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Topic : 04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Number of Replies: 109
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Created on : Friday, April 11, 2008, 08:22:29 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Everyone has fibbed at one time in their life, but what happens when those white lies turn into dark deceptions? Parents and siblings face off with loved ones to say, "You're a liar, and we're sick of it!" Annie says her younger sister, Abby, lies so much that no one in their family believes a word she says. They say she has lied about doing drugs, stripping for a living and being the victim of parental abuse. When Dr. Phil surprises Abby with a drug test, will she pass it? Then, Abby says her sister and parents are the ones telling untruths. When she accuses her father of abusing her as a child, what does he have to say? And, why does Abby say she's always felt unwanted? Then, Mary Ann says her 28-year-old son, Jon, has been a chronic liar since he was a child. She says he fabricates everything from grades to money, and his irresponsible ways have put her and her husband in financial ruin. What's Jon's reason for not telling the truth? And, see what happens when he gets a surprise visit onstage from his brother! Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 14, 2008, 12:50 am CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Quote From: aprilynn

This one hits home with a vengence.   My boi mom is a liar.  She lies to make herself look good, like she does no wrong.  She will tell you " I can't stand a liar", if we were still on speaking terms I would have to ask her..."so, are you telling me you can't stand yourself because you are a liar". I have caught her in so many lies.  Lies have no purpose only to hurt another person.  My oldest daughter has this same malady, Dr Phil is this herititary? (just kidding but seriously I have wondered about it.
I sure do know how you feel, my mother is a chronic lier to and I have broken contact with her 2 years ago. She would lie about every thing stupid things and expect me to back her up or be exposed to "the wrath of mom" It is relay hard to live with from a loved one.  I can understand that you are afraid your children will inherit it because I have the same worry. We have remedied that with talking about the consequences of lieing and how no one will believe them when they say the truth if they lie. We have also showed real pride and praise when they tell the truth, like when one of the children smashed the back window on the car and we asked who did it, when the child admitted it we praised them very much and said how proud we were of them for admitting it, about the window we said that they should try and be more careful in the future. Another thing we have done is when the child has said "I'm hungry" and got the food they wanted only not to eat it. The next time they said "I'm hungry" we didn't give them food (even though we knew they must really be hungry) and explained that "remember when you said you were hungry at the gas station and we bought you a hot dog and you didn't eat it?  you weren't hungry then how can we believe you are hungry now?" We let them go hungry to show them that they have to think over what they say, and that it has consequences, when doing this you have to have a situation that is the same so you can show why you don't believe them.  And don't gloat, show them that you mean well, don't shove the other lie in their faces, do it careingly.
 
April 14, 2008, 4:27 am CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

 Why do people lie ?
Hard question to answer.
Sometimes we lie (even a fib is a lie ) to try to spare someone's feelings ("do you like my new hairdo ") I think we should try to be honest, without being cruel ("Well, what do you think of it ? Do YOU think it looks good ?" ), or we are scared of losing a friend, personally I prefer it when friends are honest.
I think for some, its a way to make their own lives seem less Mundane, maybe they see being a Stripper as something Glamorous ? Their own lives seem boring to them, so they make things up to seem more exciting.
In some cases maybe its to garner sympathy, remember the show where the guy LIED about having Cancer in order to get a free place to live ?  Yes even a drug addict garners sympathy, everyone will trip over themselves to help them.
Desperation, or to stay out of trouble, children are good at that, but then there are those who are caught cheating and still try to deny it ("It isn't what it looks like " , yeah right ).
And there are those that just lie for many different reasons, or they just wouldn't know the truth if it bit them in the A**, I think it becomes habitual especially if it works for them.
But like most people here, I'm just an armchair Psychologist, these are just my own observations.
 
April 14, 2008, 7:26 am CDT

Liars marrying another

 I have a 27 year old son, he's married, father of two and luckily he works full time. He lies to everyone, except his kids! I love him to death, but he is tearing my heart out with the lies.

 

Nine years ago he was in a serious car accident and I have always believed that, that was when the problem started. He and his wife owe us thousands of dollars. I know we will never see it. My husband on the other hand, hopes that we will get it back. Every month we are told, "after the checks clear", "when I get my money from bowling" etc.  they have now taken money from another family member who needs it.

 

The big problem that I see is that they don't realize that they are doing it. The word come out so easily and they can look you right in the eye and you will believe them, but deep down I know that they are lying.

 

I love these two with all my heart, will do anything for them. But they are causing such heartache.

