Topic : 07/01 A Secret Inside: Extreme Hoarding

Dear Dr. Phil,

My brother, 56 was and probably is still a hoarder.

My 60 year old sister, Mary Loughney, who suffered with MS was unable to escape a fire 2 weeks ago. June 18, 2008 at 4pm in Enfield Conn. she died in her bed because the fire rescuers could not get to her in time. She lay talking with my brother on an intercom as the fire reached her room.  The trash, NOT CLUTTER, was blocking their entrance and stair passage. The fumes of burning trash and toxic gas accumulation caused the rescuers to be called out of the house for their safety. If this was a public place I suppose the law suits would be flying.

     Last week I lamented, if my sister was a child the social services would have intervened. If my sister was a senior she would have had safety nets, but your show today proved my theory or hope wrong.

    These people, including my brother are allowed to be unsafe care givers under the guise of mental illness. Something needs to be done because what my brother did was criminal. He survived, probably just as he planned, for his room was on the first floor and my disabled sister was on the second.

By the way, his hoarding included space heaters, hot plates and 12 gallons of kerosene, 8 years of plastic containers and trash bags. Tons of debris "too precious" to be thrown out. My younger sister cleaned all that stuff out 8 years ago and it just came back in a vain attempt to fill an ever increasing, endless void in my brothers, soul.

Unfortunately, like Oprah's coverage on this hoarding matter, Dr. Phil, you let people off too lightly. This is a crime. Those children are in great peril.

kathie fleming

I was married to a hoarder and I am anti-clutter, so you know what our battles were mostly about. However, I refused  to put up with it.

I don't understand people who put up with their partner's hoarding....and even enabling it...and then complaining about it. 

As soon as my husband would bring some kind of nonsense into our home, or try to save useless crap, I would pitch it out. He would dumpster-dive, bringing home all sorts of garbage that he "was gonna fix up and sell".....and out it would go BEFORE it got into the house. I didn't want filthy trash contaminating our home. He eventually got a terrible skin disease all over his hands, arms and chest from the dumpster-diving and that skin disease was never cured. (this was after I divorced him). He became homeless, living on the streets and in his van (which he also eventually lost), and he filled that van so full of crap that he pulled out of other people's trash cans and dumpsters that he barely had room to sit in the driver's seat. It was pathetic. He just couldn't help himself.  He wound up in a nursing home and died soon after being put into it.

It IS a mental illness and no one can cure it by themselves; it takes professional care. If you are living with a hoarder, see to it that they get that help....do whatever it takes. I wish I would have realized that in time to actually help my husband instead of doing constant battle and wasting so many years.    

I'm glad you said what I was thinking!

You're last paragraph was so right on......it's not about money...it's about attitude and common sense with money. What you do with what you have makes all the difference in the world.

How often do you hear about people who win millions in a lottery and they blow all that money in a short time on ridiculous material things, and become worse off than before? Not only does their financial situation tank, but so do the family relationships because of greed and foolishness.

Bitterness and resentment towards someone else's success is such a waste of valuable time...instead of people (like the poster to whom you responded) wallowing in self-pity and blaming everyone else for their own failures, it would be so much smarter to take responsibility for the way their own lives are going and make it better!  It can be done...people come up out of terrible situations every day and rise to the top....and it's NOT because anyone gave them anything, either. It's a mind-set.

I believe that true happiness comes from gaining a sense of accomplishment; pulling yourself up on your own steam.....and I speak from firsthand experience.

Dear Dr. Phil,

My brother, 56 was and probably is still a hoarder.

My 60 year old sister, Mary Loughney, who suffered with MS was unable to escape a fire 2 weeks ago. June 18, 2008 at 4pm in Enfield Conn. she died in her bed because the fire rescuers could not get to her in time. She lay talking with my brother on an intercom as the fire reached her room.  The trash, NOT CLUTTER, was blocking their entrance and stair passage. The fumes of burning trash and toxic gas accumulation caused the rescuers to be called out of the house for their safety. If this was a public place I suppose the law suits would be flying.

     Last week I lamented, if my sister was a child the social services would have intervened. If my sister was a senior she would have had safety nets, but your show today proved my theory or hope wrong.

