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Topic : 04/14 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed

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Created on : Friday, April 11, 2008, 08:16:44 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
You've heard the sayings, "Money can't buy happiness," and "Money is the root of all evil," and the newest family to move into The Dr. Phil House lives up to both of these adages! They’re engaged in a vicious war of finger-pointing and accusations over money, land and Mom's will. One daughter is slated to inherit everything while the other won’t get one red cent. How did a piece of land two family members purchased together become a royal battle ground? Family therapist Dr. Tara Fields, brings this family face to face for an emotional encounter. But will they participate? When sisters Lisa and Sara face off, who calls whom lazy and worthless, and will the siblings decide to put their grievances aside? Then, Dr. Phil makes a house call. Why is he fed up with this family? And, when Sonja's granddaughter makes a surprise visit with an emotional plea, you won't believe how Sonja responds. Can Dr. Phil get this family to focus on reuniting instead of dividing their land? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 13, 2008, 5:26 am CDT

04/14 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed

 I have never discussed my will with any of my children, and I refuse to, I don't have much, my husband and I are far from being rich, but what we do have, we worked hard for, we expect the kids to work hard for what they get too, not just handing it to them.
When my FIL died, WITHOUT a Will, my God the in fighting over what little he had was pathetic, ten years later the six siblings are still divided and barely speaking, I decided then and there, there is nothing I will fight my sister for, if she wants it, she can have it when our parents pass  .
My husband did ask, if I went first, and the kids started fighting, what he should do, I told him, sell my things and donate the money to the SPCA, if there was this much trouble over it, I would just pull a Leona Helmsly, and leave everything to my Cats (yes I know she had dogs but the meaning is the same), my cats don't care about who gets what, and they don't feel ENTITLED to any of it.
It amazes me how a Will can change otherwise rational Human Beings into nothing more than ravenous Vultures circling a carcass before it even gets a chance to cool off, not a pretty picture, however neither is in fighting over a few dollars or trinkets.
And to hold it over your kids, that is just manipulative and mean, "If you don't do this, I'm writing you out of the Will ", not a nice legacy to leave behind.
 
April 13, 2008, 7:35 am CDT

04/14 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed

Quote From: dove456

I can relate to your show coming up on Monday! I am in a second marriage, my husband has earned a lot of money over the years, he is now an alzheimer patient in a home. He has 4 children from his first marriage. He is 81 years old, I am 58 years old. Him and I had a great relationship except for his children.

 

After being married to him for a couple years I figured out why there was tension with his children while they came home for their once a year week visit with daddy! They did not want me there! They did everything in their power to destroy our relationship. When he became to ill for me to care for him any more, I placed him in a home. The greed really came out then. Over the years before I came along, he bought all four of his children 2 homes each @ $150,000, any time they needed money they called daddy, he bought all of them new cars when they needed them. The grandchildren also! None of these four children have jobs. I am his wife and I will no longer hand out money! Bank is closed. My husband earned this money and he deserves the best care that can be provided. These children have slammed doors in my face, accused me of things I have not done, extremely rude to me. I have never seen such awful children. I am in charge now!  Now they except me to be kind to them after all they have done to me! I don't think so. I have 2 married children of my own, they all have jobs and never asked me for money. They respect me and my husband!

 

I said to my husband a few times over the years would you please stand up for me? He cannot stand up to his kids, He told me it was just my imagination! All I asked for from his children were respect as a person. I have chosen to control my own life, I am a college student almost to the end of my degree as a therapist, I am not quiting until I earn my degree. The only way I could progress through this situation was to attend therapy every week. I will live my life and continue caring for my husband. Money is the root of all evil and it does not buy health. I know the day he passes on his children will have me in a court room.

 

        Being their stepmother is never easy.  First, you have to be his wife.  That means biting your tongue and doing what is right for your husband's family.  The attitude that "you are the one in charge" isn't helping matters at all.  You need to rethink this.  Please bring this to your therapist's attention. 

       Have you had a looooong conversation with an estate lawyer?    Setting up a living trust for your husband's children may be a good solution.  Waiting for him to die and battling them in court isn't the best idea you have ever had. 

