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Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:30:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
ronpick
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upset
April 3, 2008, 12:45 pm PDT

Control versus train

I have worked in corrections for over 11 years.  A large number of students in the facilities came from families like this.  They got in trouble because they wanted to break loose from the control of a parent to become themselves and not puppets.  If these mom's need someone to control they should invest in some puppets and not destroy their child's life.
 
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realmom87
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April 3, 2008, 12:45 pm PDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

I grew up down the street from the "perfect"  family. These parents pushed all of their 4 kids to strive for perfection. Needless to say as the years went by the kids were not perfect and therefore felt as though they were inadequate and letting their parents down. At age 16 the middle girl became pregnant. The middle son at the age of 17 shot and killed himself as the result of these feelings. Now, this "perfect family" will suffer forever because of parents who expected perfection. And did they get it? of course not.
 
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lynlovel
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April 3, 2008, 12:45 pm PDT

sonya and annie

 sonya,"be careful what you wish for," etc.some sororities have been known to get pledges to have sex with fraternity boys. the quarterback of the football team isn't guaranteed to be the best boyfriend for your daughter. i'm not saying these things are necessarily true -- i'm just saying that the dreams you are trying to foist on your daughter may not be the ones for her -- and they may not live up to your expectations, either.

 i know yocare a lot about your daughter. and you've obviously done a lot that's right b/c she seems to be a lovely young woman. now how about helping her to identify and achieve her own dreams?
 
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bjwrph0602
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April 3, 2008, 12:49 pm PDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

All we really can do as parents is to love and support our kids. Teach them good values and to be good and decent people. Instill in them kindness, compassion, and a good work ethic.  If we have pretty much accomplished these things we have to trust that when faced with difficult decisions they will be able to figure it out and make the right one and if they don't that they learn from it.  My philosphy has always been to give them roots but to also give them wings! 
 
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brenda5542
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April 3, 2008, 12:57 pm PDT

Guidance

When I was 13, my parents had a very serious talk with me.  It opened the door for many more discussions.  They told me that in five years, I would legally be an adult, but that age alone would not give me the tools I needed to be successful as an independent person.  Over the next five years, I was given more responsibilities and more rights.  When I wanted to do something that  didn't have my parents' approval, they told me why they disapproved, but allowed me to make my own decisions.  They also let me know that they were always there for me.  If I found myself in a situation that I couldn't handle, I could call on them anytime, anyplace.  When it was time for me to take those first steps to living away from home, I was amazed at how much better prepared I was than the girls in my dorm.  I knew how to cook, do laundry, shop, clean, and most importantly, I knew how to say, "No."   I also knew that making a mistake was not the end of the world.  I knew how to accept the responsiblity of my actions and decisions, and I knew that Mama and Daddy were there for me, always loving and caring.
 
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lookingon
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April 3, 2008, 1:02 pm PDT

Perfectionist moms

     Where in the world is this child's father? It seems quite evident that he has NO part in the raising of his daughter.  This girl has had no life of a child, learning by mistakes. This Mother is attempting to live through her child's life and she is suffocating this child, she is living her mothers dreams, her mother appears to be in need of some counseling, I am glad that my children have grown through life of reality and not their mothers dreams.
 
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jpanagot
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April 3, 2008, 1:03 pm PDT

fear of failure

 Dr Phil,
I think that these Mom's love there children. They are the ones that are fearful of their own failure. They are afraid of failing as a mom. I have raised 3 children and suffered from these same fears but it was from many supportive family and friends help me to keep my ego in check.
Hope these woman find this same support.
Judy
 
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shany989
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April 3, 2008, 1:07 pm PDT

shany989

After watching the show today I understand why at times my children tell  me to shut up when I am at practice!!!! Both of my children are athletic and I supp rt them 100% !!! I always make sure that they are at practice and I only want the best for them !!!! Maybe I  should re look things!!!  Some people are WAY worse then I am I have seen parents  fist fight over bad calls and etc so I know that I am not too bad!!! I think at time I am living my child hood in their eyes !!! I don't want that and I surely don't mean too be that way and after todays show I will change and that is the bottom line
 
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tombrady1934
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hopeful
April 3, 2008, 1:17 pm PDT

Superfluous Separation

        Outrageous goals, unreasonable requests, and complete manipulation cause us to separate ourselves. In the words of the late Bill Hicks, "We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively... Life is only a dream in which we are the imaginations of ourselves." Why would we want to dismiss our own children's freedoms in any way? Our own freedoms are being whittled down more and more each year. Fulfill yourselves, live a love-filled life, and discipline for safety, not control. We are all beautiful beings; unique and the same in the whirling cosm that inhabits our current consciousness. There is no need to live through one another. This only brings malice and manipulated prisons for our souls. Free yourself and you will not need to control others. We are all one. Don't let us down.
 
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mrsknowitall
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April 3, 2008, 1:17 pm PDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

It's okay to make mistakes and not be perfect.  Being a parent of a teen is hard because you have to trust them and that sometimes mean helping them learn through their mistakes and loving them no matter what.  Everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. 

 

In a few years the kids on today's show will make their own rules and have the freedom of adults.  The parents are not transitioning them into this freedom by controlling them so much. 

 

It is clear the parents love their children and I wish them all the best. 

 
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