I think I understand how some people feel. My adapted mother wanted to push me harder. I realize later in life that she was doing this so that I could excell in the things that she didn't or couldn't do. I often felt frustrated, angry and sometimes out of control. I put more pressure on myself to do better. Often times, I heard, "You can do better than that, or you can try harder." The message that I got was clear, no matter how hard I tried it was not good enough to meet my mother's expectations. My adopted father realized that I did the best that I could do, even though it was a C on a paper. He would often praise me and said something like, "Good job!' He left it at that. My mother would continue to bother me, really made me feel guilty and angry. Out of my anger I worked harder, but I did it only to please her and not myself.
Later on in life, I often felt that sometimes my boss would expect more from me, because I was a perfectionsist. If I messed up, they were surprised and often I had the feeling, like I did not expect that from you, I thought you could do better. The more I try to please someone, the more demanding they became.
Example, caring for a child in my special ed classroom. The child's mother put more pressure on me to meet her child's goals. I've lost one day, and stated something like, "Look lady, give me a break!!! I'm doing the best I can to help your child in the classroom, but I also have 7 other children that need my attention too." Meaning that your child is not the only one in the classroom. I felt very pressured to meet the demands of this parent. Next thing that I knew I was in my coordinator's office explaining why I wrote that comment on the daily sheet. The poor child! He was only 3 years old, with several medical and special needs, but. I wanted him to experience what it was like to be a child. If he was not eating or sleeping he was in therapy. His mother signed him up for extra therapy sessions. He had therapy on Saturday and Sunday! He sometimes cry, which was his way of complaining that he was tired and he just wanted to play!
Today, I catch myself in trying to do better. At times, I realize that I have to let things go. Even though I may hear it from my boss. I then tell my boss, I'm only human and there is so much that I can do in a day. I do meet all of my deadlines and have always turned in my papers, reports, etc. on time . My coworkers know that I'm a perfectionist and it drives them crazy! I hear from them, "It's okay, let it go!"
I do receive praise from my boss, yesterday she commented that I was a team player and thanked me for stepping in and filling in for the people and other staff. In fact she left me in charge at the end of the day, so that she could leave early. It feels good to hear praise from other people, makes the work worthwhile.
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.
