Topic : 07/01 A Secret Inside: Extreme Hoarding

Give me a break!  Those kids are fine. They aren't living as bad as you think. They sounded to me like

very intelligent and sympathetic children, capable of taking care of themselves and Mom. All families are

not alike, and this family is just different.

Thats funny on TLC there was also a show called "Clean Sweep." The description that you provided sounds almost the same how the show went. 

"Too much stuff? Not enough space? Is your house cluttered from floor to ceiling with more disorder than anyone can handle? Clean Sweep is an emotionally charged yet often comedic hour of television.

In every episode, our team of ruthless, yet talented, experts will help homeowners dramatically transform two areas in their house from disaster areas to functional, stylishly organized living spaces. We'll show dramatic room transformations by one of our designers, Molly Luetkemeyer or Angelo Surmelis, while organizational expert Peter Walsh offers great organizational solutions. On hand for every project is carpenter Eric Stromer. Throughout the process, members of the team will share time-saving cleaning tips, reveal money saving shopping tactics, and present do-it-yourself home projects." TLC

It has been a long time since I watched the show, it was interesting to watch the home owners battle each other for who has the most sells during the Yard sale. Whoever earns the most usually wins a prize and whatever is not sold is then given to charity.

Seeing that many clutter does ruin the mood and really discourages you to clean up the mess. It gets really hard to organize at some point and it is even more difficult when trying to tend with other people's stuff, at the end it either results in that person not able to find their things or forgeting that they even had it.

But once you start your act together and get things right it might be fun searching through past belongings for treasures or other useful things.

In 99 I surprised my Mom on Mothers Day by flying down from Seattle, taking a taxi to the house, putting flowers on her door and ringing the doorbell.  I only stayed a day or so, but on that trip I realised she was sleeping on the couch because she couldn't get in to any of her 5 bedrooms to sleep.   There was a path from the front door to one chair at the dinner table.  There was piles up the wall down the hallways, up the stairs.  The master bedroom had space to sit and an area in front of one dresser.  The other dresser, and both closets were inaccessible.   The closets still held her prom and evening dresses from decades before.   The bath room was inaccessible and filled to the brim.  Our father moved out years before he passed, but he still had his military dress blues in the closet.

The "sewing" room had a small path to a bed up against the wall, but no access to the closet of dresser or chair in it.  It is full of clothes she had started to make, but never finished from our childhood.  The two adjoining bedrooms that could be separated with an accordion door was so packed she had to take off the closet door to access them.  They still couldn't be accessed unless she moved items out of the way.  She had ungiven presents, clothes and kitchen appliances.  She could not reach the book shelves on the walls.  There was so much paper on her computer that she had her keyboard two to three feet from her computer monitor.  She usually left her computer on all the time.  I should saw one of her computers.  When she did have to turn it off or rebut it, she used a cane to shut it off.

The dining room table was stacked with newspapers and other items.  The recliner was stacked with gifts, books, magazines.  The kitchen counters were covered with plastic containers, boxed goods, rotten food.  The fridge had been a standing joke for years.  None of us kids ever are out of her fridge.  There was no telling how long the food had been there.  There was a freezer in the garage that still had food my dad had bought in the mid 80's. 

There were boxes in the full, two car garage that still had the labels from the move from Germany in 65.  While my mom had been a tupperware lady, and had boxes and boxes of empty tupperware, she also saved all of her yogurt containers, micro wave dish serving trays, multiple sets of luggage, ice boxes,   childrens presents for her now adult grandaughters she had never given them.   The garage was full of all the clothes she and my dad had ever owned.   All of his old military cloths and apparatus, including mortar shells.

The last room was a room my older brother "crashed "  in when he lived there.  She had just kicked him out.  The room was completely trashed.  

I returned to Seattle, but couldn't get her off my mind.  I knew that if she fell in that house, no one would ever know.  While I was there I could see that she had a lot of burned pots and pans.  I knew she was burning food and the house was one big fire hazard. 

