If children are not disciplined when they do something "wrong" or get in a dangerous situation, they will have a hard time growing into functional adults or staying away from potentially dangerous situations in the future. MLB Psalms 94:12 Blessed is the man whom Thou dost discipline, whom Thou dost instruct from Thy Law, O Lord,
I was raised being spanked, grounded, and having my mouth washed out for lying. I have a total of 8 siblings ranging in age from 1 years old to 40 and I am right smack in the middle. I watched an older sister who rebelled more (my mother was more inexperienced with her) and I learned from observation of her mistakes how to avoid many of my own. She cussed, she got soap. I avoided saying yucky words, etc. Some much so, I have had two natural labors, my first baby died during delivery, and I did not even utter a curse then.
Of course, children are different too. Some children are more stubborn or foolish and thus need more discipline and it will take more time, effort, and CONSISTENCY to raise them.
I was a teacher and I have worked with thousands of teachers and parents and had extensive training because of the youth I specialized in. I worked in a school for troubled youth in the beginning of my career. The children that have the most problems come from homes where for instance, mom is lenient and dad expects the rules to be followed and beats them (see the husband from a model's dangerous marriage, that was his upbringing). These children seem to always be seeking the friends, authorities, and situations were they can break the rules and get away with it. And they learned this from the mother not enforcing the rules. They grow into adults who have a lot of serious problems. A lot of these men seem to be abusers who hide it well - they act "right" in public and for other men in authority, but if they are not being directly seen by the man or if they are behind closed doors with a wife or girlfriend or children, they are animals. MLB Proverbs 5:23 He dies for lack of discipline; but with the magnitude of his folly he is infatuated.
The other children that were very troubled where the ones given NO guidance and NO rules. They were fairly easy to educate and turn back though. They were hungry for the truth on life. MLB Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction. Appropriate discipline can save our children a world of trouble before they have regrets.
I have seen children who had good rules very young and then experienced divorce or other life situations where they had little supervision turn out excellent. An example of "Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart for it. [Ephesians 6;4; II Tim. 3:15] MLB Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. As the scripture shows, if disciplined early, they can turn out well later despite adversity.
In regards to CPS, one of my brothers was handicapped and so we had a social worker involved due to his many needs and issues which the State of Fl helped us with. In my first marriage, we went through foster parent certification & training. Most of the time, they are reasonable. My mother spanked us and we were not removed.
In fact, all of us [as children] were wise enough NOT to WANT to call unless there was a REALLY EXCELLENT reason because my mother was in the foster care system in NY and was raped by her foster father. She was abused even worse by her natural parents which is why she and her siblings were removed. And my mother chose NOT to tell on her foster father when it happened because she feared going to another family were it would have been worse. Her foster father was old and experiencing mental illness and her foster mother put him in a hospital after it happened and he died shortly thereafter.
In our family, after my mother became saved, right before I was born - TRUTH became of the utmost importance. All of the younger siblings GREATLY benefited from the Christian beliefs (not just heard but followed in front of us) and the new rule in our family of HONESTY as the ONLY POLICY. And we would get spanked for lying, in fact spanked double if we were lying to cover something we did. MLB Hebrews 12:11 Of course, no discipline seems at the time enjoyable, but it seems painful; later on, however, it affords those schooled in it the peaceful fruitage of an upright life.
Because of my grandparents and parents choosing to ALWAYS share the truth and facts, we children did not want to call CPS because we understood clearly what happened to our mother. NOTHING was shielded from us and it served us well. Of course, we have to remember that all people are not so honest when dealing with potential husbands, employers, etc.
Also something very important: children or students will not respect or listen to authority if they do not think they are 1) loved or cared about as an individual and 2) understood and respected too. If they do not feel valued, truly valued, they will not listen to spankings or anything else. And children spell love T - I - M - E. Children also act out to get love and attention if desperate. (I used to teach teachers how to improve their curriculum & activities to suit their students needs and thus decrease behavior problems because the students felt cared about and important when they saw these changes). If you put the love and time in first, you will have better students/children and you will have less work to do later.
Teachers or parents who are afraid of their students or children are completely ineffective. Children have an innate sense to pick up on fear and low self-esteem in authorities. Parents must be authorities and not friends with their children. Children need parents to LEAD them. LEADERS can see from a higher perspective and will lead the group in the right direction towards the right end result even if they members of it do not understand with their limited vision the big picture (Like God leading us through troubles and Moses leading the Israelites or a teacher leading them through the proper way to do a math problem). When we take the time to parent and discipline appropriately, we show our children we love them and they are worth our time and efforts. MLB Revelation 3:19 The ones I love I correct and discipline; so burn with zeal and repent.
And if we did not want to obey the rules, my parents were famous for saying "if you don't obey the rules of this house, you will need to leave" and they meant it. And we were all better for it. I left home earlier than most and I took on the responsibility of adult living. This prompted me to buy a house, walk to school & college until I saved for my car (rather than take on debt payments), and to do well enough in school to earn a scholarship. If my parents had not enforced that rule, I might have become a rebellious bum loaf of a child or adult (the ones who are living at home, in sin, breaking all the rules, and partying and failing the college that their parents are paying for). I covered my college bill, with scholarships, but nonetheless - I had to keep my gpa up so I learned not to fool around or get distracted.
Don't be scared to PARENT your children, lay down boundaries, and STICK WITH THEM, your children will thank you for it, MUCH later sometimes but tomorrow will come soon enough. If you are scared, reply on the board or to the email in my profile. Or if you are scared to do the "right thing" check out www.joycemeyer.org for more information on approval addiction, fear, etc. God's promises regarding training up your children so that they will not depart is a promise FOR those who believe in Jesus and abide in Him (obey the truth and stick with Him). God's Word does not return void ever. Heather
Are you tired of your kids talking back, being disobedient and acting up when they don’t get their way? Along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, Dr. Phil has advice for calming a chaotic household. First up, Jennifer says her 12-year-old daughter, Sydney, is out of control, and Jennifer's marriage to Craig is suffering as a result. She says Sydney hangs out with the wrong crowd, lies constantly and is failing school. The teen was recently in hot water when she sent a topless photo from her cell phone to her boyfriend that was circulated around the school! Craig says he’s frustrated that Jennifer undermines his discipline, and he’s hurt that his stepdaughter doesn’t respect him. Can this family get back on track, or is it too late for Jennifer to save her marriage? Then, Diane and Clayton say their 17-year-old daughter, Logan, is rude, doesn’t do her chores and always breaks curfew. Logan wants her folks to get off her back because she’ll be 18 soon, and she wants to get her own place. Find out what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to bring some balance to the family. Is Logan ready to move out on her own, and will her folks be able to handle her independence? Join the discussion.
