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Topic : 05/09 Mama Drama

Number of Replies: 117
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Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:33:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
We've all got a mom, and they all come with different personalities, and in different shapes and sizes. While some are more traditional, like June Cleaver, others are controlling drama queens. First meet Jessica. She says that becoming a mom was one of the happiest moments in her life, but it has taken a huge toll on her marriage. She gained over 50 pounds having her children, and now her husband says she looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy. He even points to pigs and says to his kids, 'Look, there's Mommy.' What does Dr. Phil say this couple must do to restore their relationship? Next, Kathleen calls her mom, Grace, the biggest drama queen. She says she's so controlling, she will throw tantrums if things don’t go her way. Grace says she's just a concerned, caring mother who likes to state her opinion. Will Grace admit her behavior is over the top, and is she ready to make a change? Then, 14-year-old Sheri claims she has the most embarrassing mom in the world! She says her mom, Monique, will break into song and dance anywhere at anytime. But will she at the Dr. Phil show? And, you won't want to miss Robin's favorite Mother’s Day present ideas. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 7, 2008, 7:03 am CDT

Why Now?

Quote From: brendafattig

Please do a show on chronic pain. There have got to be other people out there who are in my situation and who do not know who to turn to next. Pain every single day of their lives, altering what their life used to be like. Go to the doctor and get the same old responses. Here are your pain pill prescriptions, see ya in a month. Family thinking that you are already a drug addict because you are on medicine prescribed to you by a M.D., but that doesn't matter you are bound to be an addict at some point in your life. (According to them).  Friends who don't understand that "no, you don't feel like coming out for dinner because all you want to do is to lay in bed because you are in pain or are tired from the pain pills or depressed over your situation. Unless you have ever had chronic pain and have suffered from it daily you have NO idea what we go through on a daily basis. It just gets old, people don't understand us. I would LOVE for dr.phil to do a show on chronic pain and have a pain psychologist  or a pain doctror there with our group who can actually give statistics of what our pain does to us on a dad to day basis and just how common of a problem this is for us. thanks, brenda fattig

 

      This is a program on Mama Drama.  Why did you feel compelled to write about chronic pain? 

      True, that is what my own mother is doing right now.  She is 74, and her bursitis rules her life.  I agree that it is uncomfortable, but she makes it worse concentrating on what she used to do.  How well she used to feel.  And, the pain the pain the pain.  All day long.  It is truly monotonous, and not at all helpful.

      How many prescriptions do you have?  Do you go to the hospital in an ambulance for straight morphine?      

 
May 8, 2008, 3:11 pm CDT

05/09 Mamma Drama

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

More fat abusers?  How depressing!  Society has been grooming this abuse for some time- skinny is chic, skinny is healthy, heroin addict is the "ideal look".  You can't even have a natural pair of C-cups (male or female) anymore without being labeled a "fatty".  We got the message, carrying around extra weight isn't healthy/aesthetic, quit hammering the indoctrination of fat-hate into the general public.  The importance of beauty is just the symptom of a fallen society.

 

Jessica's husband is the pig here, not her.  It's hard to lose weight after having a baby, maybe HE should gain 30 lbs and take some estrogen pills and see how hot HE looks!  It's hard even when you excercise, eat right, and breast feed.  If appearance is the only reason that he married her, then no wonder he's so disappointed, because that's all the relationship was based on.  If he's that worried about it, why doesn't he PAY for the plastic surgery?   Until then, he needs to shut his mouth and get HIMSELF in shape. 

Well, I am weighing in here before seeing the actual program, but I would like to make two statements.  One is in response to this message.  I don't know what type of man Jessica's husband is.  He may very well be a pig for not being more understanding of her situation/condition.  But at the same time for you to say that he is a pig because he wants his wife to loose weight is also wrong.  We are going from end of the spectrum to the other.  You saying that because she has gotten pregnant and gained weight that its alright.  Everyone woman is different, but having children is not an excuse for being overweight.  My wife has had two children is now 40 years old and she is in better shape than the day we got married.  Could Jessica's husband speak to her in a more loving way while conveying his dissatisfaction, I positive he could.

