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Topic : 07/25 "It's My Baby Too!"

Number of Replies: 1870
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Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:02:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/30/08) Attention men: If you have a child on the way, or dream of being a father some day, you don’t want to miss this show! A little-known law could keep you from having any rights to your child. Bryce and Esther dated for one month before Esther became pregnant. Bryce says he wanted to marry Esther and raise their child together, but Esther says she wasn’t ready to be a mother. When they broke up, Esther decided to place the baby for adoption without informing Bryce. When Bryce finally learned his daughter was born, she was already seven days old and placed with another family. Now Bryce is fighting to get his child back, but because of an obscure law in his state, he has lost his rights as a father. What law did Bryce fail to comply with that even the lawyers in this case weren’t previously aware of? Is he unfit as a father, or is this law unconstitutional? Bryce and Esther’s lawyers give their opinion. Plus, the grandparents at odds over Esther’s decision face off. Don’t miss this heated discussion and learn more about the Putative Father Registry! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 27, 2008, 5:58 pm CDT

04/30 "It's My Baby Too!"

Quote From: speceddeb

Thank you, Esther, for choosing life for your baby!  Thank you for making the selfless sacrifice to have your child raised in a two-parent home!

Bryce, I am sorry for your loss, however I hope you will be able to forgive Esther for not consulting you regarding the adoption.  Please realize that a child needs more than love.  Next time, please don't make a baby until you are married.

 There is enough children abandoned, in foster care, orphanages  and the streets all around the world.  You do not need to take a child from a parent that wants and loves them.  I think it was good that Esther did not abort but she had a man who tried to do the right thing. 
 
April 27, 2008, 6:08 pm CDT

Society doesn't want Fathers

It's ridiculous!  This man is wanting to do the right thing by his child, knowing full-well that he will not have her support, but the court won't let him.  And how is that child going to feel in twenty years, when she goes to find her biological parents, as nearly all adopted children do, and she discovers that he wanted her, but the courts wouldn't let him raise her!  It's wrong. . .she's not orphaned if one parent wants her.  I have all kinds of thoughts on her mother, however, it's not my business.  This issue isn't whether the mother is a self serving bitch. . .it's whether the law that prohibits the father from raising his child is unconstitutional.  It is of course unconstitutional.  It denies him the basic right of family given by God! 

 

 

 
April 27, 2008, 6:12 pm CDT

Bitterness makes you old

Quote From: maksfarm

To bad California doesn't have this law!
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?  I am sorry for whatever situation you are in that you think this way, however, there are Dads out there who are trying to do the right thing.  Sometimes they are misguided in exactly what that is, or they underestimate the responsibility, but we should still support the efforts that they make, and teach them what is expected of them.  Don't be such a terd!
 
April 27, 2008, 6:19 pm CDT

They aren't all like that

Quote From: paarja1981

Now before I go any further let me say that I do not agree with my adopted daughters choices but I love her unconditionally.

I have an adopted daughter who has 2 children by 2 different guys. Her son's biological father decided after he was 2 1/2 years old that he wanted to be a part of his life. She did not have a choice in the matter & they had to undergo a paternity test. The man was ordered to pay child support & he paid it for a short time then stopped, he is still entitled to his visitations but is not being made to pay the support and now he doesn't even see our grandson unless he feels like it. To us he is just, "the sperm donor" & is causing more harm then anything.

Then I read this about the young man who supposedly doesn't have any rights to his daughter because he wasn't there during the pregnancy. In my State if a female wants to give up a child for adoption or her current spouse wants to adopt her child they have to run articles in the newspapers & try everything within her power to notify the biological father of her intentions before she can legally go through with it. The one response that I read said something about a child needing 2 parents, how ridiculous is that. My mom died when I was 10 and my sisters were 7 & 3 and my dad loved us just fine! I agree that in a perfect world it would be nice for the parents to be happily married to each other before they have a child but in todays world that is not how it seems to work.

If this young man is the little girls biological father and is seen to be a fit person then he should have just as much right to her as she did. To me this adoption should be considered as fraud and should be null & void! I feel sorry for the "prospective" adoptive parents but the attorney's should have found the biological father before continuing with the adoption. Also if I am not mistaken, doesn't the mother have so much time to change her mind?

Give the biological father his rights!!!

 

I have experienced what you describe in your family, but I have also seen the other side.  I realize now that my oldest son's dad was just way too young to be anything but an uncle of sorts.  It's sad, but the kids do figure it out eventually.
 
