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Topic : 04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

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Created on : Friday, April 04, 2008, 02:12:40 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Have you ever had the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right with your relationship? Dr. Phil’s guests say they saw several red flags before they walked down the aisle, but they looked the other way and still said, “I do.” Randall and Shawn were happily married until Shawn discovered men’s magazines in her husband’s bag. Now Randall is out of the closet as a gay man, and he’s struggling to keep his family together. Shawn wants to know if they should stay married for their two pre-teen children or get a divorce. How are their kids handling the news that their father is gay? And, Natalie says she’s leaving if her husband, Robert, doesn’t change his lazy ways. She says he hasn’t worked in a year and watches TV all day while she works, cooks, cleans and pays bills. Robert says he’s pursuing his dream of writing a novel, but Natalie says the book is an excuse to sit on his butt all day. Is Robert a talented undiscovered writer or a freeloading husband? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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cndrlla

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April 10, 2008, 4:23 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: PennyLane78

That "self control" as you call it is harmful in many ways. Living in a closet can mentally damaging. It's a heavy burden.

I'm sure it is....and I in no way make light of that.

I don't advocate "living in a closet". I do advocate self-control, and I'm not talking specifically about gay relationships...I don't think that can be controlled. As I've said many times, I believe people are born that way.

The self-control I am referring to covers many, many other areas. And I stand by what I said earlier that society demands and requires rules and laws. It requires self-control to follow them for the betterment of that society.

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kjrows

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April 10, 2008, 4:24 pm PDT

Father who realized he's gay

I too was the child of a gay father. He was born in 1928 and did not have the options available today. Unfortunately, he tried to keep the front up until my mom died when I was fifteen. PLEASE come clean and let you children not wonder what the h... is going on. Several shrinks have bought cars with my money. It was all so unnecessary!! The facts can be dealt with; all the other confusion cannot.

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PennyLane78

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April 10, 2008, 4:28 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: gwarrior6

I have a question. Can orientations change throughout a person's life?

Like if they start out bisexual, but then they find out they're gay, and no longer have an attraction to the opposite sex. Are they still a hard-wired bisexual? Then they'd have the gay orientation (not necessarily the lifestyle). Does that make sense?

I'm sure it's possible, I've never met anyone like that before. I have met bisexual people who go through phases where they are more into one sex than the other. A lot of people just have general curiosity and test the waters out.

I know that there are many gay men who claim "bisexual" hoping that it will make them less "gay" to people...hoping it will protect them from some kinds of discrimination...unfortunately bisexuals have a different kind of discrimination to deal with! People claim we don't even really exist!

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julie1418

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April 10, 2008, 4:29 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: cndrlla

I'm sure it is....and I in no way make light of that.

You are going to have to be more specific. I agree that as a society we do need laws to co-exist. I am not sure where you are drawing a line between people's sexuality and laws. What do you mean by "self-control"?

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PennyLane78

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April 10, 2008, 4:30 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: nicolecf2000

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 MONTHS AND HAVE SUSPENSION THAT MY HUSBAND IS GAY AND IN DENIAL! HOW DO I KNOW? AND HOW DO I GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND IT IS SELFISH TO ME IF HE IS AND WON'S ADMIT? HELP!!!!!

Maybe you should approach him in a way that isn't calling him "selfish"...tell him you love him and you want the BOTH of you to live truly fulfilling lives...tell him that if he IS gay he needs to tell you NOW. Tell him you love him, support him and will still be his friend if it turns out this is true.

What makes you suspect he is gay?

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slftracey

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April 10, 2008, 4:34 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: lorelei_20081

They may still have that desire when they are sober, but fear and shame (brought on by our judgmental society) force them to suppress these desires.........that does NOT mean that they do not have them, they just have less control when they are under the influence.

Okay. I am going to write this again. These people (all women) have shared they have NO DESIRE during the times they are not drinking. These are simply the experiences of what others have shared. I am not writing that people aren't bisexual. Are you really surprised by what I am sharing though? How many times have you seen or heard of girls making out with other girls while they were drinking but wouldn't even think of doing it while sober. Now some of my friends went farther with women while they were drinking.

Maybe you have to be a drunk or recovering drunk to get what I am writing. When you truly are an alcoholic and you get to that place in your drunkeness where you will do things that you wouldn't consider, EVER, as a sober person...you would understand what I am sharing. I am so thankful for my sobriety today.

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lisaclearwater

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April 10, 2008, 4:35 pm PDT

What if a spouse isn't the same person you married anymore?

In the dilemmas on the show Dr Phil pointed out that each person KNEW, whether they openly admitted it or not, that their spouses were gay, lazy or day dreamers when they entered the marriage, but what if the person you married is not even recognizable anymore, and I don't mean just physical appearance?

I should be dancing on clouds today because it's my 32nd wedding anniversary, but I'm not. It wasn't anything like we just grew apart or that we fight all the time, it's nothing like that, there is just a sad silence that is unbearable. It's like someone flipped a switch and took my husband away, even though he is right in the other room watching tv by himself. There is no physical reason he has completely eliminated me from his life in almost every way except we live under the same roof and only exchange casual words , like "excuse me","hi"," bye" and "Good morning/night". I know he still loves me but he won't talk or maybe he isn't even sure what is wrong. My wedding anniversary seems like it is on hold, as I pray it's not completely gone. It seems to be over shadowed by the anniversary date January 2, , of this year as it marked 3 years since my husband has made love to me, held me, complemented me or let me show him any love or affection. I don't think I can take another year like this, without my husband!

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ramair

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April 10, 2008, 4:35 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: fromthesquare

It is great that your mother taught you to respect gays and lesbians. How about some respect for those who disagree with you? Being hateful toward someone because they are christian is no different than being hateful because they are gay. It is still hateful.

This woman was married to a man who lied to her and left her for another man. Who are you to judge her pain? How do you know what she has been through?

Right. Hate is hate, no matter to whom it is directed.

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julie1418

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April 10, 2008, 4:38 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: cherie1955

Yes. I have an answer.

Well, here is the link to the appropriate board...

drphil.com/messageboard/topic/2368

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julie1418

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April 10, 2008, 4:46 pm PDT

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Quote From: slftracey

Okay. I am going to write this again. These people (all women) have shared they have NO DESIRE during the times they are not drinking. These are simply the experiences of what others have shared. I am not writing that people aren't bisexual. Are you really surprised by what I am sharing though? How many times have you seen or heard of girls making out with other girls while they were drinking but wouldn't even think of doing it while sober. Now some of my friends went farther with women while they were drinking.

Maybe you have to be a drunk or recovering drunk to get what I am writing. When you truly are an alcoholic and you get to that place in your drunkeness where you will do things that you wouldn't consider, EVER, as a sober person...you would understand what I am sharing. I am so thankful for my sobriety today.

Did YOU have lesbian or bisexual desires when you were drunk?

I am not an alcoholic, but I have been pretty drunk a few times, and that has never happened. I have done things I wouldn't do sober, but my sexual orientation didn't change.

Are these girls alone when this happens? Or are they at a party, egged on by others? I think a lot of girls you see in provocative and public displays with other girls are actually doing it for attention or for the sake of the guys. It sounds like what you are describing is not really about orientation but rather drunken, outrageous behavior.

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