 

The next point that I would like to state would be directed toward a comment that Dr. Phil made during one the previews for this show.  He asked Jessica if she gained this weight after getting pregnant?  To which her response was "yes".  Dr. Phil proceeded to ask who got her pregnant, at which point she looks at her husband.  There so many places I could go here.  Did he provide the sperm, yeah.  Did she provide the egg, well yeah.  Are we now to blame the husband fo the weight that our wives gain while being pregnant?  If so, why stop there?  We should be charged for every crime that any woman has committed from having Post Pardom Depression, and I could go on.  C'mon, let's keep the blame where it needs to be.  Jessica is responsible for her own body.  What she needs to do is be satisfied with her own body.  If this is the weight she is satisfied and being at, then so be it.  It is also up to her to loose weight for her husband if she thinks that will please him, but she also needs to do because she wants to.  Also, Jessica's husband need to come to grips that this may be the weight that Jessica will be.  Did he marry her strictly for her looks?  I am not a counselor, but I bet that if they are having problems in their marriage, even if Jessica looses the weight, something else is going to be the problem.  I have more to say, but I will stop there.

 
May 9, 2008, 3:50 am CDT

Opinion from viewers wanted!

If you suspected that one of your grown child had used your ATM card multiple times over a period of months (about $1000), or let their live in b-friend use it, would you confront them before you had absolutely proof, or would you  wait for proof to ask?  Would you press charges even if there were 2 young grandchildren involved?  The b-friend did this to me 5 years ago, and I stupidly left my card laying around. He has no job, they are always broke, and he has been arrested for thefts in the past, so I pretty much know he is involved in this.  Of course, I don't want to believe my daughter knew, but maybe she did.  Anyway, the bank won't allow me to view the tapes of the ATM transactions, so I would have to bring her to civil court, and I don't know if I should accuse them or not.

 

I'm sorry about posting this here, but I didn't know where else to put it!  Thanks for opinions.

 
May 9, 2008, 3:54 am CDT

05/09 Mama Drama

Quote From: minister4him

Well, I am weighing in here before seeing the actual program, but I would like to make two statements.  One is in response to this message.  I don't know what type of man Jessica's husband is.  He may very well be a pig for not being more understanding of her situation/condition.  But at the same time for you to say that he is a pig because he wants his wife to loose weight is also wrong.  We are going from end of the spectrum to the other.  You saying that because she has gotten pregnant and gained weight that its alright.  Everyone woman is different, but having children is not an excuse for being overweight.  My wife has had two children is now 40 years old and she is in better shape than the day we got married.  Could Jessica's husband speak to her in a more loving way while conveying his dissatisfaction, I positive he could.

 

The next point that I would like to state would be directed toward a comment that Dr. Phil made during one the previews for this show.  He asked Jessica if she gained this weight after getting pregnant?  To which her response was "yes".  Dr. Phil proceeded to ask who got her pregnant, at which point she looks at her husband.  There so many places I could go here.  Did he provide the sperm, yeah.  Did she provide the egg, well yeah.  Are we now to blame the husband fo the weight that our wives gain while being pregnant?  If so, why stop there?  We should be charged for every crime that any woman has committed from having Post Pardom Depression, and I could go on.  C'mon, let's keep the blame where it needs to be.  Jessica is responsible for her own body.  What she needs to do is be satisfied with her own body.  If this is the weight she is satisfied and being at, then so be it.  It is also up to her to loose weight for her husband if she thinks that will please him, but she also needs to do because she wants to.  Also, Jessica's husband need to come to grips that this may be the weight that Jessica will be.  Did he marry her strictly for her looks?  I am not a counselor, but I bet that if they are having problems in their marriage, even if Jessica looses the weight, something else is going to be the problem.  I have more to say, but I will stop there.

