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Topic : 04/04 Ask Dr. Phil about Parenting

Number of Replies: 276
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:31:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you tired of your kids talking back, being disobedient and acting up when they don’t get their way? Along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, Dr. Phil has advice for calming a chaotic household. First up, Jennifer says her 12-year-old daughter, Sydney, is out of control, and Jennifer's marriage to Craig is suffering as a result. She says Sydney hangs out with the wrong crowd, lies constantly and is failing school. The teen was recently in hot water when she sent a topless photo from her cell phone to her boyfriend that was circulated around the school! Craig says he’s frustrated that Jennifer undermines his discipline, and he’s hurt that his stepdaughter doesn’t respect him. Can this family get back on track, or is it too late for Jennifer to save her marriage? Then, Diane and Clayton say their 17-year-old daughter, Logan, is rude, doesn’t do her chores and always breaks curfew. Logan wants her folks to get off her back because she’ll be 18 soon, and she wants to get her own place. Find out what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to bring some balance to the family. Is Logan ready to move out on her own, and will her folks be able to handle her independence? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 15, 2008, 6:48 pm CDT

Yeah I'm ok, thanks

Quote From: fromthesquare

I have not heard from you since the tornadoes.   Are you okay?
Yeah, sorry about that. I'm fine. I just can't find anything good to chat about lol. Nobodies talking about anything that I have enough knowledge of to debate!
 
April 16, 2008, 9:02 am CDT

Good!

Quote From: peterspumpkin

Yeah, sorry about that. I'm fine. I just can't find anything good to chat about lol. Nobodies talking about anything that I have enough knowledge of to debate!
Glad to hear you are safe, sound and avoiding argument. lol!! 
 
April 18, 2008, 11:29 pm CDT

Logan--a Mirror Image of my Daughter. . .

When I saw the rude, disrespectful and downright nasty behavior of Logan on this show, I was so very reminded of my daughter.  My girl, S, is so rude and  spiteful toward me in particular that it is downright shocking.  She's afraid of her father.  If she dared to speak to him in the same offensive way that she talks to me, she'd probably  be slapped into next Tuesday.  She knows this, and so he hardly ever hears her nasty talk.

I have not "been allowed" to be a parent since S was about 14 years old.  She is now 17 going on 18 and constantly threatens to move out even though she is only a junior in high school.

According to S, I should stand in a corner, say nothing and do nothing except keep my pocketbook open so she can raid it.  According to her, the sound of my voice is irritating and so I should not speak at all.   She fights me constantly over every little thing.  If I ask her to wash dishes, she sounds off.  If I ask her if she has done her homework, I am cursed out with language that would make a sailor blush.  For example, her room is worse than the Augean Stables.  She figure skates, and expensive skating dresses and other clothing is simply cast onto the floor and trampled on.  Dirty laundry inhabits one side of the room and used sanitary pads and other trash inhabits the other.  Her bed is only changed maybe once every two months.  CDs, sheet music, school papers and guitars are strewn on top of the mess.  All of the furniture is covered with a liberal coating of dust and dirt.  The room smells horrible.  I worry about bugs getting into the garbage in there, but every time I ask her to clean it up, I am cursed out.  And. . NO!  I am NOT ALLOWED to go in there and clean any of the mess up.  IF I TOUCH ANYTHING IN THERE, I am guaranteed a three-hour rant at an off-the-richter decible scale, complete with liberal use of the F word and the C word. 

Curfew?  What curfew?  S thinks that she should be allowed to stay out until 3 am ON SCHOOL NIGHTS.
Anything else is a denial of her freedom.

Since she recently learned to drive, and I am now sharing my vehicle with her (her father WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO DRIVE HIS CAR AT ALL), I am called a "Stupid FAT C***" if I tell her that  I need the car to run errands.  If I offer to drive her to where she needs to be,  I get the most  vile and offensive cursing out.
S seems to be ruled by anger and rage.  She takes offense at everything I say and everything I do, and has absolutely no respect for me as her mother.  I am public enemy number one, even though I am the one who has been the sole support of her life for seventeen years (her father PAYS NOTHING to support her--he won't even pay for food or clothing.  On the other hand, I pay for everything, going into debt for  expensive international travel and ice skating, and I'M THE SCUMBAG!). 

Interestingly enough, she sees a counselor, but I see no change at all in her behavior and the rage and malicious behavior is worse.

