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Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Number of Replies: 309
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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:30:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.

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August 4, 2008, 2:35 am CDT

HELP ME I AM A MOMZILLA

I watched this show and it broke my heart to hear that this is a form of abuse.  i know i am very bossy due to my job.  i am a supervisor and have been for 23 years bossing people around at work and being controlling.  i hate that about myself.  while watching this show i noticed the brother and sister of the mom that screams at the ball games and boss them as soon as they come in the house to do this and do that.  that is me and i began crying especially when Dr. Phil said it is demeaning an ruins there self esteem.  i see the hurt i have caused my son and he is now 16 yr old and he feels less worthy and i can tell.  now when i ask him to do things around the house he says why do you have to be so perfect.  but, when i look at the picture he has not done no choirs in a week and why cant he help me so i get mad and start demanding more and more get done by the time it is over he never lifted a hand to help and ends up getting mad.  i see my self being so controlling and i hate this.  as i typed this tonight at work i start crying because maybe i make him feel less of a person.  i still holler at ball games and at the rodeo.  in all the cam cording i do you can hear me hollering.  he just won 1st place in a team roping event in ft. smith, ark of about 1200 teams he won first place.  i was so happy and when i went to hug him afterwords he was like a stone and would not budge.  this hurt my feeling and when i watch the show i thought does he feel this way when i am constantly saying do this do that.  i would like some literature or advice on how to move in another direction and focus on myself.  i think i am a perfectionist and want the best for my son but, i see now i am heading in the wrong direction with this.  in everything i do, i do it fast, the best way i know how and it has to be done right now.  that is not good...

 

sincerely yours

Nancy

 
August 4, 2008, 10:01 am CDT

08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: njhcooper

I watched this show and it broke my heart to hear that this is a form of abuse.  i know i am very bossy due to my job.  i am a supervisor and have been for 23 years bossing people around at work and being controlling.  i hate that about myself.  while watching this show i noticed the brother and sister of the mom that screams at the ball games and boss them as soon as they come in the house to do this and do that.  that is me and i began crying especially when Dr. Phil said it is demeaning an ruins there self esteem.  i see the hurt i have caused my son and he is now 16 yr old and he feels less worthy and i can tell.  now when i ask him to do things around the house he says why do you have to be so perfect.  but, when i look at the picture he has not done no choirs in a week and why cant he help me so i get mad and start demanding more and more get done by the time it is over he never lifted a hand to help and ends up getting mad.  i see my self being so controlling and i hate this.  as i typed this tonight at work i start crying because maybe i make him feel less of a person.  i still holler at ball games and at the rodeo.  in all the cam cording i do you can hear me hollering.  he just won 1st place in a team roping event in ft. smith, ark of about 1200 teams he won first place.  i was so happy and when i went to hug him afterwords he was like a stone and would not budge.  this hurt my feeling and when i watch the show i thought does he feel this way when i am constantly saying do this do that.  i would like some literature or advice on how to move in another direction and focus on myself.  i think i am a perfectionist and want the best for my son but, i see now i am heading in the wrong direction with this.  in everything i do, i do it fast, the best way i know how and it has to be done right now.  that is not good...

 

sincerely yours

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

   My husband is also the "boss" and has to supervise very many people. One of the things he finds to be the most important is to treat his employees with the dignity and respect they deserve. Because of this, he is very well loved and highly respected as their boss. They would do anything for him. He is a firm believer in treating others as you want to be treated. Just because you are the "boss" doesn't mean that you will gain the respect of your employees by being rough or yelling at them. You will get much further by incorporating my husbands values into your position. Your employees may do as you tell them to but that doesn't mean you have their respect.

   You have seen what this has done to your children, which is obviously worse. But now you should have a good idea of what your employees feel about you also. And BTW, while you expect the best from those around you, you do not see fit to apply the same rules to yourself. I had a very hard time reading your post because of the way it was written and because you did not at least use spell check. I am not trying to be rude here, you have obviously recognized that you do have a problem and that is very good. But I feel that it is important to give you an honest observation from someone on the outside looking in. Best of luck to you.

 

P.S. Please think about what I said about how you treat your employees, they are people just like you and I.

 
August 4, 2008, 3:09 pm CDT

08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Anybody know why the new season is taking so long to start? I'm tired of watching re-runs.
 
August 8, 2008, 12:46 pm CDT

08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: dudeilovepink

Anybody know why the new season is taking so long to start? I'm tired of watching re-runs.
The new season starts on September 8th. A whole week before Oprah's new season begins.
 
August 8, 2008, 8:18 pm CDT

REMEMBER just one thing..........

