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Topic : 04/24 A Boy in Trouble

Number of Replies: 375
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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:25:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What if you found out that your own child was molesting other children? Sherie-Lynn says her 12-year-old son, Parker, has been acting out sexually since he was 4 years old. She always suspected that he had been molested, and now that he’s been expelled from school for violent behavior and inappropriate sexual conduct with another student, she’s confronting her family’s dirty secret. Could Sherie-Lynn’s father, Al, whom she claims molested her as a child, have violated her son? And what does Sherie-Lynn’s mother, Elaine, say she witnessed? As Sherie-Lynn faces her painful past, will her father give her the answers she’s looking for? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 20, 2008, 9:42 am CDT

Cut him out...

Quote From: shadycat1

 Okay, one question.
If the Mother KNEW her father was capable of doing this, then why would she allow her child around him ?
Okay that's the only thing about that.

 

I agree.  Why wouldn't Sherie-Lynn just cut all ties with her dad and not subject her son to this guy?  Maybe she thought he wouldn't do it again, but why even take the chance?  I don't know if Sherie-Lynn's mom stayed with  Sherie's dad after it happened, but if she did, she probably sent the message that "this is acceptable or normal", which is in itself abuse. 

 

 
April 20, 2008, 10:23 am CDT

04/24 A Boy in Trouble

From most of the commentary I have read to this point, alot of them have been "anti-mother," and perhaps, some of that 'anger' is justified.  Yet, before we "fry" the mothers, for their lack of involvement in the protection of their children, what about the fathers or the perpetrators of the abuse??  In a way, the mothers are just as 'abused' as the victims/survivors, the fear, helplessness, SHAME, guilt, etc., they face on a daily basis, is as paralyzing as the abuse perpetrated on their children.  It is the same ole, same ole, blame the victim mentality, if they would have done this, or they would have been more vigilant, this wouldn't have happened.  Hello!!  What about the abusers??!!  Where is their moral decency??  Why is it, that we seem to make excuses for the abuser, but not for mothers involved??  Instead, we seem to rush to assign blame to them, for their lack of protection of their children, when, in a large part, they are just as victiminized as the abused?  Just some questions that sprang to mind when I was reading through the commentary, up to this point. 
 
April 20, 2008, 10:58 am CDT

Thank you

I have sent you so many e-mails on this topic.  I am so glad that your show is dealing with this issue.  My son when he was 9 was molested by a 12 year old boy in our neighborhood.  I was blindsided by it.  I had always cautioned my kids to tell somebody if anyone touched them inappropriately but I always referred to all of the adults in their lives.  Having been molested for years by my own father I thought I was covering all the basis by telling them that even if it was me or dad doing the inappropriate touching that they should call grandma.  It never occurred to me to even be aware of other children.  You would think that a boy that young wouldn't know about stuff like that.  Our family has been devastated by this and our son who is now 12 himself is dealing with the fallout.  He's depressed and angry.  He cuts himself and has recently started a couple of fires.  We have him in therapy and keeping in touch with the hospital that took him in for a month at his worst.  It hasn't been easy and some days are still difficult but we are dealing.  Thank you Dr. Phil for putting this out there.  The police officer that took our statements said that this was more common than people even know.  Parents really need to be aware.
 
April 20, 2008, 12:05 pm CDT

It happens more than we know.......

I was raised in a large family. I was also the youngest of this family. I was abused by my brothers and sisters since I can remember that would be about 4 or younger. I was sexually, physically and mentally abused by all. I have been mentally abused up until last year by my members of my family.

 

I have been in therapy for years for this. When it happened no one would help. They all knew it was happening and no one would help or take us out of the situation. I wish they had.

 

I am glad people talk more about it but I still think it happens more than we know.....

 

Some where out there someone is saying " this is our little secret"

 

It did not start with my brothers my father also abused my older sisters first. He would sexually molest them when they were starting to develop breast and look like women. I found out that this had been going on for generations.

 
April 20, 2008, 5:14 pm CDT

Secrets

Quote From: mrsparker

If I suspected some one had molested my child I would get help for them ASAP.  I will never understand why people don't get help dealing with this.  I baby sat for a little boy I knew had been molested after only watching him for one day.  I asked his mom what had happened and what she was doing about it.  She told me that he had been molested by a friend of the familys husband.  But she said she was not going to press charges or get the child counciling, this was to much for me.  I stopped watching him because I knew he was hurting and could really do little for him.  You had to put him it the shower and use the wand to wash him as he would scream if you touched him to even clean off the BM.  I hope that he will seek help for himself.   I meet every person that lives in a home that my daughters are going to stay at.  I have told my daughters that no one touches their body unless they want them to. I felt like I had to tell my daughters what can happen so they know and would not be scared to talk to me as we already broken the ice on the subject. Not telling your child what is right and wrong leaves them scared to tell and ashamed of what others have done to them. Talking to your child can save their life.  Sorry about the spelling I never could spell.  I love spell check. 
 I believe that most people think tthat the problem will just go away as long as they watch their children closer.  Especially if the child was molested by a family member.  In alot of cases the parent was also molested by someone and it has always been a secret.  They think that they have handled it and so will the child.

