Message Boards

Topic : 06/30 Inappropriate In-laws

Number of Replies: 248
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 25, 2008, 03:04:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/01/08) When couples tie the knot, they don't just marry each other; they get hitched to their spouse’s entire family. But what would you do if your in-laws were demanding, condescending and sometimes violent? Bambi hasn’t spoken to her daughter, Kendra, for two years, and she blames her son-in-law, Adam. Bambi says she and Adam got into a heated argument in which she not only slapped him, but also went looking for a gun to shoot him! Kendra says her mother was way out of line for physically assaulting Adam and doesn't know if she can change her controlling ways. Bambi says Kendra is dead to her — and even built a makeshift gravesite in her yard to symbolize her grief. The irascible in-law says she's desperate to reconcile with Kendra -- but not Adam. Will the couple accept her terms?  Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 1, 2008, 12:43 pm CDT

Go Dr.Phil

 My mother used to be that way. Like her daughter, I had to put up boundaries with the help of my husband because it was hard for me to do alone.  My mother actually had me arrested, which is the only arrest on my record that really frustrated me.  When I was in a battered womens home, my mother took in my abusive husband who had raped me after we separated.   I couldnt believe the things my mother did for attention and then she just donated her kidney at the age of fifty to her cousin, who she says didn't thank her enough.  After, the surgery she thought she was dying, and I had to pay for the thousand dollar emergency trip that no one expected because we all went home after the surgery was a success.  She became a different person after the surgery.  Plus, after I paid her fines of 1500, to keep her from jail because she committed medicaid fraud which is on the internet when you type in her name.  She used me at the age of 15 and made me work her job as a private duty nurse, and I did it to get her to love me because she left me and my sister to live with my grandparents when we were little, but then kept her new kids.  I actually had to do CPR on this baby because it wasnt expected to live past one.  I did it though!  I was her main caretaker and I got Lauren through it!  After she was around two she was out of the woods, and then around three then my sister and stepfather watched Lauren for my mom.  Even though she is hateful I know she loves me and I love her, but its so hard to keep her from screwing up!  So we did heal partially.  I know Bambi needs that rude awakening that she wants to be remembered for being a great mother and grandmother.  Go Dr. Phil! 
 
May 1, 2008, 12:46 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: tonivest

I'm sorry, but Dr. Phil seems to just be a little too 'Pollyanna' on this one. This woman is obviously mentally ill, but the doctor didnt' even broach that subject.. It seems he's trying a little too hard for that neat happy  Hollywood ending..  The daughter and her husband are doing the right thing by  keeping their distance from her. Frankly, the woman is a nut. Probably  hears voices too...I would not leave a child alone with her, under any circumstances, and I  wouldn't subject my family  to her hysterical ramblings..She kinda reminded me of the mother from that movie 'Carrie'....
Yes, she needs help and yes her behaviour has been erratic, abusive and inappropriate, but it's not right to just dismiss her as being nuts or a sicko. None of us can judge (nor should we) someone after a one-hour tv show.
 
May 1, 2008, 12:50 pm CDT

WOW this lady needs some serious help

Quote From: medlaw2007

I know Bambi.  I use to rent a room in her house in NC, 7 years ago.  Myself and 4 others were renting at the time and everyone, and I mean everyone, who has been in her presence has seen her completely inappropriate behavior where not just her kids are concerned.  Kendra IS a beautiful young woman and she always has been.  This is a young woman that graduated from a military academy in S.C., an academy that was previously all male and has very few female cadets.  That is where she met and fell in love with Adam.  But Adam is NOT the first guy Kendra has brought home to meet Bambi only to be faced with the reality that the visit will turn out to be the trip from Hell!  Bambi has always blamed everyone else for her misfortunes in life.  I pray that Dr. Phil will be able to arrange some psychological counseling for Bambi.  Kendra has been prey to her mother her entire life and now that she is married and has a daughter as beautiful and intelligent as she is, I am thankful to God she will finally be able to have some peace and normallcy in her life.  Keep praying for Bambi too!  While most that cross her path learn to despise her, she need support as well. 

OH WOW!!! I'm sorry to hear this story. And I don't know Kendra, but you can tell that shes a beautiful woman. I'm so surprised that she came out of that house SO NORMAL!!! I give Kendra ALOT of credit and respect!!!!  This mother is a whack job. I'm not saying that in a mean way, I really mean she needs some serious help!!!!!!!  I really hope also that Dr Phil offers her some kind of help. BUT Kendra has to realize that this problem is not hers to own. It's her mothers!!!!  Shes the one with the problem>>NOT KENDRA!!!!  Thank god Kendra and Adam have enough brains at their age to realize to STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!   Her mother lost control of Kendra. Thats what this is all about. WOW!!!!  I'm glad to hear from someone so close to the situation as yourself. Glad to see you got away too. I really wish this family THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                     HANG IN THERE KENDRA AND ADAM!!!!!  KEEP MAKING THOSE SMART CHOICES.

STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL BAD OR GUITY ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
May 1, 2008, 1:23 pm CDT

Whew!

This woman (MIL) really worries me. I wonder what on earth ever happened to make her that way? I'm no doctor,but I think even my dog would agree that she needs some help! Maybe she just 'gets off' on the histrionics .Every time something doesn't  go her way she ups the ante. After 'burying' her daughter what's left? I guess she'll have to dig up the graves and stomp them into fine powder. She really is in bad need of some mental intervention.I think the couple is absolutely right by staying away from her.She should be evaluated and treated before she goes near that baby. My heart goes out to this young couple.
 
May 1, 2008, 1:24 pm CDT

One hour, how about 5 mins.

