Quote From: lizz10I hope this 2-part show is the beginning of a much-needed discussion. This discussion is not about land, inheritance, or money, although it is manifesting that way, and is the way it is being portrayed. This is about a certain type of behaviour. I had been thinking of writing to Dr. Phil, and to Oprah in the near future to find out whether or not they would be willing to profile this type of behaviour on one of their shows.
17 years ago, I married a person who exhibits a set of behaviours that closely resemble Sonjas. Lisa and Javen, I applaud your efforts around doing as much emotional work as you apparently have done. Lisa, I know how very difficult what you are going through is. I highly recommend that you access this website: http://www.hare.org/ and begin reading. It took me a number of years to begin to work out what was going on with my ex-husband, but once this information was put in front of me, it all began to make sense.
Briefly, because as everyone who has seen the show knows, this can be very, very messy, Ill describe some of what was going on with my ex-husband:
- He has attempted to drive a wedge between me and my children;
- The conversation always reverts back to him. He cannot address with empathy the feelings or situations of others;
- He shows no guilt and little remorse for the actions and decisions he has made which have resulted in hurting others;
- He is very good at talking himself up, especially to people who dont know him well. He is glib, and can reel a person in this way, making his position appear believable;
- He puts up the politicians defence when it comes to someone else questioning him, coming off as being highly offended that he could possibly be accused of such and such. He protesteth too much;
- He exaggerates and distorts the truth about person B to person C, so that neither person B nor C quite know what to think of each other. In this way, he keeps everything in constant chaos, with no one trusting anyone else;
- Everything is all about him;
- He will not ever acknowledge the input and effort of others.
Lisa, when you described the situation as a roller coaster, I knew I had to speak up about this. That is exactly the same way I have described what being in a relationship with my ex-husband felt like. As I watched the show progress, I felt dismayed for what you are going through, and hopeful that this can generate a discussion beyond the issue of land/inheritance/money.
I found with my ex-husband that he would take an immediate poor me stance (the sports analogy being that of an offensive play, rather than a defensive one), in which he exaggerated or distorted some truth. Thus, when it was my turn to have my say of the situation, it made it appear that it was I who was distorting the facts, and sounding like a victim!
I would like to draw attention to several instances in this show where Sonja did not show emotion. One was where she showed no emotion toward Jessica. Another very interesting time was at the end of the show, after Dr. Phil had told her that she was going to die a lonely woman. She appeared to be upset that this is what he had told her, but not upset about the depth of meaning in his words. She wasnt upset that what she has done is leading her to this state she appeared upset simply because Dr. Phil had said those words to her. It seems superficial to me.
My ex-husband is very subtle at what he does and how he does it. It took me a long time to realize that it is as if he is operating from a different rule book from the one I, and most other people I know use. Even now I still expect him to act rationally and get blindsided as a result. It is a very difficult and completely unpredictable type of behaviour.
Dr. Phil, my daughter has seen a lot of psychologists in the past 4 years. From her reaction, I do not believe that any of them recognize the type of behaviour exhibited by her father. He is no ordinary man, Dr. Phil. Neither are you. Will you and or Oprah dig into this a bit further below the superficial surface, below appearances of land/inheritance/money and help those of us who need it, and are willing to get it?
Well espically to the last part about edcuating the public. I'm not sure if Dr. Phil understands that he is dealing with a person who has a personality disorder. Men of this type tend to be narcissists and women borderlines. She was the most evil one I have seen! Dr. Phil has a terrific staff and somebody picked up on that, they had too. He either knows better than to call a boderline and boderline and sticks to things that will get her attention i.e. you will die lonely which appeals to their tremendous fear of abandonment or is completely clueless to the fact that he is not dealing with a normal person cabable of reasoning in a normal manner.
Any type of enlightenment on this subject would be emensely helpful. Most people dealing with people who are sick like Sonya just keep trying hoping and believing that the person is normal. They leave tremendous scars on those around them and most people are clueless. This isn't a pancake! it doesn't have two sides its like dealing with a drug addict or worse. PLEASE DO A SHOW THAT DISCUSSES NARCISSISTS/BODERLINES a panel promo a book or something!!!!! These people are monsters... real life monsters. I swear that whomever invented the idea of a vampire did it because they were involved with one of these people. It is more important than dealing with drunk teenagers or overweight moms and if it doesn't fit inthe scope of Dr. Phil then maybe Oprah should do it. It's been around for a long time but nobody has really sat down and edcuated the public.
Familys and innocent people are destroyed by these people and telling family memebers that it's there fault or implying that they are somehow wrong, espically to person raised by one of those people is nothing short of ABUSE! Lisa is not to blame for anything she needs help to understand her mother and set boundaries and so does Sara! She does need to hear Dr. Phil say it isn't her fault because it isn't. She trusts that he is helping her and he is not he is contributing to the abuse.
You've heard the sayings, "Money can't buy happiness," and "Money is the root of all evil," and the newest family to move into The Dr. Phil House lives up to both of these adages! They’re engaged in a vicious war of finger-pointing and accusations over money, land and Mom's will. One daughter is slated to inherit everything while the other won’t get one red cent. How did a piece of land two family members purchased together become a royal battle ground? Family therapist Dr. Tara Fields, brings this family face to face for an emotional encounter. But will they participate? When sisters Lisa and Sara face off, who calls whom lazy and worthless, and will the siblings decide to put their grievances aside? Then, Dr. Phil makes a house call. Why is he fed up with this family? And, when Sonja's granddaughter makes a surprise visit with an emotional plea, you won't believe how Sonja responds. Can Dr. Phil get this family to focus on reuniting instead of dividing their land? Talk about the show here.