As this case shows, it has not gone away and the boy is now perpetuating the problem.  His parents should have done something when he was four instead of waiting until now.

Why did you not do something to help the child you babysat for? Instead of abandoning him like every one else?
 
April 20, 2008, 7:19 pm CDT

CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE - VICTIMS AND PERPETRATORS

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

 

Stop it Now! - Child Sexual Abuse Prevention

www.stopitnow.org helpline 1-888-PREVENT


Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse



Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 


Hope it helps!


 
April 21, 2008, 3:15 am CDT

Sherie-lynn's response

Quote From: compsmom

 I believe that most people think tthat the problem will just go away as long as they watch their children closer.  Especially if the child was molested by a family member.  In alot of cases the parent was also molested by someone and it has always been a secret.  They think that they have handled it and so will the child.

As this case shows, it has not gone away and the boy is now perpetuating the problem.  His parents should have done something when he was four instead of waiting until now.

Why did you not do something to help the child you babysat for? Instead of abandoning him like every one else?

 

I am amazed at how many comments have been made so far on a show that has yet to air.  How quickly people are to judge......to assume that I never sought out help for my son before this point......to go so far as to call me a monster.

 

The truth of the matter is that I had no recollection of my own abuse until 6 years ago.....at which time I did cut the ties with my father.......unfortunately the damage had already been done.

 

As far as reaching out for help.......I exhausted every resource I could find in my area.  My son has been seeing counsellors, therapists, and psychiatrists since he was in grade one.  We tried group therapy and even had numerous appointments with the principle of the school he was attending at the time.

 

Turning to the Dr Phil show was simply one more effort on my part to seek out more help.......help that I had been seeking for the past 6 years. 

 

It is sad that the level of understanding is as such.......there are so many agencies out there that help people with addiction, anger management, domestic abuse and so forth.......however when it comes to sexual abuse I have found it more difficult to find the help required......especially for a child.  If you look into some of the amazing programs for children like I have, one of the things that they make very clear is that they will help your child so long as he or she hasn't acted out in unacceptable sexual ways......

 

I recently had an invitation to enroll my son in such a program but after sending in the application, I was told they don't accept a child who has a sexual history such as my sons.

 

Along with seeking out help, I also have been to the police.  I have filled out a written statement as well as a video interview........no action has been taken on the part of the authorities.  I continue to feel like I keep hitting a brick wall.....however, that has not stopped my quest for help, healing and justice.

 

When the shows are aired this week, I hope that people will be able to come away more educated and with more understanding rather than accusations, anger, and finger pointing.

 

Not one of us can really know exactly what we would do if we were in someone else's shoes until we actually walk in them.

 
April 21, 2008, 3:47 am CDT

wat is happening to our youth today.......

the problem with that lil boy doesnt nessacery mean that was milestered it could also be the way he was brought up for all you know his mother could be behind all of it and now she is trying to cover up for her mistake or it be influence by other adults such as out siders that the parents dot even know.... what parents must remember is that it isnt always the past that makes our kids the way they are its the way thye brought up.....

 
April 21, 2008, 6:13 pm CDT

aduse

Hi Sherie Lynn,

I am not hear to judge you or your family. I that is good that you are confronting your family's dirty secret. I have one qestion for you. If your father molest you as a young child why would you want your son around him ?
 
April 21, 2008, 10:11 pm CDT

Why judge when you haven't watched the show yet?

It's amazing at some of the posts I'm reading on this subject and the rude remarks about this mother whose life was ruined when she was just a small baby! Unless you have been molested, you will never know what we sexual abuse survivors deal with each day. It doesn't matter if you get counceling or what, you will still live with knowing you were sexually abused. I was abused by my step-mom's father. I didn't tell anyone until 4 years into the sexual abuse...but I do know that today I wouldn't let my children around that man. However, he is a good guy despite what he did to me as a child/teenager and I have forgiven him.. but I still wouldn't let him around my daughters unless I was right there with them. We don't know the circumstances of what went on here UNTIL we have seen the show.. so until then, maybe you shouldn't be judging this mother. She's been through enough!
 
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