I moved out of my apartment in Seattle and moved back to help her.  I wasn't allowed to throw anything away.  I went through each box of papers one be one and separated the important papers from the recycling.    I put each bag of papers by mom's chair to approve my throwing them out.  I did not want to stress her.  I know hording is only a sign of deeper issues.  I remember my mom struggling with depression, rage and mania all my life.  Our dad told us it was her going through he "change".  But mom had gone through a hysterectomy when I was born (as she often reminded me - I broke the mold.  Kept her from having one more child) so I doubt she was still going through the "change"  for 12 years.  She actually had major mental health issues.  Period.  Come to think of it....we all did.  lol

At one point my older sister flew in from georgia to clean out the garage and make plan to move mom in with her in georgia.  Mind you she didn't run this move past mom, but thats who she is.   Sister had mom rent a white elephant and proceeded to make mom watch while she threw her possessions away.  I split, sister had walked into the house with a toxic cloud over her head from day one.  So I split afer coming back from the store and seeing sister selling a box of my belongings.   Like I said, we ALL had issues.

Sister finally left town, I returned to the house to find mom in a full blown pneumonia fever.    And my older brother with no clue of what to do.  Anyways.

I was able to get the house partially organised, but stopped because it was causing her too much stress.  She's in her mid 80's and I hadn't moved down to stress her out.  Of course the house started to become cluttered again.   There was an electrical fire scare one night.  The firemen came and told me there were going to have to report the condition of the house.  I begged them to hold off, they agreed.  I thought I could work with mom some more about getting rid of more stuff.   But I finally realised that the clutter was her life, her memories.  Her depression and hording had caused her to become a recluse.  The beginning stages of demintia were setting in.  

I realised the hording made it possible  to keep people away.  It was a good excuse for not having company over.  A way to make sure peole didn't notice what was going on with her mentally.   It dawned on me that she wasn't making new memories, wasn't socialising, so her old memories where all she had.  Which is so very sad.  She had four nieces she could have been making new memories with.  A church cluster she could be making new memories with.  And even me.   Put her old memories were much more important.  

So, in the end, she chose the hoarding.   But eventually things changed for her.  I called senior services and asked what help I could get with the situation.  That I was still worried about the fire hazard, and her falling over something.  As it turns out I made the mistake of giving the woman my name and her name.   The woman said that yes, indeed  from the symptoms I had shared with her about mom's behavior she was definitely in the beginning stages of demintia and at high risk.  She said that she would call me back.     She called back a week later and told me she had made a home visit because she is a mandated reporter.   She told me she checked the house and my mom assured her she was going to get someone in to help her.

My mom has since pretty much disowned me, I'm sure she's cut me out of her will.  Which doesn't sweat me because I have asbestosis and she'll outlive me anyway.  We haven't talked in years.  And oddly enough, due to this situation and the other  "issues"  we've always had, the issues all of my remaining family has had,  my estrangement from my family has actually freed me.  The last couple of years around them made me realise that  #1 my mother loves her "things" - above all.  That just how she rolls.  Period.  #2 my older sister loves being a bully - that's just how she rolls.  And my older brother is clueless - thats just how he rolls.  And me, I'm sure I have my own patterns I roll with.  But one pattern I no longer roll with - living for others.  I'm 5 years into asbestosis and don't have a lot of time for people who don't know my value.  

If there are any hoarders out there.  I hope you think about getting help if you have loved ones your hoarding is effecting.   If you value your relationships at all.  My mom's hoarding and her unresolved issues that go with it has cost her her relationship with me and others.  It's too late for my mom and me, my sibs and me. Too much damage has been done.   It's so, it didn't have to happen this way.  If my sibs had chosen to think about moms issues & needs instead of getting a hold of her "assets" we could have built a united front in getting her the treatment she needed.  She could have acually lived out the rest of her life as a happy woman.

