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Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Number of Replies: 309
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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:30:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.

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April 1, 2008, 5:42 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: newsoul

Exorcism?  HAHA!  I am suprised my mom didn't request that.  I have several tattoos and she thinks because of them I have invited satan into my family.  I have done so many things that she thinks will reserve my spot in hell!  I have to laugh now when I think about it all.  Our poor dads are in a bad position.  No one would believe all the things she has done to me either.  She puts on a great mask for the rest of the world.  My husband and best friend see it all and they almost get more upset about it than I do.  They are great support for the things she still does to me.  How sad that we feel obligated to lie to protect them; they don't try to protect us.  Typical is abuse relationships - I consider my relationship with her to be emotionally and verbally abusive.

 

     Exorcism.  That's what the priest told me.  He apologized, profusely.  When the priest told Mom that I was not possessed by the devil,  Mom changed religions. 

    I have come to believe she has a personality disorder and she will never get any better.  I have  lowered my hopes for our relationship.  It is the way things are, and she goes blithely off in her own little world.  Like you, this set me up for a great deal of unhappiness.  I hope that the young lady in the program learns that her mother is never going to change.      

 
April 1, 2008, 6:51 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

all i have to say about Anna's mom is, like wow do she not know all parents think their kids are perfect? hell i know plenty, my son is not perfect but in my eyes hes  my world  , Anna's mom even had her tubes tied to make sure Anna will be perfect, now thats a loving mom, but i wonder if she ever thought about this does Anna want a brother to protect her or a little sister to teach how to play dress up with? or to sit and play games with or share her diaries with? well never mind i can answer that myself  HELL NO, if you ask me i think Anna's mom needs allot of help. AND I THINK DR PHIL IS ABOUT TO WORK A MIRACLE i wont get to see this show i have to go help a friend repair his auto shop, but i do have faith in dr phil, i already seen him work many miracles so to speak in pulling peoples heade out of their rears. good luck dr phil im sorry i will have to miss a few weeks of your shows but i keep all the ones ive seen alive and well in my thoughts and prayers for the people youve had on them. and i will be praying for Anna's mom as well i think she needs all the help she can get, just from what i have read about this show.
 
April 1, 2008, 9:41 am CDT

My Kids ARE Perfect

I'm not certain that the rest of the world would agree with my view of my 4 darlings but like I care what a room full of strangers think of us.

Each of my kids has their own talents, preferences,skill sets and personality and in my opinion that is just perfect. 

They don't always bring home straight A's, in fact that only happens occasionally and that is just perfect for us.

While they usually make me so very proud and bring a smile to my face that is not thier job and this too is just perfect.

Today only one kid needed reminding to brush their teeth... see I told you they 're perfect. 

 

90% of anything is attitude and outlook... I choose to see my kids as wonderful, caring, perfectly suitable young people.... and guess what?   They are (most of the time LOL).

 Perfect , just perfect!

Wouldn't change a thing.... best of luck to the rest of you.

 

 

 
April 2, 2008, 4:37 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: upatnight

I'm not certain that the rest of the world would agree with my view of my 4 darlings but like I care what a room full of strangers think of us.

Each of my kids has their own talents, preferences,skill sets and personality and in my opinion that is just perfect. 

They don't always bring home straight A's, in fact that only happens occasionally and that is just perfect for us.

While they usually make me so very proud and bring a smile to my face that is not thier job and this too is just perfect.

Today only one kid needed reminding to brush their teeth... see I told you they 're perfect. 

 

90% of anything is attitude and outlook... I choose to see my kids as wonderful, caring, perfectly suitable young people.... and guess what?   They are (most of the time LOL).

 Perfect , just perfect!

Wouldn't change a thing.... best of luck to the rest of you.

 

 

 I think what you're saying is "I love my 4 children very much and too ME they're perfect." I get that. And I don't presume to read anything else into what you're saying because I don't know anything about your particular situation. But, I will say that in other situations that I have seen, sometimes mothers don't see the negative behavior in thier kids.(or they are in denial) For ex. years ago, for a short time, I had a bit of a problem with one of my SILs, when our children were pre school. Her daughter had a habit of pushing and shoving the other cousins. My SIL would see this and do nothing. She had said to me one time,"Maybe it's just me, but (her child) is perfect in my eyes and I never see her doing anything wrong." This phase passed and her child turned out to be a lovely young lady. But it was annoying at the time, and I couldn't understand why my SIL saw nothing wrong with the behavior.
 
April 2, 2008, 7:14 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

 Perfection, the impossible goal.
I'm sure its been brought up, but are these Mothers compensating for what they feel they missed out on, seeing their children as a warped kind of "Do over " for what the felt they lacked in their own childhoods or adult lives, and maybe by focussing on their kids' successes, they don't have to focus on what they perceive as their own failures and short comings.
A child should have expectations, behaving in church or the Mall, cleaning their rooms, doing dishes, things that are age appropriate and realistic (a two year old can NOT be expected to sit through a long drawn out sermon without fidgeting, hell I can't , nor can a two year old be expected to do a three hour shopping trip to Wal Mart ), but we have to realize as parents, it won't always happen and like us, our kids ca not behave all the time, or look perfect all the time, or be the best at everything, most of us I think can accept that our kids, like us have their faults and short comings, but we learn to work around those and concentrate on their strengths, all the while KNOWING that your child may not share your dreams for their future.
 
