Topic : 08/01 Perfectionist Moms

Oh wow. I'm one of those kids.

When I was small, I was moving schools constantly - my parents were on the search for the 'perfect school' that would pay me the proper amount of attention. They forced me to do extra classes outside of school, I.Q tests, etc etc.
They pressured me into doing science classes and so forth in High School. And as well as all the academic pressure, there was pressure to 'look perfect' too. Modeling and deportment classes, constant badgering about how I looked. My legs got 'too fat'. My teeth weren't white enough and so on.
Now I have depression and generalised anxiety disorder.

I barely finished year 12. I'm lucky I passed. I have no motivation. I feel lonely and lost much of the time, paranoid that people are always judging me, making bad opinions about me.

Even last year when I visited my mum and her real estate boyfriend for the first time in almost 4 years, the comments came back. 'Why don't you move here and do real estate?' Telling me that I should worm my way into the upper class like they have. Suggesting that I should not tell all thse old, rich men that I'm engaged, and then going on to say that I have a 'big nose' and a fat butt. I don't. I know I don't. But every time they say something it crushes me.
I don't know if they realise how much it hurts.

Thereas only One Perfect Person in this world we live in and they hung him on the Cross

What would Sonya have done if "perfect" daughter Annie had died, or been "damaged" somehow by an accidental injury? After she'd had herself surgically rendered incapable of further reproduction?

Sounds to me like mom flunked out trying to be a star, and in sports, so she  is trying to use her childern for what she did not get.

She needs some serious counseling.  All she is doing is driving her childern away.  And when the are adults they will have nothing to do with her.

 

And it will be all her fault, she will have no one else to blame.

Doctor Moms Perfectionist Phil/Robin. Did Doctor Phil wife Robin ever been a perfect Mom at all? I donot---

think so. See you on Friday August 01st 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------------------

As I read the article about perfect children and parents that push them for perfection. I just have to say when God gives you those babies they are already perfect. Let them find thier own special gifts in life God intended for them to find. As parents we have no right at all to try and mold a child into what we wish we could have been. You can't live your life over thru your children. First of all that child has their own gifts and ideas they were born with. Yes we teach them right from wrong, we teach them to love God and obey him, we love them and accept the love they have for us in return. Children are people not puppets. You want to play dress up and perfection do it on yourself not your child. Do all you can to encourage them to reach out for their own goals their own dreams. Hey beleive in or not Mom,,Dad..Grandparent, if you didn't get what you wanted out of life look for it now for yourself but leave your children alone, they can't live your life for you. Give them a chance and you will be surprised at what they will do just because you beleive in them and their ability to make the right choices for themselves, and yes be there for them help them guide them thru the rough spots. But for goodness sakes don't get in the way.

Wanting a child to be perfect is as bad as wanting to be perfect yourself. I'm paying for that mistake as we speak. My 31 year old son was in this position as a child. He was smart, athletic, good looking, personalble and spoiled rotten. I wanted him to be the best he could be. He was on the honor roll, wrestling team, and was popular with his classmates. I thought he would get out of High School and go to college but he fooled me. In his senior year he rebelled and started drinking and smoking. We had some very horrible fights which led to me throwing him out (tough love). He did graduate at the top of his class but there was a lot of tension between us. Then I found out he joined the Army and got married. He totally wrote me out of his life and has continued to do so until this day.

  I think these parents need to remember they are GODs children! we are giving them life and we need to love them and provide for them-but they are not " mini me's" they are their own selves and deserve to do what they aspire to do-not the parents

Your story sounds so familiar. My dad is an absolute perfectionist. He demanded perfection out of my brother. He had to make perfect grades. My dad would belittle him if he made one little mistake in sports. My brother played the trombone and I remember my brother would have to practice for hours.

 

My brother graduated from high school with honors and had a full scholarship to the University of Texas. What did he do? He went out and enlisted in the Air force instead. He did eventually graduate from college with a degree in criminal justice and now works for the prison system in Texas. He absolutely hates my father to this day.

 

The only thing that saved me was my dad was such a sexist. In his mind I didn't really matter what I did because I would just get married and some guy would one day take care of me. I just shuffled along making average grades. Went to college after high school, that my dad had to pay for and graduated. 

 

I'm glad you have come to realize your mistakes, my dad to this day acknowledges no wrong doing.

 

 

To all of you parents who think that being perfect in life means exactly what to you?  Being perfect in sports, acting, school, etc.  I think more importantly, you should raise your children to have respect for themselves, their parents, their elders and people in general.  To be kind, understanding, sympathetic and giving along with being sincere, honest, loyal, trustworthy and to have the strength to deal with whatever life has to give them.  Too many young children today haven't the faintest clue as to what respect for someone else is.  I was raised with respect and with that I gained much more than wanting to be perfect with things that really don't matter.  I am 61 yrs. old and still call my neighbor who is 82 Mr. and Mrs.  My friends parents I address them by Mr. and Mrs.  I say Please, thank you, no thank you and your welcome.  These are the things you should stress with your children. 

 

Not, your clothes are not up to par, not enough paint on your face, etc. I am sure you get my drift. 

 

I guess what you are trying to accomplish with your children are the things you could not accomplish yourself.  So, WHAT, you torture your children to be what you wanted?  Very bad parenting.  But good luck with that.;  We learn by our mistakes and by stressing this Perfection thing will only make children insecure NOT PERFECT.  They will not have a childhood to play with other kids to enjoy life as a child.  Why would you want to take that away from them?  I loved playing hop scotch, jump rope, tag, having sleep overs, going to Candlewood Lake with my parents and brother every Sunday.  Playing baseball, football and just plain ole hanging out with my friends at the coffee shop.  I understand my days were a safer place to play and be.  I am a very respectful, happy person and I am happy that I raised my Son to be respectful and not PERFECT.  Because to me he is PERFECT just the way he is.