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Topic : 04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:19:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The family battling it out over land, money and Mom's will continues feuding. Lisa and her mother, Sonja, are in a dispute over dividing eight acres of land they bought together and live on. The feuding has turned so ugly, Sonja intends to leave everything in her future will to her younger daughter, Lisa’s half-sister, Sara. Although it seems the family has made some progress in healing their relationships, the petty bickering continues between mother and daughter. When Sara steps into the middle of the battle, will Sonja and Lisa listen to her plea? Sara has vigilantly stood by her mother’s side throughout the dispute, so what makes Sonja question her loyalty now? Dr. Phil's close associate, Steve Davidson, arranges an exercise to help the family get past their focus on the land. When it comes time for Sonja to express her heartfelt feelings, is she able to look her daughter and son-in-law in the eyes and admit any wrongdoing? Dr. Phil has a final sit down with the relatives and hypothesizes about Sonja's seemingly irrational behavior. Will Sonja agree with his assessment? As the family leaves The House, are they on the road to reuniting, or at a dead end? The Dr. Phil cameras follow Sonja and Lisa a few weeks later as they head into mediation over the land. You won't believe how long it took for these women to reach an agreement! But will it stick? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 20, 2008, 6:55 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: bj1962

I have read the board from the first part of this program, I look forward to seeing the second part on Monday.

For myself? This is so not about money nor land....nor wills. These are symptoms of something so much deeper, yet arguing about these things probably feels safer for these folks than dealing with what are truly the issue(s). This *mother* needs to look at why she witholds love from her eldest daughter, I'm sure she has plenty of surface reasons...but it is much more than that. This didn't just happen over night, this has become the relationship between the two of them....the way they have learned to communicate.

I am not sure the youngest daughter is old enough yet (or has enough life experience) to understand where her sister is coming from, and be able to separate what is 'real' as opposed to what she has been jaded with by their mother's input to her.

I don't think that it is as simple as a 'group' effort to 'get along', the relationships between mother/eldest daughter, mother/youngest daughter, as well as the 'sister' relationship are separate to me.

I guess I just don't get why some parents think that pitting their children against each other is 'alright', I do get the 'control' aspect...but how is that meant to 'work' in the end? Nobody truly 'wins'....

I (we) have three kids in their twenties, good grief, if I ever thought them to be so bitter and divided....especially over me? It would break my heart to pieces...I would spend the rest of my days trying to figure out 'why'...and making it better. What better can one give their children than a feeling of 'belonging'? Of being a part of something soft enough to land on...yet strong enough to hold you up when the world throws a curve ball? As mothers I believe we are meant to ready our children for the world...how can we send them out there with such a cracked foundation and expect them to thrive? They will be the parents of our grandchildren...what will we have shown them?

I guess I don't get it....and I think I am fairly glad that I don't.   

I hope there is some help for this 'family'...sometimes I have a problem with the root meanings of words when they are used in a general sense. Words like 'mother' and 'family'...they tend to mean something different to me....good luck to them.

 

bj

      Sonja, bless her little heart, may have a personality disorder.  It explains why she believes she is right, and refuses to consider the possibility of other options.  The problem is not what Sonja thinks, it is how powerfully Sonja feels that she is on center-stage in her own little world.  She is the director, and has absolute command of any situation.  Everyone else, including her friends and family, must cater to her wants and wishes.

      She likes high drama.  She lives for drama in life, and she is determined to create drama even when she is dead.  Try and imagine anything more dramatic  than having a 'bad daughter" and a "good daughter?"  Playwrights have made their reputations on this.  The possibilities are endless--just like she intends for them to be.  

          

 
April 20, 2008, 12:30 pm CDT

House of Greed

The mother, Sonja is so very cold and heartless.  She knows exactly what she is doing and it is very unfortunate the way she treats her oldest daughter.  What are the real issues?  Obviously it is not really about the land. Is this the way Sonja's own mother treated her?  Sonja should be ashamed of herself. 
 
April 20, 2008, 1:16 pm CDT

Withheld love, not money

Quote From: jj1001

I am sorry but that daughter needs to leave her mom alone.. It's her money and her proporty..If I bugged my mom about that sort of stuff she'd cut me out of her will too.. Plus to have a grandchild involved saying that she's upset that grandma didn't even leave her anything is just plan rude.. That's one thing you don't do is talk about what you're going to get when someone passes on when their still alive, way to show the love.. This is for the daughter.. BACK OFF.. If you don't like what your mom has done then leave, stop blaming your half sister like she asked to be born,to be spoiled and have everyone make a fuss over her.. OMG I can't express how mad I am at her..

