Topic : 07/01 A Secret Inside: Extreme Hoarding

The woman seemed to be a very selfish person also. It seemed like she was all about the things that had happened to her in her life. She needs to get over it and put her kids first. All of us have had bad things happen to us, including myself, but I have always put my children and their welfare first...You know what I mean?! Get over it!!

Yes, it was all digusting, sad, unhealthy, filthy, depressing...no one can argue that.  They came on the show for help.  They were "outed".  Dr. Phil offered help.  Maybe things will begin to change...where there's life, there's hope.

I see why so many postings say to remove the children.  O.K. remove them.  The next family watching, perhaps in a simialr situation will get the message...don't go for help.  Keep quiet...stay behind closed doors, and threaten the kids with the removal to the "evils" of foster care. So, everybody will live in the same filth, just be more careful about addressing it or TRYING to seek help for the problem.  Put them in jail?  Good idea...great incentive to inspire troubled souls to go public and try for help! 

Brooke Shields can go on National T.V. write a book about her post partum depression.  I read it...go on Nancy Grace, you'll lose your child if you reveal what this celebrity was paid to do.  ....unless you're Brittany Spears, it's selective. One is protected, the other exploited...depends on the husband, I guess.  Some will try to help, others push you further into despair...

In conversation, most people hearing of problems and out of control homes, question, why not seek help?  The FEAR factor.  It took a lot to go on T.V. with that....give them a chance, or it will drive everyone back and into the old mantra "What goes on in this house, STAYS in this house".  I thought we were trying to move foreward, with shows like Dr. Phil, to remedy these issues.  Start being punitive and the numbers seeking help will decline.  As for anonimity, they can move to remote areas...like the Texas compound, and many other locations where the living conditions are pretty raunchy. 

At 16, the girl is old enough to help out.  I believe at first you try to help...you can call if the help is failing to be of any use...but give it a chance!  It may bring foreward many others who are in too deep, but fear the consequenses of turning to someone.

Which is better?  Help or fearful isolation?  You cannot have both....had Dr. Phil done otherwise, anyone watching would suffer in silence, as would the children.  Message being, tell, you get punished...sounds like the old days of sexual molestation..now they really accomplished wonders!

I am an intelligent, successful entrepeneur.  Approximately 15 years ago, while employed in a well paying upper management position at an insurance company, I started buying storage units at lien sales.  Naturally, the "stuff" from the storage units I purchased ended up filling our garage and overflowing into our house.  I sold what I could at yard sales.  It didn't take long before I had to rent a storage unit for the "stuff".  My oldest son joined me in this new "business venture".  I sent him to auctioneer school and quit my job at the insurance company.  Our "Businesss Plan"?  Buy storage units, sell the contents at flea markets and open an auction house.  In no time we had to move our "stuff" into a small warehouse.  Flea markets were very hard work so we opened a Thrift Store in a small, historic town known for the numerous antique stores in the heart of downtown.  Being the successful bidder and buying 20-30 storage units a month became an obsession.  We already had an 18" enclosed trailer but it quickly became inadequate so I bought a 36' box truck with a hydrolic lift (at an auction I attended by myself).  Now we could travel to surrounding cities and buy even more storage units. I might mention that there are "regulars" at these lien sales who make their living from reselling the contents of the storage units.  Newbies are not welcome and the regulars make sure the newbie pays a premium for a unit byn "running up" the bids.  They love it when someone like me dives in!!  I didn't care what the price I had to pay, if I wanted a unit NOBODY was going to outbid me!  I spent thousands of dollars for the privelege of doing hot, sweaty physical labor cleaning out storage units, the majority of which contained nasty furniture, bags of stinky, dirty clothes, garbage bags full of nasty, dirty dishes, disgusting small appliances, GARBAGE BAGS full of old mail (consisting primarily of collection notices, past due bills and junk mail.  After the hard work of removing everything from a storage unit, my son and I went through the "treasures", sorting items we could resell from the garbage while we were really looking for the "Pot of Gold" we knew we would find.  Stories from the regulars of finding gold jewelry, diamonds,guns, expensive china, crystal and silver, antiques, vintage train set, antique dolls, etc. made us more determined we would be the successful bidder on every storage unit we chose to bid on.  The "regulars" were telling wild tales.  I can assure you, if there are items of value in the storage unit, the owner will find some way to come up with a couple of hundred dollars to bring his rent current and remove his property before it is sold.

