Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

There is no such thing as a perfect child or a perfect parent! Teenagers will always, always take thier parents as the worst parents ever, they do not have the experience or exposure to the real world out there so they don't know the parents that they are frustrated with, there is a whole real world full of children who would want thier parents to be half as supportive and encouraging to do better. I'm 25 years old, a sophmore at college, finding difficulty to get a job, know why because I come from a wealthy family who constantly told me i dont need to work, and could care less if did good in school or not, so I didn't do good because i though i was set for life......i was a teenager, without right guidance it is easy to make wrong decisions at that age. Yes there are some gifted children, but that doesn't mean that it is okay for other kids not to do well in school, sonya is right saying she did not want to raise a meteocre child, every child has potential to be the top ten student in school. My message to Annie, your Mom doesn't think you are an idiot, she just wants the best for you and believes that you can be the best, what is so wrong with that, I wish my family cared about my education and skills half as much as your mother does! I would be doing great things instead of staying at home, looking for a job and watching Dr. Phil. And I'm sorry I did not agree with Dr. phil at all in this episode. Sonya maybe considered the perfectionist but she was not perfect because she did make some mistakes but only had good intentions for her child, and she did not go over the top, may be with the childhood paegents. But the lady with the two athletic kids was nothing near a perfectionist if she was, then her girl would not be that fat, no offense, Im fat too but again it has to do with my family also. She was just pushy and she just needs to shut up during her kids games!!!! But Sonya, I'm just proud of you, you are an inspiration to me and should be an inspiration to the mothers of this generations.  Dr. Phil kept telling you it's not abput you, I think he just said that to hear some claps, I don't think you made it about you, There is nothing wrong with trying to become a perfect mom and raising a perfect child, only good will come out of that, I strongly believe that!!!! You are amazing Sonya!

I have a 24 yr old daughter who has learning disabilities, is ADHD, and has "Sotos" Syndrome.  She had a awfully hard time growing up in special schools, but finally graduated from  college  (5 yrs later).  Two yrs ago she was dianogised with bipolar disorder.  As her Mom, I was at her side through every medical test and all of her schooling.  After watching your show today, eventhough I thought I was doing the right things for her, she has no clue to support herself, credit ratings, how to pay rent, bills, etc.  My biggest fear...what happens to her, should I die?  I never helped her with all the "normal" stuff!

 

If you could ever do a show about learning disabled children and where to draw the line with being the parent, I'll do right there.  Well, keep up the good work!

 

Chris Iannarelli

Sonya,

You are so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter, but if part of what you are teaching her is not how to be a little bit independent, she may never completely fulfill her potential (the way you want her to) because if you do not lead her in a particular direction, she will not go.  So many times, kids discover their "purpose" and everyone around them is completely surprised by what that purpose ended up being (because you cannot be her heart and soul and you cannot feel how the holy spirit moves her).  So many times our children want to go in a particular direction (that we hate) but they do it and in the end we see how that "wrong road" led them in the direction that they were obviously destined for (even though it would have never been obvious if we had tried to keep the control that we wanted). 

 

And Sonya,  Oh my.  What about yourself?  What about your potential?  Your purpose?  Don't misunderstand me....I know that your most important purpose is your child, but you have so much energy and potential that you could be doing what you're doing (on a smaller scale, which I think you are beginning to see) and you could be running a corporation and I still think that you would have time and energy to spare.  You want your daughter to be a doctor, well then be the example and get a job.  How do you suppose she could ever be a doctor and mother (if mother means what you have made it mean).

