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Topic : 08/04 Daddy Drama

Number of Replies: 1404
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Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:00:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/29/08) Christina, 21, and her younger sister, Carlie, 13, say they had a close relationship with their father, Michael, until two years ago when he decided to transition to a female. Michael was a police officer, soldier and loving parent who lived his life as a male for 40 years. Now, he wants his daughters to call him Mom, because he says Dad is gone, but they refuse. Michael, who prefers to be called Kayla, says she wants to explain to her daughters why she's living as a woman, but they've never given her the chance. The last time Christina saw her father was two years ago when he showed up at her work in lace and blue jeans to break the news that he's transgendered. When she sees Kayla onstage, does she greet her with open arms? Next, Carlie joins her sister and father. She says she wants her old dad back, but will she feel the same after seeing Kayla? Can the father-daughter bond be turned into a mother-daughter one? Be prepared for an emotional journey as two daughters  struggle to understand how someone they say loved so much could hurt them so badly. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 29, 2008, 9:11 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

Quote From: cndrlla

Haven't you figured out that the aliens are ALREADY here?! Take a good look around! 
nha there only veiwing us from a distance, they too do not know what to think about us  lol
 
April 29, 2008, 9:14 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

Quote From: cndrlla

Haven't you figured out that the aliens are ALREADY here?! Take a good look around! 
hehe i clicked the post button too fast  i would bet you the aliens watch Dr Phil from way out in space. i think they too got one of these.
 
April 29, 2008, 9:23 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

 Goes to show that the choices we make as parents DO affect our children therefore we better make sure we are doing the right thing when it comes to the choises int his life. I personaly beleive it;s wrog to change gender, it;s not the way it is suppose to, I beleive it's ingodly, yea, people slam me I don't care! Ok, so even though I feel this way, I also beleive in free choice therefore if htis is the choice this MAN has decided to make that's His coice, not his family's therefore he has absolutely NO right to expect his daughters to call him mom, he is not their mom, they have a mom so he needs to step up to the plate and take care of his daughters and accept the fact that do not feel comfortable in calling him dad, h=just he did not feel comfortable in a man's body and expects others to respect that then that favor needs to be returned by him, he is thier father, not their mother. Persoanlly I would be int he same boat as them, I would have no desire to call my dad mom, that's redicoulous, they do not know him as mom, they know him as dad, and he needs to get over it. Again, our choices as parents Do affect our children and we need to accept the outcomes of those choices.

I believe in loving and caring for others but I do not believe we have to accept everything that everyone does, we do not have to agree withthe choices of others, these girls have the right to feel as they do and they shouldn't have to call their dad mom and if they cannot accept this change, that is their right, I know I would have a hard time with it, heck, I had a hard time accepting my biological mom for the stupid things she did in her life, it DID affect me and becauise of her self righteous choices, she has no relationship with her daughter, who's fault is that!! it isn't mine, she's the one who made those choices and she's mad at me for having my own beleif system?

To the girls on the show, follow your hearts and don't feel pressured to believe something that you do not beleive, you can still love your father but you can also stcik to your own beliefs and to the father, you made the choice to become a woman, your girls know you as dad, get over it, you are not their mother...............
 
April 29, 2008, 9:29 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

Quote From: jcmorse

Did some of you even watch this show?!

 

He is not asking them to call him Mom.  He told them that they can call him by his new name, they can call him "Aunt", they can call him whatever they are comfortable with.....except "Dad".

 

His children don't want to call him anything.  They want nothing to do with this man, who, by their OWN ADMISSION  was a good father, a role model, and their best friend! 

 

The 21y/o has serious issues, and definitely needs some therapy.  She should not be allowed around the younger daughter until she can keep her negative opinions to herself.  She can certainly choose to have her own opinions about her father, but for her to express them to an impressionable 13y/o is unacceptable.  In my view, the younger daughter needs her parent, and has an opportunity to renew her relationship with that parent, provided that no one is sabotaging that possibility with snarky comments and disdain.  All she's worried about is who's going to walk her down the aisle!  Why CAN'T it be her father, in his new form?  If she truly loves him, it shouldn't be a problem.  And if that's her biggest worry, she's years away from being mature enough to get married anyway.  Marriage doesn't allow it to be about ME ME ME....to make a marriage work, you have to be able to think about and provide for the needs of someone other than yourself.

 

The 13y/o needs help as well, with a qualified therapist who has dealt with some of these issues before.  She needs to understand the pain that her father suffered for so many years in order to give her the dad she needed.  She needs to understand that he can still be there for her in the same ways he was before. 

