Topic : 04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Dr. Phil and Everyone Else,

         I really wished my husband and I could have been on that show!!! I have no trust left and everyone keeps telling me with no trust there cannot be a marriage!! I don't know but I KEEP TRYING!!

        My husband is an admitted compulsive liar. I should have seen the signs when we first started dating when he had told me a slew of lies.......such as he used to Box in France and had been there,that his father died after fighting in Vietnam,to his real name(had been legally changed but after 21/2 years of dating you'd think he'd tell me. Well I found out out his lies and he cried and begged and told me he'd never lie again. I married him and its been 24 YEARS OF LIES!!!!

      I can't even begin to tell all of them,but some MAJOR ones that keep replaying in my head are ones where he has told co-workers he played professional basketball in Germany!  He lies to EVERYONE(not just ME)Or where I seen emails where he was going to meet this girl he works with for ball games,dinner,her telling him if it would be too much of a pain in the ass to come to her apartment first,etc. Well when I confronted him he didn't deny it but sent another email to another coworker saying it's a good thing I didn't find out about what really happened!! He told me he told this other co-worker that him and the first co-worker had an affair!!!! Tells me that was not TRUE he just told her that because he's a liar and wanted to make himself look good!!! I think it makes HIM and ME look like an ASS!!! But still I am supposed to accept what he says cause he's a liar and that "excuses him" I don't know! I have major trust issues with him and don't know how to stop playing all the scenarios in my head!!!

       I actually  went to a place he said he was going( for a work meeting/party )and waited for him(hiding in the parking lot)and I was on the cell phone with him and he tells me he had to go cause he was there!! Not, I waited for about 20 minutes and he finally shows up! I left confronted him later and of course he was out with his co-worker at a strip club before the meeting/party(he knows how I feel about strip clubs but thats another topic). So I know this is looong but I need to know if I will ever be able to TRUST,FORGIVE,FORGET???? I am making him fill out an application for MOMENT OF TRUTH but he's been "working" on it for 2 months. I feel a lie detector is the only way I'll believe him about the affair!

      Not trusting your partner is very DRAINING,when you worry about if everything he says is a lie!!!!!

grinz

Dr. Phil,  Abby wants her mother and father to accept her life style.  Give me a break! What rational set of parents would condone her behavior?  If you had a daughter like Abby that lied to you about being a stripper, lied about pregnancy, lied about using drugs, lied about supporting her boyfriend on her stripper wages I believe you would have been tougher on your daughter than you were on little Miss Abby.  I thought you were putting the blame on Abby's parents. 

 Abby appeared to me to be a manipulator. Abby needs to accept the concequences of her actions.   She was a stubborn when she was a little girl and wanted her way.  When she could not get her way and daddy spanked her little bottom she started to lie to get her way.  That girl needs tough love.  That line of crap " I don't feel like my mom and dad loved me"  well that works real well to justify bad behavior on national TV.   I don't feel you did one thing to help me understand how to deal with a liar like Abby.  One of these days Abby will mature and look back and be sorry that she didn't tke direction from her parents.  I think Abby will blame her parents for many years for her bad choices. 

  My dad and mom spanked me when I was stubborn and disobeyed.  It taught me to obey the rules, and make the correct choices when I had a choice between right and wrong.  If I would have lied to my dad he would have whipped my bottom harder.   Some girls just get by on their looks and Abby appeared to be one of those girls.  She appeared to be to be a dumb blond.   I think she is a stubborn spoiled brat.

  Abby wants to be a stripper.  Her mother and father have every right to be judgemental. They are her parents!  Abb's parents have her best interest at heart.   I f her parents don't care..Who will?? She is a little stubborn brat that wants her mom and dad to give her approval no matter what her bad choices are.  If Abby's parents don't approve then she says they don't love her and her dad abuses her .  that is emotional abuse on Abby's part towards her parents.

    I have a son who is stubborn. He is 38 years old.   He told me that his stubborness causes him problems at times in his life.  He said that sometimes he knows he is being stubborn about a situation,  he knows he is making a bad decision out of stubborness and that he will suffer the consequences but he can't stop himself.  He is concious of his behavior and works hard not to let his stubborn streak affect his life. 

  Abby parents need to stick to their guns and Abby needs to learn that the bad life choices and the lies to cover them up must stop. 

Awe now Abby is not that bad.... She is just new out of the teenage stage so perhaps has some room to make some mistakes as such?  From my previous posts I agree with ur logic... I have already posted and am kinda tired of the subject, but I think like Dr. Phil says to choose ur battles... that this was a good battle to choose to provide some "enlightenment" to California philosophy because it represents the philosophy of  1,000,000+ upstanding American citizens who have good kids....

One question in my mind that still remains as there has been so much focus on the "ruler/yardstick breaking event" when Abby was 8 yrs old or so.... Everyone has mentioned that, but what I want to know was What did she do?  What was the crime that deserved the ruler/yardstick incident or not?

Like was she playing nice with her dollhouse and saying Now Miss Molly would you like some tea?  How about you Miss Sally?  and her Barbies and Dad walked in and it happened over nothing because he had a bad day at work?  OR was she stomping, screaming in a tantrum and perhaps said F-You Dad!! (I am just asking??? NOT accusing....  )  I want to know what was the naughty deed???????

Seriously - perhaps the focus on the "breaking-the-yardstick-over-the-little-kid-thang" gets so much attention because it was so very wrong.

It's disturbing to me that anyone would actually imply that there is EVER an reason or EXCUSE to beat a kid with a yardstick until it broke over her body.

Well than JUSTIFY JAIL or DH because it is way worse1,000,000X than that and INEFFECTIVE.  But that is ok with you.  Jail is violent and legalized sexslaves.    And if a parent would have loved their kid enough to discipline them properly perhaps they wouldn't be there suffering day after day at the hands of a society that twistedly claims to be nonviolent.   This is an ignored fact.  Out of sight out of mind.  Again we don't agree, but that is ok.  Bottom line good discipline should develop a good citizen and properly behaved individual.  I still think there are more underlying psychological things that HAD BEEN SAID and perhaps REPEATEDLY that have not been mentioned that have caused the low self esteem in this case.....

This show aired here in Australia a couple of days ago, which is why there is such a large gap in time with the other messages.

My elder brother was our family trouble maker (aka Black Sheep of the family) with his drug behaviour and different lifestyle.  It wasn't until after his early death and the death of Mum and Dad that I was able to learn that my brother was in our case the "scapegoat" of the family.  All the bad things we did as individual, that we couldn't accept in ourselves, were projected onto my brother.  He became the "bad" son.  He carried all the projections from a family of seven and it came to a point that he couldn't carry anymore projections, which I feel became the result of his early demise.  As all of this is occuring unconsciously, there is no blame to be considered worthwhile.

I see this same pattern happening with the 2 families that aired on this show.  It is the only way that the good family members can continue with their heads held high, to keep on projecting onto the "scapegoat".

I would be interested to hear any viewpoints on "scapegoating".