Message Boards

Topic : 05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Number of Replies: 936
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:29:24 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When is it time to call it quits in a marriage? Jason and Shani have been married 11 years and have three young sons. Jason recently found out that Shani has been having an affair with her friend's husband. He is devastated and will do anything to save his marriage. Shani says she tried for two years to warn Jason that she needed more from him, but she says he ignored the signs. She's moved out of their house and says she's ready to move into the arms of Greg, her boyfriend of three months. What does she say is her only regret? Next, hear what Greg has to say about their relationship. Why do his comments infuriate Jason? Then, Shani's sister, Amber, who wrote to the show, weighs in. What does she have to say about her sibling's infidelity? When Dr. Phil tells Shani what he thinks needs to happen, will she take his advice? Is there hope for this couple on the brink of divorce?  Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.



Share with others on the Divorce Support message board.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 7, 2008, 8:11 pm CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: jillybean27

If you're not getting what you need from your husband, you turn TOWARDS him. You discuss your feelings, concerns, wants and needs. You suggest counseling. You do what you can to help your relationship survive and thrive. After all is said and done, if it is decided the relationship just cannot be worked out, you part ways. You deal with the issues as you learn to live separately and co-parent as a non-couple. When everyone is settled and adjusted, THEN you move on to someone else. You don't move on and involve more people when you still have unfinished business to take care of. It is selfish and unfair to all parties involved.
EXACTLY.
 
May 8, 2008, 1:13 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

I find it amazing that a person has an affair with someone that is married and honestly thinks they are so much better they actually believe that the person who they are having the affair with will never cheat on them. I never understood that. Here is a woman who has 3 kids and everything, and then Greg who has kids and neither of them think the other will cheat on them in the future. Once a cheat always a cheat just like once a abuser always a abuser.
 
May 8, 2008, 2:16 am CDT

Take it from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got married when I was very young.  I had a great life and two beautiful kids.  I was married to my husband for 4 years and then I met another man.  I thought that my life was miserable and that being with this man was the only thing that could possibly make me happy.  I became very selfish and did not think of anyone else not even my kids.  I ended up leaving like this woman and moved in with this man.  I divorced my husband and signed my kids over to my ex.  Now I am married, but not to the man that I left my husband for and signed my kids over for.  I married someone else, and now I can't get my kids back because I made the stupid, selfish decisions that I thought were right at the time.  Now my kids are always sad and confused.  They are always crying because they are being raised without their mother.  I went to court to try and get them back but was denied because I had to prove my ex "unfit" and couldn't. 

 

If I can help anyone... PLEASE!!!! Put your children first.  They do not deserve to have to pay for the stupid choices that we make in our life!  Please... the grass is NOT greener on the other side.  Trust me. 

 

A now unhappy mother

 
May 8, 2008, 5:20 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: ramair

So, Shani's ready to move into her boyfriend's arms? Whose arms will she move into when he quits "meeting her needs"? Listen up, Greg. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Greg is her friends husband ewww! so I guess they can cheat on eachother!!!!!!!
 
May 8, 2008, 5:28 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: lauralouise

i had the privilege of getting to know Shani and her family especially the boys.from what i saw both parents love they're children to pieces.as you can see i posted that i was worried.mostly i am worried that people posting, participating in the show and also those who will view this show will begin to make Shani a villain.i hope everyone that watches and post they're comments keep in mind that she is human and needs love and affection just as much as the next person.everyone makes choices be them good or bad.what matters is what you do after those choices.i personally know that Shani is a good person and does not mean to hurt those around her. Shani if you read this I AM PULLING FOR YOU AND I AM THERE FOR YOU REGARDLESS OF YOUR VERY PERSONAL DECISIONS.HANG IN THERE GIRL AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED!
Thats like inviting the wolf into the hen house, friends husbands are not out of bounds for her, so good luck with that!!!Maybe you should keep in mind that she is a human that needs love and affection no matter what line she needs to cross.
 
May 8, 2008, 6:16 am CDT

This is what you can expect if you cheat....

Quote From: spiritsconnect

This day and age , its all about me, one never thinks the consequences of the future in this respect, it not only effects the partners involved, but turns the children upside down, for not understanding how mummmy and daddy jst stop loving each other, and the house of cards falls apart.

