Topic : 07/18 The Cougar Craze

First off: I totally disagree with the double-standard.  Makes no different which person is older.

I think that the age difference is more noticible when one of the couple is in their 20s and one in their 30s.  Then it seems to not matter to much UNTIL the older person gets into their 50s.  Then the differences seem to often cause problems.  My mom has been married to a man 8 years younger than her, for 30 years.  She is now 70 and her health is getting very poor.  I think the age difference now effects their relationship because he still wants to take off driving and going places, and she really can't.

I think today's show may have missed the mark a little.  Rather than dismissing any doubts "they" would have about the situation, it highlighted the problems.  And in the situations aired, there are plenty.  But I suspect there are plenty of older women in happy, healthy relationships with younger men that have little to do with their ages.  I am one of them.

I am married to a man 12 years my junior.  We have been together for almost 15 years and married for the last 4 of those.  We met when we were both playing volleyball with an activity club in Washington, DC.  He was on the other side of the net and was yelling and having a great time.  He reminded me of myself.  But I never considered the possibility of dating him.  We both continued participating in more of the activities with the club and encountered each other a few more times.  While on a beach weekend trip (separately), we spent some time together and discovered we were very comfortable together and were having a lot of fun.  Still, I hesitated to "date" him because of our age difference.  We were both fully aware of each other's age from day 1.  He pursued even though I was very hesitant.  My reasons originally were all the usual ones.  It would look strange, our families might not approve, etc.  At the time, I was 41 and he was 29.  I pointed out to him the fact that when he was 50 I would be 62.  He didn't seem to care.  We dated casually for a while.  When it started to become more serious, my concerns changed.  Not only am I 12 years older, but I have never been able to conceive children.  I did not want to deprive him of that, and he does love children (as do I).  For the first 2-3 years, I would even consider tying him down to an older woman.  He was insistant that he could live without having children and it would not become a problem in the future.  He eventually started hinting at the possibility of marriage (we were living together at this point).  I still could not reconcile the guilt I would have at depriving him of the ability to have children.  So I tried to break up the relationship; but he perservered.  I eventually gave up and decided to let him decide for himself.  But I still did not want to get married just in case he should have a change of heart.  After 10 years of this, I finally realized that he was the "one" for me and me for him.  We have been happily married for 4 years and I think it will last for the rest of our lives. 

But my point is that it was never about the age difference.  It just happened in spite of the age difference.  As it turns out, not one really cared and we are all part of a very happy extended family group.

My first husband was 9 years older than me and it lasted 3 years. My current husband is 6 years younger and we have been married for 26 years. If it doesn't work out, I'll pick on someone my own age. Having said that, I don't think too big an age gap is a good idea.

I am 28 and I know what I want. I have been through a lot in my life. People who say those in their twenties don't know what they want are meeting the wrong people. A lot of men a jerks with only one thing on their mind. I was engaged to a man who is eight years older than I am. There was nothing wrong with that. The motives behind the relatiionship are the key. Some people only want sex and money. That would be the cougars. Thank God that everyone is different.

  In July of this year, I will have been marrid for 17 years to a man 12 1/2 years younger than me.  His motheri 5 years older than me an my step-mother-in-law is about 4 years younger than me.  I was 40 when we married and he was 28.  It was a first marriage for both of us.  I won't say that every day has been perfect, but we work at our marriage  every day.  I was afraid of things people might say, but most women say things like, 'You go girl!!'  Neither of our families have said anything negative.  I think the differrence in age has bothered me more than it has Bob.  We laugh at the thought of going to my senior prom together: He would have been in kindergarten.  (Now that is weird!)