 If you get a life of your own , she can live life on her own, you cant live thought her. she will never be happy as long as you are living her life for her. we all make mistakes, thats how we learn, she not a baby , but she is not grown yet, be there to help, but dont make your childs life, yours!!!!!

i agree there is no since thing as a perfect child and they dont have to make straight a's to be a good child my son was stuggleing in public school so i sent him to a christain school and he did decide to do this his self and now he is makeing a's but i dont hound him about it and now he goes to church and he has even preached at church i tell him everyday i love him and i am proud of him but i always know that there is that chance the he could make a mistake and i will be there for him to help him throught it

I drove school bus for 26+ years and had a family where the father and mother were VERY, VERY strict in the family confines.  When the parents said 'jump' they asked how high.  Eventually they got 'out from under thumb' and they were hellions and made up for being held so strict when growing up.  So parents, give your kids a little rope.  Let them make their own mistakes but love them to death.

I went to school with a girl whose parents always expected straight A's, active in all extra curicular activities, and would choose the courses and college she would go to.  In our senior year she had a nervous breakdown and spent most of the year institutionalized.  She went through college, married and had two children.  No one knows what set off the series of events that led to her death.  She sat her two children down in front of her and shot herself in the head.  Was all that pressure on her worth it?  Also think of the legacy she left her children watching their mom die.  Dr. Phil tell these mothers just to love their children, not push them to something they would never want to happen.

 

Marie

I am the mother of  a 4, the oldest being my 28-year old son, who has turned out to be a fine young man, mistakes and all.  He unfortunately has married a perfect princess.  Her mother and father told her when she was very young that she was The Princess.  She has grown up to be an ungrateful, spoiled child,(she is still very much a child) and she is running my poor son ragged so that SHE can have everything her way...My son is successful, very handsome, and loves her dearly, but these kids through their parents' overindulging them in everything are very much responsible for their divorces and non-successes in RELATIONSHIPS.  My daughter-in-law, I'm afraid, will be the same kind of mother to the little girl she is giving birth to in October.  I feel so sorry for my son and other spouses of these types of people.  They are under incredible pressure to be perfect as well.  Wait till she has the baby, and her whole perfect princess world comes crashing down around her.  She has burned many bridges with people in the past due to her spoiled attitudes and behaviours, and where will she be when she's all alone and things aren't perfect.? I will keep a watchful eye on my son and grandchild, but from a distance, as I really don't like being around the spoiled Princess, and she has no idea how much she needs to change and quickly.  My son even has 2 previous children, who she's keeping him from, and is continually trying to fight the child support issue, so she has more MONEY for herself.  UGH!!!  It's not all her fault of course, Her mother did this. (and father too)  Let THEM deal with the chaos they created, and I will support my son and granddaughter, in the REAL world>>>

I support Sonia. Your child will only be as good or as much as you expect them to be. I have worked at a girls home for the past 4 yrs and I have dealt with every type of teenager. I strongly agree that the parents are here to guide them and at the same time its OK to take credit for things that they achieve. You work just as hard to make the best out of your child. My daughter is 16 months old and although I know I have a long way to go I do believe that I will hold her to a high standard as well. As you can see those kids are well behaved and well mannered. They didn't get that way with good genes!!!!

I am a mom of the most amazing young man.  He just turned 21 and is my most precious gift.  From the time he was little I was preparing him for life on his own.  I was not controlling.  I allowed him to make mistakes which he could learn from.  He knew right from wrong and was able to make decisions accordingly.  Sometimes not good, but he accepted the consequences.  Life is not perfect....you can't be there for your kids every waking minute.  They need to learn coping skills, decision making skills, and they need to have interaction with all types of people.   You have to pick and choose your battles.  I was always thinking in the back of my mind.....if I passed away today....will he make it with what I've taught him?  And you know what......i'm still alive....and he's making it!!  BUT you know what the best part about this whole thing is......he said to me,"Mom, I hope that I can be a great a parent as you have been to me"  That is the best compliment any parent can receive.  It makes me cry just thinking about.  Let your kids be who they are....just guide them...don't control them.  If you don't believe how great he's turned out...check him out on NBC.com.  The Baby Borrowers.....Cory....that's my son!  http://www.nbc.com/The_Baby_Borrowers/index.shtml   The show is over,but you can still see what a great kid he turned out to be by all the comments.    Too much control....really means you have no control....because they do things behind your back.and you have no control over that!