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Topic : 04/24 A Boy in Trouble

Number of Replies: 375
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Created on : Friday, April 18, 2008, 03:25:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What if you found out that your own child was molesting other children? Sherie-Lynn says her 12-year-old son, Parker, has been acting out sexually since he was 4 years old. She always suspected that he had been molested, and now that he’s been expelled from school for violent behavior and inappropriate sexual conduct with another student, she’s confronting her family’s dirty secret. Could Sherie-Lynn’s father, Al, whom she claims molested her as a child, have violated her son? And what does Sherie-Lynn’s mother, Elaine, say she witnessed? As Sherie-Lynn faces her painful past, will her father give her the answers she’s looking for? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 19, 2008, 5:43 am CDT

why did she wait to get help

If I suspected some one had molested my child I would get help for them ASAP.  I will never understand why people don't get help dealing with this.  I baby sat for a little boy I knew had been molested after only watching him for one day.  I asked his mom what had happened and what she was doing about it.  She told me that he had been molested by a friend of the familys husband.  But she said she was not going to press charges or get the child counciling, this was to much for me.  I stopped watching him because I knew he was hurting and could really do little for him.  You had to put him it the shower and use the wand to wash him as he would scream if you touched him to even clean off the BM.  I hope that he will seek help for himself.   I meet every person that lives in a home that my daughters are going to stay at.  I have told my daughters that no one touches their body unless they want them to. I felt like I had to tell my daughters what can happen so they know and would not be scared to talk to me as we already broken the ice on the subject. Not telling your child what is right and wrong leaves them scared to tell and ashamed of what others have done to them. Talking to your child can save their life.  Sorry about the spelling I never could spell.  I love spell check. 
 
April 19, 2008, 10:27 am CDT

Just awful

Why the mothers let these monsters get away with that is beyond me. If some monster did this to my daughter they would pray for mercy because I would make sure they suffered big time. Plus make sure they go to jail and Big Bubba can do to them what they do to kids. The mothers the bellyrubbers who allow this to happen to their child should go to jail as an aider and abetor to the creeps doing this.
 
April 19, 2008, 4:40 pm CDT

Monsters!

If the mother had been molested by her father when she was young... and her own mother didn't do anything to help her... and now she "suspects" that her own son has been molested by this same monster? This poor boy is acting out... What else could you expect him to do???

Children don't just decide to begin acting out... it is a response to the horror that they were made to endure, and a cry for help!!!

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this boy needs help, understanding and love!!!

Does everyone have to stick their head in the sand, until he does something tragic to someone else, or he's made to suffer in silence for several more years, and ruined his life in the meantime???

What is his mother thinking???  What's wrong with his teacher and the school??? Aren't they trained to spot child abuse and get help for the victim???

It's was unknown years ago, but in this day and time, EVERYONE knows about child abuse... and they shouldn't have/raise/teach if they can't protect our precious little ones!

I blame the grandmother for not protecting her daughter, the daughter for not speaking out sooner and getting help for herself... BEFORE she brought an innocent child into her family... they ALL need HELP!!!

 

 

 
April 19, 2008, 5:16 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show

A Boy Doctor In Phil Trouble. That is onething that I will not get into trouble myself or your two sons on your

side of family. See you on Thursday April 24th, 2008. Sinceeley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------

 
April 19, 2008, 5:26 pm CDT

04/24 A Boy in Trouble

 Okay, one question.
If the Mother KNEW her father was capable of doing this, then why would she allow her child around him ?
Okay that's the only thing about that.
 
April 19, 2008, 7:03 pm CDT

04/24 A Boy in Trouble

Quote From: princessgina

Why the mothers let these monsters get away with that is beyond me. If some monster did this to my daughter they would pray for mercy because I would make sure they suffered big time. Plus make sure they go to jail and Big Bubba can do to them what they do to kids. The mothers the bellyrubbers who allow this to happen to their child should go to jail as an aider and abetor to the creeps doing this.
The women who let these men do this ARE monsters themselves. I totally agree that these "mothers" should go to jail too.
 
