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Topic : 04/15 "Desperate for My Daughter"

Number of Replies: 71
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Created on : Friday, April 11, 2008, 08:19:27 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Raising children is no easy task, and even your best efforts can backfire. Adrienne knows about this pain firsthand. She says her 17-year-old daughter, Angela, was an honor student with dreams of becoming a doctor, but she ran away and is now a prostitute. Angela has only attended school for four or five months since 2005, is now pregnant and says it’s better on the streets than at home. Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Reposition Yourself, has a one-on-one chat with the troubled teen. Find out what Angela experienced on the run, and why she is so reluctant to reconcile with her mom. Then, Adrienne hasn’t seen her daughter in five months, and they face off on Dr. Phil's stage. Tempers flare, and Angela threatens to leave the show. Is their relationship ruined forever, or will the teen make peace with her mom? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 15, 2008, 5:11 pm CDT

04/15 "Desperate for My Daughter"

Angela,

You need to stop smoking. Do it for your unborn baby. I work with primary handicaped children.I have seen the side efects of smoking when pregent. The othere thing you should do is go back to school and get your GED.
 
April 15, 2008, 5:34 pm CDT

I am also desperate for my Daughter

I watched the show tonight thinking about myself and my own Daughter. She ran away many times since the age of 14 and she is now 21. The last time she ran away was Feb. 23, 2004 and I have only seen her 2 times since then and each time was only for a few minutes. She was staying with a couple that was much older then her. She would call me every couple of weeks and let me know she was ok but in May of 2006 she called me 2 times in the middle of the night crying she wanted to come home but she did not know where she was. I beleive that the couple she was staying with was holding her against her will. That was the last time I heard from her and I am very afraid that something bad has happened to her.  I hope that this mother and daughter can both really listen to each other and respect each other so that they don't end up in the situation that I am in. I pray every day that I will hear from my daughter. God Bless and take care of each other. You will only have one Mother and you will only have one Daughter names Angela. 
 
April 15, 2008, 5:56 pm CDT

Nice Job Bishop!

It was nice to see the bishop in this role without mention of his books or the "fastest growing megachurch in the country."  He met this girl at a spiritual level, gave her great support, advice and hope.  Nice job Bishop Jakes!
 
April 15, 2008, 6:01 pm CDT

Different Show?

I feel I was watching a different show from some of you. I can't speak to the sexual abuse(however I did sit on a  board for a sexual abuse foundation in Dallas) in their home.  I know it had to have an effect but I can only speak to my own experiences. My daughter changed drastically at the age of four. Not just her personality but also her intellect (we now suspect immunizations). She would not let me"mother her" just as this mother said. It was heart breaking and demoralizing. Through the years my husband and I had her tutored, sent her to psychologists and had her in and out of doctors offices exploring every option we could. I even flew with her to Alexandria to see a world class psychologist that dealt only with adopted children suffering from detachment disorder ( we picked her up at the hospital when she was 2.5 days old). She was intellectually and psychologically tested five times. The third time, the educational doctor of one of the finest private schools in Dallas dealing with children and learning disabilities, just shook her head and said "I don't know what to tell you". The point of all of this is that while your child is of the greatest importance to you ,you can not help but feel sorry for yourself. You pull away from all of your friends when your children are having problems because everyone else is bragging about what all their kids are doing and how great they are. They also get tired of hearing your problems all the time. I don't care how good of friends they are. You feel you are all alone. At any rate, as my daughter grew older (  started driving) and she gravitated toward other kids that she said accepted her for who she was. Well, guess what? They had similar problems and their parents were not as concerned about them. Then she really changed. She was seventeen and ran away for two weeks. She didn't have a car but had her cell phone. She would call once in awhile and talk to her father. After she came home we expressed our devastation and how petrified we had been. Of course we put restrictions on her. Then two weeks later she disappeared again. This time she took the car. In the state of Texas you can not report the car missing if it is an "extra" car that the child usually has access to. Plus if they are seventeen the police will not bring them home even if they find them. It's the "catch seventeen." We turned off her phone and reported her missing. She never called until twelve days passed and she then told us she would be home in two days.

