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Topic : 05/06 Moochers

Number of Replies: 97
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:20:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They drain your finances and try to take you for all you’ve got. No, it’s not the IRS, but family freeloaders! First up, when Ryan appeared on the show two years ago, he proudly wore the title King of All Moochers. His mother, Adele, was desperate to get him off the couch and out of her house. After the show, Adele took Dr. Phil’s advice and didn’t give Ryan one penny. But just when she thought her son was getting on his feet, she says Ryan was back to his old ways. She says he’s not contributing to the baby he has with his ex-girlfriend and is about to marry Tanya, a woman with a 5-year-old son, who is now pregnant with his child! Now that Ryan and Tanya have another baby on the way, Ryan says he’s serious about changing his mooching ways. Will he step up to the plate and be a father, or is Tanya just another victim of Ryan’s  freeloading lifestyle? Then, Stacey says her 42-year-old brother, Mark, is bleeding her dry. He lives in her basement and hasn’t paid rent in three months. Mark says he’s not a moocher, and it’s not his fault he doesn’t have a job -- he’s just not a morning person. Stacey says her mother, Nell, is a big enabler when it comes to Mark, but is Stacey just as guilty? Will Mark hear the wake-up call before he finds himself on the streets? Tell us what you think.

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May 8, 2008, 8:59 am CDT

Moochers All The Same

Hello,

 

I have been vicitmized by moochers and I watch my mother in law support her 54 yr old son that has never left home.  They all have some common factors.  Somehow they think that life for them must feel good or they quit.  Jobs are only kept until a boss requires normal effort, then they quit and tell family the same story of being treated badly.  They all have a long list of jobs where they were treated badly.  The enablers that support their lazy backsides buy into their story.  The moocher is well aware of what buttons to push and they like "guilt" and "fear."  Those that love the moocher think that helping them will result in getting them to be responsible independant people.  The problem is that moochers do not learn life skills when someone is standing between them and the sting of real life.  In my opinion those character types that mooch should be given tough love.  In order to function in life your "sword" needs to be sharp, and the only way to get sharp is to spend some time getting ground by the wheel.  Because death is a part of life, it is absolutely tragic for a moocher to be thrust into the working world with no life skills, and at an age when others are retiring.  Moocher enablers are setting them up for potential poverty and dispair by not requiring them to get on their feet before their meal ticket leaves this earth.  If we truly love those that mooch off of us, we need to treat them like children.  Make a clear demand of them, and if they hurt themselves to get your money then you need to say "wow that must hurt, you better fix that."  Moochers that wave their children in front of them as a way of getting money are the bottom of the barrell.  That is a nightmare if you ask me.  Good old fashion values are needed.  Moochers that get pregnant should be given some really hard facts about the cost of life........they have no right to reproduce and expect society to carry them and their kids.  Once again tough love is in order.  Cut the bank to a moocher and when they are done pitching the inevitable fit, they will get any job that comes along, and look at it this way - the anger that they have at the enabler might inspire them to achieve more than they ever did before.  Just my thoughts.

 
May 8, 2008, 11:03 am CDT

05/06 Moochers

Quote From: lynlovel

 no matter what, it must be very hard for a family to just "throw" a son/brother, etc "out on the street," so to speak. i get what dr. phil means when he says that's selfish, that they're thinking about how they feel and not what's best for mark. but i think it's more than just about not wanting to worry -- it's the things they're worried about -- the image of him starving or sleeping in his car and being robbed, etc, the consequences that might occur if they cut him off. depending on where they live, these are very real possibilities, and saying "i was just trying to help him  get his life started" won't help much if he's found beaten up or worse.so i doubt they're just going to kick him out and "change the locks," just like that!

am i saying things should stay the way they are? no, of course not, but i think there has to be a definite plan for helping him get on his feet. maybe a job placement agency.and a deadline for him to get out of his sister's house. (if he's not out by that date, then she puts his tuff out on the sidewalk and changes her locks, etc.)

I didn't say one damn thing about kicking Ryan out. Or, changing the locks. All I said was that Ryan needs to quit saying it isn't his fault he doesn't have a job and using lame excuses. Such as not being a "morning" person. Just why isn't he a "morning" person? Could it be that he stays up too late? If that's the case, going to bed earlier out to put that issue to rest. And, if Ryan truly isn't a "morning" person, it's still no excuse not to work. Jobs start at all hours. "Morning" person or not, Ryan needs to get a job. And, keep it.
 
May 8, 2008, 12:14 pm CDT

moochers

Moochers are smart people, look at it, living rent free, someone else supplies money, food, shelter, transportation, & believes the excuses for not doing better.

 

I agree with Dr. Phil it's time to pull the plug that supplies their needs/desires and let them go hungry if they don't work.

 
May 8, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

Give the guy a chance!!!!

 Dr. Phil, it's kind of late to tell her not to marry Ryan. She is already having his baby. It seemed to me that he is starting to grow up and wants to take responsibility for this child. How dare you tell her to make the decision to have another baby grow up without his father. It not only is unfair to her but also to the baby. Give the guy a chance to redeem himself and I am sure once the baby is born and Ryan is actually there for him, he will see how much the other child needs him also. By you sitting there and repeatedly calling him a loser and deadbeat dad, well I am sure that, that didn't give him much incentive to change. I think everybody has the right to  get some motivation from the people around them, not the negativity that you were showing that young couple. They are both young enough to change their ways and grow up and  by you telling them that he never will change is just wrong!!!
 
