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Topic : 08/05 Fat Abusers

Number of Replies: 446
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Created on : Friday, April 04, 2008, 02:11:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/08) “Fat slob!” “Lardo!” “Lazy butt!” Obese people are often the target of ridicule, but can you imagine hearing this type of verbal abuse from your own spouse? Dr. Phil takes on fat abusers, people who intentionally belittle their husband or wife simply for being overweight. Roger says he was very clear when he told his wife, Linda, before they were married that he couldn’t stand fat people. Now 20 years later, Roger says Linda has gained 40 pounds and is about to lose him. He says sex with her is like “rolling around in a bowl of Jell-O” and is considering divorce if she doesn’t shed the pounds. Should Linda take his behavior as a wake-up call and end the marriage? Then, Alisa and Leon have been married for 28 years, but now that he tips the scales at 305 pounds, she calls him “Fat Butt.” She filed for divorce because she says she can’t stand looking at his stinky, flabby body. Their daughter, Amy, also puts Leon down and says he's the reason that she’s full-figured. Don't miss Dr. Phil's surprise for Leon! And, viewers were left speechless by Rick, who called his wife, Karen, a fat whore, fat pig and even the C-word. Has he changed his abusive ways? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 9, 2008, 7:22 am CDT

Be There Done That

I was married to a Fat Abuser for 17 years.  Even when I was small for my size still on our honeymoon he was verbable abusive.  He cheated on me our whole married life until I finally got tired of it and told him to leave.  He married the last woman he cheated with and now she is overweight, wonder if he abusers her??  Thank God, I found a man who loves me for me and I am very happy but, the verbal abuse I took for 17 years is still in my head and haunts me everyday.
 
April 9, 2008, 7:46 am CDT

Wow cool the Anger

Quote From: momakababe

see I'll be curious to see what doctor phil has to say tomorrow but I don't think it looks good here at all.......This is a piece from the end of the last show and even after admitting his behavior is "abuse" and having the effects of a narcissistic abuser spelled out in front of him and admiting that they defy what he says he was trying to do "motivate her to lose weight"  being told he's beeing "justifying the abuse " if he's lead by words or set up he goes right back into how it's her fault and how she's made him do the things he's done because she's just not "up to his standards" and it's not because he's arrogant but he just doesn't think she can change......   This is just the tip of it and it was pretty hard to watch.  Doctor Phil doesn't hold out much hope that he's going to change because Narcissists just don't see that they are in the wrong and/or they will just continue to justify or pass the responsibility to others.  Like me now.  :)   I was so ill by the end of the show I literally had to go to the gym to work it off!  Seems I've disturbed him now and ummm that's ok.  Perhaps he's PO'd at me because Karen's listened and is insisting on deposting her own pay check and he's lost some of that control?  I hope so!    Anyway I'm sure they'll play clips from the last show and here is just the end piece......

 

"

 

Dr. Phil tells Rick, Im trying to educate you, and Im telling you that this is abuse, and your level of insight is very low Youve spent the entire time justifying it. Despite the fact that there are terrible results, you think youre right. Youre right; shes just too dumb to get it. I mean, if shed just perk up a little and get with the program, you could just lead everybody out of this maze.

I dont want to come right out and say that, but yeah, Rick says. And I dont say that to be arrogant. Its just the truth. You cant change somebody, you know?

Thats my fear, that you cant change somebody, because youre the one that Id want to be changing, Dr. Phil tells him. Let me tell you: Youre going to do exactly the same thing to your children as youre doing to her, and theyre going to grow up as broken spirits.

I dont think so. I love my children, he says. 

Yeah, you loved her too, Dr. Phil points out. He offers to arrange some counseling for them individually. He tells Karen, I think youve got to get centered up before you make decisions about what you want to do ... Theres a whole lot of complexity that goes into this issue, and I want you to have someone to help you, without him banging on you from the side. If I make those resources available to you, will you embrace them?

I sure will, Karen says.

