Home Message Boards

Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Number of Replies: 310
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:30:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/03/08) Every parent believes his or her child is special – the best athlete, the best behaved or the most beautiful -- but for some moms, the pursuit of having the perfect child can turn into an obsession. Sonya says her 18-year-old daughter, Annie, was born perfect. The mom even went so far as to have her tubes tied right after giving birth so she could devote all her time to molding the perfect child! She started entering Annie in beauty pageants when she was 6 months old, and when the girl was 4, she made her watch reality medical shows so she would grow up to be a doctor. Annie regrets not having a normal childhood, and says she hated being pressured to succeed at such a young age. What’s behind Sonya’s obsession with perfection? Then, Cathy says she wants her 13-year-old daughter, Lexie, and her 18-year-old son, Nick, to be the best. Lexie says her mom hassles her about her weight and made her work out an hour a day at age 6! Nick says his mother drives his coaches crazy at sporting events by screaming and critiquing his game. Cathy says she’ll continue to badger and push her kids because she believes they’ll benefit in the long run. But will her controlling ways push her kids away? Share your views here.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
elliek76
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
hopeful
April 3, 2008, 2:14 pm PDT

Child from a perfectionist Mom

To the moms who dwell on pushing and nagging their kids to be the best:  you probably will lose them as adults.   Who wants to hear the constant dissatisfaction. To heal from my childhood, I now have NO CONTACT with my Mother other than by holiday cards.  It is toxic to listen to her rip apart even happy events in the 60 years of my life. I urge you moms to stop being on automatic and start looking at  who you are and why.   I've learned that it is really the Mom's problem.  Life is fun and worth embracing with your children when balanced.  This perfectionism is an illness, not love.   Love is 1 Corinthians 13, a lifetime of changes in our lives and it becomes better every day.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sarah1992
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:14 pm PDT

Growing Up

I am just completely amazed at how quickly time flies bye. Before we can turn around, our daughter will be driving, dating and graduating from college. It used to be that when you asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up it changed all the time ~ from doctor, to lawyer, to policeman, to teacher. Now I'm hearing things like, 'architectural engineering could be fun mom since it has so much math in it'. And, since she surpassed my math skills when she hit 2nd grade, I just smile and say 'yeah, that sounds great'!
  


  

I personally think that plastic surgeon sounds really good ~ this way she can take care of me as I grow older ~ can't be many things that are better than free 'tune-ups' as my dad calls them. But, whatever she chooses to be will be just fine with us. I'm just having a hard time realizing that she is starting to really think about what she wants to be because it is getting closer every day.  


  

Some days I look at her and miss those days when she was 2 and 3, but most days I look at her with excitement, watching her experience all of the new things that life has to offer. She's not my little baby girl anymore (although she will always be 'daddy's little girl'). She's not my grown daughter either. She is a work in progress ~ changing every day, experiencing something new every day.  


  

I'm just enjoying the ride even though I've been moved to the back seat. I'm slowly learning how to be the backseat driver of her life instead of behind the wheel all the time. It is scary, but it is also fun. Turns out you get to enjoy it more in the backseat and relax a little more ~ you get to enjoy the view from a totally different perspective. Before I know it, she will be driving off without me even in the car. Until then, I'm just going to enjoy the ride.  
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
clydesmom2
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:14 pm PDT

One Last Thought

 As a well adapted and socialized adult do you want to be friends or work with the most perfect person in the world or someone who was raised to believe that they are? 

NO!  Why?  Because they are OBNOXIOUS!  It never occurs to parents like this that they are setting their kids up for the worst possible failures in life when their boss sets them straight that they AREN'T the second coming of Christ or they end up divorced because their spouse can't take their egotistical behavior. 

Fortunately these kids on the show today seem to have overcome the damage their mothers are inflicting but I would bet there are scores of kids with parents like these that haven't.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
elliek76
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy
April 3, 2008, 2:20 pm PDT

You missed what Dr. Phil was saying

Quote From: theusualstuff

You people that keep telling the women on this show that they are pushing their kids to be perfect are trying to spin the show the fit your issue. These Mom's are trying to do and be the best for their kids. I sense more of insecurity by the posters on this message board about than anything else. Look at your own self, are you overweight, unsuccessful, unhappy?! You probably are. Leave these women alone. I agree that there are parents with mediocre values, who raise children with mediocre standards. I live in an area where I can even find close to my equal or my kids equal, in anything. I am not boasting..I am complaining about the complacency of parents these days. Stop complaining about other parents who do their best so you can feel content with your laziness.
It is the over controlling parents he was addressing.  Involved parents with healthy perspecitives on life encourage children.  How they end as adults is partly them, and partly you the parent.  These kids cannot breathe there is so much pressure.  They love their parents, that is clear, but the parents are never satisfied with their children, a problem inside the parent...that was his message.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
bigdodge8
User Mood
Lazy

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:21 pm PDT

crazy

this mom is crazy. im 18 and my parents have been pretty chill about everythiing i have done and i have stayed out of trouble with all the choices i have made. my parents back me up 100% and its up to me to be the person i am. i take into concideration what my parents say but i make the decisions i want to make.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
freddie34
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:25 pm PDT

Hard on Coaches/Refs

Perfectionist parents are not only hard on their kids but also
on the referees/coaches/teachers of their children.
No one ever does a good enough job for their kids.
It creates the high burn out rate of teachers/coaches/refs
to have to deal with these parents.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lizard110366
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:26 pm PDT

04/03 Perfectionist Moms

Quote From: nothingbutlove

I was married at 14 met my spouse at 11.  We have had  a long hard road.  But somehow I have 2 great daughters.  All we did was love and spoil them and they are now.  1 a college graduate teaching school and the other is in college for criminal justice.
Married at FOURTEEN??!! Whose briliant decision was that?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
pkenadams
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:38 pm PDT

Perfect Dads

Maybe you ought to do a show on Dads as I am sure you can find a couple. This way you won't be picking on Mothers.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
iwuzcrazy
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
chillin'
April 3, 2008, 2:38 pm PDT

we are human

the mom needs to get over her mistakes from her past and let her daughter make some decisions on her own before she ends up being medicated for stress
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
rcw4235
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
April 3, 2008, 2:54 pm PDT

the mother

Both?? you look and talk like a puppet,,you look stupid
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Next | Last