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Topic : 06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Number of Replies: 248
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Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:04:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/01/08) When couples tie the knot, they don't just marry each other; they get hitched to their spouse’s entire family. But what would you do if your in-laws were demanding, condescending and sometimes violent? Bambi hasn’t spoken to her daughter, Kendra, for two years, and she blames her son-in-law, Adam. Bambi says she and Adam got into a heated argument in which she not only slapped him, but also went looking for a gun to shoot him! Kendra says her mother was way out of line for physically assaulting Adam and doesn't know if she can change her controlling ways. Bambi says Kendra is dead to her — and even built a makeshift gravesite in her yard to symbolize her grief. The irascible in-law says she's desperate to reconcile with Kendra -- but not Adam. Will the couple accept her terms?  Join the discussion.

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May 1, 2008, 3:05 pm CDT

Bambi needs PROFESSIONAL HELP

I am disgusted by Bambi and truly think that she needs serious mental help.  Her attitude goes way beyond being a control freak and wanting her daughter, Kendra to put her first in her life, even before her marriage (to Adam) or being a mother to their daughter, Bella. 

 

I don't even know where to begin.  Adam and Kendra are absolutely in the right to keep this woman away, they need to protect that sweet & precious child. 

 

Bambi says that she is afraid of being in a relationship with Kendra and Adam, for fear of being hurt again,  and when you break it down everything is about Bambi and she clearly thinks the world revolves around her.  I have never heard so many excuses and cop-outs in my life.  Bambi wants to be the one to define all the rules and have it all her way or no way.  Clearly she has no sense of boundaries. 

 

Naturally Kendra stands by her husband 100% and so she should and clearly obvious is that Adam stands by his wife.  Has Bambi never heard the biblical expression, of "leave & cleave?"

 

Bambi should get her act together, make a serious self assessment of her attitude and seriously consider going into therapy to deal with her mental health issues, and then maybe in time she can heal the rifts/wounds with her daughter and son-in-law, and be there for her granddaughter. 

 

Dr. Phil, I am a mother and a grandmother and trust me, although there have been moments where I have not been happy with the actions of my sons-in-law, I always remember what really matters and nothing is worth alienating your family, just to prove that you are right, or feel slighted....etc etc etc, whatever the excuse.  If it means having to lose your family and having the need to be in control of everyone else, Bambi needs to open her heart, shut her mouth and just be there for her daughter, son in law and her granddaughter. 

 

Shirley

 
May 1, 2008, 3:07 pm CDT

Bambi

Is Bambi for real? If so, I feel for her,she is in such serious need of help. She needs to get over herself already! As a mother of 4, I can tell you that I have learned that there is NOTHING that your child can do that is unforgiveable! And you NEVER give up on them. There comes a time,though when you have to take a step back and let them be thier own person. You are there to help(when they want or need that).You take a step back,realizing that they need to live thier own lives.They will make choices that may differ from what you might think you would do,but so what?! What makes you think your way would be better? And didn't you ever make a choice that your parents didn't just love to death? Of course you did!! I am speaking from experience. My children range in age from 29 to 38,so I have been through a lot of ups and downs. If I had given up on my daughter when she was in her late teens and early 20s, I wouldn't have the wonderful,close relationship I enjoy now. Nor would I have the close,loving relationship I have with her three beautiful children. What a blessing I enjoy having them in my life.As well as my other 3 children and grandchildren.

As your children mature and go through the stages of becoming an adult and then being an adult,you have to realize that they are finding their way to who they want to be. And you need to give them their space by not taking everything as a personal attack or afront just because they need to go their own way. Right or wrong,we're all in this life together. Let's go through it with Love, compassion, and understanding. That way everyone wins. I'm sure glad my parents thought that way! And I hope my children will continue with that same understanding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 1, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

How very sad.

Bambi, my heart just breaks for you.  It is so obvious that you are not a bad person, one simply needs to look at the daughter you raised to know that.  I would like to offer a reason your daughter does not talk with you, she's frightened.  During the show you displayed how scary you can be when things are not going your way, I suspect your daughter learned early on to NOT disagree with you.

 

My guess would be, that you suffer from an emotional or psychological disorder.  I hope you can and will get some help.  Your reasoning and emotional response is about at the level of an eleven year old. Consequently, you probably will not see what everyone else that watched the program saw, which was an unreasonable and somewhat violent women. 

 

You can, and probably will, hold tightly to you immature and unrealistic attitude about how you have been wronged.  That is what is so sad, with your present, twisted, perception of how you have been mistreated, you probably will not allow yourself to mature until your beautiful grandbaby (and her siblings) are grown up to a point they do not wish to have a relationship with you.

 

I'm pulling for you Bambi, get some help.

 

Bobbie

 
May 1, 2008, 3:18 pm CDT

PSYCHO!!!

What a PSYCHO Mother-in-law!!

Leave her to herself!

 
May 1, 2008, 3:21 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: poppyseed454

HOW COULD THIS SO CALL MOTHER GRANDMOTHER BE LIKE THIS??