I don't believe that this is about the money, it's about the love that mother refuses to give to her oldest daughter. You stated that if you bugged your mom about the money, she'd cut you off, so you know that your in her will but most of all, i'm sure you know that your mom loves you, this daughter is not loved and you can tell by the mom's response to everything, she's cold with a heart made of ice. Did you not hear when the mom and the youngest daughter were talking alone in the room? Even the youngest daughter was telling her mom that she's wrong and should be treating the two of them fairly. I have 3 children and love all of them equally, I don't know how a mother could pick or choose which child to love and which not to love, it's beyond my comprehension. Even if I were to have more problems with one than the other two, i could never cut any of them out because I love them all, i just don't understand parents like her, she makes me sick, i wanted to vomit when Dr. Phil was having her view her two daughters talking and she was making all those horrible comments, shame on her. You can tell she doesn't love that daughter, if my daughter thought I didn't love her, OMG! She would have my heart and all i could give to understand her but I don't have that problem because my children know that I love them all. I believe that the daughter is using the money situation because it's much easier to use or talk about money than come right out and say that her mom doesn't love her without breaking down everytime. I mean really, to tell the daughter to BACK OFF, tsk tsk, that's a daughter, she's not asking for all, now that would be spoiled, she's just asking to be treated fairly and that's not much to ask for from a parent, who should be by nature giving love unconditionally.

 
April 20, 2008, 4:38 pm CDT

Mother and Daughters Land

 AS I watched this program I couldn't believe my eyes and ears.  This Mother she should look in the mirror and say to herself she is the problem in this relationship, and Lisa needs to take some part in it.  The Mother is doing a disservice to both daughters, the youngest wanted to have an older sister but her Mother has discouraged this, The daughters should get together and be sisters even if Mom doesn't like it.  Also the grandchildren are suffering  and that makes me sad.  After my Mother and Father died my family got cross legged with one another and split the family, I stayed neutral and both sides got upset with me.  This family will be completely split when the Mother dies and I wonder if this in the legacy she  wants to leave.  She is acting like a juvenile.  There will be nothing but heartache for the rest of the family.
 
April 20, 2008, 5:33 pm CDT

House of Greed/House of divided love

What a vindictive mother...I am a mother of 3 and for the life of me I cannot understand how this mother can withhold love from one child while giving to the other...so she remarried and had a child from this second marriage...could this have anything to do with it?...Does she resent her first born from the first marriage, that failed?...I only wonder...How could this mother look into the tearful eyes of her oldest daughter and remain stone cold...she knows it's not about the money...it's obvious that it's about love or lack of...how could anyone say that this daughter is greedy or spoiled when all she wants is to be loved and treated as an equal to her younger sister...she's not asking for everything..she's not asking that the mother not love her younger sister...she just wants to be treated fairly...even when the mother was speaking to the younger sister, alone in the room, it was the younger sister who told the mother that she was wrong and that she should be treating the two of them equally and that the putting up of the fence was wrong...even the younger sister has seen the light...so what is wrong with this mother??? I do hope that in the 2nd installment of this episode , that mother sees her ill ways and moves forward to correct them and learn to love her oldest daughter as she does the younger one.
 
April 20, 2008, 5:58 pm CDT

I agree that she is nasty

Quote From: ihmhehdh

 Wow, what a nasty ole lady.  I take bets when husband #2 and new daughter came along Lisa was left in the dust. 

Lisa needs to let the mom from He__ buy her out and move away.

Sara seems sweet and hasn't had a clue, she is brain washed by Sonja.


I really felt bad for Lisa.  I think what she is really looking for is a mother's love.  Sonja seems so cold and

spiteful.  I really hope that Dr. Phil can reach them, if for no other reason than to have Sonja see how terrible she came across.  I feel sorry for Sara too, because if Sonja can turn on her first born with such verocity, who says she can't do the same thing to Sara, over a stupid thing like land.  The woman needs help.

 
April 20, 2008, 9:15 pm CDT

to the family

As I watched the show, it seemed as though everyone was against the Mom.  Now she's loud, but she believes in her convictions.  As I've been raised to believe, it's your God given right to make your will out as you please.  I told my Mother, don't save money for me-go out and have fun!  Now I just lost my Mother (my best friend) last November. I have things of hers that mean more to me than her money. But, my Dad is still alive!!! None of her Grandchildren were left anything.  Which brings me to talk about her Granddaughter coming out on the show. I totally believe she could've stood up and given her granddaughter a hug.  But why does she have to leave her anything? If her oldest daughter was decent to her then it would've been up to her Mother to give her something. But to come onto your show and cry and tell her she can't understand why she left her nothing, WAS A PUT ON! she shouldn't have been on the show.  Why is her Mother trying her hardest to turn that child against her grandmother? And that's all it was. I was kinda disappointed in you Dr. Phil for not bringing that up! You know there's a lot of family members who put on a big show at a funeral-when where were they when the person was alive??? Then they want to know what the person left them in their will.  They want something and then , they're hurt when they find out nothing was left to them.  Why is this person throwing a fit? Because she's NOT in the will? I'm not coming onto your show-but I can tell you this. My own kids will not know what my will says until after my death... 

In the beginning they wanted Mom to buy the property. Then, they wanted it split up. But the one who bought it wasn't allowed to have her say. If she wants a fence up let her. Why does it bother you? Do you think if her granddaughter wanted to go down the lane to see her grandparents that the Mom would allow her to. No flipping way.