 
April 13, 2008, 7:53 am CDT

04/14 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed

Quote From: ladyfox

 we all know the phrase, don't get so caught up in the phrasing, that's not the point everyone is trying to make. The point is everyone loves money, there are only a few people in the world who can honestly say they don't care a bit about money. That's why when people get more money they find ways to spend it and need more.  This whole story is silly because no one cares about family anymore, it's all worldl things that occupy our minds and time and effort.  Everybody should work hard their whole lives and then when they can spend it all on whatever they've always dreamed of doing, that way their children learn they won't get it so don't plan for it, & the kids (knowing they wouldn't have mom/dad's stuff to live off of) will have learned to se self-reliant and take care of themselves and there won't be a fight over anything. I know, I see families already, without anyone dead or even near death, discussing who gets what, it's absurd.  I am so thankful my parents were poor and nothing to leave us kids except lots of pictures, we siblings just sat around asking "you want this one?" and we laughed and had a great time reliving old memories of our parents and all the special (or embarrasing) moments of our lives.  I wish everyone could see, yes you can't take it with you, so rather then worry over being fair or fighting over who gets what, just use what you've made with your own two hands and let the next generation do the same.  They will be able to take care of themselves, I promise.

 

    Cynics of the World, Unite!

    We are the philosophy that believes that people talk about love, talk about family, and talk about God, when they are thinking about money.  The problem is that we cynics are right.  People should talk about money, rationally.  As if it were just a thing.  That seldom happens.  We become far too emotional, we need to win money battles. 

   The fastest way to revert back to childhood is to battle with your siblings about "who does Mommie and Daddy love best."  It is the most unflattering, childish position that an adult can assume.  

    

 
April 13, 2008, 8:22 am CDT

House of Greed

Hi Dr. Phil, I believe that wills are a private matter and what is left to another is the business of the giver and the receiver.  However I can see where a family member would find out that nothing had been left to them and that the one receiving all the "good stuff" in the will would be put on the spot by the others who were not recipients.  I don't know if greed can be neutralized and amicable agreements reached because the one being left out are always going to feel hurt, betrayed, ticked off.. you name it, it will probably happen especially where there is money or things of great value involved.  I watch your show everyday and I hope that you and Dr Fields can solve this somehow.
 
April 13, 2008, 8:30 am CDT

House of Greed

Quote From: abigaildgd

My mother and father  are alive and life has not been good between my mother and I since birth.  I am 60 now and decided last summer to get therapy.  After 6 months of therapy, my mother did something horrible to me and the therapist advised me to get the toxic woman out of my life.  I faced mother with the problem and have since been  written out of her will.  I don't care about the money!  She has been told this.  I just wanted to get along with the woman who gave me birth.  I am also not allowed to see my father.  He is 87 and will die soon so the theft of my father is much worse than the the loss of money that I did not work for!  I can get along very well without the money and am getting along without any parents also.

I have 4 children of my own and they all know I love them as much as life itself and I don't miss a chance to tell them so.  My heart would break if I ever thought my children did not know what a precious gift from God they are to me.  I am just sad that I never had the chance to feel the same way. 

I have 2 brothers.  One is not talking to mother and says he is out of the will.  The other, God only knows how he tolerates her and the things she has done to him and his family but he does.  He will be 'in the will' as we have all been from time to time but good luck to him!

 

Abigail

 

Abigail I can relate to your situation.  I don't have a relationship with either of my parents.  They are in theirmid-80's and I am in my mid-50s.  I had been told by several relatives that I was not wanted, that my folks didn't want children.  I am the only child.  I am ok with it and with being left out of the will. I don't want anything after death that they could not give me in life.  An honest relationship would have been plenty in life but that didn't happen.  Like you my children and grandchildren know how much they mean to me and I would be heartbroken if they ever doubted my love for them.

Aprilynn

 
April 13, 2008, 8:48 am CDT

love of money

Quote From: abigaildgd

My mother and father  are alive and life has not been good between my mother and I since birth.  I am 60 now and decided last summer to get therapy.  After 6 months of therapy, my mother did something horrible to me and the therapist advised me to get the toxic woman out of my life.  I faced mother with the problem and have since been  written out of her will.  I don't care about the money!  She has been told this.  I just wanted to get along with the woman who gave me birth.  I am also not allowed to see my father.  He is 87 and will die soon so the theft of my father is much worse than the the loss of money that I did not work for!  I can get along very well without the money and am getting along without any parents also.

I have 4 children of my own and they all know I love them as much as life itself and I don't miss a chance to tell them so.  My heart would break if I ever thought my children did not know what a precious gift from God they are to me.  I am just sad that I never had the chance to feel the same way. 

