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Topic : 04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Number of Replies: 109
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 11, 2008, 08:22:29 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Everyone has fibbed at one time in their life, but what happens when those white lies turn into dark deceptions? Parents and siblings face off with loved ones to say, "You're a liar, and we're sick of it!" Annie says her younger sister, Abby, lies so much that no one in their family believes a word she says. They say she has lied about doing drugs, stripping for a living and being the victim of parental abuse. When Dr. Phil surprises Abby with a drug test, will she pass it? Then, Abby says her sister and parents are the ones telling untruths. When she accuses her father of abusing her as a child, what does he have to say? And, why does Abby say she's always felt unwanted? Then, Mary Ann says her 28-year-old son, Jon, has been a chronic liar since he was a child. She says he fabricates everything from grades to money, and his irresponsible ways have put her and her husband in financial ruin. What's Jon's reason for not telling the truth? And, see what happens when he gets a surprise visit onstage from his brother! Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 17, 2008, 3:02 pm CDT

Abby Father and Mother are not being Fair and her sister is a unreal person

  Abby it looked like that your mother and dad cant handle you being your self.

And for your sister Abby be your self and be happy don't be letting them tell you what to do.

be your self and be happy

                                                           Cinco De Mayo 3 

 
April 17, 2008, 3:07 pm CDT

I can relate!

We just had a conversation/ intervention with our mom today on this very same topic regarding our little sister who has lied about her drinking and driving.  We need some serious help, this is tearing the family apart, not to mention I have a daughter, who I don't want to be exposed to such examples. 

 

 
April 17, 2008, 3:15 pm CDT

sister like Abby

I have a sister like Abby who from the time she was a little girl always twisted the truth.  It was tough because I really loved my younger sister. I realize now that she was very good at making me feel guilty and very good at manipulating me with her "truths"

She always felt she was getting the raw end of the deal in everything.  My mom took her to see a therapist when she was a teenager  and she told my mom after a couple of sessions that the therapist told her that all her problems were a result of having me as a sister.  Whoa!  She said that the therapist told her that because I was the popular one and that I was the reason she had so many problems.  It was a real eye opener because that is how she percieved the problem - ME!

 Over the past 30 years she has gotten in trouble like writing bad checks and going to jail for this, or not paying the rent due and getting evicted again, stealing money from her boss. This is when she calls me.  I helped her because I didn't want to see my mom get hurt.  My other siblings and I have bailed her out of many problems over the years. This last time I told her that I could only help her if she went through  financial counseling in which I would give them the money and they would then channel it to her. She told me that she could get the money from a man who wanted things from her that she did not want to do but if that was the only way she could get the money that was what she would do. I reminded her again that the money was avialable through the financial counsel the next day if she just went to them.  I have not heard from her since. It makes me very sad that she sold her soul to a man for a short term fix instead of taking the help that would be a long term answer and resolution.   The sad part is she now has three kids who are following the same path.  I hope that Abby can see what she is doing to herself before it is too late.

 
April 17, 2008, 3:21 pm CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Quote From: jaynedeaux

My guess is that the woman has had his child and is hounding him to support their child.  She might even be threatening to tell his family.  As for the tax refund:  if he is behind in child support, the government sends any return to the bureau of support, not to the filer. 

 

 

My guess is that she is a internet relationship. He probably has never met her in person. She gives him the ability to tell his lies and never get caught in them. A liar wants nothing more than to have a captive listner to boost his ego and believe in him........but, as we all know "what comes around goes around". She is probably taking his $$$$ and laughing all the way to the bank!!!!
 
April 17, 2008, 3:21 pm CDT

04/17 "You're a Liar!"

Quote From: cndrlla

I understand what you're saying. It's tiresome and wearing to deal with the constant stress and disappointment of a liar. You eventually do have to turn your back out of self-defense.

 

 

I couldn't agree with you more!!! You said it, my 27 yr old daughter constantly lies and has since she was 3 yrs old, she will tell a bold face lie to you for absolutely NO reason, other then she loves reaction. She was always told about the boy who cried wolf...well now she's claiming she was raped and with all the lies told throughout the life....she's not being believed. I totally get where those parents were coming from with being cold, you've heard it all before and you know how she is trying to work people...bring on the fake tears.
 
April 17, 2008, 3:46 pm CDT

You hit the nail on the head

Quote From: shenlunch

 I have a 27 year old son, he's married, father of two and luckily he works full time. He lies to everyone, except his kids! I love him to death, but he is tearing my heart out with the lies.

 

Nine years ago he was in a serious car accident and I have always believed that, that was when the problem started. He and his wife owe us thousands of dollars. I know we will never see it. My husband on the other hand, hopes that we will get it back. Every month we are told, "after the checks clear", "when I get my money from bowling" etc.  they have now taken money from another family member who needs it.

