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Topic : 06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Number of Replies: 248
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Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:04:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/01/08) When couples tie the knot, they don't just marry each other; they get hitched to their spouse’s entire family. But what would you do if your in-laws were demanding, condescending and sometimes violent? Bambi hasn’t spoken to her daughter, Kendra, for two years, and she blames her son-in-law, Adam. Bambi says she and Adam got into a heated argument in which she not only slapped him, but also went looking for a gun to shoot him! Kendra says her mother was way out of line for physically assaulting Adam and doesn't know if she can change her controlling ways. Bambi says Kendra is dead to her — and even built a makeshift gravesite in her yard to symbolize her grief. The irascible in-law says she's desperate to reconcile with Kendra -- but not Adam. Will the couple accept her terms?  Join the discussion.

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June 30, 2008, 4:36 pm CDT

bambi has issues

Its clear that Bambi is not in her right mind about anything. You can look at the woman and tell that she is jealous of the fact that her daughter has a good relationship and she couldnt make a relationship work 4TIMES!! Did anyone consider maybe talking to one or ALL of her ex husbands? Bambi sounds like a violent person to me...does anyone remember the mother-in-law (they made a movie of the week about it) who went and hired a hit man to kill her son-in-law? Bambi sounds like that kind of person. She is a nutcase for real and her daughter should be glad that she got out when she did. I hope the son-in-law gets his family safely away from Bambi...Dr. Phil, God love you for wanting to mend a  relationship. But Bambi makes that impossible. Listen to how she talked? She admits to wanting to hurt, no KILL the man her daughter married..I firmly believe its because she is green with envy that the daughter married and had a child and is happy. That means she thinks she is going to be alone now with noone to control
 
June 30, 2008, 4:39 pm CDT

06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: buck777

Poor Bambi,  She has no idea as to the full impact of this choice she has made.

It goes without saying, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, but this poor woman seriously needs some in depth psychological counselling.

 

She has lost years, with her daughter, and grand child that can never be recovered., all to substantiate her delusions that she somehow has been wronged. ( Not to mention, the possible relationship that could have been developed with her son in law, if her view on life wasn't so selfishly orientated.)

She believes that she is a victim, yet isn't willing to resolve the issues at all.              

 

She has so many of the true treasures that life has to offer right at her finger tips, yet doesn't have the courage to reach out.

She would rather believe that she is right and be bitter in that belief , than to make any resolutions to effect a positive change.

 

It really is a shame.

Buck777

How right you are. I dont see how her being bitter can make herself feel good. And I think she went on Dr. Phil because she was hoping he would see her side and say she was right. The look on her face shows her surpise at the fact that he didnt really side with her...And I think she knows she is wrong but that is not going to convince her until maybe she is on her death bed...or in jail for attempting to hurt someone else..
 
June 30, 2008, 4:46 pm CDT

06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: zuekeeper

I'm watching the show. In many, many ways, I am relating to Bambi. I, too, had a beautiful relationship with my daughter until she became controlled and manipulated by her, now, husband. I believe he serves his father, the devil. I haven't had a relationship with my daughter for 3 years. I send her gifts for Christmas and her birthday, and if I am blessed, she manages to sneak me a text "thank-you" message. He forbids her to come and see her dad, brother, or me. So Bambi .... I know how your heart breaks for a "girlfriend" one-on-one relationship with your daughter. What you must do, is give the whole package over to God. "Revenge is Mine, says the Lord". You must resolve in your heart that you must totally let her go. Try to lift your own spirits by moving on. She has "made her bed, and she must lay in it". This is why it is soooo important to have a belief in God. Why? Because when this life, called a "vapor" in the bible, is over, and you believe and Kendra believes, God will restore your relationship with your daughter, in heaven, in it's beautiful, perfect, way it was intended.
Are you watching the same show? You called your son-in -law the son of the devil? You sound as crazy as Bambi. Bambi is the one being disrespectful and maybe she is the daugher of the devil. Bambi daughter didnt want a gun to kill her mother...Bambi has been married 4 times...how many times have you been marrie? Its amazing you speak about God and criticize very badly in the same sentences. Lets hope God restores your common sense...
 
June 30, 2008, 6:36 pm CDT

Inappropriate In-Laws

This Bambi character is quite a piece of work.  I really do hope she does seek some *serious* psychological counseling.  I'm actually curious as to what Bambi's childhood was like.  Was there any sort of "defining moment" that shaped her obviously warped view of interpersonal relationships?

 

Be that as it may, I heard Dr. Phil trying to placate Bambi by telling her something along the lines of having  done something right due to the fact that her daughter, Kendra, is a well adjusted young woman.  Just from what I saw on the show, yes, Kendra appeared indeed as being well adjusted, mature, and a loving wife.  The so-called letter that "broke" Bambi's heart, IMO, was well written and not disrespectful whatsoever. 