Rick accepts as well. Ill do anything that I need to do to change, he says.

You seem so wrapped up in this story that you can't see that there is an update... while there are no doubt issues that this couple will still need to attend to through on-going therapy to maintain and expand on their successes thus far... I hardly think that it is helpful to Karen to have her choices and focus questioned by the likes of you.  It would seem to me that they are working (notice the suffix indicating that it is an on-going process) very hard on the relationship.  Karen probably doesn't require any further abuse on these boards by having someone tear apart her decision, rake up the past (we all can review the last show they were on as well as the message boards from then) and presume to know if Rick is capable of change.  This also assumes that Karen is not capable of change, that she can't require more of her hubby and learn that she is worthy. Their councellor seems to think that they are doing well and are learning new behaviors together, maybe we could take her opinion of the situation rather than that of strangers with computer access.

My deepest hope and prayer is that Karen, Rick and the children have a happy, healthy, supportive future.

 

Keep up the Good work,

 
April 9, 2008, 7:48 am CDT

Notes for Roger

It is not possible to turn fat into muscle. They are two entirely different substances. You can't turn fat into muscle anymore than you can turn hair into fingernails. It's true that people who workout regularly increase their muscle mass, but unfortunately, the average woman, on an intense weight lifting regime, only gains about 2 pounds of muscle over a six month period. So your fears of Linda turning into an "amazon" are completely unfounded. It's just another one of your attempts to sabotage her efforts. If you really wanted Linda to lose weight you would workout with her and praise her to the skies for every pound she loses.
Roger, I don't think you really want Linda to lose weight. You say things to make her feel unloved and sad, so of course she turns to food for comfort since she gets no comfort from you. If she lost all her excess weight, I don't doubt for one moment, that you would complain that her skin was too loose. In fact, I think that if you were married to Angelina Jolie you would complain that you couldn't have sex with her because her lips were too big. My guess is that the truth is, you are getting up in years and are worried about your own performance if you attempted intimacy with a woman. See your doctor, Viagra works.
 
April 9, 2008, 7:50 am CDT

Overweight abusers

I watched the show today and found it very sad.  I am very overweight.  Thirty years ago I was thin, healthy and full of energy.  I do not expect to ever be that thin or have that much energy again, but I would like to be healthier.  Since my divorce in 2007, I have found myself alone.  I feel I do not have any hope of ever finding a lasting friendship, much less a relationship ship, because of my weight.  I am my own worse enemy. My question now becomes, what do you do when the fat abuser is yourself? I make jokes about my fat, I say things about being fat that I believe other people are probably thinking. I hate mirrors!  I am my own fat abuser!

 
April 9, 2008, 8:45 am CDT

Don't take it!

Quote From: want2change

I watched the show today and found it very sad. I am very overweight. Thirty years ago I was thin, healthy and full of energy. I do not expect to ever be that thin or have that much energy again, but I would like to be healthier. Since my divorce in 2007, I have found myself alone. I feel I do not have any hope of ever finding a lasting friendship, much less a relationship ship, because of my weight. I am my own worse enemy. My question now becomes, what do you do when the fat abuser is yourself? I make jokes about my fat, I say things about being fat that I believe other people are probably thinking. I hate mirrors! I am my own fat abuser!

My EX-fiance once saw the commercial where the girl pulls out oversized pants and says, 'I lost this much weight!'  He said 'That's where you need to go.'  I said you get a penis extension and I'll think about it!

Shut him up!

 
April 9, 2008, 8:52 am CDT

04/09 Fat Abusers

I was speechless at the abuse Alisa and her daughter Amy heaped on Leon! To be so disrespectful and downright cruel to another human being is disgusting....and both of these women look like slobs themselves!  It always amazes me how someone can beat someone else up for looking the exact way they themselves do! Like Dr. Phil asked: "Don't you have a mirror?"