It would be nice if they could let bygones be bygones. But even if they hug and apologize  on the show-the hurt has been done. And it will always be too hard to be a family again.

That Mom has been hurt by the oldest daughter. She loves her. But she's going to do as she wants. And all of the opinions should stop. Look at what respect her Mother gets from her daughters husband. There's been times my husband has been upset with my parents, but for respect of me he would never call my Mom names like bitch! He'd be in Divorce Court!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have things that I want my granddaughters to have and my boys and their wives. And I'll probably have it put in my will that way. Heck I wanted to leave my house to one grandchild. And I don't know if I'll do that or not- because I really don't have 2 more houses. But her parents live next door to me and I thought maybe she'd want to live next door to her parents. Hopefully I'll have more time to think this one out. Considering I'm only 52.

I believe what she would want most from her family is to remember her- for whom she was- not what they all turned her into! I believe before they wanted it all , she would've done just about anything for her family.

I feel sorry for the youngest girl. She does love her Mother. And yet I think at her age people could turn her head around and think all of this is her Mothers fault. She feel like she's in the middle where as she shouldn't feel like that. This is not her fault. But she's going to because someone told her that everything was left to her and now "everyone" is fighting..............

Well, I've never written to you before. But I had to. I just think you need to give that woman some slack-please.

 
April 21, 2008, 2:42 am CDT

money is Nothing

So many people fight about money ,wills ect but money does not bring happiness i wish ppl would realise this..when a loved one is gone no money can replace that.Also fighting about it before the passing aways has actually happened is pointless and hurting to all involved.My point i would like to say if a will is going to be talked about with the family it needs to be fair as if it is not then that could ruin youir childrens lives forever...think about it and try not to have favourites all children are the same and should be treated as so.
 
April 21, 2008, 5:22 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: jj1001

I am sorry but that daughter needs to leave her mom alone.. It's her money and her proporty..If I bugged my mom about that sort of stuff she'd cut me out of her will too.. Plus to have a grandchild involved saying that she's upset that grandma didn't even leave her anything is just plan rude.. That's one thing you don't do is talk about what you're going to get when someone passes on when their still alive, way to show the love.. This is for the daughter.. BACK OFF.. If you don't like what your mom has done then leave, stop blaming your half sister like she asked to be born,to be spoiled and have everyone make a fuss over her.. OMG I can't express how mad I am at her..
i disagree.....because that wasn't the message there that I understood. The grandchild didn't want money, she wanted MEMORIES, ok, and maybe a picture or purse. That grandmother deserves to see the pain she's caused the innocent people in this story, the children. Aren't our children and grandchildren our legacies? Denying money left over when you die is one thing, but to deny yourself of the relationships with your  family while  you are still alive is another matter all together. You can't repair the regrets after you are gone.
 
April 21, 2008, 6:19 am CDT

Entitlement

This story has hit home with me. My grandfather died lat year and all anyone seems to think about is who my grandmother will leave her belongings to. As far as I am concerned she can burn it all and be well within her rights. My grandparents have helped out their children too much and, at least two of the girls, now have a huge sense of entitlement.

 

My oldest aunt has been given two homes that had to be destroyed because she did not take care of them. She forever walks around saying that she’s “the oldest” and therefore should get whatever she wants. Her current boyfriend called my grandfather “dad” and my grandmother “mom”. They both despised it and felt very uncomfortable that he was doing so. In fact after my grandpa’s funeral he declared that “dad” wanted him to have all his tools.

 

My other aunt is an alcoholic and seems to enjoy calling people while she is drunk and saying nasty things. Unfortunately, because my sister is buying one of my grandparent’s houses, before my grandfather died, she is a primary target. When in town I have also received phone calls from her. At Christmas she could not even call my grandmother and wish her a Merry Christmas. When my grandma called her for us to bring over stuff all she could do is ask what other items she gets. She seems to forget that these objects belong to my grandmother and it is up to her to do with them as she pleases.

 

Lisa sounds just like my aunts. She really has no business even knowing what is in her mothers will. She says that she has “earned” her inheritance. Earning an inheritance would infer that she has done something to get it. Is it demanding that property gets divided how she wants it? Perhaps she earned it by being nasty to her sister. No, no I get it; it is when she is so proud of her husband for being rude to her mother.

 

Quite frankly I find it hard to believe Lisa because it seems that she is prone to exaggerating situations. For example, she says over and over that her mother cut off her precious children from emergency help with the fence but even when Sonya’s husband said that they left an opening for them she did not dispute it. As far as her daughter declaring that she was left out of the will and it is all Sonya’s doing that she is hurt. I would argue that with the things that Lisa says at home about her own mother are much more destructive. I can almost hear it now….If your grandmother loved you she would give me whatever I happen to want from her today. Come on doctor Phil stand up for the children here. You can bet that whatever Lisa says to you she has said things at least twice as nasty to or around her children.

 
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