This goes to the beautiful, God-given children of this man, from someone who is now a mother herself, and knows personally what you are going through. I want you to know that you have every right to be hurt, disappointed, angry, infuriated, sad, traumatized and THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I spent too many self-destructive years mourning what was not my fault or that of 6 other family members. It is not your responsibility to figure "dad" out and you don't have to call him anything but "dad" or nothing at all.
Please take heart. My gay father told my sister not to refer him by "dad". He also took us to a drag show. She is still hurting 17 years later and our dad is still confused and angry as ever. She is lost. He will remain lost. Regardless, I want you to be comforted in the fact that you are not alone and YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT, TOLERATE OR EVEN HONOR HIM. Unless someone has gone through this as we have, they will try and put the blame on the kids. Their is a kind of psychological incest that takes place, so I would keep him out of your life, at least for now. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET HIM INTO YOUR LIFE, TRY AND FIGURE HIM OUT OR DO ANYTHING THAT YOU ARE EVEN SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH. Underneath the anger and disgust is pure, anguishing sadness and disappointment. Too much counseling will keep you in emotional torture. I know. I've been there. It's like a death when a parent does this, you see. It is worse than divorce or anything else in this world to be a girl, with a parent who likes the same sex you do, or who may want to hang around your boyfriends, and also enjoys wearing make-up. You CAN and HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO stay away from him and try not to listen to anyone who attempts to force their lifestyle on you. I will not allow my dad around my sons because I don't want my sons identifying with a culture that is wrong and distorted. I am praying for you girls. HIS CONFUSION IS YOUR DELUSION AND IT IS UNFAIR TO ASK A KID TO LIVE WITH IT, REGARDLESS IF THE PARENT WAS ONCE A GOOD DAD. Appreciate it, but you owe him nothing! Let go of that and try not to get caught up in expecting it again from him. HE IS LOST, AND YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO FINDING YOURSELF. THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS TO CUT UNHEALTHY PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Hold on to the memories you cherish and don't allow the culture to turn you from GOD, who remains the same, even when the culture changes. Turn away from what is bad for you, even if they are family. Know this, sweet, beautiful girls, GOD GIVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND HE IS YOUR REAL FATHER. HE LOVES EVERY PART OF YOU AND WANTS YOU TO HEAL. HE loves your dad too, but unless dad gets the help he needs, he is toxic for you. He is a source of intense humiliation and shame when one does not know who SHE is yet. Protect yourself from that. Learn a way to know your identity away from your dad. Mine is in Jesus . Once your identity comes from being the DAUGHTER OF A KING, rather than a confused, sad, lost parent, your life will get easier. I feel your pain. There is deliverance.
my healing did not come from 15 years in therapy, but from Jesus. I am praying for you and millions of others are praying for you, trust me. My dad hid in the military and the monastery and behind a family also. He is still not "available" to guide his sons as the blind can not lead the blind in straight relationships. What is done in darkness is always brought to light. Pray for your dad. Go where there is spiritual support because it is your spirit that is crushed and the tears express that. Anger is just a band-aid for wounds. I do not suggest going to PFLAG as it is not an appropriate venue for kids who come from this. Again, pray for your dad and each other. It is hard to hate someone you are praying for. When the scary images come into your mind, pray against it and know you are deeply loved by a very loving Divine God. Don't allow the fury to permeate into your physical and spiritual cells for too long or your emotional wounds will hurt your future and maybe that of your own children if that is in the future for you. The trauma this induces on children is unbelievable, even adult children. I pray that you turn away from what does not serve your soul, even if it is a temporary (or permanent) turning from your dad. YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG BY BEING KIND TO YOURSELF. Here is a number to FOF. They have trained counselors who will even pray with you, guide you to the right resources and will respect your privacy. They know what is sacred. (719) 531-3400. We are praying for you.
(Original Air Date: 04/29/08) Christina, 21, and her younger sister, Carlie, 13, say they had a close relationship with their father, Michael, until two years ago when he decided to transition to a female. Michael was a police officer, soldier and loving parent who lived his life as a male for 40 years. Now, he wants his daughters to call him Mom, because he says Dad is gone, but they refuse. Michael, who prefers to be called Kayla, says she wants to explain to her daughters why she's living as a woman, but they've never given her the chance. The last time Christina saw her father was two years ago when he showed up at her work in lace and blue jeans to break the news that he's transgendered. When she sees Kayla onstage, does she greet her with open arms? Next, Carlie joins her sister and father. She says she wants her old dad back, but will she feel the same after seeing Kayla? Can the father-daughter bond be turned into a mother-daughter one? Be prepared for an emotional journey as two daughters struggle to understand how someone they say loved so much could hurt them so badly. Talk about the show here.