 

As I said in another post, this man did not handle the situation well.  But his older daughter is making things worse, and Dr Phil should have addressed that.  This man was being defensive because Dr Phil was attacking him because he didn't cry and was allowing him to be attacked by an adult child that he had raised, in front of an impressionable younger daughter!  How is THAT going to help anything?  They need positive intervention and guidance before this poor 13y/o loses any chance she may have had to have a reasonably good relationship with her second parent.

 but he is not his aunt, mom, whatever, they grew up calling him dad, that's what they know him by and they have that right, he is the one who made the choice to be woman, not them, he needs to accept it and go on, his girls are not on the        same page as he is and that's ok. he wants respect for making this choice, then he needs to accept thier choice to not call him by anything else, yep, his choice affects his daughters and that's the chance he took and now he needs to deal with it............................

 
April 29, 2008, 10:10 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

Quote From: misstessa

Dr. Phil,

I have to wonder how the dad would feel if he "lost" his father?These girls are so confused, which I think is what led to the anger and hurt they are feeling.

I think the dad should not have had children if he was feeling like this as a young man. It was very selfish of him to marry and become a dad if he had these feelings.I feel that was wrong to do to the women he married.And then to bring children into his confused state of mind,was very selfish of him! These children didn't ask to be born into his confusion.

you know what? they haven't lost their dad even tho their dad is becoming a woman he will always be their dad, in all honesty he don't look bad, some of the women Ive been with in my time should have looked as good, man i wish i had known about them hormones back then those girls could have looked much better. he will look even better if he could louse a few dress sizes.
 
April 29, 2008, 10:15 am CDT

04/29 Daddy Dramas

Quote From: jcmorse

Did some of you even watch this show?!

 

He is not asking them to call him Mom.  He told them that they can call him by his new name, they can call him "Aunt", they can call him whatever they are comfortable with.....except "Dad".

 

His children don't want to call him anything.  They want nothing to do with this man, who, by their OWN ADMISSION  was a good father, a role model, and their best friend! 

 

The 21y/o has serious issues, and definitely needs some therapy.  She should not be allowed around the younger daughter until she can keep her negative opinions to herself.  She can certainly choose to have her own opinions about her father, but for her to express them to an impressionable 13y/o is unacceptable.  In my view, the younger daughter needs her parent, and has an opportunity to renew her relationship with that parent, provided that no one is sabotaging that possibility with snarky comments and disdain.  All she's worried about is who's going to walk her down the aisle!  Why CAN'T it be her father, in his new form?  If she truly loves him, it shouldn't be a problem.  And if that's her biggest worry, she's years away from being mature enough to get married anyway.  Marriage doesn't allow it to be about ME ME ME....to make a marriage work, you have to be able to think about and provide for the needs of someone other than yourself.

 

The 13y/o needs help as well, with a qualified therapist who has dealt with some of these issues before.  She needs to understand the pain that her father suffered for so many years in order to give her the dad she needed.  She needs to understand that he can still be there for her in the same ways he was before. 

 

As I said in another post, this man did not handle the situation well.  But his older daughter is making things worse, and Dr Phil should have addressed that.  This man was being defensive because Dr Phil was attacking him because he didn't cry and was allowing him to be attacked by an adult child that he had raised, in front of an impressionable younger daughter!  How is THAT going to help anything?  They need positive intervention and guidance before this poor 13y/o loses any chance she may have had to have a reasonably good relationship with her second parent.

Marriage doesn't allow ME, ME, ME Being a parent is never about ME, ME,ME. it seems to me  that the father yes father, should let them call her what ever they are comfortable with. she needs to see to there needs in this issue first. she can change everything about herself and still one fact will never change, she is their father, so until they choose what to call her, dad should work just fine, put the children first its what you are to them. To the rest of the world, you can be who you want to be.
 
April 29, 2008, 10:49 am CDT

What about people who god didn't choose?

Quote From: wardjunefan

In my opinion, you are born the sex you are to be born with because that is the way nature intended! People like this, also my opinion, are just practicing a perversion. I can't print what I would do to my father if he did this. I feel for his daughters. If you girls do end up reading this, he is the one missing out, not you. Gee, I wonder what his brothers on the police force think of him.

What do you think (and other christians for that matter) of intersex people, you know, someone born with parts both reproductive systems, or other intersexed conditions, like one where a person will have some cells in the body have XX and others XY chromosomes. I mean, if god picks out what gender you are and you're not supposed to question it, what are the poor intersexed people supposed to do? Just pick a gender and hope they like it?

I think that if biology (not god becaue I don't believe in god) can mess up your gender physically, it can also mess up your gender psychologically.