After seeing the show and having already raised my 3 children (just recently), I think the #1 thing that Dr. Phil said that all parents should keep saying to themselves throughout all of the good and bad times is this:  IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!  I think if you keep reminding yourself of that, things will better fall into place.

Thanks Dr. Phil!
 
August 12, 2008, 1:46 am CDT

MY 5 KIDS...............

  I RAISED 5 KIDS,AND NOW THEY ARE PARENTS,I WAS FAR FROM THE PERFECT MOM,BUT MY KIDS ARE GREAT.ONE OF MY DAUGHTER'S IS A LESBIAN,AND SHE IS AS HAPPY AS CAN BE.IF YOUR KIDS ARE HAPPY THEN THAT'S WHAT MATTER'S!!!!!
 
August 27, 2008, 12:51 pm CDT

Been Accused of This

I am by far not a perfectionist mother, however when it comes to my step-son his father believes that I am asking to much from him. This child has literally never been disciplined. He throws tempertantrums, argues, spits, kicks, punches, etc...  I am trying to teach him some manners but it seems like all my intentions are shot to hell by his mother and father. He's been called a spoiled brat by many outside people which hurts my feelings. I want to teach him manners and charm but it's just not in the cards.
 
August 28, 2008, 12:27 am CDT

08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: pkenadams

Thereas only One Perfect Person in this world we live in and they hung him on the Cross

Thereas only One Perfect Person in this world we live in and they hung him on the Cross

 

Charles Darwin? 

 

 

"isn't it strange religous behavior is so close to being crazy that we can no longer tell the difference"....it goes something like that gotta love that DR HOUSE!

 

 
August 28, 2008, 12:32 am CDT

08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: jewelsf

   This woman has some serious problems! In her effort to be the perfect mom with the perfect child, she instead is abusing her daughter. She doesn't care how unhappy her own child is and certainly hasn't a clue, because she refuses to listen, to what her daughter wants and what would make her happy. She is a very selfish and self absorbed human being.

   There are many legitimate reasons to have your tubes tied, but to do it after having your first child just so you can put all of your focus on making her the "perfect person" is just plain sick! Children are a privilege and are not supposed to be used as a clone for the mother to be used as a Barbie Doll and to turn her into everything that you never got to be. That is NOT the reason to bring a child into this world! She's NOT a handbag!

   There is one thing that I know this woman needs for a fact. She needs to get laid and bad. I have never seen a woman more uptight and in need of something more in my life. Her daughter is grown now and it's high time that she cut the cord and let her go. The mother needs a man in her life to take her unwavering attention off of her daughter. She needs a hobby, any hobby, any hobby besides her daughter. That's exactly what she has turned her daughter into, her lifelong hobby. A child is not supposed to be a hobby or anything else that is to be owned or manipulated.

   This woman creeped me out and she needs some mental intervention, for herself and for her daughters sake. If I was the daughter, the very minute that I turned 18 I would make a run for it and never look back. And to the mother, buy yourself a "Birkin Bag" and get over it!

This woman has some serious problems! In her effort to be the perfect mom with the perfect child, she instead is abusing her daughter. She doesn't care how unhappy her own child is and certainly hasn't a clue, because she refuses to listen, to what her daughter wants and what would make her happy. She is a very selfish and self absorbed human being.

   There are many legitimate reasons to have your tubes tied, but to do it after having your first child just so you can put all of your focus on making her the "perfect person" is just plain sick! Children are a privilege and are not supposed to be used as a clone for the mother to be used as a Barbie Doll and to turn her into everything that you never got to be. That is NOT the reason to bring a child into this world! She's NOT a handbag!

   There is one thing that I know this woman needs for a fact. She needs to get laid and bad. I have never seen a woman more uptight and in need of something more in my life. Her daughter is grown now and it's high time that she cut the cord and let her go. The mother needs a man in her life to take her unwavering attention off of her daughter. She needs a hobby, any hobby, any hobby besides her daughter. That's exactly what she has turned her daughter into, her lifelong hobby. A child is not supposed to be a hobby or anything else that is to be owned or manipulated.

   This woman creeped me out and she needs some mental intervention, for herself and for her daughters sake. If I was the daughter, the very minute that I turned 18 I would make a run for it and never look back. And to the mother, buy yourself a "Birkin Bag" and get over it!

 

 

 

lol i don't know who you are but i love you:)   you are so right....its easier when your parents dont push you at all because then there is no room for disappointment she let us make our own decisions...now my brother and i are both in college and want a successful future:) We accomplished more than our parents, and we did it on our own...which in the end thats all it matters, do it for yourself not anyone else..thats the best advice

 
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