 
April 15, 2008, 5:55 pm CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

This sounds just like my older brother. He has racked up alot of det. He thinks my parents are a walking bank. He lost his apartment this last summer because he did not pay the rent. Know he is homeless. My parents have finaly put there foot down and told him no more. Boy does he lie.

We also think that he has a warrent out for his arrest because his car got taken away because he has not payed any car payments. We think that he is going to end up in jail soon. I told my mom that he does not get it. I told my parents that I want nothing to do with him because I think that he is nothing but a dart bag.
 
April 16, 2008, 9:51 am CDT

It's deeper than a lie

 

Chronic lying or story telling goes a little deeper than just lying for attention. A lot of times, it is linked to self esteem issues, and other deep-rooted emotional issues. my sister used to tell these amazing stories, that were just ridiculous and hard to believe. They were blatant stories, and she really didn't think anyone wouldn't believe her. After a couple years of counselling she confided in me as to, what caused it. When she was growing up she was made to feel like she was never good enough, and couldn't live up to our parents expectations, so she started these little white lies, to make herself seem better than who she was, to be able to gain our parents exceptance, and than she realised in school that no one liked her, and so she started to lie in order to make herself seem better, and when she started to pretend to be someone she wasn't and tell these little lies, then people started to like her. And soon, it just became habitual. Always making up stories about where she had been, and these things that she had done, just to make herself seem more interesting to others. Because when she was just herself, noone seemed to pay much attention to her. She told me how much it upset her when people caught on to her stories, and how incredibly embarressed she was, but she couldn't stop. She even told people she had cancer, as a way to gain attention and empathy from others. My sister has dramatically changed. After counselling I can believe what she says again. She used to go in these spurts, when life was going okay, she wouldn't lie as much, but when things got bad, she would lie up a storm, it was a defense mechanism for her. A tool she used to make herself feel better. Lying made her feel even for a brief moment important if someone believed her, and that was her pay off. Obviously I dont condone lying, but sometimes I think think that maybe instead of being judgemental against these habitual lyers, that perhaps someone just needs to step up and listen, because chances are these lies are coming from a much deeper, emotionally fragile place.

 
April 16, 2008, 11:17 am CDT

Liars

I got a brother who is a liar and has been his whole life. No one believes anything he says now. These people who lie need to undertsand that if you lie people will stop listening to you. Then when the rare time comes when you do tell the truth no one will believe you.
 
April 17, 2008, 6:41 am CDT

Coddling a liar does not help!

Dr. Phil, maybe you never had to live with a habitual liar but I have and you do get "cold" about it.  It just gets old and you get tired of hearing the same excuses.  I think this family feels like that.  When they are not lying, they are exaggerating.   It is sad and you do get immune to their theatrics!  Watching this girl crying reminded me of my sister and how she could really cry when she was confronted with her lies.  Good luck to this family but the best action is to let her go and if you get a call in the middle of the night, you know you did your best but there is no hope for a habitual liar.   My sister died alone with her 3 boys (all illegitimate) scattered among family.   I see this girls future written unless she gets a wake-up call.  Coddling a liar does not help them.  Thanks

 
April 17, 2008, 8:10 am CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Abby needs to be in a Foster Home.  She deserves it so she can appreciate what she has.    I understand the parents when you are dealing with something repeatedly for years you have to emotionally detach because it is always something.  And when the lies are directed at the parents its slander and effects more than the relationship with the parents and their daughter.  It affects their reputation and respect that they worked hard to earn over the years.  Abby wants the warmth of this Christian family,but ontheotherhand doesn't respect their Christian values.  I think Abby should get adopted by some stripper Mama and family who also has a lying problem... so she can feel what she is doing to others firsthand. She doesn't feel that right now.  I think Dr. Phil is always harder on the guys like the 2nd half of the show, but feels sorrier for the women and is more lenient.  I think Abby gets away with things because she is too pretty.
 
April 17, 2008, 8:15 am CDT

Why does he send money . . .

My guess is that the woman has had his child and is hounding him to support their child.  She might even be threatening to tell his family.  As for the tax refund:  if he is behind in child support, the government sends any return to the bureau of support, not to the filer. 

 

 

 
April 17, 2008, 8:43 am CDT

Married to a liar

I know how these family members feel. I question EVERYTHING. It can be very exhausting at times. I have been lied to about money, drinking, working, emails, friends, and the list goes on. I have noticed that he lies when he is stressed. So, it's not a constant thing, but it does get frustrating.

 
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