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Topic : 08/05 Fat Abusers

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Created on : Friday, April 04, 2008, 02:11:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/08) “Fat slob!” “Lardo!” “Lazy butt!” Obese people are often the target of ridicule, but can you imagine hearing this type of verbal abuse from your own spouse? Dr. Phil takes on fat abusers, people who intentionally belittle their husband or wife simply for being overweight. Roger says he was very clear when he told his wife, Linda, before they were married that he couldn’t stand fat people. Now 20 years later, Roger says Linda has gained 40 pounds and is about to lose him. He says sex with her is like “rolling around in a bowl of Jell-O” and is considering divorce if she doesn’t shed the pounds. Should Linda take his behavior as a wake-up call and end the marriage? Then, Alisa and Leon have been married for 28 years, but now that he tips the scales at 305 pounds, she calls him “Fat Butt.” She filed for divorce because she says she can’t stand looking at his stinky, flabby body. Their daughter, Amy, also puts Leon down and says he's the reason that she’s full-figured. Don't miss Dr. Phil's surprise for Leon! And, viewers were left speechless by Rick, who called his wife, Karen, a fat whore, fat pig and even the C-word. Has he changed his abusive ways? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 5, 2008, 4:34 pm PDT

Fat Abusers Shock Me

Number one, I might be more sympathetic to fat abusers if they had rock hard bodies. Ahahaha. But the women and men on this episode who are fat abusers weigh more than the weight that they ought to be, and their fitness is not up to par. LOL. I got a kick out of it when Dr. Phil said to the woman and daughter who verbally abuse the father, "You guys aren't much better off- mother and daughter- the way you two look." LOOOOOOLLLLLLLL. The daughter is a weight where I would panic if I was her weight. My mother used to be a fat abuser, but I am more fit than her and most people in my life now- NOT because I cared what she said but because I wanted my own health. And that is how it should be for everyone. Fat abusers are fat, bitter, small people. Being slim is about being healthy- not about pleasing people in your life and living up to anyones' standards. I am able to let go of the resentment I felt for the fat abusers I've had in my own life, because I was able to take control of my own health. The fact that the man who weighs 305 lbs. was taking control of his life and failing makes him more of a man than his wife and daughter who haven't been struggling at all but find petty relief from their fat reality by criticizing and abusing him. So so sad. I hate fat abusers. Don't let them win people. There will be people like that in some of your lives.
 
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August 5, 2008, 4:34 pm PDT

08/05 Fat Abusers

Quote From: hrmeny

I have a husband like the guys on the show, and he used to say some of the same mean and hurtful things.  We started going to counselling and he has become kinder, but I sense he feels the same way deep inside about my weight.   We never have sex anymore and we're acting like mere roomates.  I know he loves me.......he just doesn't know how to relate as a "husband" I told him he should've taken "husband" lessons before we got married, because he really doesn't have a clue sometimes.   I don't really feel like he respects me because of some deep rooted fellings he has for his Mother.  I also suggested he get counselling for himself but he won't.  I'm considering Lap Band surgery now...not for him but for myself.  Once I lose the weight, somone told me he'll just find something else to "whine" about.

What to do ??????

And after you have that surgery and lose weight, then maybe you can lose even more weight by dumping this guy that supposedly "loves" you! 
 
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August 5, 2008, 4:46 pm PDT

Your Husband...

Quote From: hrmeny

I have a husband like the guys on the show, and he used to say some of the same mean and hurtful things.  We started going to counselling and he has become kinder, but I sense he feels the same way deep inside about my weight.   We never have sex anymore and we're acting like mere roomates.  I know he loves me.......he just doesn't know how to relate as a "husband" I told him he should've taken "husband" lessons before we got married, because he really doesn't have a clue sometimes.   I don't really feel like he respects me because of some deep rooted fellings he has for his Mother.  I also suggested he get counselling for himself but he won't.  I'm considering Lap Band surgery now...not for him but for myself.  Once I lose the weight, somone told me he'll just find something else to "whine" about.

What to do ??????