I can honestly tell you that if I had dared to treat my mother this way, I'd be pushing up daisies.  I am not a violent person, fortunately for S.  Or maybe she is taking advantage of my passivity to treat me like a doormat. 

After seeing Logan, I am wondering whether or not this is some weird phenomenon of our modern times--namely, the Mean Girl Out Of Control?  The youth media does seem to glorify the "nasty know-it-all teen" on TV and in Hollywood.  It seems that other parents are having the same problem that I am.  I am wondering if there are any resources for us PARENTS who have to deal with these harpy-like daughters?
 
April 19, 2008, 1:05 pm CDT

Child protective services

Quote From: brensgrrl

When I saw the rude, disrespectful and downright nasty behavior of Logan on this show, I was so very reminded of my daughter.  My girl, S, is so rude and  spiteful toward me in particular that it is downright shocking.  She's afraid of her father.  If she dared to speak to him in the same offensive way that she talks to me, she'd probably  be slapped into next Tuesday.  She knows this, and so he hardly ever hears her nasty talk.

I have not "been allowed" to be a parent since S was about 14 years old.  She is now 17 going on 18 and constantly threatens to move out even though she is only a junior in high school.

According to S, I should stand in a corner, say nothing and do nothing except keep my pocketbook open so she can raid it.  According to her, the sound of my voice is irritating and so I should not speak at all.   She fights me constantly over every little thing.  If I ask her to wash dishes, she sounds off.  If I ask her if she has done her homework, I am cursed out with language that would make a sailor blush.  For example, her room is worse than the Augean Stables.  She figure skates, and expensive skating dresses and other clothing is simply cast onto the floor and trampled on.  Dirty laundry inhabits one side of the room and used sanitary pads and other trash inhabits the other.  Her bed is only changed maybe once every two months.  CDs, sheet music, school papers and guitars are strewn on top of the mess.  All of the furniture is covered with a liberal coating of dust and dirt.  The room smells horrible.  I worry about bugs getting into the garbage in there, but every time I ask her to clean it up, I am cursed out.  And. . NO!  I am NOT ALLOWED to go in there and clean any of the mess up.  IF I TOUCH ANYTHING IN THERE, I am guaranteed a three-hour rant at an off-the-richter decible scale, complete with liberal use of the F word and the C word. 

Curfew?  What curfew?  S thinks that she should be allowed to stay out until 3 am ON SCHOOL NIGHTS.
Anything else is a denial of her freedom.

Since she recently learned to drive, and I am now sharing my vehicle with her (her father WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO DRIVE HIS CAR AT ALL), I am called a "Stupid FAT C***" if I tell her that  I need the car to run errands.  If I offer to drive her to where she needs to be,  I get the most  vile and offensive cursing out.
S seems to be ruled by anger and rage.  She takes offense at everything I say and everything I do, and has absolutely no respect for me as her mother.  I am public enemy number one, even though I am the one who has been the sole support of her life for seventeen years (her father PAYS NOTHING to support her--he won't even pay for food or clothing.  On the other hand, I pay for everything, going into debt for  expensive international travel and ice skating, and I'M THE SCUMBAG!). 

Interestingly enough, she sees a counselor, but I see no change at all in her behavior and the rage and malicious behavior is worse.

I can honestly tell you that if I had dared to treat my mother this way, I'd be pushing up daisies.  I am not a violent person, fortunately for S.  Or maybe she is taking advantage of my passivity to treat me like a doormat. 

After seeing Logan, I am wondering whether or not this is some weird phenomenon of our modern times--namely, the Mean Girl Out Of Control?  The youth media does seem to glorify the "nasty know-it-all teen" on TV and in Hollywood.  It seems that other parents are having the same problem that I am.  I am wondering if there are any resources for us PARENTS who have to deal with these harpy-like daughters?

I, like you, am passive by nature.  Lucky for me, my kids are the same, except for the oldest who flipped me off when I forgot I must say "YES" in 12 different languages to please her...this one time, I could not.

Had I spoken to my mother the way so many kids are doing, I'd be in the plot next to you...as would all of my friends who were raised in the 1970's.  Today, the kids call you an abuser...they can call up to report you...in my opinion, the CPS was instituted for a good reason.  Children who ARE abused, neglected, starved, tortured, and really need it.

