Quote From: juliebggHi Moshe! Yes, the convos on here do become very lively at times!! So even if we disagree, I enjoy when Penny comes on here, because her views are interesting and the debates are never dull.
We are all products of our experiences which form our beliefs. If you have experienced that people don't change (and yes, they need to do more than just verbalize that they changed) then this is what you will believe. I am going to explain why I believe that peoples' general natures don't change but that they can modify their behaviors. And I invite you, and Penny if you are on here, you too- to give me your reactions:
As a child I was very very shy to the point of being withdrawn. I was a magnet for bullies, and I could not stick up for myself, even over some very minor thing. I was afraid to ask for what I wanted and deferred to other peoples' wishes constantly. Now I am no longer so quiet, have plenty of friends and have little trouble voicing my views or standing up for myself. Yet I feel more as if I have modified my behaviors rather than change my basic nature. Deep down inside I still feel like a shy person. I feel that it takes considerably more effort to do the speaking up, ask for what I want , tell off a bully etc. than to do what my shy self naturally would do. Hope I am explaining this in a way that makes sense. Basically I believe that my inborn nature is the same, yet I've modified behaviors to accommodate myself better in the world. So, okay, Moshe? Penny? Hey Yoshi, you can jump in too. I am curious to hear everyones' views!
Ciao again moshe-(if I get many more of those, I am going to need to have pizza for dinner! )
Julie
Yet I feel more as if I have modified my behaviors rather than change my basic nature.
Touche! Julie the above font in red is exactly what you stated within your paragraph....this is my precise point. Again, "A leopard doesn't change its spots". That cliche wouldn't be infamous and used by oh so many in oh so many circumstances time and time again by every walk of life if it weren't taken seriously and quoted over and over.
If I may:
I feel that although you completely evolved from your shyness into a stronger, more vocal and less timid woman, I believe this too dwells from maturing; learning through experience and age and basically coming into your own. How many times do we see on talk shows the shy and introverted teen who suddenly blossomed into the outgoing and popular young adult? No different than the ugly duckling and the beautiful swan, oh my...pretty soon I'll be quoting Dr. Seuss, which is ok too!
Needless to say, you mentioned deep down inside you still feel like a shy person, again this is my point of reference exactly, if you CHANGED you would never ever reflect back to that "shyness" inside, you would not even touch base on still feeling this way, be it minimal or at a maximum level of thought; because you would have Changed, but you didn't you changed things about yourself, this is the HUGE VAST difference I'm trying to make Penny and others who feel we can change understand.
If I change my blouse for which I'm wearing from my plaid one to my striped one, thus I've changed my item of clothing completely, they are not one of the same, one in the same, they are different. If I cut my hair shorter and change the colour, and style, also my walk, does this necessarily indicate I have changed as a whole? No, it simply states, I've made changes to myself to "improve" myself...to make me feel better. This is my whole point, yes and yes again...we can all modify and work on aspects of ourselves, our persona, but as human beings time and time again who state over and over they've changed......well my friend Julie, I'm afraid those people are generally and more times than not the ones who will NEVER change anything, as saying it is far so much easier than making it happen.
As a child I was never shy, never a follower, I was a leader....but a "good" leader, I did not expect others to follow me, yet I refused to follow the crowd; I lead myself. I passed these lessons in life on to my precious daughter. I am mentioning this because, as I grew older, I learnt to become somewhat more passive in my personality as I really and truly take things of a sensitive nature to heart; so I had to RELEARN that everyone doesn't think the same, they don't think like me, I don't think like them...so therefore I need to learn to 'let it go' so to speak. To not take it all in and painfully let it absorb me.
Now the funny thing is there are so many others out there such as myself who take things to heart also; yet when it's my heart and not theirs, isn't it odd how a comment made is "Don't take it to heart." In turn you say the same to them, well most do, I wouldn't, I think I'd be more sympathetic.... but my lesson in learning about modification of my personality, working on 'changing' aspects of me was through self evaluation proclaiming to myself, "Hey....Moshe you need to change this a little, work on it, make yourself a better person." Don't get me wrong, I will never CHANGE who I am for anyone because I cannot, I simply am who I am.....I hope this helps Julie...we all have our own reasons for why we are whom we are. Upbringing, nurturing, past, present, experiences, LIFE...this is what rounds us, makes us whom we are, we are after all the product of our environment, past, present and future.
I guess I as many, many others have heard the statement, "Trust me baby I've changed" far too many times, or "Trust me sis I've change, "bro" etc..." the proof is in the pudding, if you leave the chocolate pudding on the counter for a week, IT DOESN'T CHANGE INTO VANILLA.
Hope you get my point of view, I've probably got one million metaphors for this. Yes, Yoshi the word is metaphor, tee hee. Good fun, don't take the kidding to heart.
Hugs to all,
Moshe
(Original Air Date: 04/09/08) “Fat slob!” “Lardo!” “Lazy butt!” Obese people are often the target of ridicule, but can you imagine hearing this type of verbal abuse from your own spouse? Dr. Phil takes on fat abusers, people who intentionally belittle their husband or wife simply for being overweight. Roger says he was very clear when he told his wife, Linda, before they were married that he couldn’t stand fat people. Now 20 years later, Roger says Linda has gained 40 pounds and is about to lose him. He says sex with her is like “rolling around in a bowl of Jell-O” and is considering divorce if she doesn’t shed the pounds. Should Linda take his behavior as a wake-up call and end the marriage? Then, Alisa and Leon have been married for 28 years, but now that he tips the scales at 305 pounds, she calls him “Fat Butt.” She filed for divorce because she says she can’t stand looking at his stinky, flabby body. Their daughter, Amy, also puts Leon down and says he's the reason that she’s full-figured. Don't miss Dr. Phil's surprise for Leon! And, viewers were left speechless by Rick, who called his wife, Karen, a fat whore, fat pig and even the C-word. Has he changed his abusive ways? Join the discussion.