I think that some people are born with the mindset of one sex, yet they are the other. It's just a mental version of when biology doesn't decide fully on your gender.

 
April 29, 2008, 11:36 am CDT

Daddy Drama

Dr. Phil!

I can understand the pain and betrayel michaels wife and daughters must be going through,...

I guess my question is, What kind of help should Michael have sought out?

Many internet sources say there is no cure for what he is going through.

Is this true?

 
April 29, 2008, 11:47 am CDT

The kids would be better off if their father died.

I cannot imagine the anguish these children are going through. That "man" is a sorry excuse for a human being. He was born male, he should stay that way. GOD does not make mistakes. I cried the whole time I watched this show, my heart aches for these innocent children.
 
April 29, 2008, 11:55 am CDT

DAUGHTERS HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL ANGRY

   This goes to the beautiful, God-given children of this man, from someone who is now a mother herself, and knows personally what you are going through. I want you to know that you have every right to be hurt, disappointed, angry, infuriated, sad, traumatized and THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I spent too many self-destructive years mourning what was not my fault or that of 6 other family members. It is not your responsibility to figure "dad" out and you don't have to call him anything but "dad" or nothing at all.

Please take heart. My gay father told my sister not to refer him by "dad". He also took us to a drag show. She is still hurting 17 years later and our dad is still confused and angry as ever. She is lost. He will remain lost. Regardless, I want you to be comforted in the fact that you are not alone and YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT, TOLERATE OR EVEN HONOR HIM. Unless someone has gone through this as we have, they will try and put the blame on the kids. Their is a kind of psychological incest that takes place, so I would keep him out of your life, at least for now. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET HIM INTO YOUR LIFE, TRY AND FIGURE HIM OUT OR DO ANYTHING THAT YOU ARE EVEN SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH. Underneath the anger and disgust is pure, anguishing sadness and disappointment. Too much counseling will keep you in emotional torture. I know. I've been there.  It's like a death when a parent does this, you see. It is worse than divorce or anything else in this world to be a girl, with a parent who likes the same sex you do, or who may want to hang around your boyfriends, and also enjoys wearing make-up. You CAN and HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO stay away from him and try not to listen to anyone who attempts to force their lifestyle on you. I will not allow my dad around my sons because I don't want my sons identifying with a culture that is wrong and distorted. I am praying for you girls. HIS CONFUSION IS YOUR DELUSION AND IT IS UNFAIR TO ASK A KID TO LIVE WITH IT, REGARDLESS IF THE PARENT WAS ONCE A GOOD DAD. Appreciate it, but you owe him nothing! Let go of that and try not to get caught up in expecting it again from him. HE IS LOST, AND YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO FINDING YOURSELF. THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS TO CUT UNHEALTHY PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Hold on to the memories you cherish and don't allow the culture to turn you from GOD, who remains the same, even when the culture changes. Turn away from what is bad for you, even if they are family. Know this, sweet, beautiful girls, GOD GIVES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND HE IS YOUR REAL FATHER. HE LOVES EVERY PART OF YOU AND WANTS YOU TO HEAL. HE loves your dad too, but unless dad gets the help he needs, he is toxic for you. He is a source of intense humiliation and shame when one does not know who SHE is yet. Protect yourself from that. Learn a way to know your identity away from your dad. Mine is in Jesus . Once your identity comes from being the DAUGHTER OF A KING, rather than a confused, sad, lost parent, your life will get easier. I feel your pain. There is deliverance.

 my healing did not come from 15 years in therapy, but from Jesus. I am praying for you and millions of others are praying for you, trust me. My dad hid in the military and the monastery and behind a family also. He is still not "available" to guide his sons as the blind can not lead the blind in straight relationships. What is done in darkness is always brought to light. Pray for your dad. Go where there is spiritual support because it is your spirit that is crushed and the tears express that. Anger is just a band-aid for wounds. I do not suggest going to PFLAG as it is not an appropriate venue for kids who come from this. Again, pray for your dad and each other. It is hard to hate someone you are praying for. When the scary images come into your mind, pray against it and know you are deeply loved by a very loving Divine God. Don't allow the fury to permeate into your physical and spiritual cells for too long or your emotional wounds will hurt your future and maybe that of your own children if that is in the future for you.  The trauma this induces on children is unbelievable, even adult children. I pray that you turn away from what does not serve your soul, even if it is a temporary (or permanent) turning from your dad. YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG BY BEING KIND TO YOURSELF. Here is a number to FOF. They have trained counselors who will even pray with you, guide you to the right resources and will respect your privacy. They know what is sacred. (719) 531-3400. We are praying for you.

 
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