... Is not a husband. Pack your bags. Leave him. Focus on what you need to do- commit to a healthy diet and exercise (I KNOW it's hard, but I have had to do it myself so nothing is impossible) and get your hot bod. Next time he sees you, let him see what he's lost. Find yourself a man who appreciates that strong will and the beauty of who you are. Be a woman who takes control of your life. Coming from someone who has also dealt with plenty of fat abusers in her life. You can do it. Don't take crap from anyone. You deserve better. Remind yourself that. He will realize it when he realizes you aren't afraid to express that.
 
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August 5, 2008, 6:38 pm PDT

Fat Abusers

Quote From: hrmeny

I have a husband like the guys on the show, and he used to say some of the same mean and hurtful things.  We started going to counselling and he has become kinder, but I sense he feels the same way deep inside about my weight.   We never have sex anymore and we're acting like mere roomates.  I know he loves me.......he just doesn't know how to relate as a "husband" I told him he should've taken "husband" lessons before we got married, because he really doesn't have a clue sometimes.   I don't really feel like he respects me because of some deep rooted fellings he has for his Mother.  I also suggested he get counselling for himself but he won't.  I'm considering Lap Band surgery now...not for him but for myself.  Once I lose the weight, somone told me he'll just find something else to "whine" about.

What to do ??????

It sounds to me like you are willing to take control of your life but take it from someone who has experienced gastric bypass myself- you really need to come to grips with why you want it or if you need it. It's only a tool and what you do with it determines the outcome. There's a difference.  Just an observation...
 
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August 5, 2008, 7:48 pm PDT

08/05 Fat Abusers

Quote From: jewelsf

Did anyone else happen to notice the overweight and rude daughter's rather un-enthusiastic response when Dr. Phil offered her the services of the personal trainer? I guess that she feels that she can run her own father down that badly but she herself is just perfect! She should be extremely grateful that she even still has a father as I lost mine when I was just a teenager. You don't have a second chance once someone is gone and she needs to think about that! I miss my father terribly.

I hear ya! I lost both my parents to cancer when they were in their early 60's, and I, too, miss them terribly.

 

I've said it a million times: tomorrow is promised to no one! The last words you say to anyone you care about should be "I love you"....not, "you're too fat", or some such other nastiness.

 

And, yes, I did notice the rude daughter.....her enthusiasm was underwhelming!

 
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August 5, 2008, 8:11 pm PDT

good for the transformed couple

I can not believe the transformation in the last couple that was on the show. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I saw the first show with the man that was verbally abusing his wife and now he seem like a reformed person. He even looked healthier!! so did she!! I hope they can keep it up. you could feel the love oozing out of them. Good for you!!!

 

On a different note, while no one deserves to be verbally abused because of their weight, I do think it is important to stay in shape for your mate (as well as yourself), especially if  you were both fit when you first married. I love my husband very much but if he completely let himself go, it would totally change the dynamics of our relationship. I think every person should keep themselves in decent shape for themselves as well as for their spouse.

 
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August 5, 2008, 8:55 pm PDT

Self Respect

Question to all.........what about self respect?  When a person you love becomes lazy and overweight, because they often go hand and hand, how are you suppose to continue to love them the same way.  Respect is required in order to love someone, how do you respect them when they don't respect themselves.  Not all cases maybe, but some of these cases of so called "fat abusers" could be frustrated partners wondering what happened to the person they fell in love with, or family member who continually abuses there health and well being due to lack of activity and overeating.  It is the same as a drug or alchohol addiction, are we just suppose to sit back and pretend it's ok for our loved ones to abuse themselves.   Maybe the put downs are not the right way to deal with it, but what is??  When you've exhaused all attemps at support and love and trying to just set a good example, it's infuriating to watch someone destroy themselves which is exactly what letting yourself become fat is.

 
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August 5, 2008, 9:04 pm PDT

08/05 Fat Abusers

Little boy and his sister could never get along. One day the father over hears a conversation between them where he heard his young son saying degrading comments to his sister. So the father pulls his son to the kitchen and tells the young boy that his punishment will be that he must take a hammer and a nail out of the tool shed and go out to the back fence and pick out one post to drive the nail in. The boy did as the father said and the family went on about its way. A little later the father once again hears the boy saying degrading things to the daughter. Again, he pulls the boy to the kitchen and tells him to go to the wood shed once again and drive another nail in the post.