April 27, 2008, 6:24 pm CDT

License to conceive

Quote From: lmish728

Amen to that.   He should have the same rights as the mother.  What a shame.
Yeah, they'll let any crack addict with a uterus have a baby, but the dad's can't raise them?  I don't know how to impliment it but we need a license to conceive! 
 
April 27, 2008, 6:28 pm CDT

WHAT!!!???

Quote From: cyncritter

These tugs-of-war only hurt people, and can also damage the child at the center.

If he wants to raise a child, why doesn't he find a woman, settle down, get married, and have one together? This kind of custody battle can drag on for a long, long time, keeping everyone in limbo, including the baby. The baby needs to be the FIRST in consideration. If the family with whom the baby is placed is a good family, then that should be enough to make everyone happy.

Emotions affect babies. When everything is in chaos around the child's custody, if affects all the signals that child is getting from her would-be parents. This is not an It's-mine-and-I-have-a-right-to-have-you situation. This should be about what's the very best for the child.
The only thing that would make it drag out is the father's rights as the biological parent not being respected.  If the adopted parents respect his rights and that they were violated, then it will be over lickety split!  How is he at fault for dragging out a long court battle and keeping the child's life in limbo?  The adoptive parents are just as guilty of that.
 
April 27, 2008, 11:49 pm CDT

It's my baby too

As a mother of two sons and even before I had my sons I feel like men get a raw deal when it comes to children.  A woman can lie and sneak and do everything in her power to get pregnant by a man to trap him and he is stuck, like it or not with a person he does not love.  Then on the other hand he can have a child that he wants and loves very much and wants to be the best father in the world but she says NO. She moves away or tells lies to the judge and he never gets to see his child. Or like in this case she decides to give the child away. What has happened to, what is best for the child?  Is not having the child raised by his or her real parent , mother or father the best for the child?  To have the real grandparents around. The only way it would not be is if the family is unfit because of drugs or worse.  The laws need to be looked at and changed.

 
April 27, 2008, 11:51 pm CDT

04/30 "It's My Baby Too!"

THIS IS WHY FOLKS NEED TO USE CONDOMS AND PILLS... OR A SAFEWAY BAG TO PUT OVER  THEIR GUY PENIS ... ALL THIS UNPROTECTED SEX LEADS TO DISEASES AND CHILDREN ... THE LAWS ARE ALWAYS ON THE FEMALES SIDE... CAUSE... IT THINKS SHE KNOWS BEST ...AND SHE DOES ALL THE LABOR WORK FOR NINE MONTHS .... YEAH!! .... RIGHT! ... THATS WHY MOST ARE KILLING THEIR CHILDREN ALSO ... THE LAW NEEDS TO CHANGE... NOW ...

 

THERE ARE SOME  MANY GOOD MEN OUT HERE ... THEY ARE NOT GIVING THE CHANCE TO PROVIDE IT ...SO THATS ..WHY.... I BELIEVE THE LAWS SHOULD CHANGE ... ITS TAKES TWO TO MAKE A CHILD ....SO ITS UP TO BOTH TO DECIDE WHATS BEST .... NOW THE MOTHER ....IF SHE DID NOT WANT ANY CHILD.... HER DUMB-BUTT SHOULD HAD BEEN ON THE PILLS OR WHATEVER BIRTH CONTROL THAT IS BEST FOR HER ....

 

SO SHE WOULD NOT GET PREGNANT.... THATS JUST PLAIN COMMON SENSE ..... IF SHE HAVE ANY ... IT JUST SHOW TO ME SHE JUST OUT THERE DOING HER THING ... AND NOT EVEN GIVING A SECOND THOUGHT... HECK ....ITS DISEASE OUT HERE  .... AND NONE OF THE GUYS WILL TELL HER THAT THEY GOT SOME DISEASE ... SHE SHOULD HAD TOLD HIM  .... AND ALL THE OTHER GUYS SHE BEEN SLEEPING'  WITH ...

 

THAT SHE HAVING A BABY..... AND SHE DON'T WANT IT ... TOOK A DNA TEST.... FIND THE FATHER AND IF HE WANTS IT THEN HE SHOULD HAVE IT .... NOW ... MOST FOLKS MIGHT GET MAD THAT HE WAITED TOO LONG WILL DUH!!!!!!!! ... HE MIGHT JUST HAD FIND OUT LATE ....NOW.... THAT MAKE SENSE TO ME ... SO.... HE TOOK ACTION ON WHAT TO DO TO GET HIS DAUGHTER .. NOW THAT SHOWS ME THAT HE IS DOING HIS RESPONSIBLE AS A MAN .....

