they end up on the streets, doing drugs, pregnant, or in jail.  I do think that she could back off a little, but I would MUCH rather see a mom like this than to see one that could care less about their child.

So, I say God Bless that mother for actually being a caring parent.

   Look first of all they call him [Doctor] Phil because he went to school for 7 years and has 30 years experience.He doesn't just take a case and throw darts at a board to evaluate the situation.He has a team of EXPERTS on an ADVISORY counsel that review each case.All that aside what were talking about here we people dealing with EXTEME OVERINDULGENT PARENTING.Exteme ___neglect___ parenting is were a parent lets a child do whatever they want to do even if it is dangerous or unhealthy.Example a 12 year old girl can stay out till 1:00 am on a school night or steal from the parents without consequences.Extreme ___over indulgent___ parenting  that you saw on the show create anxiety ,tension,anger,lack of confidence and a host of other mental health problems in their children.Any time you act in ways that are EXTREME you move into an area that is UNHEALTHY.I should know as I was the child of one of those OVERINDULGENT PARENTS in the 60's and 70's and I have the mental health issues to show for it.It has taken years of therapy and medication to finally find some balance and peace.
 
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wildforce
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April 4, 2008, 6:17 am PDT

sonya

When I watched your story today the thought that kept coming to my mind was OH MY GOD that girl is going to let loose when she gets to college. You are a good mom, but I to once was a under the microsscope daughter who was never aloud to make my own mistakes and nothing was ever good enough so when I got out on my own I went way over board. plus as an adult it took along time not to be a people pleaser cause that was what I was taught to care what others thought all the time which made me a target to get walked all over by people.  That didn't teach me I was still an over protective mom afraid to let my kids suffer the way I did then I got custody of my boyfriends daughter at 17 who's mother never let her do anything and I saw how sheltered and un prepared she was to face this world and what a handicap she was going to have. Then when his 20  year old moved in it was even worse she was so Nieve and didn't have a clue about the real world. So I have learned to lighten up and my boys are growing from it. Keep up being a good mom just know you did a good job and she is beautiful but she is her own person and make sure you let her know that you are proud of her no matter what that she doesn't have to please ever;yone all the time..Know you have done a good job and taughter her good values let her put them to use and sit back and see what a good job you have done...And know it's okay if she falls some times she knows you are there to pick her up don't make her afraid to be able to come to you when she has a problem cause she is afraid she'll disapoint you. Trust me you want her to be able to come to you because no matter how involved you are she will incounter a problem in life and let me tell you there's nothing more pleasing as a mother when your child  comes to you with a problem because they trust you and know you will stand by;; them and not judge them but help them learn from there mistakes and guide them to advoid it in the future.  good luck ..
 
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yahssis
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April 4, 2008, 6:21 am PDT

To: AnnaChristina

I am SO SORRY for what you endured as a child.  You did not deserve any of that and I pray that you have grasped the truth of it.  Those people who did that to you were either sick or evil and did not deserve to be or wear the label of "parent"

 

I only pray that Dr Phil does a major "shakeup" of the others putting their children through this torment!

 

~
 
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kivarocks
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April 4, 2008, 6:37 am PDT

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE END RESULT !!

    I grew up with that parent that wanted to live vicariuosly through me.Doctor Phil is[ right on the money ]when he calls this a form of abuse.By grade 2 I needed speach therapy for nervous studdering.I had no confidence because all I ever heard were criticisms and that became my internal dialogue. As the years went on I could not get approval so became a people pleaser to get any form of attention.since i didn't get unconditional love from that male parent I felt worthless and had self loathing.As the mother did my friends were also picked which is VERY disrespectful and WRONG !I later developed an Anxiety disorder and nervous stomach.I couldn't concentrate in school so my marks were poor which further hurt my  Self Esteem.I developed an internalized anger because that parent was always angry and critical.I began to use drugs in my teens and alcohol to numb the years of child abuse from the OVER INDULGENT PARENT.So when people write that doctor Phil "was too tough on the well meaning parent" I say he was TOO KIND !! It is only by the grace of god that I graduated from 2 Colleges,scored with a high IQ,recieved years of therapy to undo some damage and rebuild my self image.I even found a beautiful wife that loves me unconditionally and a high paid Government job......A note to parents ....#1)If you failed in your childhood then get therapy or do something about it don't make your kid "your experiment" #2) God makes every child perfect as they are and he gives them all PASSIONS and ABILITIES so don't tamper with the package. #3)Just try to set rules and limits and give UNCONDITIONAL LOVE so they can blossum into the person god made them to be.
 
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kivarocks
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April 4, 2008, 7:19 am PDT

CONSIDER THIS ??

Quote From: theusualstuff

You people that keep telling the women on this show that they are pushing their kids to be perfect are trying to spin the show the fit your issue. These Mom's are trying to do and be the best for their kids. I sense more of insecurity by the posters on this message board about than anything else. Look at your own self, are you overweight, unsuccessful, unhappy?! You probably are. Leave these women alone. I agree that there are parents with mediocre values, who raise children with mediocre standards. I live in an area where I can even find close to my equal or my kids equal, in anything. I am not boasting..I am complaining about the complacency of parents these days. Stop complaining about other parents who do their best so you can feel content with your laziness.
    HEALTHY LIES IN THE MIDDLE..No one is telling people it's ok to be parents to be passive,negligent and uncaring.What people are saying including the GOOD DOCTOR is overindulgince is unhealhty and negligence is unhealthy.  pick parenting that is something in the middle.Your child is not supposes to be an extension of your ego.
 
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