I made a comment on the board TEENS AND SEX WITH THE BISHOP.  It was that I think I'd slap my child across the face if one EVER threatened to report me for an abuse that was false.  A poster responded that I'd be taken to jail, because the slap would give credibility to the false report...just give the kid the phone, let them call, and the "system" will handle it.  My idea of a slap was referred to as "insane"...you ought to read the board....it is reflective of this new parenting. 

My two younger ones are now 18 and 20...so I'm free of big brother.  Never had to face it, but nice to know, I'm out of the woods.

You may try a "tough love" group, if there is one nearby.  Your daughter is abusing you.  Sorry to say, it's become more common today when the kids have these rights, parents have been over-ridden by the government, and it's all going straight to hell.

It isn't working.  Nobody seems to want to admit to it, but just look at what is going on...WE must "parent"..and no matter what they do, it is OUR fault.  When I was growing up, it was not my mother's fault if I screwed up...it was mine...and because of it, I was not a screw up.

I'm happy she sees a councellor.  Sometimes, it DOES get worse before it gets better.  Another thought...would her councellor agree to a family session?  If so, try it.  If not, try to get a good one for yourself. 

I must say that both my kids are non-violent, thank God, but my son (very dry sense of humor)  told me if things do not change in the parents' favor, not to count on a grandchild from him.  My daughter who is a gentle lamb...was watching SUPER NANNY one night.  She told me, "Mom, you like dogs...I'll bring you my dogs when I get married, cause I'm NOT doing that".  I don't foresee grandchildren in my future, and I cannot say that I blame my kids...remember, they are part of this generation, they went to school with them...they could not believe what went on.

My opinion, when CPS was instituted for all the right reasons, it went to far.  Now every teacher, parent or authority is an "abuser". Verbal, emotional, physical...everybody is crying "abuse".

When you see pictures and hear cases of real abuse, you want to cry...maybe these kids should be shown what abuse really is...be forced to view the horrors, but I suppose that would be another form of "abuse".  However, in 5th grade, they are shown the Holocost and by 7th grade, are shown the movie ROOTS.(I got nightmares from that one and I was 20 when I saw it).  But THAT'S politically correct, not emotionally abusive. 

We are heading so into Communism, it isn't funny.  Castrated parents are not funny.  Abuse is too serious to have become the new "buzz phrase", yet it has.  Lot of good it did...decent people have no rights, and in New York, children are turning up dead, every damn time you read the paper...no lie...every single day it is in the paper...another baby, or child is beaten to death.  Yet, I'm told by a poster, if I slapped my rotten kid(IF that were the case, it is not)  I'd go to jail.

Get into therapy for you...you are the one that's abused.  Your goodness has gone too far, and you are going to need some help to get yourself straight.  Try tough love...maybe talk to your daughter's councellor.

I really wish you well, and hope you can find support.

 
April 21, 2008, 8:43 am CDT

Same situation

When I saw this show, I thought that this is almost exactly how it is with my 13yr old step daughter.  She lives with her mom and step-dad (they are going through a divorce).  I have written in to the Dr Phil show 2 times for help.  Me and her Dad are so afraid of her turning down the wrong path.  She lives in California and we live in Illinois.  Of course, her mom has custody and her dad has visitation.  He has tried talking to her mom about their daughter's grades, lack of interest in school, her having boyfriends, and her mom living out her own agenda, but her mom has no interest in trying to make changes.  My husband has tried talking with her teachers and they all say the same thing.  The parent needs to make her accountable on a daily basis and be more involved.

 

My biggest questions are: How do we make a difference from so far away and being the non-custodial parent?  How can we get her mom to realize the mistakes she is making with her daughter?

 
May 12, 2008, 12:45 am CDT

Doing something right.....

I know I am doing something right.  My two teenage boys ( 17 & 15)  are respectful , caring and well behaved.  My husband & I  have tried to role model all the qualities I believe to be important in an individual, and they seem to be catching on. My 17 year old will be graduating in 2009, and we are very proud of who he has become. He chose to be the person he is today by making choices about who his friends would be and how he was going to act. Yes we guided him by parenting the best we knew how and respecting him as we continue to do with our 15 yr. old. I know there are parents who feel like they are fighting a loosing battle when it comes to their teenagers, which leads me to believe,and feel good about, that I am in fact doing something right!    

 
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