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Topic : 04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:19:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The family battling it out over land, money and Mom's will continues feuding. Lisa and her mother, Sonja, are in a dispute over dividing eight acres of land they bought together and live on. The feuding has turned so ugly, Sonja intends to leave everything in her future will to her younger daughter, Lisa’s half-sister, Sara. Although it seems the family has made some progress in healing their relationships, the petty bickering continues between mother and daughter. When Sara steps into the middle of the battle, will Sonja and Lisa listen to her plea? Sara has vigilantly stood by her mother’s side throughout the dispute, so what makes Sonja question her loyalty now? Dr. Phil's close associate, Steve Davidson, arranges an exercise to help the family get past their focus on the land. When it comes time for Sonja to express her heartfelt feelings, is she able to look her daughter and son-in-law in the eyes and admit any wrongdoing? Dr. Phil has a final sit down with the relatives and hypothesizes about Sonja's seemingly irrational behavior. Will Sonja agree with his assessment? As the family leaves The House, are they on the road to reuniting, or at a dead end? The Dr. Phil cameras follow Sonja and Lisa a few weeks later as they head into mediation over the land. You won't believe how long it took for these women to reach an agreement! But will it stick? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 21, 2008, 6:41 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Listen, This mother is so controlling and evil. She outwardly favors her certain children, she's selfish, the youngest daughter is a wimp & the mother knows it & is happy about this because she is easily able to control her and the other daughter is NOT as dumb. She sticks up for herself and what is right and the mother canNOT stand this.  It is absolutely wrong to leave something to 1 child and not the other. It is sick. A parent is supposed to be equal unless the parent is conciously or subconsiously sending a message to that child.  This so-called mother is a self-pity-ing sick, SICK woman and like I've said before on these boards, I wish Dr. Phil would just come out and say just how sick some of these people are! She's a dramatic weirdo!
 
April 21, 2008, 7:02 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: tayantbub3

So many people fight about money ,wills ect but money does not bring happiness i wish ppl would realise this..when a loved one is gone no money can replace that.Also fighting about it before the passing aways has actually happened is pointless and hurting to all involved.My point i would like to say if a will is going to be talked about with the family it needs to be fair as if it is not then that could ruin youir childrens lives forever...think about it and try not to have favourites all children are the same and should be treated as so.
I agree with almost all of your post, and yes we should treat all are children the same, but at times we can't, sometime one child is in need more then the other, and children being children they get jealous, but here we have a 20 something difference in ages, of couse mom is going to do more for the child  who is a child and still living at home, and who is her last child, and most likely has  more to spend on her, and  more time to spend with her, For a 40 something woman to be jealous of a teen aged sister is very sad, she has her own family, she should be putting her energy into, and stop worring what mom is doing with her youngest daughter who is still living in the mothers hme and still at the age of taking care of.
 
April 21, 2008, 7:41 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: linda9801

Listen, This mother is so controlling and evil. She outwardly favors her certain children, she's selfish, the youngest daughter is a wimp & the mother knows it & is happy about this because she is easily able to control her and the other daughter is NOT as dumb. She sticks up for herself and what is right and the mother canNOT stand this.  It is absolutely wrong to leave something to 1 child and not the other. It is sick. A parent is supposed to be equal unless the parent is conciously or subconsiously sending a message to that child.  This so-called mother is a self-pity-ing sick, SICK woman and like I've said before on these boards, I wish Dr. Phil would just come out and say just how sick some of these people are! She's a dramatic weirdo!
Put down a child, call them a wimp, and defened a 40 year old women, Whos the dramatic weirdo???
 
April 21, 2008, 7:59 am CDT

Just my thoughts

     The oldest daughter says that she feels like her mother doesn't want to be her mother! And when a mother says: "Oh wow! Now we're on the same page!!" That's wrong! I don't think the mother is being a great mother to her daughter there. It doesn't matter what goes on. A mother's love is unconditional, and this mother seems to have lost her mind! She is favoring the younger daughter! Maybe she regrets having her oldest daughter from her previous realtionship. Maybe she has turned her two girls against each other. This doesn't seem to be about the mother's will; it seems to go much deeper. The youngest daughter shouldn't have to chose between her mother and sister. The mother seems to be greedy with her money in some way. But, when she's not living anymore it won't be hers. It will be whoever's she leaves it to. Do I think that it should equally be split, yes I do. But then again, here's a thought. Leave it to chairty if it's such a problem!! I don't think it's about land or money or something a long that line. It's not even about that damn fence!! The fighting is deeper than that. I think it's something to do with one of the daughters being favored more, about who's become a better daughter, about one seems more succesful and more educated, about lots of feelings that has been slandered and ignored. It's hurt that has been going on for years. Between the whole family. Hopefully Dr.Phil can help them out and this family can be on a path back to everything well.
 