Those two weeks were the hardest in my life. we cried ourselves to sleep every single night. We were scared the authorities would find her in a gutter, dead and YES, we felt sorry for ourselves.! Two days later our daughter walked in the house with two other runaways (girl 14-boy 20) and acted as if nothing had happened. Didn't introduce me and the two runaways started going through my kitchen. Five weeks later school started. After two days she announced she was quiting. Fortunately for us , with tears running down our cheeks, we did homework while she was gone. We found a wilderness program that Dr. Phil endorsed and she was pick up at 4:00 a.m. and transported to the side of a mountain. That was the seconded hardest thing I've ever been through. She was my baby and I was letting people I did not know take her across state lines to other people I did not personally know. You may not understand, but THAT was love. She is home now and doing well. It was shaky at first because she turned eighteen, but a few months later things started to click for her. She went back to school and completed her senior year in two and half months (she had some credits from the mountain). She then lost her momentum and floundered for awhile. She is now back on track and training as a dental lab tech. Her temper is under control and so is mine. I promise you though, the hurt never goes away and I mourn the loss of that sweet, happy toddler I once knew. Yes, I still feel sorrow. Sorrow for the life we wanted and expected, whether we should have expected it or not. I feel sorrow for my daughter because I feel she will have a hole in her heart when I am gone and she realizes what really transpired. All I can do now is hope and pray that things continue to improve with each passing day. I understand today's mother. I don't know the whole story but from today's show I feel empathy for her.

 
April 15, 2008, 6:10 pm CDT

I can relate

while I can see where the mother and daughter are both coming from. I am a mother of six and i've been dealing with this since my daughter was 14 and now shes 17. It is the hardest thing in the world when your child runs away for whatever reason in my case she ran away to be with a 28 year old man and we tried to get him locked up but each time she would meet with the DA she would change her story so they wouldn't bring charges. It eats you up and breaks you down to have this happen to your family. My heart breaks for both mother and daughter and now they are going to bring a baby into this already broken situation and thats sad. good luck and best wishes
 
April 15, 2008, 6:12 pm CDT

04/15 "Desperate for My Daughter"

Some people can live with rules,but I don't think Angela can.  I think Mom takes it personally.  Given the most recent lifestyle choices... She chooses environments totally without rules... so she pretty much does whatever she wants.  It would be interesting to me to take a person like this and put her in a good family where all the kids follow the rules and respect their parents.  Every house has rules and it just takes one discontented one to disturb the peace.  I think Angela has poor self esteem and feels like she deserves to be mistreated, so STAYS in abusive situations over protected ones.  And I think she SCAPEGOATS her anger towards those trying to help her because SHE CAN which should be for her attackers or users because she is AFRAID of her attackers and can't take out her anger on them.  She TAKES IT OUT on those SHE CAN and makes them feel bad.  Whereas she should be saying Thankyou to those trying to help her.  She should be angry with her attackers even though she can't tell them off...   I think you need 24 hr cams of the communication here....
 
April 15, 2008, 6:19 pm CDT

Ownership

My opinion is some american teen runaways have trouble following their parents rules because they are in too much of a hurry to be adults themselves.  Expecting freedom to party all the time, have sex, own cars, smoke whatever.  I understand in this case there was abuse as there were in my own life and my children. 

 

I need to look at myself when I feel judgemental at others like in this case, so what Ive learnt is we make our own choices to better our lives.  We can take a bad situation and use that to feel sorry for ourselves and live a life of more bad situations OR we can reach out for help, learn from the experience and not let that situation rule the rest of our lives.  Blaming and resentments are soul destroying. 