 

This is where the seeds of my hoarding were sown.  After a couple of years and many thousands of dollars spent on garbage we had the privledge of taking to the landfill, we finally had been in ous store long enough that people came to us to sell household goods, antiques and collectibles.  Finally, we had the luxury of buying only good, clean "stuff".  We had also done 4-5 auctions, what a nightmare, and decided not to pursue the auction business.  My mom had retired and joined my son and me in the Thrift Store.  We also started selling on ebay.  This was in the early days of ebay and we made more money on ebay than we did in the store.  Ebay was fertilizer to my growing obsession to accumulate "stuff", always looking for the treasure I would buy for a $1 and sell for $1,000!  I spent thousands of dollars on research books and spent endless hours doing research on every kind of antique or collectible you can think of.  This education was expensive but I am proud of the frequent  treasures I acquired because of my drive to learn to recognize valuable items others thought was junk.  An example: a signed Tiffany vase I paid $1 for aand sold for $1,800 on eay.  The vase was authenticated by the formeer curator of the Tiffany Exhibit at the Morse Museum in Winter Park, FL.

 

After closing the store in 2001, I kept my best merchandise and continued selling on ebay as a hobby.  My husband and I bought  a storage facility in N Central FL  and our son went to manage it.  A few years later our son was permanently disabled in an accident and the subsequent two managers were not taaking the business in the direction we wanted to go.  As a result, it was necessary for me to spend most of my time overseeing the operaation of the storage facility to protect our investment.  We purchased a small condo so I wouldn't have to travel back and forth every day.  I no longer had time to sell on ebay, but I did continue buying "stuff" ffrom yard sales and thrift stores. 

 

Currently, I have 12 large storage units packed full, the condo is full and there is still "stuff" at my house.  Not only do I sstill have "stuff" at my house, but our youngest son and our 9 yr old grandson lived with us for 5 years.  They are now in their own home, however, our house is still packed with their "stuff".

 

My life is very stressful and I find when I am on stress overload, I go buying at yard sales and thrift stores.  I buy items I know I can make money on y reselling, I just never have time to get back on ebay.  My compulsion has caused serious problems in my marriage of 37 years.  My husband has begged, pleaded and even threatened divorce if I continue buying more "stuff".  We are financially strapped right now and we do not have anny discretionary money for me to spend on this compulsion........yet I keep doing it.

 

I believe this is a sickness; an addiction like gambling, alcohol or drugs.  I want so much to reclaim my house and control of my life.  No matter how hard I try to control myself, I still go to yard sales and thrift stores; always buying more "stuff".  I do have the intention to start selling on ebay again, but it seems I am always chasing my tail going back and forth between two cities and putting out fires at our three businesses.  When I look in my storage units, I become so overwhelmed and depressed, I just go to bed and sleep.  I do see a therapist and am on Prozac and Vyvanse.  Yet I still am out of control and feel like I am in a free fall, unable to take control of any part of my life.  I will be 59 next month.  I don't want to end up as a bag lady.  I don't know where else to turn but I do know my marriage is rapidly deterioting and I amout of control.

 

Sincerely,

Ginger

Thank you Ginger.  I know that had to take a lot of corage to tell your story.  But my question to you is...now what?  How will you find your way out from under the 'stuff'?  How do you intend to stop buying?  How do you crawl out and back to your marriage?

 

May I suggest you join a 12 step program and substitute alcohol or gambling or whatever for hoarding.  It's the same program, just different names of the addiction.  It's one day at a time Ginger.  Take steps to crawl out from under the overwhelming/depressing STUFF.  Give the keys to ONE storage shed to your husband and tell him to grab some young fellas and clean everything out of it and to the dump.  No, no, no....DON'T tell me..."but there is 'good stuff' in there!"  Maybe there is but do you want that STUFF or your husband?  That 'stuff' won't listen to you, hold your hand, go to the store for you, snuggle with you or any of the other things your husband does!  That STUFF is a ton of bricks you carry with you 24/7.  Don't YOU go in there...it would never get done!!!  You would just move it from one spot to another cuz "this stuff is too good to throw away".  NO IT'S NOT GINGER!  It's JUNK!  It's not worth what you pay to store it!  It's not worth the mental anxiety it causes!  Take it ONE storage shed at a time but UNLOAD!  Get rid of the 'stuff' and get your life back!  BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!  If hubby can't find time...HIRE SOMEONE!  1-800-GOT-JUNK...call them!  OR...check the paper...often times folks will clean out an attic/basement or storage for free just to have the 'stuff' inside.