Over the course of a week, this happens many times. The boy finally asks the father, “why are you only making me drive a nail in a post for punishment?” The father explains that each time he says something to his sister degrading, it drives a spike into her heart. And that post represents her heart. The young boy looks at the father and says “ I don’t mean to do it.. I don’t want to driver spikes into her heart”… and then asks his father.. “cant I just apologize to her instead of having to go out to the post again?”… the father explains to the young boy.. “You could, but it would be like going to the post and pulling out a nail after you drove one into it.. While you have pulled the nail, you have still left a mark in the post”

Once we say something degrading to our loved ones, we leave a bad mark in their heart. Even if we want to apologize for it, the mark will remain forever.

I used to be a verbally abusive husband and partner (boyfriend), This story was told to me and my life changed. But, I lost all those who loved me prior to my change. Today I’m a new man and am happy as is my wife. We work towards our relationship for each other by doing everything we can for one another each and every day. Asking nothing in return. Good communication and a desire to please each other equally has given us the greatest gift of love we have ever known.

While I feel there is no need for the societies over weight issue and for most can be resolved with work and effort. Doing this should not only be for yourself but also for the one you love. While excuses are being made on both sides why nothing is moving forward, remember moving forward takes no excuses only results.

 
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August 5, 2008, 11:13 pm PDT

08/05 Fat Abusers

Quote From: hrmeny

I have a husband like the guys on the show, and he used to say some of the same mean and hurtful things.  We started going to counselling and he has become kinder, but I sense he feels the same way deep inside about my weight.   We never have sex anymore and we're acting like mere roomates.  I know he loves me.......he just doesn't know how to relate as a "husband" I told him he should've taken "husband" lessons before we got married, because he really doesn't have a clue sometimes.   I don't really feel like he respects me because of some deep rooted fellings he has for his Mother.  I also suggested he get counselling for himself but he won't.  I'm considering Lap Band surgery now...not for him but for myself.  Once I lose the weight, somone told me he'll just find something else to "whine" about.

What to do ??????

No amount of counseling is going to change what someone sees as sexually appetizing (within normal sexually stimulated situations.. not sick stuff). What turns us on sexually differs but no one should expect love to lead us to sexual desire towards anyone. Love is not sex.

As for the surgery you are considering, do as much research as you can find about every aspect of it.

I hope you not taking the advice of some irritable and obvious agenda oriented comments that’s been made thus far. Communicate by asking questions and also try to be understanding even though you feel neglected in a way. Do your best for the relationship, that way if you’ve done so, you will have little to no regrets moving on with your life. Life takes work, effort and dedication to run smooth. Best wishes.

 
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August 6, 2008, 4:36 am PDT

lighten up on other people

Quote From: shan34

these men and women SHOULD not be calling names to their loved ones but unless you have a condition of some sort that does not allow you to lose weight, then FAT is NO EXCUSE!!! I've been 165 pounds and I managed to loose it!!! There's NO excuse for getting fat. Its gross to look at and not healthy at all...I've had 4 babies over 8 pounds and look like I do so if I can do it...so can you! Step away from the donut!!! Get some will power ppl!!! This is a dumb topic...care about yourself and to hell with ppl who say "its ok as long as you're happy!" Sorry fat ppl are not happy!! Dont try to tell me you are!!! Quit whining...!!!

According to some of your posts on  other boards you admit to being anorexic.  So when you pass all your high-handed judgements on overweight people and tell them that if you could lose weight, so can they, are you advocating for them to be anorexic like you???  And as far as telling heavy people that they are "gross to look at", what makes you think anorexic is pretty?  You have a high and mighty attitude but there seems to be no substance to back up your inflated opinion of yourself.  Quit being so mean spirited towards others and maybe try to be kinder and more helpful.  Maybe you'd improve yourself a little too.
 
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