I totally agree with you.  Dr. Phil's question put the blame for her weight gain on the husband, not on the person putting the food in their mouth.  The husband can't help whether he is attracted to a heavy woman or not, although he doesn't have to be so ugly about it.   She has 2 choices: lose the weight or lose the husband, neither loss sounds like a bad deal.
 
May 9, 2008, 3:58 am CDT

05/09 Mama Drama

oh great...haven't even watch the show yet..just the promo.  now, I want that mirror that guy is looking into! he isn't attracted to his wife cause she gained a few pounds?  geez, buddy....nothing more odd to me than a creepy looking guy thinking he's some hottie.  maybe she'll look over at you someday and wonder why you didn't grow into Brad Pitt.  LOL
 
May 9, 2008, 4:07 am CDT

05/09 Mama Drama

Quote From: jeff12

THIRTY-THREE YEARS AGO,  I HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM.  I was divorced.  At the time, my daughter was in the Mother role at times and when I stopped drinking, (she was 13 years of age) I became the Mother that she needed in most ways.  From the way she acts now, I do not see any FORGIVENESS.  She has always felt that I had no boundries and although she feels that she has boundries with her children today, I see nothing of the kind. For me, I never know what she is going to do next because she flip-flops on decisions all the time which drives me nuts. 

 

When I visit the family of late, I do not feel welcome.  I feel that this is something that my daughter allows me to do with a visit once or twice a year when for many years I use to visit the children at least every three months.  At the time, I was very close to my two grand children, my girl is almost 15, June 18th and my grandson just turned 12 in March.

 

My granddaughter is going through her teen age stuff which is normal but to me, her attitude and behavior is not loving.  Her main concentration is totally herself and my daughter defends this situation.  I am not allowed to call their cell phones.  If I wish to call the children, I must call the main number and my daughter will hand the children the phone to speak to me.  Can you create the feeling that this applies to my persona?

 

When the family came to visit this spring, my daughter sent me an Agenda of what they were going to do. Her husband's Mother also lives in the vicinity so of course each of us needs time with the children. Still, without any  discussion on our parts, this Agenda stood for the week they were here.  I was told when and where and that was that.  I adore discussion when decisions are to be made especially when they are coming to my neck of the woods.

 

They do not stay with me as My daughter's husband is allergic to my cats.  The children can visit because they do not have this problem and they do. This time, each had an evening with me.  The daughter had a friend with her.  I never saw them as they went into their room and watched television and were on the cell phones all night long text messaging.

 

As President of a Toastmaster group in Fort Lauderdale and so use to TEAM  decisions. I will turn 75 this June and when I am told what and where to go and do without a mindful discussion, I find this very frustrating.  I know that she does not appreciate this fact of my age or that I may not be around forever.  My friends are so much nicer then my daughter and so are the children at church . . . what ever I have done or will do,  I live in the seat of FORGIVENESS.

 

Of course I understand teenage behavior.  I teach Sunday school once or twice a month. And, we have constant trainings.  At least three a year.  Most of my children are from 13 to 18.  They adore me and we have open and wonderful discussions about life intertwined along spiritual thinking.  Winding the spiritual into their daily lives is  great safety net for the teens.  They are getting to love the entire Bible.  I teach expoentially and they feel calm and safe in this environment.

 

I wonder if other Grandmothers feel as I do? Having talked to a few of my friends, I get a yes from some.  I am scared of my daughter's mouth as I was with my Mother.  With both, I never know what is coming next.  I feel that I am a loving grandmother.

 

There is a situation that I am sure is a hangup with my daughter.  I have had 8 back surgeries and cannot do much driving.  I also have a walker which my son-in-law calls an appendage.  In their space, I feel very disabled where in most everyones space, this is totally ignored as my persona is seen for me, not the walker .  All of my friends and they are quite numerous, accept everything about me.