Possibly when there was problem earlier on, it would have been a good idea for counselling, if both parties wernt aggreeable then surely one of the partnership needed this stability to reach a better decison to either end the relationship, or try new stratedgy's to enahnce the partnership, it does take 2 people to make and break anything, so responsibility falls on both people.No one drives anyone into another mans or womans arms, its a a choice one makes, for veiw of greener pastures, but that myth is really just as it says a myth, these days we bring so much into parneting and doing the right thing for our children, but when do we do the right thing for ourselves, if we show this pattern of our self for an example to our children, i really think they need to forgive each other, move to professionl counselling,find what particular problems need to be worked on, forget the man with the affair, and really get savvy and focus on their marriage, it never should be that easy to leave, throw your hands up in the air, and say its over, and its never about ego.....

Thinking of cheating? Here's what you can expect.

 

One or both of you will loose your job. You will be so busy 'being in lust' that you cant concentrate, and will loose your job

 

If you are active in your church, you will loose that, too

If you are active in the community, you will loose that as well

 

You both will loose your friends. No one wants to have "that" around, so you have to find new friends

 

One or both of you will loose your house. Its impossible to afford child support for the families you left, the attorney's fees for both of you, AND manage a house. Plan on loosing the nice house you have and moving into an apartment

 

Your family will never understand, so plan on the fact that you will never be a real part of them again

 

Financially, you will never get ahead. You will struggle and have to 'live on love' for the rest of your life. You will give up everything you worked for before falling for the someone new.

 

Your kids will suffer so much. They will never recover from the lies and cheating.

 

Your new relationship will most likely never last.  There will be regret, you will grow to be suspect if your 'love' cheats on you, and they probably will.

 

Bottom line...Dont Cheat, it does not pay

 
May 8, 2008, 6:24 am CDT

Jason, Let Her Go!!!

  Jason,

  She's a tramp!! Normally I'd say go to her and hope for the best but this Woman (I'm at ends to call her that) is making you think that your the problem!! Don't you believe it!! It's all her!!

  If you think you have problems now just wait till she sinks her claws in you again!! No!! Don't you do it!!

 You take your children and find you somebody to love and share respect with!!

  I saw all these postings for Greg!! Well Let Greg take care of her!!! He'll be where your at in a few months!! I Guarantee!!!

                    Lots of Luck!! I Know you can do it!!

 
May 8, 2008, 6:34 am CDT

Affecting the kids

I can't believe they think the affect on the kids would be short term.  I am a 28 year old women.  My parents divorced when I was 5 and it still affects me!!!  It took me a long time to understand and deal with the emotions that come with your parents splitting up.  I can't believe someone could be so blind.  Selfish.
 
May 8, 2008, 6:58 am CDT

Divorce scars children for life.

I was married for 16 yrs with 2 sons.  I too left my husband for another man.  I am now married to someone else, not the man I left my maariage for.  He is still married.  he convunced me to leave my husband and I later discovered he was having an affair with several other women besides me. 

But what I really wanted to comment about is the future of Shanni's three boys.  My boys are grown and both have emotional scars from their parents dicorce, because we weren't there for them.    One is married with 2 beautiful little girls, but he has anger management problems and is also an alcoholic(neither of his parents drink).  My younger son has never married(he's 35 ys old).  He has had several relationships, but when they begin to get serious he always finds a reason to break it off.  He has always told me he would not have children, because he would not take the chance of hurting them like his parents hurt him.  So Shanni, don't think that your boys won't have permanent scars from a divorce, they will.

 
May 8, 2008, 7:16 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

I can relate to what Shani is going through.  I married the man of my dreams after a bitter divorce.  He was wonderful and I loved him more than any other man.  However, he wasn't good at meeting my needs and I do believe at that time of my life, I was very emotionally needy.  He made me feel unsexy, unatrractive,etc.  I threatened to go elsewhere for my needs - I never did but I certainly told him I would because I was trying to get a reaction from him.  We finally worked through these issues - thank goodness we did.  Because next week we will be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary and they have been the happiest years of my life.  Shani is very lucky that she has a man that is wiling to forgive her and work through their problems.  And, I can definitely attest to the fact that this is and will continue to affect their children for the rest of their lives.  I had 2 young boys when I divorced and remarried.  My 2nd husband was a wonderful father to them and their real father pretty much checked out.  My boys are now 21 and 24.  Each of them have had difficulties entering into adulthood.  Especially the 24 year old.  He has made some very poor choices with his life and I do believe it has to do with the struggles of being from a divorced family.  I hope Shani takes advantage of the counseling that Dr. Phil is offering and really tries to make her marriage work for her children's sake.  The children should be her first priority and from what I heard from her, she seems to be thinking of herself and her feelings first. 
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last