April 21, 2008, 8:24 am CDT

What about the father?

I think the mother is a cruel peice of work but what about the father there in the back ground? he seems to be controlling and cruel as well. He seems to be the evil stepfather who has alot to do with all the pain that the mother is causing. He is like the silent mastermind feeding thoughts into his wife's head and doesn't try stop her when she makes these awful decisions. I think the fence is such a statement of cruelity, if I was this daughter I would leave the whole lot of them and start fresh and new somewhere else, the best revenge is a life well lived. To be surrounded by this constant negativity from your mother is not worth one dime, money is not worth all this pain. Its not giving up on what is rightfully yours, which you will end up getting through the court of law eventually, but in the mean time let them all wallow in their own hate and misery while you go off with your family and live a healthy, fun and free life. Your mother will never change. I dont know what happened in this generation of women, but they seem very immature and hateful. Your much to strong to let this "fool" bring you down. Your mom is a very sick women, and if your younger sister doesn't see the light on who her mother is, this will be who your sister becomes. So remember this is not about you, this is about your stepfathers cruelity and your mothers cruelity and your sister being spoiled. This is not about you!!
 
April 21, 2008, 8:29 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: getrealtime

I agree with almost all of your post, and yes we should treat all are children the same, but at times we can't, sometime one child is in need more then the other, and children being children they get jealous, but here we have a 20 something difference in ages, of couse mom is going to do more for the child  who is a child and still living at home, and who is her last child, and most likely has  more to spend on her, and  more time to spend with her, For a 40 something woman to be jealous of a teen aged sister is very sad, she has her own family, she should be putting her energy into, and stop worring what mom is doing with her youngest daughter who is still living in the mothers hme and still at the age of taking care of.
I agree that you shouldn't be fighting over money and land and such but I don't think that age of your children matter. I think that all children need to be treated the same and their is nothing wrong with either of them they both seem to be health capable people. I think that both children should get equal things in the  will no matter what the age difference is. If you are going to give one money then you make sure that you have the same to give to the other. In a will it doesn't matter you are dead I don't mean to sound mean but that is how it is. Just split everything you have and own down the middle and leave it at that. The mother is not making anything any easy between the two sisters so I think that she is just as much a part in this as those sisters feuding over what they get and why one gets more than the other.
 
April 21, 2008, 9:01 am CDT

To the Family

 

There is so much drama in your family because Sonya works overtime to create it.

 

Everything I saw makes me think Sonya has Narcissistic Personality DisorderYou need research this and learn how to deal with a family member with this personality. 

 

Sonja does not behave like a normal person.   The major thing is not to get too close and do not say or do anything that can be manipulated into a personal insult.  You will never have a normal loving relationship with someone with BPD.

 

Things consistant with BPD that I am familiar with:

A totally distrusting nature.

Heightened sense of insult  (elevating tiny things into personal insult)

Everything is about self: how it affects or the persons emotional response to the situation.

Inability to control their emotional response. 

Always has someone on their sh** list. 

Insulting others severely, but not accepting the smallest insult

Using money to manipulate

Never forgetting or forgiving

Very little empathy for others feelings.  (Only on an intelectual level, but not on a true emotional level)

Refusal to accept any blame for the poor relationship or an emotional blow-up.

 

I am sure there are more official lists, but these are the things I am familiar with and experienced in my family. 

 

N

 

 
April 21, 2008, 9:16 am CDT

Control, control, control

I have not seen the House of Greed Part Two, but there was one point in last week's show that made me believe Sonja was extremely controlling.  She got very upset when Lisa came to see her new little sister after she was born, denied Lisa the ability to see ther baby and said they should have called Sonja first!  Good grief!  Sonja acted like Lisa was a stranger and she was Royalty!  That, plus I noticed several times that Sonja did not let Sarah answer a question but answered for her.  Sarah has a quiet personality, I believe, which tends to be bulldozed by other, stronger personalities.

