Generally, as a fan of the Dr. Phil show, I usually feel that I gain insight by watching the show, I don’t always agree with the content – but apart from shouting out my criticisms to the television set – I don’t feel the express need to share my slight disapprovals…until today. I really was in shock, I couldn’t believe just what I was hearing. We are talking about a women’s rights issue here; the right to make free choices. This is why I found the show titled “Women Beware” essentially problematic.
First off I would like to share the concept of coercion. When group (A) manipulates group (B’s) situation, then presents a series of options of which the most beneficial to group (B) also happens to be the most beneficial to group (A), the stage is set for coercion to occur. It is coercion if that option would not have been chosen by the subordinate group had the situation not been changed by the dominant group. In other words group (A) manipulates group (B’s) situation in order to benefit as an individual even if it is at the ultimate cost of group (B). That is coercion, and it is a control tactic used in a variety of situations. Most often when women are in violent relationships they stay because they choose to stay and they choose to stay because the aggressor(s) has assured her that is her best option, since serious repercussions could follow if she left. Some would wonder if in that situation if she really has a free choice at all or if she is isolated in the confines of the coercive nature of the relationship. Here is where I - and hopefully all proud, strong and free North American women - find injustice in the message of this particular show.
On the show there were a series of men who trained other men in control and manipulation techniques. The targets of these techniques? - single women. They were unknowingly placed in manufactured situations in which the male tries through coercive control tactics to manufacture a desired result from the female. This is an injustice that should strike the core of every woman. Women have made great strides to political personhood and equality in our work, cultural and social settings, but today I saw women clapping and laughing at the “harmless” “pick-up techniques”. We have to look at the larger picture, the real fundamental nature of this behaviour. Men are being taught that the way toward a relationship, meaningful or not (apparently that’s the man’s choice), is through manipulation and control. These kinds of messages have been perpetuated by men through recorded human history to gain control over women. These kinds of messages perpetuate violence and control over the lives and choices of women. Through media and interactions in everyday life men learn these patterns of control. When these patterns are naturalized by saying it is like women “putting on makeup” there arises a serious problem of not only men believing that type behaviour is acceptable but that women believe it is their role to accept it. When a concept is naturalized we fail to see that it is not a natural construct but rather a human construct. Men already control so many aspects of women’s lives which present serious negative psychological and even physical effects. This is just one support in the structure which unfortunately restricts women today in North America. On a show that caters to a primary demographic of women I hope that we can make our voices heard, ask yourself, how would you feel if a man used tactics to control and manipulate your emotions and situation without your knowledge? How would you feel if it were someone you currently trust? Don’t change your minds now.
If someone started up an internet web page on how to control a racial, ethnic or religious group as long as it is seemingly doesn’t damage the individual is that ok too? After all we are not only talking about the white targeted women from the show, but women as a whole, all around the world, all religions and ethnicities. We have to ask, is this something that should be condoned by Dr Phil on national television? Is this something that doesn’t affect the psyches of men and women viewers? Does he have an ethical responsibility not to perpetuate archaic gender notions based on the belief that it is acceptable for men to control women for their own benefit - to viewers all around the world? Are these ideas that we - as an empowered and informed minority group - will allow to be perpetuated without a voice? We need to ask some hard questions first of which is WHY?
p.s. My mother (having survived through coercive, abusive and controlling relationships) is curious to know what public outcry and derogratory names women would recieve for doing the same thing?
--Kimberley J. Inglis
Women beware: Men are on the prowl! Some guys win your heart and dupe you for thousands of dollars, while other men learn the slick techniques of pick-up artists so they can get you in the sack! Go inside a classroom where single men are being taught The Mystery Method -- a step-by-step technique on how to meet, attract and date beautiful women. The instructors say this method teaches guys to be more confident. When the students hit the bars, will The Mystery Method help them land a lady? What do the women think of their techniques? Then, meet Ross Jeffries, the self-proclaimed "Father of Seduction." He says he’s taught thousands of men to seduce women through language. Now he fears that he’s created monsters, because many of his followers are seducing woman through deception, and he says that’s exactly what The Mystery Method is all about. A heated debate ensues between Ross and The Mystery Method instructors, Nick and Scott. Is Ross’ technique actually as benign as he claims? And, Victoria says she fell in love for the first time with a guy whom who she thought was the perfect man, until he she says he ended up scamming her out of $100,000. Did Victoria miss the warning signs? How can she pick up the pieces of her broken heart and move on? Talk about the show here.