Peace

  I thought this lady was handeled all wrong, she was being treated as someone w/ problems that crippled her into living like that, and she's abusive to her kids in the way they live, driving drunk, and verbal abuse.  She should have been stripped of her kids by child services until she gets off her lazy butt and cleans & organizes that house, I'm sure there are people who can help her (even if Dr Phil provides the extra hands), but "she" needs to roll up her sleeves and realize that she is not a self entittled person who deserves to sit on her a## while a TV shows hires out people to do her dirty work for her.

1)  She says she's stressed and had bad stuff happen to her -and that's "the reason", but I didn't hear one thing that made me sympathize w/ her, she made bad choices in life and feels like the victim when she gets caught.  She also cannot stand any type of criticism, even if its meant to help her snap out of her denial about the way she lives and rears those kids.

2)  I think she misses being a young pretty model (w/ no kids), I think that's selfish, and I think she puts herself and her bad habits above her kids needs.  It made me sick to see her rejoice over getting more "new stuff" from Lowes (on someone else's dime), that's really the only thing (I think) that got her on that stage. 

3) I never got from the show that she even works?  It looked like she spends her days spending her boyfriends money, retail therapy has replaced pain pill addiction.

I'm mad that Dr Phil didn't get more "real" w/ this woman, when he asked her how'd she feel if trucks were outside her house and her stuff was getting taken out, notice she didn't freak out, the body language was more like, "Oh goody, I'm getting free help", I didn't buy her words of how it will be so horrible to her; and I know that there are people out there who would freak out (real hoarders w/ mental problems -not lazy slobs). 

THIS IS CHILD ABUSE. PLEASE REMOVE THE CHILDREN FROM THAT ENVIRONMENT!

That house looks like to me what a addicts house looks like.  What I see in this house is filth and rotting food and the disease carrying inspects that are a part of that environment.  If this was a family living in poverty or the projects and her house looked like that the first thought would be she is an addict and/or alcoholic.  This house on the shouw to me didn't look like the house of a hoarder (then again I am not an expert on the subject).  I am a licensed social worker and recently added AODA Counselor (in training) education and licensing to my professional pursuits.  My goal is to get involved in the dual diagnosis field.

I think the hoarding of things she has stored in places other the house is the payoff Dr. Phil mentioned.  Her comment that she didn't want to throw it out because she might need it or it could be useful at some point caught my attention.  Addicts are always thinking of how to get there next fix.  Some steal, some have sex for that next fix...they do what ever it takes to get it.  I have to wonder if she isn't using heavily and has been for a while and other than the rotting food the "hoarded" items can be sold for the drugs.  There were a lot of red flags from her responses and also there was things she was hiding.  As was her husband.

I think this woman could be considdered a hoarder because of the quanity of stuff-but the filth I saw didn't look like the kind that hoarding creates.

This show will get the attention of those who are mandated by law to step in and do what needs to be done for the kids.  By the show being aired on national television the agency and the agency staff who are "Child Protective Services" have had the decision to step in made for them.  Hopefully the intervention will be immediate.  Getting those kids into a safe and healthy environment has to be priorty number one.

Then and only then is it time to look at the parents and what's going on, how this got where it's at at this point.  My instincts tell me on the outside this may look like hoarding - her behaviors and what she doesn't say throws up a lot of red flags.  The husband won't admit he is drinking because drinking violates his probation- he even daid he's a lawyer and knows the law-I get he will not admit to violating probation.  Here's my question- What is he on probation for-he's a corporate lawyer....

I see a lot of questional actions and behaviors from both of them and things seem to be closing in on them and the desperation to fix it has created chaos.  The last thing I want to say is that I hope before those who offered to help fix the house with donations and services to do the work (for the kids sake) wait until all the questions are answered.  If the parents don't or won't get the help they need to make the changes they need to make so this doesn't happen again.  And if not those resouces (and the kids) can help someone it would make a difference for.  I hope I'm wrong and misread some of what I saw and heard-because everyone deserves a helping hand when life gets away from them.