Quote From: momakababeok I have to ask you now when you say you know a narcissist when you see or hear one and you know a borderline when you see/hear one too are you able to tell the difference between those 2 disorders too? I can often spot the "narcissist" though they can be very hard to pinpoint to start with because they can be good at deceptions. Or they have a great way of making it "look a certain way".
And I have to tell you I find it just fanscinating the ability to figure out the "diorder" from someone who was taught the behaviors. I think I've known people like that where the behaviors were taught and again it's hard to know when they're genuine in their reason for doing something in that it's for concern for someone else or if they're using that as manipulation. :) For example someone on vacation using "My children have to have a balanced meal" as a means to go to a *nice restaurant* every day for all three meals rather than some times just getting a deli sandwich and taking it on picnick or just getting a quick hot dog at a stand while at the amusement park. When later in their regular life they're at Micky D's on a regular basis. Now of course this is just 1 and a minor example of the person but there are MANY. And I think this was taught behavior because there is real empathy there for others at time. Though I don't know if the person would ever *recognize* what he does. i think this behavior often works for them and so it never occurs there's something wrong with them to get therapy....
I really do think it would be a great series to do for Dr. Phil
My best friend of fifteen years was a borderline. I didn’t realize how sick she was until she moved in with me and until I saw the way she interacted with her infant daughter, who by the way I took care of as if she was my own (sick people make bad parents). She was removed from my house after she cut herself up in my bathroom, which was of course my fault according to her. Borderlines are kind of like emotional black holes, no matter how much love you give them it is never enough and it is never their fault. They will also take away their affection from you as soon as they perceive a slight, you go from all good to all bad in an instant. My last boyfriend was a narcissists and I was snowed by him for awhile until I came out of my denial phase and realized what he was. The two are very closely related but narcissists tend to be men and are less emotional or dramatic even though they cause most of the drama they claim to not like (at least for me). They both project, split, deny, and distort reality but a narcissist will talk more about their achievements (job, degrees ect) in a sort of superior manner to those around them and will also act as if they deserve all the credit because nobody helped them. They also seem to be more verbally and physically threatening. Borderlines are better at emotional manipulation are highly dramatic or hysterical. The one thing that stood out about Sonya was the evilness in her actions, they were on purpose. I have never seen that, but I have heard of it. They inflict huge amounts of pain but it usually seems to be unconscious because they are too busy protecting themselves, with immature defense mechanisms.
Like I said I don’t know how I know. It’s just that when you are so entangled with someone who is sick like that you learn to spot the signs, in an almost automatic fashion. The best way is to see whether or not the person seems to be able to have empathy if you cry foul. A narcissist or a borderline will almost always deny your claim with some sort of ego defense mechanism. A narcissist or borderline (especially borderlines) have and do things that can almost look like empathy/kindness but when you take a closer look it is really selfish and about them. Pseudo empathy in my opinion is easier to spot in a narcissist, borderlines do a much better job at making it look like the real thing i.e. like giving her grandkids Christmas ordainments and making their reaction to them all about her and using it as an excuse to deny them love later when they cry out for it. The giving or the ordainment was meant to look like a kind gesture of giving them something to hold onto, but it wasn’t what they wanted (and she knows that) it was a set up. A person who acts narcissistic like or borderline like maybe because of their childhood will still have the ability to see some sort of reason when you say “ouch that hurts,” they are also the ones who actually go to therapy to get help when they can’t manage their life.
You've heard the sayings, "Money can't buy happiness," and "Money is the root of all evil," and the newest family to move into The Dr. Phil House lives up to both of these adages! They’re engaged in a vicious war of finger-pointing and accusations over money, land and Mom's will. One daughter is slated to inherit everything while the other won’t get one red cent. How did a piece of land two family members purchased together become a royal battle ground? Family therapist Dr. Tara Fields, brings this family face to face for an emotional encounter. But will they participate? When sisters Lisa and Sara face off, who calls whom lazy and worthless, and will the siblings decide to put their grievances aside? Then, Dr. Phil makes a house call. Why is he fed up with this family? And, when Sonja's granddaughter makes a surprise visit with an emotional plea, you won't believe how Sonja responds. Can Dr. Phil get this family to focus on reuniting instead of dividing their land? Talk about the show here.
