Topic : 04/11 Women Beware!

In most of my relationships, I refused to lend money. One time I did and fortunately, God had his hand of blessing on me,  we ended up breaking up and he paid EVERY penny back. He borrowed $4000 for a new engine. Thank you God for protecting me.

If you surf online long enough, like this poster shared, you will recognize the same old pick up lines.

If a man (or woman) has a hard time with communication or is shy, he (or she) could take a speech class at the local community college ($150 to $500) or check out Toastmasters. Michael O'Shannesy (sp?) recommends Toastmasters in his Millennium Woman book. He attended this and went from, I think stuttering, to being a GREAT speaker. It helped him to build an amazing business and it also helped his personal life. I have met him and heard him speak, he was a regular guest as a special school I worked for. He does a lot of awesome things for the community. He is a tri-athlete too. He was into a rough life and made an amazing turnaround and now helps thousands of women improve themselves. Even though he wrote that book for women, if a man took his advice and followed his plan, they would be working towards an awesome life and would probably find it easy to find a wonderful woman to marry (and then have great sex with after marriage).

I personally chose to dump, quite quickly, any man in my past who started to use the compliment punishment game. When a man gives a woman a compliment and then tries to "knock" her down, it left me with an "off center" gut feeling - like "whoa, what just happened? Mood swing for him?"

One time, I dated a man who seemed fantastic, but after some awesome dates including one where he made a tasty homemade Italian candlelight dinner, he said something about me that was a subtle knock. I ended things immediately but I wondered for awhile if I made the right decision. We both married other people shortly thereafter. A few years later, he was mad at his wife and he wrote me this venting email. Everything he complained about were things that I am not always "perfect" about either. He said she complained about the same things that I would have complained about too. She also has a small toddler underfoot and so did I, so I could see her "side" more than his side which I considered a bit harsh. I replied back that she had a small child underfoot and she probably needed his support not nastiness and frustration. Being a woman myself, I could guarantee that if he said the things to me in the email to her out loud in a fight - which he admitted he did - that it would only make things worse.

Ultimately, I was thankful that we broke up. Sometimes men will play the push/pull game with children of their dates too - I refuse to be around (in the presence of) people who are like that with children either. I was a teacher and good teachers, for instance, usually are kind/open/honest/available to help with their students. Teachers are not supposed to put students down and they do not play the available/not available game. I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who insults or plays games.

I would recommend getting a background check on someone before marriage. I do not believe in sex before marriage due to my belief and faith in Jesus. However, if an adult is going to get serious with someone whether it is to be engaged, married, have children, have sex - peoplelookup.com can do some nice background checks.

Additionally, for those who are just looking for one night stands - CONDOMS DO NOT PROTECT AGAINST GENITAL HERPES OR GENITAL WARTS. Lots of people have genital herpes. I would recommend that everyone who reads this specifically asks for the Herpes simplex 1 (oral) and 2 (genital) test EVEN if you have never had any symptoms. I know of a man who slept with over 40 woman and had genital herpes at the base of his penis, where the condom does not cover, so basically he probably infected quite a few. He thought it was jock itch the whole time, for the last 20 years.

If you have slept with 2 or more people, get tested, and ask for the blood test for it. This is not included in the typical STD screening at the ob/gyn or the planned parenthood or state run health places. It is a specific blood test that must be requested. If you have not requested it specifically, then you probably have not been tested. There are over 50 million cases in the US and lots of people have it and do not know it.  Cold sores are usually caused by Herpes 1 and irritation in the genital can be caused by herpes 2. People shed at various times WITH NO SYMPTOMS so you cannot tell if they are shedding or not, so it is not something you can "see." Women can have it internally.

I would not recommend picking up a spouse at a bar. I would not recommend having sex with someone who drinks a lot and frequents bars because they probably have herpes or warts. If they don't think so, they have probably have not been tested.

I was told that the best place to meet a spouse is doing an activity or helping out at a cause that I was interested in. This is a GREAT recommendation because if you meet someone doing an activity you are interested in, then it is common ground and it was not faked (unless it is their first time and they just "tried" it).

Some people have recommended to me when I was single to meet someone in church or at college. These are also good options; however, I would make sure that they were "really involved" in the church or their education because at Joyce Meyers says "I can sit in a garage all day and it won't make me a car" so someone can sit in a church and not be a Christian or they can hang out at college and even take a few courses but not be "good husband material."

The advice I will give me daughter will include telling her to serve God, pray for her future spouse, and allow God to bring him to her. I would tell her that he needs to be a Christian who "walks the talk" who is aware of spiritual bondage, generational curses, the power of prayer, etc. I will tell her if she seeks God first that He will supply all her needs including the right husband if that is one of the desires of her heart. I will also teach her about soul ties and train her up to believe in purity and to expect it from her future husband. If we walk with God & believe in Jesus BEFORE we choose our spouses and actually let God choose him instead of trying to "find him" or "force" something now [wait on the Lord], I promise that the relationship will be better than anything we could arrange ourselves without God's guidance.

I would love for you to share the general structure. So if you would do that, you would not be wasting your time. I understand the "editing" so I would be interested in the information that you could accurately share.

I know, from experience, that some men like to be approached by women and some don't. After college speech class and various jobs including enrollment management at a university with 60,000+ students, plus putting on college night and other functions that brought lots of people on campus, I was literally forced to get over being scared to talk to people or crowds.

Ewwwwwwww.... I would not want a man to blow his nose in front of me. I would want him to excuse himself and go to a restroom. I would want a man who was appreciative of my strengths, like many women want, and for me, that includes taking care of my skin as well as exercising to keep my body healthy and attractive plus my other qualities (high morals, finance degree, good with children, gourmet cook - according to my husband, etc).