 

In 2004, my best friend and I went to France for three weeks.  We went to Cannes and I walked all over the place with my firend.  Of course, she marched ahead of me withher small dog.  What a wonderful time we had together and also,  we did much our own thing when we felt like it.

 

I take classes at my church all the time.  I am Jewish but found the philosophy called UNITY which has help me to gorw to my highest self..  My daughter has brought the children up in the Jewish religion Both she and her husband are not happy about what I am doing.  They would not come to church when I was honored for something until two years later.  I cried. Instead of seeing their Mother and Grandmother as the person that she is, they see a so called faith that I am involved with instead of me.

 

If this is what the Jewish religion is all about, I want no part of it.  I have been confirmed at Temple Emanual in NYC and there is one thing that I know and honor,  Rabbi Hillel said something so astute many years ago, "IF I AM NOT FOR MYSELF, WHO WILL BE FOR ME?  AND, IF I AM ONLY FOR MYSELF, WHAT AM I".

 

To me, this is what this nation needs to bring all our people together, To Love Thy Neighbor as THYSELF.

Everything begins at home.  If we can't love one another and forgive, after we are gone, all that is left of each person is either their stuff or the difference that they have made in other peoples lives.

 

Thus, I am at a total loss why my daughter feels that she MUST control not only  me,  but her children and her husband?  The main purpose/JOB given parents, is to show their children how to live on their own, to make their own decisions, to do their own homework, so that when they leave the nest, they will be prepared to discern different situations from a high consciousness.

 

I ADORE BEING A GRANDMOTHER. If I did not have this so called disability (lots of pain from the surgeries)  I would go out and get some boys and girls to love. Again, I am totally aware that I am NOT the  only grandmother in this situation.  It is a different world today.  How can I be a part of the change?  I would adore guidance Dr. Phil.  I am use to critque.  I know that it takes two and one more to tango, so I would love to be able to heal this relationship and to be responsible for my part in this situation..

 

Thank you. Sometimes, I watch your show from 9 to 10am and then again from 5 to 6pm.  I always receive some tid bits of information even when I have seen one of the shows twice.  Repetition is good, because sometimes the second time around, I get it, we all get it..

 

JONI ROSENTHAL

Grandmother of Two of the Loveliest Children In This World

When a child's mother is an alcoholic in their childhood years, they NEVER get over it.  Obviously she has forgiven you, but she will never forget it and act like it never happened, but YOUR behavior when she was a child changed her forever, but it sounds like you do not want to accept that.  She's controlling?  Didn't she HAVE to be as a child growing up with you? Isn't that what you trained her to be?  Her teenage daughter doesn't want to sit around chatting with a grandmother she doesn't see very often?  That sounds completely normal to me!!  She may come back around in years to come, but if you aren't here for that, then that's just the way it is for families who don't see each other all the time.  Your friends are forgiving?  Well, that's nice, but were you ever their drunk mother? Have you done bad things to them or around them that they might have a hard time forgiving? 


What you should do is be grateful for ANY time your daughter is willing to spend with you, that she is willing to let you have any access at all to her children, and take what you can get with a gracious and non-judgmental attitude.  You can never make up for her childhood, NEVER.  But, you can be a woman that she wants to know NOW.  You don't have to go along with her schedule and can speak up for yourself if you have something else you want to do, but YOU can't control THEM either. 

 

Just be grateful for what you get.  Good luck with the rest of your life and relationship with these grandchildren. 

 
May 9, 2008, 6:26 am CDT

wow.

Quote From: aniblab

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

Unfortunately, mentally ill, addicted, and mean people have children just like everybody else. Trust me, you are not alone in feeling bad on Mother's Day. Many, many, many of us have had bad parents and have an ongoing battle with our self-worth because of it. We can't choose our first family but fortunately we can choose a loving, second family, whether they're related by blood or marriage or not. Whatever I didn't get then, I make sure I get it now. Good luck.

