Topic : 04/14 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed

Quote From: getrealtime

  lol, no i'm not for either, both are sad excuses of what a mother is, both use to get what the want.

 did you hear Lisa say all i want is my mom to go shopping with me, no, Did you hear that from Sonja, no, their the same. Dragging their familys and the town in.

 

Why do you choose a side? do you have mommy issues?

Quote From: imkatidoo

No, I do not have "mommy issues".  My mother, nearing seventy years old would never be twisted enough to talk that way or to treat any of her children that way.  My mother is loving and compassionate, and would do anything to comfort me if she seen I were hurting emotionally.  She would NEVER celebrate any of her children being in misery.  Unlike Sonja. 

 

Sonja is proud of her behavior and her treatment of Lisa, she has said so repeatedly.  You keep emphasizing that Lisa is just as bad, while we disagree on that, you have to admit she may have problems because of her mother.  She is her mother's daughter, right?

 

This toxic old battle axe imposed her sickness on the older daughter.  Why?  Why such a difference in the treatment of her two children?   Do you see Lisa raving like a chained lunatic?   Did you see the way Sonja acted while watching her two daughters interact?

 

I have chosen a side, it's the side that can clearly see who has been abused, and if you can't, perhaps YOUR children will end up with "mommy issues".  Cause lady, I'm not seeing any attempt on your part to understand or to rationalize why this daughter is acting the way she is.

 

If only everything were black and white, as you suggest.

Quote From: c2balderas

  I too feel like this mother has issues, BUT I definantely WOULD NOT label her in any way with having any type of disorder.  As a person with family immediate family members having DIAGNOSED mental illness, I would be exteremely cautious of labeling her.  We may feel like she would need to have a mental illness to behave this way---but it doesn't make it so.  And as far as Dr. Phil never addressing this issue-- I do not agree.  He may not say that they HAVE a disorder because he has not and cannot make this diagnosis on the show, but he does point them in the direction of someone who can and most likely will!

Quote From: sfogrrl

Unlike other mental illnesses which of course need proper diagnosis and treatment, BDP is rarely diagnosed because borderlines typically refuse therapy.  It's part of the BPD profile, actually: an inability to be vulnerable enough or insightful enough to see the need for a therapist.   (My mother saw a therapist once, but raged afterwards that the therapist insisted on discussing my mother's childhood, something my mother insisted she had "gotten over."  She never went back, and that memory of therapy still makes her disgusted.)

It's a cruel twist for the people who love them.   We rarely get the official stamp of a diagnosis.  However, BPD is easy to spot.  Its signs and origins are non-negotiable.  I would wager that Dr. Phil has suspcted it with Sonja and with previous guests, and if he has, he is smart not to tell them, since borderlines by definition can't understand their own personalities.   In this case, Sonja would think Dr Phil was the crazy one.  Instead, he tries to scare her into some action in terms she does understand.

So, yes, I concretely belive that Sonja's behavior *is* abnormal enough to label her -- as the victim a terrible and sad mental illness, instilled in her probably as a child through tremendous pain and emotional abandonment.  Even if only people with a borderline in their lives or on their client roster watching the show can easily spot it and do the labeling.

Quote From: queenannegirl

Sonja needs help.   She shows many signs of having Borderline Personality Disorder.  How would I know?  Well, my mother has the same thing.  Women like this usually select one child to shower with love and attention and another child to reflect all negative behavior.   This is called "splitting".  

Lisa needs to learn how to put up boundaries against Sonja's erratic, manipulative, and downright mean behavior.  Lisa clearly just wants to be loved, but Sonja just doesn't have the capacity.  The reason that Sonja doesn't have the ability to truly love Lisa can only be known within her own spirit.  Women like Sonja usually grew up in an emotionally devoid household, and they did not learn proper emotional control, balance, love or affection.  They usually marry the whimpiest guys they can find, so they can have the ultimate control over their husbands.  Their relationships are filled with roller coaster rides, the people closest to them not knowing at which moment they might snap.  They are addicted to drama.

Lisa needs to understand that there is nothing she can do to make her mother to love her.  Being the shunned child hurts intensely, but the mother doesn' t know she's acting like this, and there is nothing the child can do to change it.  Usually, the Borderline Personality Disorder mother only shows this side of herself to one or two people closest to her.  This behavior usually rears its ugly head when no one else can witness it, only the defenseless "black sheep" child.  It is almost a secret between the mother and child.  The child then grows up not trusting their mother.  The only thing Lisa can do is set up clear boundaries physically and emotionally to stop Sonja from hurting her. 

Dr. Phil was right.  Sonja will die a lonely old lady.  Lisa needs to sell her portion of the property immediately and move her family somewhere safe.  Sonja has no regard for Lisa's family or their safety.  By building that fence, she slapped Lisa in the face, showing her that she doesn't love her, and in fact wants to harm her, wants to cause turmoil in her life, wants to put Lisa's children in danger in case of an emergency, wants to show her that Lisa means nothing to her. 

Enough is enough.  Lisa please get out and don't look back.  You can find healthy love from friends, your spouse, children, other family members, and supportive members of your community.  Don't let your mother ruin your life.