Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

I wonder why the mother did not do what she expects her daughter to do.  I guess she didnt want to do the work involved.  Its a terrible thing to put that much pressure on her child because that poor child will never do enough to satisfy her mother and being a child who never satisfied my father  no matter how much I achieved, I still feel like I havent done enough.

I was very distressed when I watched the segment about Sonya and her daughter. When I was growing up, my parents gave me everything they ever wanted. They gave me everything they had ever wanted as children and the childhoods they never had. Unfortunately, these things had nothing to do with me -- no relevance or meaning for me and I grew up feeling like I didn't exist.

 My entire adult life has been a search for my SELF. Because my childhood was all about my parents and themselves, their desires, their wants, I never developed a sense or understanding of myself. It wasn't until the age of 38 that I was able to take my life into my hands and embark on a career that reflected who I really am. If you think that sounds like I'm a late bloomer, consider that my life only really started when I left home at the age of 20. After I left home, I had to raise myself, so that means I was "18" when I started my "real me" career.

 I'm begging Sonya to start to think of her job as allowing Annie to develop into the best Annie that she can be -- not some objectified ideal of a person. She gave birth to Annie and the world needs Annie -- as she is.

Think Mom needs to relax.

 She's a good kid and I would love to know who does her hair. Serioulsy. If your staff could send me a front/sides/and back photo of her hair I would love to have my hairdresser copy it. I love the retro look!

But on a seroius note, I'm a Mom and you have to let them fail and if they do it's OK.  No matter what happens. Pregnant/got someone pregnant/flunked school/got fired/got in trouble. You give them the tools and cross your fingers. Just be there, isn't that what we all want?

My heart grieves with you over your daughters battle, I had a premature son who was born weighing 1 lb 8oz, he has several difficulties at 3 years old but is doing wonderful.  I wonder so often what these mothers are thinking, if they ever had a truly sick child their definition of perfection would definately change.  We didn't do the beauty pagents or won't do the music lessons, sports lessons, pushing so hard for perfect grades.  We spend our time going back and forth to the hospital praying daily to the Father for our child to live.  We go to doctors on top of doctors, we deal with home health equipment, tubes wires, etc coming out of our child.......I don't say this to get pity, I say this to remind everyone that all children are a gift from God and if you have a healthy child, by all means be an involved, caring parent, BUT don't forget that  there are children who are "perfect" because they make it another day and the parents who are battling to get them there. 

My heart and prayers go out to you and your daughter my sweet sister, keep the faith!!!!!

Oh wow!  I hope these kids get through this & don't end up feeling badly about themselves.   At the end of the show when Annie's mom got emotional, Annie bent over and asked if she was OK. What a burden this young lady must have.  I hope Lexie realizes what a wonderful young lady she is, and doesn't let her mother's comments "mess with her mind" like young girls sometimes do.  And the strained marriage. .. . . I hope Dr. Phil gets them all counseling.  I truly hope both these mothers realize what Dr. Phil kept stressing, "It's not about YOU".  They just seemed defensive, like when Cathy said Nick might not have gotten the scholarship?? if it weren't for her pushing him.  What insecurities these two mothers must have to act this way with their children.  Please let Nick out of his cage, ie girlfriend, curfew.  . . . . God bless them all. 

I have to tell you Sonya...YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF and the nervous, scared, insecured person you have turned your beautiful daughter into!  For starters, the poor kid has a hairstyle of a 30 year old woman and the kid is only 18.  Secondly, your "shortcomings" (not being the girlfriend of the quarterback-HAAAAAA) in your life are exactly that - YOUR SHORTCOMINGS!  For you to expect your daughter to make you feel like a success is disgusting and you should be ashamed of your behavior and the damage you have already done to your daughter.  Your daughter's goal in this world IS NOT to make you look, feel or be successful - that's YOUR job - and how narcissistic of you to think otherwise!

We had a girl in our high school exactly like your daughter.  Her mother was also a neurotic quack who controlled every move this poor kid made...from answering and screening in depth ALL of her phone calls, choosing her friends, giving her only what she thought her daughter should eat, dressing her, driving her EVERYWHERE she went, making her do 4 hours of homework a night, etc.  In addition, her mother also gave her a convertable Mercedes when she was a senior in high school and proceeded to drive her daughter to school everyday in her OWN CAR!  I witnessed people make fun of, ostracize and ridicule this poor kid because of her mother's neurotic behavoir and it just broke my heart.  After high school, this poor girl was completely socially retarded because of the isolated, controlling world her mother had bestowed upon her daughter.  To boot, this girl had an extensive college education (which her mommy drove her to all of her college course EVERY day in her own Mercedes) but she could never hold a job, ended up getting knocked up in her late 20's and married a man 3 times her age (61 years old - ewwwww) just to get away from her mother!  She no longer speaks to her mother or father and hasn't for the past 14 years!

Congrats because there is a very high probability that you will have a very simliar experience and, inevitably, you will be the only person to blame!  God forbid you should EVER find out that your poor child meets a guy in college.  There is no doubt any boy will NOT be good enough for you...(oooops, I mean your daughter).

Get some help Sonya and leave your kid alone!  Go focus on your husband (God bless him if he is still with you) that you have ignored for the past 18 years.  THAT'S YOUR JOB!

I dare say, if you don't back the hell off your daughter, get your own life and get some serious therapy, you will only be distroying your daughter!

Good Luck!