 

AND AS A HUMAN BEING .... MOST DADS DON'T EVEN DO THAT MUCH ....THEY DO NOTHING ... AND MOST KNOW THEY ARE THE FATHERS ... MY FATHER WAS NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE ... AND HE KNEW ME FROM THE START ... I THINK AND HOPE THE LAW CHANGES .... THE CPS ,,, SOCIAL WORKERS,,, AND WHOMSOEVER ....

 

JUST NEED TO REALIZE THAT IT TAKES TWO ....AND IF THE MOTHER DON'T WANT THE CHILD.... FIND OUT IF THE FATHER WANTS THE CHILD .... AND IF SO MAKE IT EASY ....THAT THE MOTHER WOULD NOT HAVE ANY SAY-SO ABOUT THE CHILD .... CAUSE CHILDREN NEEDS THEIR MOMS AND DADS TO LIVE ,,,, A HAPPY LIVE ... PLEASE LAWMAKERS CHANGE THE LAWS FOR THE GOOD DADS IN THE WORLD.

 
April 29, 2008, 8:02 am CDT

Thanks Dr Phil and Staff

I am thrilled this topic is getting a forum. The media is so often more of an opinion section then sharing facts. We so seldom hear the other many sides of these pregnancies. Blessings to you one and all for tackling  this very important subject matter. Thanks for the voice.
 
April 29, 2008, 10:58 am CDT

It's time for all of us to come together

On June 17th in New York's capitol, Albany families that have been ripped apart by nonsense like this are coming together. Mothers-fathers-aunts-uncles and so many more are invited.
This should be a non-issue. Mothers and fathers should have equal access to their children and protection under the law. But it isn't that way. Only a few groups support fathers as non-parents. They have lobbied - under the guise of women's rights - to exterminate fathers. What they don't want you to know is that while giving the government the right to walk in an exterminate a father, they have also given the right to the government to exterminate mothers. by allowing this to happen, they apply for more grant monies to support their issues. Just look up their incomes. It isn't uncommon for them to have incomes of over $30,000,000 while claiming to be broke.
What just happened in Texas is prime example of it. And where are our leaders? Obama says he'll support the Texas government, Hillary the same, McCain is silent, Bush is no where. Whether we believe a child should marry at the age of 15 is not the issue. The issue is the law. In "Texas The age of consent is eighteen. With parental and judicial consent, parties can marry but not below the age of fourteen for males and thirteen for females. Common law marriages are recognized." The "law guardians" and counselors for the courts are telling the mothers to separate from the fathers and to admit that they believe that marriage before 18 is not good for the person marring and then they'll get their children back. Its called "coercion". If the mothers give into it they will not get their children back. They only thing they'll get is an order terminating their parental rights as a "stipulated" agreement. They would have agreed that it's bad for the kids to marry before 18, that the father's are a negative influence over the children and that they have allowed it to continue.
Being raised in Woodstock NY I've heard this argument used in other areas. Like smoking pot. Whether you agree or not, it's illegal and if you get arrested for using and state that you believe that it should be legal doesn't cut it. With the parents permission the Texas law states that each and every one of these "kids" could marry. If the Department of Social Services doesn't like the law then they need to change it; in the mean time they must abide by it. What the Texas authorities did was wrong and so is giving up a baby for adoption without consent of both parents.
If this woman lied and said that she didn't know who the father was than the adoption is illegal. If she did uncover who the father is and the authorities didn't contact him than the adoption is illegal.  If we allow this to happen than what is to stop the authorities to come in and take babies from their mothers and give them up for adoption? It is happening with greater and greater frequency and we're just allowing it to happen.
I am the VP for FaFNY.org and we fight against these kinds of things. We have seen a change in the tide over the last decade. First the gov kicked out dads and society said that was good because of the false impression that all men are child molesting abusers. Then the gov started telling moms what they could and couldn't do with their children, like mandatory vaccines and no home schooling. Now FaFNY is seeing a serge of married couples having the gov kidnap their children, just like in Texas but on a much smaller scale.
The American family is in jeopardy and we must stand together, just like on June 17, 2008 and say we've had enough.
Come and support the family in Albany and that includes both Mothers and Fathers, grand mothers and grandfathers, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles. Come together and let our voice be heard.  debbyatfafny at yahoo dot com.
 
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