April 19, 2008, 11:07 pm CDT

04/24 A Boy in Trouble

Quote From: princessgina

Why the mothers let these monsters get away with that is beyond me. If some monster did this to my daughter they would pray for mercy because I would make sure they suffered big time. Plus make sure they go to jail and Big Bubba can do to them what they do to kids. The mothers the bellyrubbers who allow this to happen to their child should go to jail as an aider and abetor to the creeps doing this.
For 1 i am a mother of a child that could not face her own biolgical father to send him away , when she seen a picture of him she would break down. so  now tell me how this mother is suppose to put him in prision? you  need to find out all the fact on how the system works because it killed me when  he got what he did because she could not face him. and as doing something to him myself the law protects them they become a victim if hurt over the case .then they  will drop the case. trust me i had all this read to me when my lil girl was going threw a forensic interview. everybody says they will do this and that when it hasnt  happend to them its very easy to say , but when it does happen to ur child all u can do is push the justic system and push hard. and by no means am i a bellyrubber! i have to live w/ what happend to my daughter and i have nightmares everynight  thinking about makes me very sick, and i cry every single day knowing the pure hell my daughter has to  deal with,i have her in counsleing,she has a physcatrist,plus she can come to me and her grand mother any time i want her to come out of this strong,not a victim. my husband now has adopted her to make sure her bio father can never see or talk or touch her in any way,plus my hubby loves her  w/ all his heart. in the end she will be strong!
 
April 20, 2008, 6:56 am CDT

MISS AMERICA BY DAY - CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE

Marilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman who is now deceased. Her father was on numerous boards and committees, was honored with buildings named for him, and was president of "all the college fraternities in America." Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations.

 

Marilyn's earliest memories of her father are of him entering her bed after dark. What came next was repressed for decades until Marilyn realized that her father had committed incest from the time she was five until eighteen, an estimated six hundred times.  All the while, her mother knew. Marilyn tells about her split between the "night child" victim in contrast to the "day child" over-achiever.  Anyone reading her story might experience envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly.

 

 

Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love by Marilyn Van Derbur


How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm


Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Marilyn's mother would often state that she had the "perfect marriage" and Marilyn was told that she was "blessed by being born into a perfect family." Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958.

 

Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, anxiety, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? To find the answers she had to search her mind and spirit.  The physical symptoms she had endured were a manifestation of the connection between child sexual abuse and adult ailments. 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
April 20, 2008, 7:04 am CDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE W/IN 72 HOURS

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations (a torn or jagged wounds), ecchymoses (skin discoloration caused by the escape of blood into the tissues from ruptured blood vessels) or petechiae (pinpoint size flat round red dots under the skin surface caused from hemorrage - bleeding into the skin), is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum (the membrane that attaches the tongue to the floor of the mouth) for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential (anal) trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria (painful or difficult urination), frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis (repeated passing of feces into places other than the toilet), enuresis (repeated passing of urine into places other than the toilet), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma

 

Children may present with somatic (muscles and nerves) complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration

  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration

  • Genital contact with no intrusion

  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks

  • Indecent exposure

  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities

  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  

 

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  

 

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers. In fifty percent of reported child sexual abuse within families the perpetrator was an older sibling.

 

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting

  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities

  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting

  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite

  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior

  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14

  • Runs away

  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex

  • Is secretive and isolated

  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 


Search State statues for issues related to child abuse and neglect, child welfare, and adoption:

www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/state/


Hope it helps!


 

 
April 20, 2008, 7:10 am CDT

WITHOUT CONSCIENCE - RECOGNIZING THE REMORSELESS

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 


Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss


Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg OR The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout OR Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare


What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse: Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence: Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe


Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg OR The Psychology of Lust Murder: Paraphilia, Sexual Killing, and Serial Homicide by Catherine Purcell and Bruce Arrigo


How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 


Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood


 

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

 

Hope it helps! 

 

 

 
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