 
May 9, 2008, 6:38 am CDT

Please Refuse Abuse & Value Youself More!!!

     I wanted to sound off to the young lady with two children whose husband makes fun of her weight.  What a JERK he is, The way he treats her is wholly unacceptable. she should make a point when driving in the country and passing a farm, "yes, and there's your daddy the ASS!" when they see a mule since it is simply hilarious and great fun for him to call her a pig. I to have weight issues, always have I have a 4yr old daughter and a 6 month old daughter and because I nurse her I stay hungry and am struggling right now with my issues more than usual, BUT my husband has never, nor would he ever do such a thing to me. It is despicable. There are more than enough jerks in the world who will judge you based solely upon your wieght and find you lacking you absolutely should not be treated that way at home. Love does not intentionally inflict pain, it should comfort and care.  Even when I have felt unattractive and not the least bit Hot I still look sexy to my husband he wants me all the time and it is because he loves who I am inside too not just my packaging, packaging can change. God forbid something should ever happen to mar his pretty boy good looks because according to his theory on treatment then he would then not be worthy of respectful treatment and only of ridicule and I'm sorry but life is the equalizer and what goes around does come around , usually when you least expect and it bites hard. If he wanted love and respect then he needs to learn how to issue it you are not your image, you are so much more, your values, thoughts, beliefs, loves, interest, etc those are the things that you should be loved for and he needs to learn that before he loses you.

 
May 9, 2008, 6:45 am CDT

the truth about guys and heavy ladies

Bottom line, men don't want to be seen with a fat wife or girlfriend. Most of them know better than to admit it, but it is the truth. I think they think it's a direct reflection of their manhood to the world. If a fat chick is "all they can get", then they feel that they're seen as a deficient man. It makes them feel like they will lose status. Not just a few insecure, weak men but really, just about all men. How many discussions have we heard where heavy women looking for men are advised on their self-esteem, their approach, blah blah blah, but nobody is allowed to say the truth, the men don't go any further when they see fat. I wouldn't care all that much if my husband was fat, but men are different. They just don't say it to women because they know they'll be considered shallow and cruel. But it is what pretty much all of them think.

 
May 9, 2008, 7:03 am CDT

hmm

I am not entirely sure how to react to this situation...I feel emotions on numerous different levels...first of all I don't agree that her husband should reject her or put her down for the weight gain during/after pregnancy...he is trying to get a result from her through a negative approach...however i can understand his concern for wanting her to be thinner again on the grounds of the importance to their relationship and her health for that matter...

 

I find it frustrating when I see woman be irresponsible with pregnancy and weight gain...It is 100% reasonable to gain weight when and after pregnancy...but to what degree?  I am 5 3', i weigh 115 llb and i have had two children...both of which i gain ed approximately 35 pounds for...although i did eat a bit more while pregnant i would like to believe i was not gluttenous and fairly careful about what i was eating...and as a result i had a healthy gain which i was able to loose only just a few months after giving birth...

 

Obviously  it is important for the benefit of her relationship to at least make an attempt to loose the weight...she would feel better about herself as well as her marriage...just accepting it as a symptom of pregancy and not doing anything about it is a cop out...it is also important to continue to make efforts in a relationship to maintain some kind of balance in your appearance...to try and look good for your partner and continue to make effort to keep the attraction going...otherwise it WILL become stale and the realities and stresses of life will overpower what brought two people together in the first place...

 

If he is not attracted to her this way than they will loose whatever intimacy they had physically before which leads to a loss of emotional intimacy which than leads to communication and relationship breakdown...NO INTIMACY>>>NO RELATIONSHIP....

 

SO...I think I am confused...part of me feels he is a jerk for his approach of the situation...but part of me feels she is using pregnancy as an excuse to be overweight and unhealthy...HMMM

 
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