I am attracted to manners. It was a good thing my family taught me. If a man would have belched or passed gas on a date, I would not have went out again with him.

Manners to me are MORE important than looks or waist size or occupation. I know that is my personal opinion. Most of the women in my family feel the same way. His belief in Jesus and his morals are more important to me than his looks or paycheck also.

Another important thing to mention that we need to remember after being in the relationship awhile is that we should not "forget" what originally attracted us to our spouse. My first spouse was attracted to me for my beauty, intelligence, and big heart, not for my housekeeping skills. He did not try to make me "perfect" in all areas to continue to love me. And he did not "forget" why he fell in love with me. This is wonderful. Being married to someone who tries to force you to be "perfect" in all areas or to have the strengths of every woman on earth from their mother, friend's wives, fake women on tv shows and movies, and exlovers is a miserable experience. And also, I might add, impossible for any human being alive.

Here is something nifty I read online last week  - a lot of points ring true:

Jeanna Bryner
LiveScience Staff Writer
LiveScience.com Thu Apr 10, 11:25 AM ET

Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups.

The reason, researchers suspect, is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband.

Researchers admit that looks are subjective, but studies show there are some universal standards, including large eyes, "baby face" features, symmetric faces, so-called average faces, and specific waist-hip ratios in men versus women.

Past research has shown that individuals with comparable stunning looks are attracted to each other and once they hook up they report greater relationship satisfaction. These studies, however, are mainly based on new couples, showing that absolute beauty is important in the earliest stages of couple-hood, said lead researcher James McNulty of the University of Tennessee. But the role of physical attractiveness in well-established partnerships, such as marriage, is somewhat of a mystery.

The new study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, reveals looks continue to matter beyond that initial attraction, though in a different way.

Supportive spouses

McNulty's team assessed 82 couples who had married within the previous six months and had been together for nearly three years prior to tying the knot. Participants were on average in their early to mid-20s.

Researchers videotaped as each spouse discussed with their partner a personal problem for 10 minutes. The tapes were analyzed for whether partners were supportive of spouses' issues, which included goals to eat healthier, to land a new job and to exercise more often.

"A negative husband would've said, 'This is your problem, you deal with it,'" McNulty said, "versus 'Hey, I'm here for you; what do you want me to do?; how can I help you?'"

A group of trained "coders" rated the facial attractiveness of each spouse on a scale from 1 to 10, with the perfect 10 representing the ultimate babe. About a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband and the remaining partners showed matching looks.

Trophy wives

Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.

The finding "seems very reasonable," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management. "Men are very sensitive to women's attractiveness. Women seem to be sensitive to men's height and salary," said Ariely, who was not involved in the recent study.

In couples with more attractive husbands, both partners were less supportive of one another. McNulty suggests wives mirror, in some ways, the level of support they get from husbands.

"The husband who's less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get," McNulty told LiveScience. "He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard to maintain that relationship."

Men who are more attractive than their partners would theoretically have access to partners who are more attractive than their current spouses, McNulty said. The "grass could be greener" mentality could make these men less satisfied and less committed to maintain the marriage.

Physical attractiveness of husbands is not as important to women, the researchers suggest. Rather, wives are looking for supportive husbands, they say.

Do you have the article or link for the barn sparrows study? I love to save interesting things like that for when I make curriculum that is interesting for kids.

Yes, the true colors eventually come out. Hopefully before you fall in love or marry them. Some men have been smart enough to have manners at first (something important to me) and then they lose them after a few months or years into the relationship. It would better if they lost their manners a few months in; however, if they wait a few years to become rude - I feel a bit manipulated.

If someone is going to do something to catch someone, he or she should be prepared to continue it for the rest of the relationship.

I like to cook and I cook well. However, a friend of mine shared some advice disquised as a joke. She said, if you have a man over, get pizza or prepare something simple for awhile into the relationship. Otherwise, if you do a 4 course meal with dessert on the first few dates, he will expect that forever and be dissapointed with take out over candles in the future or simple soup and salad or when you have children and this becomes more of a necessity due to the demands of children. We laughed about this then and she was definately right. She has been married for 10 years and has two boys.

Ironically, the man I married lived with another woman for 8 years before we met. She did not cook well and they ate out a lot. If she would make him something, even if it was not that good, he appreciated it. If she made something simple or got take out, he was thankful. Since I cook well, and he "knows" it, he actually seldom shows appreciation unless I make something VERY involved. If I cooked based on his appreciation, I would hardly cook at all.

Another related incident included my mother in law. When my husband lived with them before we married, she did not cook "involved" meals on a nightly basis. However after we married, she started to cook his "favorite" meals once or twice a week and invite him over (with or without me). I was a newly married wife working 50 -60 hours a week, we just moved in our new home together and had not yet unpacked, and I was actually supposed to be on bedrest for preterm labor. He went over there so much, he literally did not unpack a thing of his (and he told me to leave his boxes alone so I did until one day I threw a lot of in the trash after we seperated since I was tired of the boxes in the garage just sitting there). After almost a year, she started cooking less of his favorite foods and he went over there less often. Each time we seperated his family would give him the gold star treatment for a few months and then his "newness" wore off and he would be back home. So if you start something to "manipulate" a person, beware because you are going to have to keep it up to keep them around.

Re. the nose blowing? I would not be offended if a man blew his nose in front of me. It would be a bit much if he stuck his finger up into his nose and pulled out a booger. I don't quite understand the nose blowing neg. Are most women offended if a man blows his nose in thier presense? I know it is to be done in front of a 9-10, I think. Is it that ugly women don't mind if a man blows his nose in front of them. I'm old but I'm not ugly. I am just curious.