    These people, including my brother are allowed to be unsafe care givers under the guise of mental illness. Something needs to be done because what my brother did was criminal. He survived, probably just as he planned, for his room was on the first floor and my disabled sister was on the second.

By the way, his hoarding included space heaters, hot plates and 12 gallons of kerosene, 8 years of plastic containers and trash bags. Tons of debris "too precious" to be thrown out. My younger sister cleaned all that stuff out 8 years ago and it just came back in a vain attempt to fill an ever increasing, endless void in my brothers, soul.

Unfortunately, like Oprah's coverage on this hoarding matter, Dr. Phil, you let people off too lightly. This is a crime. Those children are in great peril.

kathie fleming

Dear Dr. Phil,

I'm a sporatic watcher, not a consistent one.  When I heard the topic of todays' show I resolved to watch the full program.  It was hard to watch.  Am I a hoarder?  Yes, to some degree but I couldn't touch the depth of todays lady.  I do admit to considerable clutter though none of it is food.  Mostly books, magazines and unfinished projects.

I haven't always agreed with some of your solutions but do feel you care about your guests and a productive, successful outcome.  For nearly 20 years I was a renter in a property owned by my brother.  He stopped by one day without calling and the house was not up to muster.  His first comment was, you need to get this place cleaned up.  I did start working on it with the help of my daughter and one of my sister-in-laws but it wasn't going fast enough for him.  Approximately a week later he stopped by again and announced that the following Saturday I was to find somewhere else to be because he was recruiting my other siblings (I'm one of eight) and having a dumpster delivered and they would be clearing out the apartment.  It's amazing what was missing when I returned to my apartment.  Come to find out he had a deadline because he was putting the house up for sale.  No I was not told there was a deadline or about the sale.  I really went into a slump after that.

I have been a high school business teacher now for over 25 years.  Currently 58.  No excuses here just information, in 1998 I had the my second of two strokes.  I had a very poor doctor at the time and ended up retreating into a depression I was never warned about.  I was admitted to the hospital on a Monday, stayed four days, discharged Friday and returned to work on the following Monday.  I had asked when I could return to work and was told "When you feel up to it." 

Feeling up to working had no part in it; I was brought up with a very strong work ethic.  You have a responsibility to be at work and if not you better be on your death bed.  No other reason to miss work.

Needless to say, I experienced considerable difficulty upon my return to work.  Three weeks later I made an appointment to sit down with the neurologist that attended me while in the hospital.  I conveyed my difficulties:  (1) memory loss (2) physical and emotional exhaustion (3) constant and increasing anxiety and stress levels (4) considerable confusion.  I was too tired when I got home to do housework and was literally sleeping all weekend just so I could make it through the next week.  When I asked him what I could do about it his response was, "Get over it!"  I think back now and wish I still had some of my youth brass.

My parents, God bless them, have both passed and where children of the depression years. . . nothing was ever thrown out if there was a slight chance it would be useful later.  BUT the house was always neat and organized so how did I end up like this?

I believe I can attribute my clutter to my extended levels of anxiety and depresssion and health issues (as noted above plus Type II diabetic, severe sleep apnea (awake 43 times per hour average) now have a CPap to use and am on 90 mg Cymbalta daily.  What do you think?  I have no interest in becoming a show participant but would welcome a brief response if you can find the time.

I'm currently on summer vacation and will check periodically to see if you have any words of wisdom for me.

Chris

Wow....you may not have meant to sound condescending....but you sure did! "People in the projects are cleaner than that"? What does that mean? Are you saying that people who live in the projects are dirty, but they are cleaner than that?

And why would you assume that because they live in the projects they are less clean than those who don't?

Think about what you say before you say it.

I just want to say that some people may not deserve what they have or get in life but they have or get it none the less so if other hoarders could some how possibly learn how much their disease effects everyone around them then maybe they can see how selfish they have been. I think diseases like this are selfish and we are all selfish but part of being a good person is realising when your selfish habits are hurting other people. We all have an urge to have people feel sorry for us and our problems but some people dwell on that while others realise they need to move on. OCD is a disease but like all things in life I do believe it is something that can be overcome.

This woman is very lucky that Dr. Phil has given her help for her problem and I hope she now realises how lucky she is to have what she has. People in this world want more than they need...we can all live without all the bells and whistles but we can't live without love, food, water, and compassion.