 

Another thought--Lisa was born from Sonja's first marriage.  Perhaps Lisa reminds her mother of her own father.  If he was a man who did not allow Sonja her way all the time, and her controlling ways contributed to her break-up, it could be a possibility.  In my own life, my dad was easy-going and my mom controlling, though, thank goodness not as extreme as Sonja.  When I did not "go along" with my mom, she occasionally said, "You are bull-headed and stubborn like your father."  True.  However, I know mom would not like someone to be dependent on everyone either.

 

 

'

 
April 21, 2008, 9:28 am CDT

Chapters from our family playbook

At first I thought this story was based on chapters from our family; but there is a major deviation--we made good choices.

 

My sister is 10 1/2 years older the I.  She was born during the Depression and I during WWII.  Eighteen years after I came along, my sister told our mother that she had hated me since the day Mom told her I was expected.  Needless to say, there are many details of this I will not go into.

 

Suffice it to say that my sister and I were estranged for approximately 40 years, each thinking the other hated her so "hated back".  Our parents tried to treat each of us alike but it did not always work out well.  Our mother suffered from depression which waxed and waned and became severe later in life especially after our father died in 2000.  It was interesting but also brought consternation to us that our mother seemed to turn on her charm as a lovable, caring, elderly woman when with others but with her daughters became suspicious, mean, and hateful during the last 3 years.

 

Neither my sister nor I remember the exact circumstances of our reunion but it was sometime around 1990 and involved our mother's health.  Being more "mature" in age and life experiences we gradually began to communicate with each other and "very gradually" began to develop a relationship.  By the time our mother died in 2003 (both parents were 96 at death) we were able to work together.  We had only three weeks together for the funeral, to empty and clean our mother's apartment and disperse all of both parents' belongings.  (I was from another state.)  We realized possessions were just "things"; money was not important; but our continuing relationship was.  We did have "fights" during this time but only when trying to decide what to do with a memorable item.  I said to my sister, "I want you to have this" and my sister would say to me, "No, I want you to keep it."

 

As administrator of the estate (we did not need to go through probate) my sister sent me a copy of the will.  We discussed all dispersements before they were made.  We adhered to the intent expressed in the will although not always the dollar amount as our mother had lost "touch" with much of the modern day-to-day world.  The remainder of the money we split 50/50.  Each of us put a like amount into a "pot".  When we are together, all of our expenses come out of the "pot" unless they are strictly personal.  This way we never have to "fight" over who pays for what.

 

My sister and I have come through this with a very strong relationship with love and respect for each other.  No, I do not agree with everything she says and does, and she does not agree with everything I do and say.  But when we are together, we live for each other.  When we do disagree, we either reach a compromise we can both live with or agree to disagree.  Physically we can only spend about 2-2 1/2 weeks togther before we "get on each other's nerves" but we know this and plan our activities accordingly.

 

I have my life and she has her's AND we have each other.  This is the way it should be.  I pray Lisa and Sara can develop a relationship in spite of their mother's interference so they. too, will have each other when Sonja is gone (which may be a long time).  Life is too precious to spend it estranged.  My sister and I wish we had those years back but we are making up for it now.

 
April 21, 2008, 10:20 am CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Quote From: nicolina0306

I agree that you shouldn't be fighting over money and land and such but I don't think that age of your children matter. I think that all children need to be treated the same and their is nothing wrong with either of them they both seem to be health capable people. I think that both children should get equal things in the  will no matter what the age difference is. If you are going to give one money then you make sure that you have the same to give to the other. In a will it doesn't matter you are dead I don't mean to sound mean but that is how it is. Just split everything you have and own down the middle and leave it at that. The mother is not making anything any easy between the two sisters so I think that she is just as much a part in this as those sisters feuding over what they get and why one gets more than the other.

I wasn't speaking of the will in my post. But if the mother died , there would still be a surviving spouse, who would get it all, so fighting over a will when both are still living and look quit healthy is silly,

 
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