May 8, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

confused

Quote From: KateBauer

Good grief girl Ryan is a looser with a capital L. Obviously you make very bad decisions, you have a young son, now pregnant (not married) and you are not living in reality. He needs to become a man, not just a breeder, and support his daughter. Now, your second child will not be supported either. You are either very naive or very stupid to fall for such a looser. He isn't even very attractive, what is it you see in him? It is beyond me.
If that ring is real you need to have him return it and give half to the first baby and put away half for your baby.
 why is this reply attached to my comment? i was talking about the other scenario, the guy living in his siter's basement. your points here are well taken, but have nothing to do with what i said. (not that the brother in the basement is any great shakes either:)!)
 
May 9, 2008, 5:51 am CDT

05/06 Moochers

Quote From: yvonnemarie259

 Dr. Phil, it's kind of late to tell her not to marry Ryan. She is already having his baby. It seemed to me that he is starting to grow up and wants to take responsibility for this child. How dare you tell her to make the decision to have another baby grow up without his father. It not only is unfair to her but also to the baby. Give the guy a chance to redeem himself and I am sure once the baby is born and Ryan is actually there for him, he will see how much the other child needs him also. By you sitting there and repeatedly calling him a loser and deadbeat dad, well I am sure that, that didn't give him much incentive to change. I think everybody has the right to  get some motivation from the people around them, not the negativity that you were showing that young couple. They are both young enough to change their ways and grow up and  by you telling them that he never will change is just wrong!!!

Why no people think a baby will help men grow up, if that was true then Ryan would of grew up a when he had his first baby he is not paying for.

Why shouldn't she marry him? because when she finally wakes up and see ryan as the loser he is, she can kick his butt to the curb, without the red tape!!!!!!!

 

motivation is one thing, but when you are always picking him up and carring him is another!!!

 

Dr. Phil shouldn't have to give Ryan incentive, he should have it by now, he has a daughter and a baby on the way, his life should be his incentive!!!! his children should be his incentive....

 

Why would Ryan change when his new babys mamma and people like you, make excuses for him, and want to hole his hand and walk him around like a child!!!!!!

 
May 9, 2008, 5:57 am CDT

yuck

These soft sofa sissies really get on my nerves. Especially when they have the nerve to reproduce.
 
May 9, 2008, 1:38 pm CDT

Work for Mark

My husband is a truck driver and drove nights for a long time, local and over the road. I see lots of jobs listed for drivers, so Mark shouldn't have much problem finding something that doesn't require early morning hours. Good luck to them all.

 
May 9, 2008, 2:34 pm CDT

moocha!

Quote From: leeloub

You guys are describing my bf!!!
He can't pay for anything cause he has to pay for his car!!! Oh and, I love this one.... I make more money than him. The best one, he wants me to help pay for his car, cause I sit in the passenger seat!!!!
I know he's a moocher. I didn't know it when we met. and now that we've moved in together, his family tells me about all the times they helped him.

So, I know I have my problems, I'm not perfect...but I work hard and never have excuses. So the stupid question is: how do I pick up the nerve to get rid of him?
I'm a wooss, I worry about his girl. I know that its not my concern.
thanks alot guys, I'm talking my way through this
bye

 
What I think about this story that you're telling us; I think that he's taking advantage of everyone if he is not giving back to them. I also think that he's using them to satisfy his desires. What kind of "friend" is this person? Real friends don't take advantage of them. I seriously hope you moved on from him & found yourself a better person! I also hope he doesn't have any children. He will always continue to mooch off of others until one of them (or more) puts a stop to it. What will he do then?

Thanks for the comment! Happily, we don't have kids together. But he has one and he has to answer to her smallest detail. Her mom gets her daughter to call and ask for money, and he jumps right away to get it to them... but I guess I'm not scary enough to get any! But I have had enough, so he's gonna have to move on, cause I cannot afford to keep spending money the way that I am for no good reasons.
thanks alot

 
May 9, 2008, 10:46 pm CDT

05/06 Moochers

Quote From: getrealtime

Why no people think a baby will help men grow up, if that was true then Ryan would of grew up a when he had his first baby he is not paying for.

Why shouldn't she marry him? because when she finally wakes up and see ryan as the loser he is, she can kick his butt to the curb, without the red tape!!!!!!!

 

motivation is one thing, but when you are always picking him up and carring him is another!!!

 

Dr. Phil shouldn't have to give Ryan incentive, he should have it by now, he has a daughter and a baby on the way, his life should be his incentive!!!! his children should be his incentive....

 

Why would Ryan change when his new babys mamma and people like you, make excuses for him, and want to hole his hand and walk him around like a child!!!!!!

We really never heard the entire story with the first girlfriend...what I am getting at, is the fact that he wasn't there during the pregnancy with her for whatever reasons...it could have been that she had kicked him out right after she found out that she was PG. It's hard to bond with a baby when you are told to get out of their life.  Now with this second one he is there for her and wants to be a part of the baby's life and who knows...he might then realize what he is missing by not being there for his first child.  What he did the first time was totally wrong, I am not making excuses for him....but we do learn from our mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. They are obviously are in love and want this to work...why is Dr. Phil telling them to not even give it a chance??? So that would mean another fatherless baby in the world.
 
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