Quote From: veneer

Yes, she needs help and yes her behaviour has been erratic, abusive and inappropriate, but it's not right to just dismiss her as being nuts or a sicko. None of us can judge (nor should we) someone after a one-hour tv show.
Grave markers in the back yard and trying to get a gun to shot Adam ??  It only took me 5 mins. to know she is out of her mind.  You could look in her eye's and know that no one is home.   This isn't  judgement it's just plain fact.
 
May 1, 2008, 1:28 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: cndrlla

Until I saw the last 2 minutes of the show, I was convinced that Bambi was 3 1/2 bubbles off-center; a hopeless, real dangerous nut case......and she no doubt does have some serious issues with self-control, and with being a violent control freak where her daughter and son-in-law are concerned. She is extremely dramatic and is desperately trying to hold on to her daughter, and I see much jealousy towards Adam, her son-in-law.....however, I did see a ray of hope when I saw the look and smile on her face, and a glimpse of a softer person, when she saw her darling granddaughter at the end of the show, so maybe all is not lost. (Bambi no doubt needs some kind of therapy though....this is a very angry woman.) 

 

She should be very proud of her daughter for trusting her husband 100%....that's how is is supposed to be in a marriage! With the divorce rate being at 60%, does she want her daughter to be another statistic, and her granddaughter to be raised without her father, who seems to be a loving, decent guy? 

 

I raised my children (a boy and 2 girls) to each value their marriage, and that their spouse and their children were number one, not me! I raised them to be free-thinking, independent adults who are in control of theirown lives.....I do NOT want to try to live their lives for them; I have my hands full living my own life! Our dynamics have changed as they have grown up, and that is how it should...and must...be. I would be disappointed in them, and in myself as a parent, if they could not control their own lives.

As a result, I have wonderful relationships with my children and their spouses, and enjoy my beautiful grandchildren, too.

 

 I wouldn't have it any other way!

I,too, hope that Bambi gets some therapy. I don't know if she can change on her own. You know, she is not the only parent like this. She's the only person I have ever heard of who has erected grave markers to signify the death and burial of her relationships.(I wonder why she didn't have markers for the four ex husbands?) Wonder why some people are unable to ease into the change of a parent's role in their kids' lives. I feel the same as you as far as telling my kids that their significant other has to come first. From what I have seen, it makes it very difficult to have a successful relationship if the significant other does not come first. I think it would be very exhausting to try and live my kids lives for them. I tried to feel some compassion for Bambi, and I can to a certain extent. She has missed out on a lot in her daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter's lives by being the way she is. That's really sad. But, then she opens her mouth and makes it a little difficult to muster some sympathy. I think, under the right circumstances she could be a very dangerous woman, unless she can change her thought processes. I hope she can see the light and try to make a change. One of these days those grave markers are going to be real.

 
May 1, 2008, 1:30 pm CDT

Kendra

I can related a little to Kendra.  My mom has been overly involved and critical of my marriage also.  There have been times when she swore not to "be a bother" to us ever again.  You can tell that this mother has gone too far and has to much pride to admit that she's wrong.  She said that she couldn't even look at her grand daughter because it hurts too much; but she doesn't realize that she has the control to change that.  Her pride just won't let her.  Also, she blames her son-in-law for the doctor attempting to give Kendra an epideral that went awry.  I have had 4 children and it is the mother's choice to have an epidural or not.  The first time that I was to have an epidural it did not work properly and I had a spinal headache also.  I am glad that no one blamed my husband or even the doctor.  Sometimes, stuff just happens.    It would benifit her to find other things to make her happy and keep her occupied.  Her behavior is just over the edge.  It seems like she wants her daughter to choose which is a bad position to put herself in because as long as Kendra loves her husband , mommy won't like the answer.  Kendra should just let her go until she's ready to change her ways.
 
May 1, 2008, 1:36 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: veneer

Yes, she needs help and yes her behaviour has been erratic, abusive and inappropriate, but it's not right to just dismiss her as being nuts or a sicko. None of us can judge (nor should we) someone after a one-hour tv show.
you are so rite, i would not judge her by the way she came off to Dr Phil nether, but all them graves in her yard were speaking LOUD AND CLEAR , it don't take a college professor to see that woman ain't rite, she may have just gotten hold of some of that mountain spring water down stream from a big foot camp, that would explain her actions a bit better. i really feel sorry for her daughter and husband they are too good to have to live through such crap as that, and i would not have nothing to do with her until i knew 100% that she went and got her self some help, that woman is dangerous.
 
May 1, 2008, 1:38 pm CDT

Mom really needs help

Hopefully, by the end of the show this lady Bambi will get the help she really needs. Her emotions are just not normal.
 
May 1, 2008, 1:41 pm CDT

05/01 Inappropriate In-laws

Quote From: tonivest

I'm sorry, but Dr. Phil seems to just be a little too 'Pollyanna' on this one. This woman is obviously mentally ill, but the doctor didnt' even broach that subject.. It seems he's trying a little too hard for that neat happy  Hollywood ending..  The daughter and her husband are doing the right thing by  keeping their distance from her. Frankly, the woman is a nut. Probably  hears voices too...I would not leave a child alone with her, under any circumstances, and I  wouldn't subject my family  to her hysterical ramblings..She kinda reminded me of the mother from that movie 'Carrie'....
 i agree with almost every thing your post reads, except the part about Dr Phil, at least he did not send landscapers in to fix her yard after seeing how she just dug it up and buried folks there, i too would not subject my family to her kind of meanness, if she is hearing voices their most likely coming from all them graves in her yard.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last