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Topic : 04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

Number of Replies: 146
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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:19:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The family battling it out over land, money and Mom's will continues feuding. Lisa and her mother, Sonja, are in a dispute over dividing eight acres of land they bought together and live on. The feuding has turned so ugly, Sonja intends to leave everything in her future will to her younger daughter, Lisa’s half-sister, Sara. Although it seems the family has made some progress in healing their relationships, the petty bickering continues between mother and daughter. When Sara steps into the middle of the battle, will Sonja and Lisa listen to her plea? Sara has vigilantly stood by her mother’s side throughout the dispute, so what makes Sonja question her loyalty now? Dr. Phil's close associate, Steve Davidson, arranges an exercise to help the family get past their focus on the land. When it comes time for Sonja to express her heartfelt feelings, is she able to look her daughter and son-in-law in the eyes and admit any wrongdoing? Dr. Phil has a final sit down with the relatives and hypothesizes about Sonja's seemingly irrational behavior. Will Sonja agree with his assessment? As the family leaves The House, are they on the road to reuniting, or at a dead end? The Dr. Phil cameras follow Sonja and Lisa a few weeks later as they head into mediation over the land. You won't believe how long it took for these women to reach an agreement! But will it stick? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 19, 2008, 5:28 am CDT

"Mother" and "Family"

I have read the board from the first part of this program, I look forward to seeing the second part on Monday.

For myself? This is so not about money nor land....nor wills. These are symptoms of something so much deeper, yet arguing about these things probably feels safer for these folks than dealing with what are truly the issue(s). This *mother* needs to look at why she witholds love from her eldest daughter, I'm sure she has plenty of surface reasons...but it is much more than that. This didn't just happen over night, this has become the relationship between the two of them....the way they have learned to communicate.

I am not sure the youngest daughter is old enough yet (or has enough life experience) to understand where her sister is coming from, and be able to separate what is 'real' as opposed to what she has been jaded with by their mother's input to her.

I don't think that it is as simple as a 'group' effort to 'get along', the relationships between mother/eldest daughter, mother/youngest daughter, as well as the 'sister' relationship are separate to me.

I guess I just don't get why some parents think that pitting their children against each other is 'alright', I do get the 'control' aspect...but how is that meant to 'work' in the end? Nobody truly 'wins'....

I (we) have three kids in their twenties, good grief, if I ever thought them to be so bitter and divided....especially over me? It would break my heart to pieces...I would spend the rest of my days trying to figure out 'why'...and making it better. What better can one give their children than a feeling of 'belonging'? Of being a part of something soft enough to land on...yet strong enough to hold you up when the world throws a curve ball? As mothers I believe we are meant to ready our children for the world...how can we send them out there with such a cracked foundation and expect them to thrive? They will be the parents of our grandchildren...what will we have shown them?

I guess I don't get it....and I think I am fairly glad that I don't.   

I hope there is some help for this 'family'...sometimes I have a problem with the root meanings of words when they are used in a general sense. Words like 'mother' and 'family'...they tend to mean something different to me....good luck to them.

 

bj

 
April 19, 2008, 10:24 am CDT

Doctor House Part Phil Show Two.

Doctor Greed House Of Part Phil Two.  Well Well Well here we go again. Another round of this. This better-

be a last one for this year. See you on Monday April 21st, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------

 
April 19, 2008, 1:27 pm CDT

House of Greed 1

I have never in my life heard someone discuss a wil before the person is even dead.  In fact she looks very healthy to me.  The daughter will just not leave it alone.  A person can give their money,land, and possessions to whoever they want.  As for the rift in the relationship my own daughter has told me to stay away from the grandchilden.  Believe me I don't cross the line because she could keep the little ones away from me indefinitly.  You should not have brought in the granddaughter.  You know she didn't bring up the will unless her mom and dad did.  I have two teenage grandchilden and wills are the last thing on their mind.  Please don't think that I think your wrong,you know better then me, but I can see how the mother feels.  So I guess I am on the mother's side.   TJ Powers
 
April 19, 2008, 5:13 pm CDT

04/21 The Dr. Phil House: House of Greed, Part 2

 you know the more I think about this, the more I see, Mom and daughter are wayyy too much alike to live so close to one another.
Seriously, it seems to me anyway, that the really rotten things we see in others are the things we hate about ourselves, and if its a relative, its MAGNIFIED, I'm not sure this made any sense, but I think BOTH of them have personalities that have more in common then they'd like to admit.
Then there's the younger girl, she shouldn't have to deal with this BS, and yet there she is , stuck right in the middle, maybe she was spoiled by her parents, but she has something the others don't, a hint of SENSE, she KNOWS that this isn't about money, land whatever.
 
