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Topic : 06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

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Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:04:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/01/08) When couples tie the knot, they don't just marry each other; they get hitched to their spouse’s entire family. But what would you do if your in-laws were demanding, condescending and sometimes violent? Bambi hasn’t spoken to her daughter, Kendra, for two years, and she blames her son-in-law, Adam. Bambi says she and Adam got into a heated argument in which she not only slapped him, but also went looking for a gun to shoot him! Kendra says her mother was way out of line for physically assaulting Adam and doesn't know if she can change her controlling ways. Bambi says Kendra is dead to her — and even built a makeshift gravesite in her yard to symbolize her grief. The irascible in-law says she's desperate to reconcile with Kendra -- but not Adam. Will the couple accept her terms?  Join the discussion.

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May 1, 2008, 5:03 am CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Well, I don't have inlaws but hubby has an aunt that can be very controlling, thankfully she lives realy far that she can't attempt to control cause if she did, she would be a gonner, I have had to stick up for myself wit  h her and I would have no problem disowning some one who thought htey were the wueen of the castle.

From what I haev read about  this show today is that there isn't a reason for this mother inlaw to treat her daughter and son in law in the way she has other than sefishness,, her daughter has done the right thing by sticking up for her self and her husband, yea, she married and is no longer tied to mommy's apron strings and that is what this mom is so upset about and she needs to get over it.


Life can go on with or without the  MIL and the daughter has proven this, I'm glad to hear that she has stuck by her husband 100%, it;s the way it should be for as far as I could tell, they are a happy married couple with a happy and well taken care of daughter, I hope this lady gets the help she needs and learns to accept the fact that her daughter is a grown woman with a life of her owna nd she's happy, if she doesn't get hre act together, she is gonna end up one lonely, sad woman and lif ei sgonna be worthless, I have a mother basically in the same boat, life was always all about her, sadly to say, she is learning the hard way.

To the MIL, get help and accept your daughters life, she deserves it.
 
May 1, 2008, 5:21 am CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

 I have to say, I was very, very, very Fortunate in my in laws (though I think after my Husband left home, the youngest of six, they were more than HAPPY to give their kids their space ).
Seriously though, they had boundaries and respected ours, my MIL took my kids to church and Sunday School, but respected my reasons not to have them baptized, and my beliefs as well, I always figured there were worse places she could take them, and to this day I belive the kids may or may not share my beliefs as they grow up, so I don't mind exposing them in order to allow them to make up their own minds.  She respected that, and she ASKED me if I minded, she didn't TELL ME she would whether I liked it or not.  If you didn't want her opinion, then you didn't ASK, that simple, because she certainly wasn't scared to give it.
My FIL and I didn't always see eye to eye, and we could butt heads, however there was a respect there, I was the only in law that would argue back, I didn't just make excuses "that's just his way " or "Its his age ", nope, if it concerned my children, then there was NO EXCUSES.  Myself and another DIL were the only two who would force him to the doctor, or nag him into taking his blood, belive it or not, I honestly think he liked our spirit.
I lost them, my MIL died suddenly 12 years ago, and my FIL 5 years ago, and I find myself missing them dearly.  I couldn't imagine them digging a grave for one of their children, or slapping one of us or threatening to shoot one of us.
 
May 1, 2008, 6:54 am CDT

Crazy!!

If I were Kendra, I'd move my family thousands of miles away from this loon of a mother! The way she acts, I'm suprised that Kendra seems sane. To have Dr. Phil squirm around like that, you can't get scarier ! I think he put it just right about her being from the mafia. Move over Tony Saprano, you have met your match!

Kendra and Adam, please stay safe at all costs, you are doing the right thing by keeping your precious baby away from this "mother", I use that term very loosly! I've seen the best of control freaks, but this is beyond controlling, this is dangerous. God Bless you all!