 

Write down what the 'stuff' does FOR you, then write down what the stuff does TO you.  Decide which list gives you FREEDOM, joy, happiness, peace, etc.  Neither?  Then get rid of it!  Goodwill, Salvation Army, Battered Womens Shelters, Soup kitchens...see if you can't give some of it to them, if it's 'too good to throw away'.  Take control of your life again!

 

Good luck to you Ginger...I hope you find your way out from under and back to living life!

 

Hugs, Sunny  

I am always amazed to see that very often people talk about what they do not know, criticize and show huge lack of empathy!!

This lady is really sick, extreme hoarding is a REAL disease(let alone alcoholism and addiction to drugs), this family is in deep trouble and really needs help! Not to mentioned that they are in debt also.

Although Dr. PHil show is a show, MAYBE, just maybe, Dr. Phil is giving this lady a "NEW KITCHEN" not to REWARD her (as a lot of the post mentioned) but first and foremost for the sake and health of these children and hopefully help this family in crisis.
This kitchen is probably BEYOND cleaning and reorganizing it needs to be GUTTED(mold, bacteria, bugs, etc.....).

When someone has a a diagnosis of cancer or if someone suffers a heart attack we sympathize with them and give them support. Very often these people did not take care of their health and did everything in order to get the disease(ex: smokers, obesity etc...) and yet , it is acceptable in society, they are sick and they are treated.

Well.. it is the same with psychological and behavior problems. Of course if they do not want to help themselves we can not do anything for them. But, if they recognize the problem and ask for help as they have the desire to change, please lets give them a chance, open your minds and hearts and stop being so critical and judgmental, otherwise the problem may continue on with the next generation.. the children as they learn from their parents.

And to the friend that called the Dr. Phil show.. BRAVO!! as you are a true friend and hopefully that Nancy will recognize and appreciate the help and opportunity that you have given her and her family, the children especially.

You people need to stop writing books for Pete's sake. Make it short and to the point - maybe more people will actually read what you have to say.

 

This house was very disgusting - whatever the cause or excuse. Those kids deserve to have a healthy environment. I can't believe that they wouldn't be removed from this house. I mean what would it take? I have seen much less clutter and filth on COPS and kids have been taken away. Forget the blame game these kids are suffering - not only from the obvious but they have to live in danger with a drunk mom who is physically fighting with a drunk boyfriend who is abusive?? These kids need help and now.

I hope that Nancy and other hoarders will check out a couple of websites:

 

Squalor Survivors - http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/ - For people who hoard and/or live in squalor and mess.  There is a lot of solid information, places where you can post before and after pictures if you wish, a message board and chat room for support, etc. etc.  We are all there to help, not judge, and many of us are struggling with other issues like depression, OCD, chronic fatigue, chronic pain and physical disabilities.

 

Clutterless - http://www.clutterless.org/ - A site and non-profit organization created by a recovering clutterer.

 I agree the kids should not be subjected to that mess; or the animals either for that matter.  Where are these kid's father and why don't the kids live with the Dad? 

If you don't like the length of a post, don't read it. It is as simple as that.

Sometimes people need to tell their story, in their own words, in their own way.

 

This brings to mind a key chain I have

 

"I don't belch

 

I don't fart

 

I don't snore

 

Therefore I must bitch or I will

 

         EXPLODE!"

 

Therapy, for some of us, is talking the situation out whether someone reads it or not!

The year was 2000 and we were separated by now. I had moved out to live in a 200 square foot apartment. Our children were ages 4, 5, and 15 at the time and lived with their mother but bounced between us almost daily. My wife had moved from our nice big home and into a small three bedroom apartment, which quickly became filled with stuff. All the rooms completely filled with anything, it didn't matter what. In fact, one usually couldn't determine any rhyme or reason behind the junk. It was simply everywhere, inside and outside. Within a short time the bedroom for the two young boys was completely filled, even their bunk bed. Soon they slept together at one end of the bottom bunk. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking. What is wrong? I had no clue. But, I knew it was choking the very life from our family and no end seemed close.

This is a true story of my life and marriage to an extreme hoarder for almost 20 years. The story is filled with good times but also full of old parts, fabric, magazines, papers, clothes, furniture, pets, new and unused items, trash, industrial size dumpsters, heartache and alcohol abuse.