 

Only judging from what I saw on the the show, I'll have to disagree with Dr. Phil a little bit. Kendra is a well adjusted young woman *not* because of Bambi, but *in spite* of Bambi.

 
June 30, 2008, 6:44 pm CDT

To the Mom

At some point, our kids will break our hearts.  But life is short.  Try to work out your differences.  You've already raised her.  How could you have a makeshift grave of your own daughter?  That's insane.   I know a coworker who lost her 19 year old daughter unexpectedly a few months ago.  Her daughter's name was Kendra too.

 
June 30, 2008, 6:46 pm CDT

06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: swtbbw2

Are you watching the same show? You called your son-in -law the son of the devil? You sound as crazy as Bambi. Bambi is the one being disrespectful and maybe she is the daugher of the devil. Bambi daughter didnt want a gun to kill her mother...Bambi has been married 4 times...how many times have you been marrie? Its amazing you speak about God and criticize very badly in the same sentences. Lets hope God restores your common sense...

I agree.  No where in this show was it proven that the son-in-law was manipulative.  They are a young couple and have made mistakes but I think he is a good husband all-in-all.  I am sorry for your situation but I do not think it can be compared to this show.

 
June 30, 2008, 7:07 pm CDT

i would love to hear feedback

Hello all Dr. Phil Fans

 

I have just joined drphil.com. I don't know how this works yet , so a responce to this would be GREAT!

 

I can some what  relate to Bambbie . Differances is i am 27yrs old and i use to behave like her 3-4 years ago. I have came along way and still have a great deal of things still to work on. I have cronic anixety, depression, personality disorder, ADD, OCD, and alot of other things tht just have'nt been disignosed. I COMPLETLEY think that beautiful little girl should not be around her grandmother right now. In saying that i think the world has became completley blind to what alot of us have to in endure. I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR BAMMBIE JUST WANT TO ENLIGHTTEN A FEW PEOPLE.

 

 

  I am a person who tries to give 120% in everything i do , but can only give 70% the most in what i do. A lot of times i have no energy and feel like my brain is paraylized to do anything productive. Because of this i have not seen my son for 26months now. My perosnality disorder and anixey COMPLETLEY control my life. I would love to get a job one day( a had a few for a couple of days until being fired because i get emtional, forget things, have naixty attacks, and much other uncomfortable feelings. I so want to die many days but know that is not an otion because my   son  needs his mother. It is so hard many days to not give up , i have no friends, i don't trust doctors, i have all these mental disorders, my son does'nt have his mother, i want a job, a family, .

 

  I belive that there should be resourses out there like the PNP clinic ( dr. Frank Lawlis) FREE OF CHARGE. For the last 5 years i have been fixated on going to this clinic instead of doctors telling me all this different disignoses, when how can they help me when i don't know what the hell goes on in my brain 50% of the time. I can not say in words what is wrong with me. I just had  a friend of a friend hang himself because  he felt like he had no purpose, i think he felt all like me and MILLIONS of others ( especialy in the last 30years) that wants a purpose but don't have the right resourses and money to do anything.

 

 

MY QUESTION IS HOW CAN WE GET THE USA AND CANADA TO CUT THE COST OF NEUROLOGICAL TESTING SO PEOPLE CAN SEE JUST LIKE AN X-RAY WHATS GOING ON?PEOPLE GET SICK IN TIRED OF ALOT OF PSYCHOLIGIST AND NEED THINGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. HOW CAN WE GET THE GOVERMENT TO SEE THAT THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE. I THNK ALOT OF IT MAY HAVE TO DO THE THE EVIROMENTAL PROBLEMS THAT ARE OCCURING IN OUR ECONMY TODAY.

 

  Ask your self this. i know we have all seen   that person  on the bus, a friend, a family member, someone just walking down the street , someone that says something that is just out of this world. Something  u can't even bring yourslef to compare opions , because you know it won't turn out to happy. I blieve bammbie has alot of dominating crazy chareater traits, and has too many loose ends to ever make her    life normal , but you can at least look at her like a human being and never give up on her, try your best to observe her behavior and look into what type of mentle disorders she has, and find statergies to help her. Brain excersies i would think. I think she definatley has a mild case of skitzofrinia.

 

I NEED EVERYBODIES HELP HERE, I FEEL NEAR THE POINT OF BEING LIKE MY FIRENDS FRIEND. I NEED A PURPOSE. I HAVE ALOTO F LEARNING DISABLITIES AND CAN NOT DO ALOT ON MY OWN. I AM REANTING ROOMS OUT IN MY FOUR BEDROOM HOME. I MAKE $800 A MONTH. I AM TRYING TO SAVE BUT I ALSO HAVE A SHOPPING ADICTION TO MAKE MY IMAGE BETTER. i AM TRYING T SAVING MONEY TO SEE DR. FRANK LAWLIS.