 
May 1, 2008, 7:12 am CDT

Inappropriate In-Laws

Quote From: afraid

oh hell yeah i would feel worse than hurt that would scare the living hell out of me, i know i would be packing and fast as hell too. a head stone with my name on it would do the trick, she would not have to get a shovel out of her garage for me to get the hint.

I know Bambi.  I use to rent a room in her house in NC, 7 years ago.  Myself and 4 others were renting at the time and everyone, and I mean everyone, who has been in her presence has seen her completely inappropriate behavior where not just her kids are concerned.  Kendra IS a beautiful young woman and she always has been.  This is a young woman that graduated from a military academy in S.C., an academy that was previously all male and has very few female cadets.  That is where she met and fell in love with Adam.  But Adam is NOT the first guy Kendra has brought home to meet Bambi only to be faced with the reality that the visit will turn out to be the trip from Hell!  Bambi has always blamed everyone else for her misfortunes in life.  I pray that Dr. Phil will be able to arrange some psychological counseling for Bambi.  Kendra has been prey to her mother her entire life and now that she is married and has a daughter as beautiful and intelligent as she is, I am thankful to God she will finally be able to have some peace and normallcy in her life.  Keep praying for Bambi too!  While most that cross her path learn to despise her, she need support as well. 

 
May 1, 2008, 7:26 am CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Dr Phil i heard  that woman say she has been married 4 times,  i also noticed that their's a lot of woods around wear those grave markers were located, some one might want to go over there and look around in them woods, it is possible they might find 4 more graves out there out of sight, i bet your staff had very uneasy feelings having to go to that woman's house with all them graves in her yard and every thing, you have a very brave staff working for you that much is 100% positive, i would have gotten way away from there and used a telephoto lens to make it look like i was up close, hell that woman Bambi is scary, doc be careful with this woman she might go put one up with your name on it after this show, she sounds like she is with the mafia,please be careful.
 
May 1, 2008, 7:33 am CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

 i heard her say shes a great grandma ,bull s#@*, a good grandma don't dig her grandkids a grave in her back yard, i would go over there and dig those graves up and see who is really in them, they may be real graves judging by who i see dug them, that woman is crazy as hell sedate her it will make it easer to get away from her, i cant believe theirs people out there who are really like that and think its normal to want to hold a beating heart in their hands, talk about  one flew over the coo coos nest, get out the damn nets this one is flying high.
 
May 1, 2008, 7:55 am CDT

My Son Deserves Better

 My son of 26 is planning to marry next January to the most controlling, selfish, self centered, gold digger I have ever seen.  I don't get the fact that he hasn't.  They have a baby together which I feel was a trick on her part to get him.  See they both met with each just ending another relationship that caused them to only feel sorry for each other.  Her previous relationship consist of ending with her having an abortion. She litterally moved in my son's place with just a backpack.  This was 2 years ago.  No Job, NO drivers license, No vehicle!  He has supported everything!  He complained back in December and wanted out!  That's when I got involved and told him I saw it from the start and gave him advice. Well he ended up going to his dad (who I've been divorced from 8 yrs) and heard a different advice.  That he should take her back and continue to give her support and help that she needs.  See my ex is the same...selfish, self centered, AND VERY controlling.  Now because they are back together I'm the devil and that I caused them to break up. So SHE won't let him bring my grandson to visit me and my husband.  I say he doesn't have the guts to stand up to her and just do it!  Well my son just bought a house and announced the wedding plans through email to us.  I know Jan.2009 is far away and a lot can happen between now and then.  But what my son isn't seeing is "The Big Picture" of the future!  He has worked hard for what he has and is a good man.

I'm afraid of what she can do after the marriage!  So I have this email on my draft writing him giving him more sugguested and including how not just less then 4 months ago he text me "I want out, but don't know how" .  I believe the excitement with getting the house has blurred his vision and mind of what she is all about!  She is talking crap, her house her this her that!  Anyway I really want to send this email but can't seem to click the "send" button.  Any suggestions?  

