Topic : 04/11 Women Beware!

Dr. Phil, I would really love to know where the women of color were in that bar?  Am I to believe that no variety of women, WHITE and BLOND could be accessed for this trial run in a bar? It may help to have more of a vantage point to judge what we are watching, Yes? You do know that women and men of color do watch you show and it would be nice to see us represented as well in both the seminar and in the experiment after. 

I am in the middle of watching the show right now and I thought that seminar and the bar experiments were wonderful.  It is nice to know that there are guys out there who are willing to go the extra mile, as long as their opening is about "their" stories and who "they" really are, of course. 

I was just very insulted that I saw 2 blonds being spoken to in abar, as well interviewed on stage and then yet another blond being questioned in the audience. 

One would think we live in a nation of blond people or is that bottle-blond people?  Has Obama taught you nothing?

O YOUR JOB WITH A LITTLE LESS EXCLUSION, if you don't mind!

BonnieAnn

Angry, and underrepresented

Bonnie Ann, what do you expect?  The men who taught the course were white, and the guys who took their course were either white or Asian....so it should be no surprise that the women they approached would also be white and blonde.  I know they were just practicing what they learned in a class, but they were probably practicing on women who they thought were attractive.  That doesn't mean there weren't any women of color in the bar they could have approached...but maybe they didn't want to, or...since we didn't get footage of the entire evening, maybe they talked to some other women, but due to editing we didn't get to see it.  I am a woman of color, who has been approached by men of all different races, so for the poster who said only men of color wanted women of color, you are wrong.  As for Dr. Phil, he can't help who these guys in the bar talked to, so why jump on him?  ("Now, make sure they talk to women of all colors in the bar, so little Bonnie Ann won't get stirred up on the message board, you hear?")  I am African-American, and I did NOT feel the need to play the race card while watching this show!

  Some-one said,"women's first purpose was love."

  That is certainly debateable - I've never seen proof of such, if you examine any dating site, and the multitude of profiles listed, very very few are concerned with , "one's content of character."

  In fact, even fewer are concerned with one's personal intent, whether good nor bad.

  Economics is the most powerful force in the formation of relationships. Economics is the greatest preference of most women.

  Relationships today, are not founded on love, they are founded on economic security and the potential for greater future success in terms of career hiearchy and finance.

  A provider ? Provide for yourself - this aint the gravy train.

  "Be yourself," - this is not Sesame Street, this is real life. Men would do such if it worked; he says "hi, I would like to know you," she say's "what would you like to know."

  I think men just need to stop - today women have put far too many expectations on us, and for what? To be graced by their presence ?

  I don't think women will ever understand what men have to go through in their efforts to be with women. I think men are best off learning how to be happy with-out women.

  And why? Does a part of the male populous have to feel inferior because women are too dull to appreciate them?

  Men really need to try it, and it is hard but I'm learning to do it. No more conditional love because you can love yourself unconditionaly, no more expectations, you can be who you are as a person.

  If the women really want us - they can come get us.

 Hello, I am what people in our community call an AFC. I have had trouble with women for a long time and for a long time was not afraid to admit that. I hate people coming up here and slandering us for no good reason. I have seen this happen to many groups. Stupid stereotypes get tossed around and its so ironic to see stereotypes being brought up in this message board. I feel sorry for women who get coned, but saying that some how that all guys are in the community are trying to trick women is ridiculous. That is like everyone from a certain ethnic group are murderers because the actions of a couple. I am not going to list out all these stereotypes because I know everyone is smart enough to know better.

I have been a part of the community for a few months now. I had a girlfriend for awhile that I was in love with. We had talked about getting married and our future together. We broke after I caught her cheating on me. And I am not bringing this up at a stab at women, it just shows that it isn't gender it is the individual. After the break up I was so shaken up. I couldn't talk to women at all. That is when I found the community. A friend introduced me to it. I found a group of guys who had similar problems. We were all at different stages. Some guys are 30-40 years old and looking for a long term commitment. One guy just had a bad divorce that he is recovering from. And other guys just don't know how to talk to women. These are guys that I have hung out with and they have become my friends. We support each other in every way possible.

It has been a few months now and people have really noticed a change. Many of the people I started out with have changed completely, but not into some sleaze bag that we seemed to be portrayed as. I now have confidence to speak to new people of both genders. I can go out to the bar and have a good time and have met some fantastic people. My family has really noticed a change. I am much more talkative and fun to be around. People at work have also noticed a huge change.

I feel there is a lot of ignorance towards us. So many people I have talked to about are fine with it and see the value of having a support group like this. Others have acted as if there is something wrong with me. They would say well just be yourself, and just talk to them. You don't have to be someone different? I am not someone different, but now I am not afraid to be who I am. Things like routines and openers are merely there to build the initial confidence. I used to have a bunch of routines I used, but I no longer use them. I am comfortable with myself in order to relax and have fun. Honestly if you haven't been through it, its hard to understand.

All in all I just wish people would be more open minded and stop harping on the negatives of everything. Are there people in the community that will try to abuse women? Maybe. Are all con artists part of the community? No. Is everyone in the community a con artist? I haven't met one yet. I'm sorry if people out there think that all men should automatically have confidence, they should always know what to do for women and if they don't than they are out of luck. I personally would be glad to answer any questions about the community (though by no means am I an expert), but please realize that to be part of any community, you do need to support one another. And that is all of ours most important goal.  

14 years ago, I  was involved with a guy in Oregon for 9 mos who told me he wanted a monogamous relationship and wanted to marry and have kids with me. Then I found out the entire time he was having unprotected sex with many women and telling them all the same lies. He was partially paralized as a teenager and used his innocent victim persona to seduce women. finally admitted to me that he was a sex addict and had "unrepentant" sex with hundreds of women and I was a prude.  I connected with several of the other women and they told me all the lies he had told them. I even had one of his outraged female furniture store customers call and say he had come into her house when she was in the shower! What a creep!!!

(I found the trail of women after hitting redial on the phone after he had a secretive conversation with someone, who turned out to be involved with him.)

He has since married some fool who probably has no idea what he is really about and doing behind her back.

So,  I began going to the courthouse and checking out every guy I dated, since my trust was shot thanks to this guy. What an eye opener!

Four guys I was thinking about dating were checked out: one was still married; another was arrested many times for theft and shoplifting, another for stalking and abuse, and the fourth, his family was trying to have him legally put away in a psychiatric facility.  Every one of these guys was a clean cut 40-50 year old professional who appeared normal on the surface.  I finally found one that checked out clean--we have been happily married for 13 years and he is totally normal and trustworthy.

So ladies, the morale is, don't give up hope, but don't trust anyone until you have fully checked them out.