April 2, 2008, 8:19 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: housewife52

 I think what you're saying is "I love my 4 children very much and too ME they're perfect." I get that. And I don't presume to read anything else into what you're saying because I don't know anything about your particular situation. But, I will say that in other situations that I have seen, sometimes mothers don't see the negative behavior in thier kids.(or they are in denial) For ex. years ago, for a short time, I had a bit of a problem with one of my SILs, when our children were pre school. Her daughter had a habit of pushing and shoving the other cousins. My SIL would see this and do nothing. She had said to me one time,"Maybe it's just me, but (her child) is perfect in my eyes and I never see her doing anything wrong." This phase passed and her child turned out to be a lovely young lady. But it was annoying at the time, and I couldn't understand why my SIL saw nothing wrong with the behavior.

I totally hear what you are saying.... my " perfect  " kids require some guidance and correction from time to time ( somedays it feels like that is all we do LOL)... I too have had the uncomfortable experience of being with another Mom who seems totally oblivious to her child's disruptive behavior and then is shocked when you no longer want to arrrange playdates with her wee beastie. Or parents that have a double standard regarding what their kids may do and what your kids get called out for ie. little Joey can jump on the bed, couch, guest's lap but mine are told to settle down and be quiet. After over 23 years of parenting and providing childcare I have stilll not come up with a really good strategy for dealing with this....any suggestions? Even though my kids are a little older now 7,9,12,23 I still run into this phenomenon.

 

Today my perfect little ones all brushed their teeth but I had to run a backpack out to the bus... ahhhh c'est la vie.... Have a glorious day everyone!!!!

 
April 2, 2008, 11:25 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: upatnight

I totally hear what you are saying.... my " perfect  " kids require some guidance and correction from time to time ( somedays it feels like that is all we do LOL)... I too have had the uncomfortable experience of being with another Mom who seems totally oblivious to her child's disruptive behavior and then is shocked when you no longer want to arrrange playdates with her wee beastie. Or parents that have a double standard regarding what their kids may do and what your kids get called out for ie. little Joey can jump on the bed, couch, guest's lap but mine are told to settle down and be quiet. After over 23 years of parenting and providing childcare I have stilll not come up with a really good strategy for dealing with this....any suggestions? Even though my kids are a little older now 7,9,12,23 I still run into this phenomenon.

 

Today my perfect little ones all brushed their teeth but I had to run a backpack out to the bus... ahhhh c'est la vie.... Have a glorious day everyone!!!!

I just personally dislike the word "perfect"...it's one of the most destructive words/ideas in our world.

Not only is "perfection" impossible...it's not an objective goal.
 
April 2, 2008, 5:28 pm CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: upatnight

I totally hear what you are saying.... my " perfect  " kids require some guidance and correction from time to time ( somedays it feels like that is all we do LOL)... I too have had the uncomfortable experience of being with another Mom who seems totally oblivious to her child's disruptive behavior and then is shocked when you no longer want to arrrange playdates with her wee beastie. Or parents that have a double standard regarding what their kids may do and what your kids get called out for ie. little Joey can jump on the bed, couch, guest's lap but mine are told to settle down and be quiet. After over 23 years of parenting and providing childcare I have stilll not come up with a really good strategy for dealing with this....any suggestions? Even though my kids are a little older now 7,9,12,23 I still run into this phenomenon.

 

Today my perfect little ones all brushed their teeth but I had to run a backpack out to the bus... ahhhh c'est la vie.... Have a glorious day everyone!!!!

 In my situation with my SIL all those years ago, I just simply avoided her. I wasn't around her that much and didn't invite her to my house and didn't go to hers when she invited me. A cop out, I know. But I knew she didn't see anything wrong with her kid's behavior. And I didn't need the aggravation in my life. Sometimes you can't avoid something like that, I know. In my case, I took the easy way out.
 
April 3, 2008, 6:26 am CDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

WOW!!! I have only been watching this show for 10 minutes and Sonya needs to get her own life.  To push your child to do things is way out there.... "Mommy Dearest" needs to LET GO!!! Life is about learning and learning from your mistakes... When are you going to let go and let her learn to live life... You cannot control everything your child does... She needs to learn from her mistakes, and if mom is there to sweep up all the messes what is going to happen when you are gone.....I want my 7 year old to be a doctor too and be a beauty queen... but that is her choice not mine...  Stop policing and let her live... Help her when she makes a mistake... As far as dating. you cannot make someone love someone else if it is not there... Your daughter is going to have self-esteem issues and you are going to drive  a wedge in between the two of you...Being superficial is NOT the way to go through life... Stop being a snob!!

 
April 3, 2008, 7:15 am CDT

A young mom's perspective

It was plain to see that these mothers love their children.  I think when parents try to live vicariously through their children it is because they have regrets in their life.  They don't feel adequate about the choices they made as people and so they impose their will upon their children to prevent them from making the same mistake.

I think after the show, each mom will make a choice to change the direction they are in.  Both seemed to be good moms with lots of love for thier children.

Though, is it just me or did the second mom's children seem to resent her just a little more?  The son and daughter seemed to have more animosity for mom.  It makes me wonder what her parenting style is.  Does she use positive reinforcement or was it generally just criticism?
 
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