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Topic : 05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Number of Replies: 936
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Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:29:24 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When is it time to call it quits in a marriage? Jason and Shani have been married 11 years and have three young sons. Jason recently found out that Shani has been having an affair with her friend's husband. He is devastated and will do anything to save his marriage. Shani says she tried for two years to warn Jason that she needed more from him, but she says he ignored the signs. She's moved out of their house and says she's ready to move into the arms of Greg, her boyfriend of three months. What does she say is her only regret? Next, hear what Greg has to say about their relationship. Why do his comments infuriate Jason? Then, Shani's sister, Amber, who wrote to the show, weighs in. What does she have to say about her sibling's infidelity? When Dr. Phil tells Shani what he thinks needs to happen, will she take his advice? Is there hope for this couple on the brink of divorce?  Tell us what you think.

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September 24, 2008, 1:33 am CDT

Dr Phill dropped the ball on this one - badly !!

Shani's husband is the cause of this problem !!  It is very disappointing that he was allowed to play the victim.

 

This guy should have been drawn and quartered for destroying his marriage. Dr Phil did mention that he should have shown more affection to his wifle. But by far most of the emphasis was on Shani and her lover. Why was the husband not offered help? He clearly has a problem which caused his marriage to fail.

 

Shani's situation and the posts on this thread, demonstrate that we have zero tolerance for anyone who seeks affection outside of a loveless marriage. Yet we ACCEPT and tolerate emotional abuse in marriages. This terrible, and as a society we should hang our heads in shame.

 

If we tolerate emotional abuse in marriage, we will NEVER be able to deal with domestic violence, and adultery will be with us forever !!

 

I am a male who has been blessed with 36 years of a very happy marriage. But I regard myself as very lucky.

 

Please Dr Phil ... let us have zero tolerance for emotional abuse in marriages !!!

 

 
September 24, 2008, 7:35 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

I think Dr Phil was spot on when he spoke about maturity. Shani comes across as a silly girl, thinking only of herself. I'd wager that she'll run off with her equally dopey boyfriend, and they'll break up too somewhere down the road. She'll garner no sympathy from anyone when that day arrives. The only sad thing, is that her children will be witness to her selfishness over the years, and will likely end up as unbalanced as she is.
 
October 20, 2008, 8:21 pm CDT

Good for you Jason!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason - I know you'll get over the loss of your wife and move on in life just fine.  There is an epidemic in this country these days and its called "The Midwife Crisis". Many guys (including myself) have gone through it. We survive and eventually we find another girl to love.

 

Cheaters rarely stay together and ultimately -  they too find another person who will give them a 2nd chance on love. But she will never ever have you again and she has to live with that forever. You were right to move on man!

 

Shani....everyone in the Pacific NW knows how terrible & selfish you are. I hope the "good lay" was worth it. Jason is going to find himself a prettier, younger, sweeter and much more compatible woman to love and be loved by. Your kids are going to grow up to know that there mom is not a very good person. How sad for you.

 
October 22, 2008, 3:34 pm CDT

What emotional abuse????

Quote From: spitrader

Shani's husband is the cause of this problem !!  It is very disappointing that he was allowed to play the victim.

 

This guy should have been drawn and quartered for destroying his marriage. Dr Phil did mention that he should have shown more affection to his wifle. But by far most of the emphasis was on Shani and her lover. Why was the husband not offered help? He clearly has a problem which caused his marriage to fail.

 

Shani's situation and the posts on this thread, demonstrate that we have zero tolerance for anyone who seeks affection outside of a loveless marriage. Yet we ACCEPT and tolerate emotional abuse in marriages. This terrible, and as a society we should hang our heads in shame.

 

If we tolerate emotional abuse in marriage, we will NEVER be able to deal with domestic violence, and adultery will be with us forever !!

 

I am a male who has been blessed with 36 years of a very happy marriage. But I regard myself as very lucky.

 

Please Dr Phil ... let us have zero tolerance for emotional abuse in marriages !!!

 

Did we watch the same show???? How was she abused?? She had a DIAMOND ring on her finger, DEVOTED husband and LOVING father of 3 kids who came HOME every single night...a beautiful home that he provided the MAJORITY of the hard work to pay for. So what if he worked SO HARD in his career to pay for nice things in THEIR home, a quality education for their kids and a QUALITY (not lavish) lifestyle while SHE OBSESSED about her selfish needs. Marriage is about COMPRISE and from what I saw - he did a lot of comprising (as did she) but that wasn't good enough for her.....Shani wanted the EXCITEMENT of a love affair at ANY COST. Yeah she tried SPICING theri sexlife up but instead of going out an having an AFFAIR...with her best friends HUSBAND, she should have at least considered a separation until they could straighten things out.  She left herself and Jason and her kids with NO CHOICE but divorce. Sure - everybody has URGES and desires....well....set up appropriate expectations and COMMUNICATE. Don't ignore things and then screw around in the hotel hottub while you spouse is snuggling with your kids.

 

There is/was NO emotional abuse here other than the ABUSE Jason had to deal with from his selfish and soon-to-be exwife.

 

I didn't see Jason come accross as an emotional abuser on this show..... can you grasp your mind around the concept that a bored, aging (getting close to 40yrs of age is tough for a woman) women who was feeling unsatisfied with a marriage to a sweet man and longing for the youthful excitement of a passionate, sexual, emotionally-charged and downright naughty affair might possibly be bored and stupid enough to actually ACT on those impulses???? Impluses that MANY MANY normal people feel each & every day but NEVER act on them because they are IRRATIONAL???

 

 

 
December 15, 2008, 5:50 am CST

hello Dr. Phil

I am 15 years old and my parents has split up for about 14 months ago.

They split up because my mum was cheating my dad with one of our friends, just like this situation.

When I heard what Greg and Shani said about it would'nt effect the childrend I got really mad.

Because I know hov much it has effected me, my brother, 18, and my sister, 9.

The first year all three of us was living in a suitcase. Now is it only my sister, and I feel bad about that.

I have decided to live with my dad now, because I hated moving every week. I choose my dad because ever since I found out that mum was doing that to him, I have had a different relationsship to her.

I hate her for hurting my dad, but of course I still love he know that she can risk loosing her children when thay find out how much she has hurt their dad.

I hope for the best!!!!

 
August 26, 2009, 5:19 pm CDT

What to do

 

 

I have been married for 20 years . We have had the same argument for our entire marraige. He has the worst breath I have ever known, so for 20 years I have been begging him to go to the dentist and he has refused. Why would anyone do this?

 
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