Topic : 08/04 Daddy Drama

To me this is not so much a transgender issue as it is a deadbeat parent issue.  The fact that a parent could sit there dry eyed, and listen to their daughter read a poem like that, an impassioned poem about sadness and loss, and shrug it off like, "Oh well..." 

 

I mean, who is the adult here?

 

I think the children, the younger children, especially, would go a long way toward accepting their father's sex change if he handled it with more sensitivity toward them.  And, to do that, he's going to have to find out about their needs.

 

And, to do that, he's going to have to step outside himself.

 

 

 as a transgendered person, my heart aches for this family. To come out to your family is a very dificult choice and very hard to do, because you dont want to hurt anyone or lose what you have. It took this guy a long time to admit it and he doesnt seem to be getting any support. The duaghters to me have the right to feel the way they do, but their parent is Still the same person they loved. She is still the same person they saw as a "He". Nothing about who Kayla was on in the inside has changed. and Maybe if they gave her a chance and spent time with her, they could see that, rather than just abandoning her.

  Yes, my ex-husband, the transsexual, wanted his children to think of him as a "fairy godmother". He got a kick out of that. They didn't.
 A few days ago he called one of my daughters and asked if they could have a "slumber party".  Just to talk like a couple of gals. This is her FATHER!!

I am in shock how the girls are so upset with their father. The oldest daughter saying it is like her father was murdered. I really don't think so. My sister-in-law was murdered in June 06. There is NO feeling like that. She still has her "dad" she just doesn't like the way he is living his life.

I also think these girls are the ones that are being very selfish. As a daughter I want the best for both of my parents.

I can not imagine how hard it was for Michael to live as a man for 40 years when he felt like he should have been born a woman.

I am still watching this and am more shocked as the show goes on. The girls keep saying they are the victims. WHAT?!?

I really think these girls need some help understanding that their "dad" felt like a woman for most of his life and this is something he needed to do.

I love it "swapping parts like a junkyard" I have to use this sometime lolol

 

I just don't understand it. I am proud to be a woman even with the hell we sometimes go through and he should be proud to be a man. He is not even a good looking woman. He was a decent looking guy though...

I don't believe that what the father is doing is wrong.  However, I do believe that the way he is going about it is.  Kayla is who she is.  She is a woman born in a man's body.  She is not the first one and won't be the last.  There is nothing wrong with that.  However, Kayla is also a father and she has responsibilities towards the children.  Paying child support is one.  Kayla, if you lived with your children, would they go without because you are having financial problems or would you sacrifice your own needs/wants to make sure they have everything they need? 

Dr. Phil kept telling Kayla that she was cold and had no reaction to her children's pain.  Dr. Phil, has it occured to you that maybe, just maybe, she tried in the last 2 years to reach out and was repeatedly rejected and had to toughen up to be able to cope with it?  It seemed to me that you endorsed everything those girls did and said to their father, when you should have actually told them to stop trying to pressure their dad into being someone he is not!

To everybody out there who is judging Kayla, put yourselves in her shoes for a minute.  Imagine that you are a man/woman in your body, your heart, your mind, your soul and all of your being.  That is what and who you are.  Then people all around you start pressuring you to change your gender.  They will not talk to you, look at you, acknowledge you, unless you do what they want you to do, even though you know in your heart that you are who you are and that making such a change would leave you feeling miserable for the rest of your life.  Would you cave?  Would stand up for who you really are? 

That is exactly what Kayla is doing.  She is standing up for who she really is.  She has tried to be the person the world wants her to be and it hasn't worked.  She said herself that she is happier now as a person than she ever was as a man.  Has she made mistakes along the way?  Of course she did.  Did she intentionally hurt her children?  No way!  You can tell how much she loves them and sadly, she didn't know how to prepare them for this.

To Christina and Carlie, I understand you girls are upset.  I hear what you're saying when you say your daddy died.  But your daddy is more than just the envelope.  Yes, his change in appearance is confusing and upsetting, but his heart is still the same.  He hasn't had it replaced.  His memories are still intact, he hasn't written you off.  He does want a relationship with you but you are the ones who are completely closed-minded about it.  You want him to be who you think he should be, not who he really is and THAT is not fair.  Yes, parents have responsibilities when it comes to their children, but complete self-sacrifice is not one of them and that is exactly what you're asking of your father. 

To Kayla, do not ask your children to call you mom or auntie.  They have a mother and you are not their aunt.  You are their biological father and just because you are changing your gender doesn't change that fact.  On the other hand, I understand that calling you daddy in public would be awkward.  You all need to sit down (eventually) and come to a compromise as to what they should call you.  I also have a feeling that your lack of emotion on the show had nothing to do with whether you care about or love your children.  I think it was a defense mechanism that you have used in the past to cope with this constant judging and rejection.  I don't blame you for using it, but as a parent, you need to get help on how to communicate constructively with your children.  You will also need to be patient with them.  This is a huge change for them, more than for yourself.  Yes you are the one who is physically changing, but you are welcoming that change; they aren't.  Don't get into childish arguments with them.  I know you feel they are attacking your character, but they are really just trying to deal with the pain and confusion that this change is bringing.  Don't shut down, but don't accept disrespect either.  It is a fine balance and you will have to get some help to get it right.

I hope that this relationship can be salvaged for the sake of everybody involved.  But it will take an open-mind on the part of all those involved, some time, a lot of effort and education.  I really hope that Dr. Phil can provide some help to those people because they all deserve to be happy.

My mother died less than two years ago, and I'm sitting here crying for these children. I think it is much worse to have a parent choose not to be what they have been your whole life and die in that sense, than have one physically die. I feel for these children, especially the 13 year old. It was not their decision. It was their father's, and he should take responsibility for it, and realize he's not the only one suffering - they are too.

okay, I get that his motive is always "all about the children who didn't choose to be born," but he usually at least manages to see both sides of an issue. not here! of course "kayla" could've handled things better, but let's move forward from there. he didn't once tell the girls that this person is the same person on the inside, that they don't have to consider him dead, if they're willing to take some time and give "her" a chance to be in their lives. he didn't once tell them that if they truly loved their dad as much as they said they did and considered him such a best friend, that they would make an effort to try to be there for him, too, in what must be the loneliest time in his life. he didn't say that it's all well and good to think of "the children", but a parent owes it to themselves (and the children) to try to be a full, happy person, too. that just making the decision to have a child shouldn't mean that you must live for them - no matter the cost to you - forever. this wouldn't be a bad lesson for those girls to learn. their attitude that the only way he's allowed to be in their lives is to go back to the way he was is absurd, and dr. phil should've told them so, that this is not an option and they need to make a choice to have "her" in their lives and adjust or, if they can't, to move on, but it is their choice now since "she" has made hers. where was your compassion on this one, dr. phil? when were you this man's advocate? all you did was further entrench both parties in their positions. shame on you.

I don't know the religious faith of this man, but what I do know is that God does not make mistakes. He was born a man because God made him that way. I'm not judging him but I would not want to tell God on judgement day that he made a mistake. Something or someone has lead this man in the wrong direction of life. Like I said, GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES!!!

You are so right!!  Talk about a selfish spoiled "child" and I felt that she was obviously coercing her younger half sister!

Every human being is a gift and deserves the best life possible, and that includes Kayla!