I have 2 brothers.  One is not talking to mother and says he is out of the will.  The other, God only knows how he tolerates her and the things she has done to him and his family but he does.  He will be 'in the will' as we have all been from time to time but good luck to him!

 

Abigail

 

Hi Abigail, I can relate to your situation.  I also have no relationship with my parents. They are in their mid-80's and I in my mid-50's.  The relationship is irreparable that is the shame of it all.  I am ok with being left out of the will.  I don't want anything after death that they could not give to me in life. That is just how I am.  My bio mom is a toxic woman also and I read the book "Toxic Parents" which helped me tremendously.  I recommend it.

Aprilynn

 
April 13, 2008, 8:52 am CDT

THE DR. PHIL HOUSE: HOUSE OF GREED

I can't wait to see the show on Monday. I am living this HELL right now with my sister. She forged documents in my father's name to acquire all his property and assets, and put him in an nursing home.She has bullied him, threatened him into not saying anything. This is nothing but GREED, so she and her husband can live a more grander lifestyle by stealing from my father. I am in the legal process of trying to repair what is rightfully my father's.   My sister is so greedy, shallow,and controlling, we do not speak to each other, this has become a WAR!! The sad story is NOONE  wins in this situation!! I feel that the lord will make this right when her time comes!!

 
April 13, 2008, 9:16 am CDT

greed kills

Greed kills relationships.  I would like to think that if I was the one who received the inheritance I would just divide between me and my siblings.  But then I won't have to worry about that because my mom won't have anything to leave behind so I can say that.  I almost feel fortunate in that respect.  The love of money really is the root of all evil.  I would like to be wealthy but I also realize the tremendous responsibility that it will bring.  I pray for wealth but first for the grace and wisdom to handle it.
 
April 13, 2008, 10:19 am CDT

Evil Money??

Quote From: shadycat1

 I have never discussed my will with any of my children, and I refuse to, I don't have much, my husband and I are far from being rich, but what we do have, we worked hard for, we expect the kids to work hard for what they get too, not just handing it to them.
When my FIL died, WITHOUT a Will, my God the in fighting over what little he had was pathetic, ten years later the six siblings are still divided and barely speaking, I decided then and there, there is nothing I will fight my sister for, if she wants it, she can have it when our parents pass  .
My husband did ask, if I went first, and the kids started fighting, what he should do, I told him, sell my things and donate the money to the SPCA, if there was this much trouble over it, I would just pull a Leona Helmsly, and leave everything to my Cats (yes I know she had dogs but the meaning is the same), my cats don't care about who gets what, and they don't feel ENTITLED to any of it.
It amazes me how a Will can change otherwise rational Human Beings into nothing more than ravenous Vultures circling a carcass before it even gets a chance to cool off, not a pretty picture, however neither is in fighting over a few dollars or trinkets.
And to hold it over your kids, that is just manipulative and mean, "If you don't do this, I'm writing you out of the Will ", not a nice legacy to leave behind.

    Money is not the land of all evil. If it is, why do churches want you to give it to them? Do you want to corrupt the church? Or corrupt all of the help the poor, childrens hospitals.

    No,  money can only corrupt people who are already corrupted. Money allows people to climb or descend to the limits of their personalities.  Money seperates the good from the evil and thus is a good thing.

    The poor people in America are far richer than 99% of the rest of the world. Thus our poor are part of the spoiled rich??

     The whole concept of who is rich and who is not is a silly argument of comparisons. Just be as good a citizen as you can be and don't worry about who has more than you. Do people understand religious teachings or read the whisdoms passed down for thousands of years??? They all say the same things. Rich or poor, good or bad is all in your own mind.

 
April 13, 2008, 10:22 am CDT

inheritance....

 

The woman (Sonja?) should know that telling your kids about who gets what after she dies is probably a BAD idea.  It sounds almost like a mind game to manipulate her kids to do what she wants them to or to pit her kids against each other....maybe she likes the drama, IDK, boredom can be a motivator.   She could say, "If you don't do A, youre out of the will!".  And parents know their kids pretty well, so she knows what's going to happen next.  My dad's mom was just like that, it smells of "do as I say and you'll profit".  If that's the case, then it seems like the only way she can get a power-trip instead of enjoying her remaining years in peace.

 

I wouldn't let any of them cook for me, if I were her....LOL! 

 
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