 

The big problem that I see is that they don't realize that they are doing it. The word come out so easily and they can look you right in the eye and you will believe them, but deep down I know that they are lying.

 

I love these two with all my heart, will do anything for them. But they are causing such heartache.

It is exactly because they KNOW that "you love them with all your heart and will do anything for them" that they are able to take advantage of you.   And yes, you ARE allowing them to take advantage of you & only you can make it stop.  Good luck!
 
April 17, 2008, 3:50 pm CDT

"MY TWIN"

   What I mean by my twin, because it was the same situation as I grew up, I did not have any

 one to confide in with out them going behind my back and say something no matter how

 small of a issue. I know my mother wanted to give me up, because she would have had a hard time

 telling her husband when he comes home from the navy, that he had a daughter, that he

 knew was not his. But because of other issues she had no choice. So I do  know how it

 feels to be treated. And yes I made choices  that I am not proud of, and It also cost me my

 family ties. So just hang ibn there and do try and do some thing better for your self, because

 as long as you are making that money the guy won't work or leave and you deserve better

than that.

 
April 17, 2008, 4:03 pm CDT

This is NOT about lying!

I would give anything to just be able to talk to this girl and validate her experience.  I'm OK now and cherish Truth but, like this girl, I learned lying as a little kid and it was a skill essential  to my emotional and physical survival.  She said her truth as plainly as possible on stage when she said that she doesn't think her parents love her or want her.   But nobody ever hears that because our culture refuses to recognize that some parents really don't love some of their kids.  She's right!  They don't love her, couldn't be clearer to anyone who watched this show.   The parents couldn't wait to start listing all of the 'bad'  things about this kid, just so eager to do so. 

This lovely, vulnerable young woman is already on her way to healing herself because she is able to allow herself to look at this terrible truth and feel some of the pain of it.  I hope she'll have the chance to read some of Alice Miller's work such as The Drama of the Gifted Child. 

Sometmes in a family the election of one 'difficult child' gives those parents (morbidly dysfunctional themselves) a project they can share.  My own parents (who essentially loathed one another) delighted in relentlessly beating the bushes together looking for evidence of my 'badness'.   It was horrible how they'd work themselves into this mutual frenzy of righteous hatred for me.  Once, when I found my mother searching my room yet again I asked her why and she simpered, "I'm just looking for something GOOD about you."  It was ridiculous but once they had established the routine of mental and physical abuse of me they had to continue to stoke the flames of their hatred toward me in order to continue justifying their behavior. 

I understand fully what this young woman is going through.  Did you see how her mother laughed as she described the breaking of the yardstick over this kid's body while beating her?  I know a sadist when I see one.  She's one.  J'accuse!   And that dreadful father who would clearly throw this girl under any available bus to preserve his own self and public image.  Yuk! 

Kid, you're on the right track.  You're thinking and you're feeling.  Trust your feelings and your own experience.  Eventually you'll be able to free your heart by giving up all hope of love and safety from your parents and can maybe have a cordial sort of relationship with them if you wish.  I send you much love. 

 
April 17, 2008, 4:06 pm CDT

Jon

I strongly suspect there is MUCH more to Jon's story....I got a very uneasy feeling about him, as did my husband. My husband immediately said "drugs" when he caught the first few minutes of the story. He looked very aged and just not "all there." His behavior on the show was completely bizarre; I wonder why he was even on - he never spoke and was very rude and strange.

I suspect that he is a hard-core gambler and that is where the money is going. This "girlfriend" he speaks of...I don't think she exists. I am very shocked that Dr Phil did not get much more intense with this guy - there was clearly something so off about him.
 
April 17, 2008, 4:34 pm CDT

Lies or self-protection?

 Abby is lying to avoid feeling unloved because of the constant disapproval of her family.  I found the show interesting because much of what Abby said was eventually confirmed as true by her father.  She was hit with a ruler until it broke.  Whether one calls it abuse or a spanking is semantics.  As a child, she was not appreciated for the special and precious little girl that she was.  I'm not saying that her parents are monsters.  They are good, God-fearing people who misunderstood one of their children to the point where she felt like an outsider.  The show proved that her parents still don't understand her and can't see past their own disappointment and anger to extend the compassion necessary to heal these kind of wounds. 

 

I hope and pray that Abby can learn how to give herself the love and proper guidance that she didn't get when she was child.  Clearly, stripping and smoking dope aren't doing it.  I'm glad Dr. Phil stood up for her.  I don't think many people have done that for Abby in the past.  I just wished he could have provided the entire family with a little more insight about why they can't bring themselves to admit the real truth behind the lies they have been telling themselves.

 

 

 
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