 

Yes, maybe Leon should lose some weight...for health issues...and if he doesn't take a shower every day and has body order...well, ick! No matter how much you weigh, a person needs to bathe every day....but, his wife and daughter, two people who are supposed to love him, have no right to abuse him as they do.

 

I'll tell you what: if my spouse treated me like that, there wouldn't be any discussion. His butt would hit the door flying with my size 7 planted firmly right up there!

 
April 9, 2008, 9:07 am CDT

Give yourself a break...

Quote From: want2change

I watched the show today and found it very sad.  I am very overweight.  Thirty years ago I was thin, healthy and full of energy.  I do not expect to ever be that thin or have that much energy again, but I would like to be healthier.  Since my divorce in 2007, I have found myself alone.  I feel I do not have any hope of ever finding a lasting friendship, much less a relationship ship, because of my weight.  I am my own worse enemy. My question now becomes, what do you do when the fat abuser is yourself? I make jokes about my fat, I say things about being fat that I believe other people are probably thinking. I hate mirrors!  I am my own fat abuser!

Thirty years ago I looked pretty good too...but time will take its toll on us.

 

What I've learned is to make small changes...and these small changes have led to big changes. I walk more; I eat less, and I make better food choices. I divert myself with hobbies and reaching out to others. I have not...and will not..go on any crash diet because diets do NOT work. You may lose a few pounds in the short term, but what is long-term effective is life-style  changes....one step at a time.

 

I'm sure your divorce has resulted in some depression...and that can lead to comforting with food until it becomes a mindless habit. But you can change that pattern...and, if you truly want to, you will.

 

What is destructive to change is beating yourself up. It's worse than someone else doing that to you because you can't ever get away from yourself.  Love yourself enough to take those first steps and you will be amazed at what can happen....a few prayers can't hurt either.

 

Dr. Phil's book "The Ultimate Weight Solution" really is a great place to start! You can probably find it on ebay at a reasonable price.

 

Get moving....today, and right now....and good luck!

 
April 9, 2008, 9:22 am CDT

04/09 Fat Abusers

Quote From: jemert69

          The stories about spouses tore me up. I am a 38 year old woman who was a chubby child and the brunt of much family torture growing up. When I was in middle school they  (uncles,brothers,cousins and such) called me chub minnow. As a teenager they named a cow after me. I always heard from my dad--why cant you be more like such and such. I have never lived up to what he wanted me to be and as a result you would have to look far and wide to find a more difunctional person than me. I have ocd and I feel like I am lacking as aperson because of all the old garbage I carry. I obsessively clean my house as my way of protecting my girls from lifes ugliness. I am also overprotective and will attack anyone I feel is disrespecting them like I was. Some people think its just a few names,a few words or maybe they are even stupid enough to think it helps,but it doesnt. I know I will never be "normal" emotionally but this chub minnow will make sure it doesnt happen to my babies.

Anyone says that "names will never hurt" is ignorant and obviously has not had to suffer verbal abuse.

 

Name calling DOES hurt....permanantly. The scars never go away....and the damage done by name calling (especially by those who are supposed to love you, and especially when you are a child) has a trickle-down effect.

 

 

 
April 9, 2008, 9:39 am CDT

04/09 Fat Abusers

Quote From: princesstigger

My EX-fiance once saw the commercial where the girl pulls out oversized pants and says, 'I lost this much weight!'  He said 'That's where you need to go.'  I said you get a penis extension and I'll think about it!

Shut him up!

HAHAHAHAH
 
April 9, 2008, 9:53 am CDT

Fat abusers show...

Hi Dr. Phil--Never thought I'd write to you--but just had to, after watching this show!  There isn't any reason for anyone to talk to some one like the wife of Leon is doing! I know the "fat" may not be attractive to her---but some women would be glad to have a man that acted like he did! Showing concern and acting like he really cared for her. As for me---If Leon isn't happy--tell him some women would be glad to be with him--I think overweight men are sexy! If she wants to abuse him--I'll be glad to get to know him!
 
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