Topic : 06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Totally agree.  Bambi has either a serious mental health issue or a drug problem of some sort.  No amount of talking or common sense is going to help her see that she's the problem.  Sad.

Thank you for your words.  They have done more for me than you can possibly know.  I dont talk to anyone, not even my closest friend about any of this.  It just upsets my father and husband to know that I am thinking of her.  It's easy for them to put her out of mind, but she is my mother.  I dont mention it to anyone else because I am the one people count on, I dont like to burden them with my issues that they cannot possibly ever understand-even a little- so I put it all on a shelf.  Just being able to type these few messages and get a reponse from someone that does understand has done wonders for me.  Yes, she was very physically and most emotionally abusive to my sibbling and myself as children.  She was/is very manipulative and could get anyone to do anything for her.  She makes you feel like you are so important to her until she has what she needs then she's done with you.  There were a lot of drugs and men.  I dont think I will ever be completely out from under her control or fear.  There was a lot of mental slams- i ran as soon as I became legal-as did my sibbling.  That is when I found my husband, who allowed me to grow and heal.  My knight, if you will.  We married after less than a year and just a few months before my 19 birthday.  He is much older than I.  That was close to 20 years ago.  I still wonder after all this time if we will survive her.  Of course there are issues of our own, but we seem to work those out. The only one we cant seem to work out is her....I try to live my life and raise my children completely opposit of what I was shown, but for some reason I will sometimes feel like I am going to be just like her. I guess it's just that "fear" But thank you so much for your resonses, you give me much needed hope for a brighter future beyond the shadows of her.

I am surprised by Dr. Phil's lack of understanding concerning Bambi creating a gravesite to represent the loss of her daughter.  I know it may seem extreme but I certainly understand it.  I am in a very similiar situation with my 45 year old daughter.  She married a man who has physically abused her, their two children and their animals.   She confides in me most things that happen.  She is now afraid of her 17 year old son.  Her husband has verbally abused me many times and I try hard not to make the situation worse usually by keeping my mouth shut.  I come from many years of physical, sexual and verbal abuse so I know I am sensitive to the subject of abuse and both my daughters have learned from me but I have no way to break that terrible cycle now.  For about 8 years now my daughter has begun to treat me without any concern for my feelings.  She gets mad at me (even though I don't know why because she will not talk before or after the fact) and then she stays away from me for months at a time.  She will not answer her phone during this time.  I grieve during these times because I do not know where my daughter has gone and I don't know why she is gone.  If her husband or her son outright call her a whore and I get upset by it, she is gone again.  How can she tell me all these terrible things they do to her and expect me not to get upset.  She is not like the daughter I used to know or perhaps I really did not know her!  She lives one mile away and I have seen her twice in 7 months.  I finally let her go and I am grieving just as Bambi.  To me it is as though she has passed.  I have a new great granddaughter and am being pushed away from every direction.  Yes, Dr. Phil, I think you were being insensitive to the feelings of Bambi when you told her she was being extreme.  We all grieve in different ways and this was her way.  I write poetry that expresses the same thoughts as Bambi and the only difference is I have not put up the gravestone but I am still grieving for the daughter, two grandsons and great granddaughter I have lost.  It was a huge choice for me but I refuse to take the abuse.  If it feels like abuse, it is abuse, no matter where we come from in our past.