April 19, 2008, 5:34 pm CDT

Sonja

 Wow, what a nasty ole lady.  I take bets when husband #2 and new daughter came along Lisa was left in the dust. 

Lisa needs to let the mom from He__ buy her out and move away.

Sara seems sweet and hasn't had a clue, she is brain washed by Sonja.


 
April 19, 2008, 8:32 pm CDT

I Have Been There

My mom is like the mother here. One minute you are in her will and the next day she hates one of us kids. She is selfish and decietful. The only thing here is, my mom does not own anything. She took from us kids, forced us as children to work for her and support her and our step father, until we wither ran away, which all did but me. Or, she made us pay our way when we left on our own. She also put our names on credit cards etc and ran up bills. We had to move so many times in the dark that when I was little I thought you could only move away in the dark b/c of the U-Haul van wouldn't work in daylight. We never got to say good bye to my real dad, or any school friends. My mom will leave anyone who barries her with debt.

I think that this family except for the youngest daughter, are all about "being the victim." They would rather be right than be honorable.

 
April 19, 2008, 8:57 pm CDT

There is a reason to discuss wills with parents

From someone who has been through it and we had a will,  which the 11 siblings just went to court to protest,  (GREED) it is so important to have a parent or all of us for that matter to have our wishes written down AND in legal form.

 

Still there is a judgement against me, and the greed doesn't stop. And my mother died in 99 and my father in 02.  It is ridiculous.

 

Parents must write things down to share their wishes. Once they are gone, it is to late and the  fighting gets ridiculous over everything.

 

It is NOT just money, it is also memories.   It is something you and your parents shared in life and there is a memory. 


Yes there is money, but then there is also the circumstance which more and more of use are finding ourselves in of CARETAKER. Our parents do not want to leave their homes and it costs tons to have someone take care of them. AND even if you could afford it, they don't want someone in their house.  It is still their house and they want to live their live their life as long as they can.

 

Groceries, doctors appointments, etc. etc. and cleaning and so much more.

 

Think about it NOW before it is too late.

 

AND one final thing is encourage the parents to talk about it to the other siblings. I still have many good years to go and I have lost my house, my business, my savings, my retirement account and still have a judgement

 

Think and plan ahead. PLEASE!!!  if it is done with love, it all works out.




 

 
April 20, 2008, 5:26 am CDT

GREEDY

I am sorry but that daughter needs to leave her mom alone.. It's her money and her proporty..If I bugged my mom about that sort of stuff she'd cut me out of her will too.. Plus to have a grandchild involved saying that she's upset that grandma didn't even leave her anything is just plan rude.. That's one thing you don't do is talk about what you're going to get when someone passes on when their still alive, way to show the love.. This is for the daughter.. BACK OFF.. If you don't like what your mom has done then leave, stop blaming your half sister like she asked to be born,to be spoiled and have everyone make a fuss over her.. OMG I can't express how mad I am at her..
 
April 20, 2008, 6:11 am CDT

This happens to the best of us

I don't remember hearing the wealth this woman may have, but I will always remember my mother calling me whenever I even suggested doing something she didn't care for at that moment and saying 'if you do that I will make sure you are cut out of our will'. As an only child I got tired of this early on and simply let her know that she and my dad worked hard for what they had and they should just spend whatever they had. The last laugh of the day was when my father past away several years after my mother did, and left everything to his current girlfriend and her five children. Right after my father changed his will, this girlfriend stopped taking care of him in his home and slapped him in hospice care with no visitors.
 
April 20, 2008, 6:52 am CDT

SIBLING RIVALRY – OR – SIBLING ABUSE

If you are with in a family relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When a family member in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into family systems and dysfunctions are:

 


How to Settle An Estate by Charles Plotnick and Stephan Leimberg AND High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy


Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Behind the Masks: Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior by Wayne Oates


What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse: Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence: Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe


The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman OR Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge OR Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive (Relative) Ex by Richard Warshak


How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood



Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny. But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining. Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.


Hope it helps!

 

 

 
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