  DR PHIL THIS DAUGHTER AND GRAND DAUGHTER IS BETTER OFF NOT HAVING HER IN THE LIFE.

I SURE WOULD MY MOTHER TO DO WHAT THIS MOTHER DID TO HER DAUGHTER.

   DR PHIL I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY SOME ONE THAT SHE SAYS SHE LOVES COULD DO THIS.

              DR PHIL TELL THE COUPLE NOT TO KEEP GETTING HURT BY THIS MOTHER!!

THIS MOTHER WILL DO THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN IF SHE DID IT SHE WILL DO IT ONCE MORE.

                                                                                               May Day 

i couldn't help but notice the little picture you have posted, and would like to wish all the Russians that may be logged on a happy may day.
 
May 1, 2008, 3:22 pm CDT

Just FYI about the Sign Language Belle was using

I think Belle was signing mother and father backwards. Mother is the thumb on the CHIN. And father is the thumb on the forehead : )

 
May 1, 2008, 3:22 pm CDT

Bambi makes me so angry

This woman is so incredibly selfish, she has absolutely NO idea how lucky and blessed she is that she has a daughter that even WANTS to try to make things better so they can have a family together!  My daughter has not spoken to me in years. I have tried many times to reach out and nothing... I would give anything to be in Bambi's shoes right now to be able to begin to mend the hurts and angers that have festered for years!  WAKE UP, WOMAN!!!  You have a daughter who LOVES you!  Be glad and rejoice!!!
 
May 1, 2008, 3:23 pm CDT

Yes

Quote From: redrum13

I feel so bad for the daughter.. My mother is exactly like that. I was so surprised to see that woman on stage. It was like looking staright at my mother.. I am now no longer speaking to her going on now for a year.. I am glad that she (the daughter) has more patience than I do. I applaud her for being the bigger person.. Bambi is just so selfish.. Its all about "HER" but some how that CRAZY woman raised a fine daughter...
I think that, often, reconciling is not a good idea. It takes a lot of soul-searching and strength to walk away from a destructive relationship of any kind, and having other people who are not familiar with the entire situation sling guilt and say that you should get back together is not particularly helpful. Families are nice, if they work, but many families do not work. In such situations, people are better off if they find good friends and build new support networks. I agree with posters who say that Bambi should get help.
 
May 1, 2008, 3:23 pm CDT

Good points....

Quote From: housewife52

I,too, hope that Bambi gets some therapy. I don't know if she can change on her own. You know, she is not the only parent like this. She's the only person I have ever heard of who has erected grave markers to signify the death and burial of her relationships.(I wonder why she didn't have markers for the four ex husbands?) Wonder why some people are unable to ease into the change of a parent's role in their kids' lives. I feel the same as you as far as telling my kids that their significant other has to come first. From what I have seen, it makes it very difficult to have a successful relationship if the significant other does not come first. I think it would be very exhausting to try and live my kids lives for them. I tried to feel some compassion for Bambi, and I can to a certain extent. She has missed out on a lot in her daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter's lives by being the way she is. That's really sad. But, then she opens her mouth and makes it a little difficult to muster some sympathy. I think, under the right circumstances she could be a very dangerous woman, unless she can change her thought processes. I hope she can see the light and try to make a change. One of these days those grave markers are going to be real.

You make some very good points and I totally agree. I do believe that Bambi is at this time a loose cannon and could definitely be dangerous, and her daughter and family must be careful in their dealings with her......but, I still have just a little hope that things can improve with the proper help.

 

Tomorrow is promised to no one, and every day you lose with your family through senseless arguing is such a sad waste! As for those grave markers.....I always say, be very careful what you wish for!! 

 

I enjoy my relationships so much more now with my children because now that they are grown and have families of their own, I can relax and be friends with them instead of the stern parent I had to be while raising them alone! It's so nice...and we all work hard to nurture our relationships with each other. 

 
May 1, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: housewife52

I,too, hope that Bambi gets some therapy. I don't know if she can change on her own. You know, she is not the only parent like this. She's the only person I have ever heard of who has erected grave markers to signify the death and burial of her relationships.(I wonder why she didn't have markers for the four ex husbands?) Wonder why some people are unable to ease into the change of a parent's role in their kids' lives. I feel the same as you as far as telling my kids that their significant other has to come first. From what I have seen, it makes it very difficult to have a successful relationship if the significant other does not come first. I think it would be very exhausting to try and live my kids lives for them. I tried to feel some compassion for Bambi, and I can to a certain extent. She has missed out on a lot in her daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter's lives by being the way she is. That's really sad. But, then she opens her mouth and makes it a little difficult to muster some sympathy. I think, under the right circumstances she could be a very dangerous woman, unless she can change her thought processes. I hope she can see the light and try to make a change. One of these days those grave markers are going to be real.

You are so right. I want my children to live their own lives. I sure don't want to!! My life is enough for me to handle! I have raised them and now it is their turn to live their own lives,building their own families. I am happy to be a part of their lives,but not the master or center of their lives.(Now I can live my own life with my wonderful husband!)  It's a win-win situation.
 
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