 

I had many experiences of sexual, emotional abuse for years as a child.  Today Ive forgiven these people with a God of my understanding.  Ive taken my power back, Thank You.  I made a decision to use my past to benefit my kids instead of ruin it.  That's me, Im done

 
April 15, 2008, 6:31 pm CDT

I wish you well

Quote From: dardar61a

I watched the show tonight thinking about myself and my own Daughter. She ran away many times since the age of 14 and she is now 21. The last time she ran away was Feb. 23, 2004 and I have only seen her 2 times since then and each time was only for a few minutes. She was staying with a couple that was much older then her. She would call me every couple of weeks and let me know she was ok but in May of 2006 she called me 2 times in the middle of the night crying she wanted to come home but she did not know where she was. I beleive that the couple she was staying with was holding her against her will. That was the last time I heard from her and I am very afraid that something bad has happened to her.  I hope that this mother and daughter can both really listen to each other and respect each other so that they don't end up in the situation that I am in. I pray every day that I will hear from my daughter. God Bless and take care of each other. You will only have one Mother and you will only have one Daughter names Angela. 
I didn't get into alot of details about my daughter, however I've kept a journal since this all started and looking at your post it was like looking thru the pages of my journal. I don't know you or anything but I just wanted to say you and your daughter are in my prayers. I know for me sometime this situation makes me feel like i'm the only one in the world going thru it. Well good luck    Sandy...
 
April 15, 2008, 8:11 pm CDT

Tough Love....

I raised three kids alone...a boy and 2 girls. When my 18 year old daughter decided to cop an attitude and didn't heed the warnings I gave her, .....one cold, rainy Oct night I tossed her out on her ear with only the clothes on her back and told her that if she wasn't willing to accept and follow the house rules, she would have to face the cold, hard world on her own! (The final straw was when she glared at me and said: "I'm 18 and I can do what I want!"...and she was still living under my roof and had no job! I told her if she felt that way, she could go out into the world and prove how grown she was! and, just for the record, let me tell you, she had it good at home. There was NO abuse; she was provided a good, safe, comfortable, loving home. She just decided she didn't want to follow rules.)   

 

I slammed and locked the door and that was it. I didn't hear from her for a little over one month...and I never slept the whole night through, nor did I have a peaceful day the whole time..It broke my heart....but, it had to be done for the good of the entire family.

 

Finally, she called me after 51/2 weeks and asked if we could talk. I said, "Of course"...and we met at a restaurant and discussed the situation. 

 

Long story short: she found out the world without her mother was a tough, nasty place and asked if she could come home. I said I would love to have her home...IF she was willing to follow the rules.

She came home and things were great. She is now a wonderful wife, and mother of 4 beautiful children.

She and her husband have been married for 18 years and now we laugh at that night I threw her out....it wasn't fun then..but, it was the right thing to do. She totally gets why I threw her out that awful night. 

 

Children should NEVER rule the home!! Not only do they not really want that...no matter what they say at the time...but, it's not doing them any favors.

 

Parents need to be strong...that's what your children want and need...and they will push the boundaries until they get that.     

 
April 15, 2008, 8:22 pm CDT

04/15

Quote From: babymama121106

I'm 18 i will be 19 next month. I will be having a baby come June 8th. I smoke and my doctor even knows that and all my doctor has done is asked me to calm down. He didn't not tell me i have to quit cold turkey but he asked me not to do it as much and i know by being pregnant its hard to stop like that.Because i have smoked since i was 13 and yes i tried when i found out i was pregnant but its not that easy. so you cant tell her she has to stop cause shes pregnant she just needs to know she cant do it as much as she did before.and as long as she does that she will be ok

It doesn't matter whether it's EASY or not, and it doesn't matter what YOU want!!....you do it because it's the right thing to do! If you're woman enough to get pregnant,  you should be woman enough to behave responsibly enough to do whatever it takes to see to it that your child has the best chance for a healthy life! Otherwise, you are just another little baby having a baby! Any girl who reaches puberty can get pregnant! Big deal! It takes a mature woman to be a responsible parent...that means putting your child first!!!  

 

I used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day.....the DAY I found out I was pregnant, I quit! Cold turkey. Right then. Immediately. I had the greatest motivation in the world! And, guess what? I never smoked again....that was 39 years ago.

 

So....are you a baby....or a woman??

 
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