 

 

 
June 30, 2008, 8:30 pm CDT

06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Kendra, I feel your pain

I have watched Dr. Phil for years, and this show was what prompted me to register an account, and go to the message board.  I feel that in many ways you and I are alike.

I have always been very close with my mom, and my mom has always been a very loving, caring, generous individual.  However, she also has a different side where she is extremely controlling, manipulative, and unstable.  She has very little control over her own behavior though.  There were ups and downs growing up, (which were blamed on me as a teenager), but I figured once I moved out, and started my own life that things would get better.  They did for a little while simply by not living under her roof.  But I then found that if she got mad at me for something, instead of coming into my room and screaming at me & hitting me, and taking off, then coming back 5 minutes later for round two, she had to call me on the phone, and vent her anger with me, hang up, and call back 5 minutes later.  When that didn't work because I stopped answering the phone, she would drive over to my house, and peer in the front window at me.  I then had to cover the window to stop that, and to have peace.
6 years ago, I found out about my father cheating on my mother.  She had told me stories about his past behavior, but this was new, and I felt I had a responsibility to tell her.  My parents had a rocky relationship as far back as I can remember, and I didn't think they should be together, especially after what he did.  So, I told her, I found her a therapist, and I found her a divorce lawyer.  Unfortunately, the therapist proved to be untrustworthy, and didn’t really believe in keeping things confidential, (She was the one who gave us a lot of the information about my father’s infidelity) and my mother stopped seeing her.
I spent my 25th birthday with my mom at her lawyer’s office for support.  I felt that after all the stresses she'd been through that I needed to be the one person in her life to support her through the separation with my father, for as long as that took.
This was clearly a mistake.  Once she found out how deceptive my father had been, something took over, and everything and everyone was "out to get her".  Every time she had accused my father of cheating in the past, he told her she was “a silly woman”, and that she was crazy.  Now that she had found out he really had cheated, and that she was right, she felt that every new suspicion she had MUST also be true.
No matter how insane my mother sounded I was there to support her, and try to help her through it.  This started with being obsessed with mice in her attic, (plausible), but then it escalated.  I can’t count the number of times I was guided around the house so she could show me the newest “damage” caused by the critters.  Then, it was squirrels in the attic, and possibly something bigger, too.  I mean, you know there is something wrong when not one animal control company will respond to your calls anymore.  I’m off on a tangent here, but it wasn’t just that “she had animals in the attic” anymore, they were now communicating with each other to plot against her, and one would distract her while the other went off and wreaked havoc elsewhere on her house.  I tried to talk to her about it, but if I said anything other than what she wanted to hear, WATCH OUT!  I felt that if I just made it through until she moved into a new place that it would be better. . . .nope!  She found animals everywhere she moved.  Unfortunately, this was the first of many obsessions.

First it was the critters, then her phone was bugged by my dad, then her television was bugged by my dad, then there were cameras spying on her, his family was spying on her, and it got worse and worse.
The few times I mustered the courage to suggest she go back to therapy, she would respond with “I’m not crazy”.
After believing my father’s family was spying on her, she thought my brother was doing the same.
Finally, the separation was complete, and I TRULY believed things would be better, and that she might consider some therapy, even if only to get closure about the separation.
Instead, she called the cops on her sister (who was living with her), and had her kicked out, because, yes you guessed it, her own sister was now spying on her along with my mom’s niece, her niece’s husband, and her nephew as well.  Next, her neighbours were all spying on her, any service vehicle that was parked on the street was spying on her, and on and on.
My mom slowly cut off all family contact except for my sister & I, and our families.

This has all been terribly stressful for my husband and I.  It all came to a head this past Christmas when my mom was supposed to baby-sit for me when my husband and I went to my work Christmas party (I work for my father’s company).  I didn’t think anything of it because she was fine when I asked her to baby-sit, but 2 hours before the party she was acting weird on the phone, and when I asked her if she was mad at me for something, she went off on me about how horrible I was to ask her to baby-sit to go to “HIS PARTY”, and then went on about his mistress at the office, like it was somehow my fault or something.  I had enough, and told her that his having a mistress was not my fault, and that it’s not fair that she hold a grudge against me because I have a relationship with my father, and that I work for my father.  She would not stop, and I ended up hanging up on her.
We received MANY, MANY horrible voicemail messages from my mom saying every possible horrible thing she could to us.  When I unplugged the answering machine, she left messages on my cell, and on my work voicemail.  Then after a little time had passed she wanted it to just blow over.  With my mom, there has been a pattern of her blowing up on someone, and then her expecting it to all just go away because she got it out of her system.
 For the first time in my life I stood up to her, and said that I thought we needed to talk about what happened instead of just ignoring it, because I wanted to make sure it never happened again.  She refused to have this conversation and convinced herself that we were just trying to corner her to return the verbal abuse.