 
May 1, 2008, 8:48 am CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

i did not get to see  the end of this show the last 10 min, but I'm very sure Dr Phil did not get nowhere with Bambi, he wasn't getting no wear with her for 50 min so i don't think things really got no better in the last 10 min, Dr Phil i think Bambi's mom may have missed the calling when she gave her that name,  Bambi  as i remember was a very nice and loving doe dear that was in the Walt Disney movie named Bambi, this woman has taken Bambie's good name and implanted a mafia type gangster in my mind now, every time i think about Bambi now i just think about all them graves in that woman's yard. please thank her for all those grave images i now have.
 
May 1, 2008, 8:48 am CDT

I'm so proud of Kendra (and her hubby)

I hope and pray there is a follow-up on this story, as well as some of the others in which a control freak is the origination of the problem. I'm desperate to know whether or not people who are this extremely controlling have any success in relinquishing control to a more 'normal' level.

 

I felt that Dr. Phil did a fabulous job with Bambi. I have no doubt whatsoever that Kendra does so little talking simply because she learned many many years ago that there is little, if anything that she can say that her mother will respect. This was demonstrated by that incredibly mature and loving letter. My mother has behaved similarly. Our relationship has not escalated to the level of this one simply because I did choose never to be indebted to my mother and thus allow her to throw that sort of thing in my face the way Bambi did to Kendra about the $3,000.

 

I haven't banned or forbidden my mother from seeing our family. Rather, she is like Bambi in today's episode. She has chosen to have extremely little to do with my children and has almost nothing whatsoever to do with my grandchildren. Like pulling teeth, I tried for decades to be loving, forgiving and patient, waiting to have a mom who loves her family unconditionally. Although I was very much like Kendra, I've now been married for 34 years and my mother hasn't changed yet. She must still be in control nearly every moment. Because I stand up for myself, she threatens and chooses to stay away. One of my granddaughters thought she was dead simply because she's never heard from my mother. My mother has no idea. If I told her, she would suddenly be in touch, but then vanish again, too lazy to be in touch, only attending events in which she can get away with being the controlling diva. She has told me repeatedly that we must do what she says simply because she's the mother, or because she's older, or sick, etc.

 

Bambi truly scares me, just like my own mother does. My mother raised her hand to slap me during her last visit to my home nearly 4 years ago. I will never be alone with her again because of this. I've never told her so, I just make sure someone else is around because I am nearly deaf and blind and may not be able to defend myself. I wonder if Bambi and people like her can truly ever be trusted not to become physically violent when they feel that loss of control at some point in the future, which is sure to happen because no one can ever control everything. If professional therapy can accomplish this, it will be a wonderful thing. The problem then, however, becomes that of getting someone like Bambi to admit they have a problem that needs fixing. We can't all go on the Dr. Phil show to give them that awakening!

 

My heartfelt condolences to Kendra. Some people don't have mothers, some have mothers who are drug addicts, criminals, etc. I find it incredibly helpful to simply accept my mother as she is, emotionally placing her in the category of absent mother. These women are not evil, simply unable to see through their own need for control, unaware of how incredibly toxic it is. I love my mother unconditionally, even though she loves me conditionally, but at the same time I understand I cannot change her. I accept that she is what she is and that I cannot , even through my own kind and loving actions, change her need for control.

 

I'll keep watching for positive outcomes to such personalities.

 

 

 
May 1, 2008, 9:23 am CDT

No Happy Ending Here

I'm sorry, but Dr. Phil seems to just be a little too 'Pollyanna' on this one. This woman is obviously mentally ill, but the doctor didnt' even broach that subject.. It seems he's trying a little too hard for that neat happy  Hollywood ending..  The daughter and her husband are doing the right thing by  keeping their distance from her. Frankly, the woman is a nut. Probably  hears voices too...I would not leave a child alone with her, under any circumstances, and I  wouldn't subject my family  to her hysterical ramblings..She kinda reminded me of the mother from that movie 'Carrie'....
 
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