No matter how much I wanted to try to hurt her as she had hurt us, I held back, and refused to fuel the fight, and did not return the phone calls.  She took this as me trying to hurt her.  After another month or so passed, she started leaving me nasty messages again.  She called every five minutes, and left messages, and when I unplugged the answering machine, she just let the phone ring off the hook (while my daughter was trying to nap).  My husband finally had enough, picked up the phone and told her that if she called this number again, she’d have to deal with him in person. (I was standing right next to him when he said this).  She panicked, and called my work, and left messages on my machine there saying he threatened to physically harm her, that I was in an abusive relationship, that I didn’t have a mind of my own anymore, etc. etc.

Then, after having no contact for a few more months, she got to thinking and came up with a new conclusion for what was going on.  She called yet again, and this time said that she believes my husband was on my father’s payroll to spy on her.

I finally got myself into therapy to figure out how to get my mom some help, and the only real answer I got was that I should write a letter to her doctor to let the doctor know about her behavior, and see if the doctor could help.  I didn’t want to do this, because I was unsure of whether or not the doctor would listen, and knew my mom would think this was some sort of revenge plot against her, so I never did it.

I finally opted to change my cell phone number to avoid giving her ways to leave nasty messages.  The very next day while I was at therapy, my mom called my house, got my mother-in-law who was babysitting my daughter, and decided to call my cell instead.  The number was no longer in service, so she called and left a nasty message for me at work, which I got when I finished therapy.  I immediately asked my father to change my work extension to avoid messages there.  I really did not want to have to change my home number as well, so I left that alone, and again, hoped for the best.

I had another month or so of peace and quiet, and then, the day after my doctor informed me I had a medical condition that is brought on my stress, my mother called my house.  I hoped that maybe it would be different this time, but when I answered the phone I was met with “I am tired of waiting for my apology”, and I got hung up on.  The stress was too much, and I finally called the phone company and had my home number changed, and had the number unlisted.

I let this go on much, much longer than I should have, and it has hurt my relationship with my husband as well along the way.  He has been very patient, and has backed off whenever I asked him to, and has let me decide how to handle things.  He has watched me suffer, and has still stood by me throughout this.
I’m a grown woman, I have my own life, and I was also diagnosed with a disease that is affected negatively by stress (Multiple Sclerosis) 7 years ago.  The biggest factor however, and probably what touched home most about the show is that I have a 2 year old daughter, and I do not want to expose her to this toxic behavior anymore.
I can’t change the past, but I CAN make sure my daughter doesn’t have this in her future.

 
June 30, 2008, 9:37 pm CDT

Pesky Mother-in-Laws

Bambi....you scare the ever-loving daylights out of me.  Seriously, a few 'stabs' in the back while trying to get an epidural is nothing compared to child birth itself.  MY GAWD WOMAN...find a hobby!!!! Can't you knit a nice scarf or something?  Maybe a king size blanket.  That should keep you busy for a while!

I can only HOPE my teenage son turns out as sweet and loving and kind as Adam and I pray he will find someone as sweet and compassionate as Kendra....but let me tell you something......his mother-in-law ever slaps him or threatens to kill him....she'll be lucky if it's only her beating heart I rip out!  Consider yourself lucky that Adams mom or dad hasn't kicked your crazy, insane azz!  

Kendra and Adam~  Alanna is a beautiful angel!  You are blessed! 


 
June 30, 2008, 9:52 pm CDT

*INSPITE* of Bambi!

Quote From: ducorpstoo

This Bambi character is quite a piece of work.  I really do hope she does seek some *serious* psychological counseling.  I'm actually curious as to what Bambi's childhood was like.  Was there any sort of "defining moment" that shaped her obviously warped view of interpersonal relationships?

 

Be that as it may, I heard Dr. Phil trying to placate Bambi by telling her something along the lines of having  done something right due to the fact that her daughter, Kendra, is a well adjusted young woman.  Just from what I saw on the show, yes, Kendra appeared indeed as being well adjusted, mature, and a loving wife.  The so-called letter that "broke" Bambi's heart, IMO, was well written and not disrespectful whatsoever. 

 

Only judging from what I saw on the the show, I'll have to disagree with Dr. Phil a little bit. Kendra is a well adjusted young woman *not* because of Bambi, but *in spite* of Bambi.

I couldn't have said it any better myself! 

"Kendra is a well adjusted young woman *not* because of Bambi, but *in spite* of Bambi."

AMEN! 
 
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