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Topic : 05/09 Mama Drama

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Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:33:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
We've all got a mom, and they all come with different personalities, and in different shapes and sizes. While some are more traditional, like June Cleaver, others are controlling drama queens. First meet Jessica. She says that becoming a mom was one of the happiest moments in her life, but it has taken a huge toll on her marriage. She gained over 50 pounds having her children, and now her husband says she looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy. He even points to pigs and says to his kids, 'Look, there's Mommy.' What does Dr. Phil say this couple must do to restore their relationship? Next, Kathleen calls her mom, Grace, the biggest drama queen. She says she's so controlling, she will throw tantrums if things don’t go her way. Grace says she's just a concerned, caring mother who likes to state her opinion. Will Grace admit her behavior is over the top, and is she ready to make a change? Then, 14-year-old Sheri claims she has the most embarrassing mom in the world! She says her mom, Monique, will break into song and dance anywhere at anytime. But will she at the Dr. Phil show? And, you won't want to miss Robin's favorite Mother’s Day present ideas. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
janelli
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May 9, 2008, 2:51 pm PDT

Poor Kathleen

I feel so sorry for this girl!  I would love to tell her that her mother will NEVER change!  I am 54 years old and still living with this situation.  My mother is 82 and we will never be anything other than "mommy" and child.  Your mother will be a drama queen even when shes old, mine still is.  My mother still thinks that everything is all about her.  My mother feels entitled to say anything hurtful to me and my sister she wants just because we happen to be her blood.  Now, reverse the situation...if I ever said the things she feels so at ease to say back to her it would be the end of the world!  She will never let you be a grown up woman, trust me.   When you move and put miles between you and her that is the only answer.  I really started enjoying my life when I moved out of state.  I love my mother and I miss her at times but I don't miss the drama, hand wringing, crying, acting and taking credit for everything right with her children.  That is another thing, my mother will pat herself on the back over anything positive but will guilt you if there is anything about your life she does not like or approve of.  She also let's you know that just because she gave birth to you you owe her for the rest of your life.  She has NO IDEA the life lession she has taught to me and my sister without even knowing it!

 

KUDOS Dr. Phil for telling the mother to lighen up and give support not a directive. 

 

 If she actually listens and decides to try your advice life will be a lot better for her children.  They will probably want to be around her so much more.  My children (I have two) are very close to me, almost in a weird brother sister way because I decided long ago I would not treat my child with anything but respect.  That does not mean I allow bad behavior from them, NO..it does mean treat your child like you want to be treated.  Think about what you say before you let it fly.  Would you like those words coming to you??

 

Let me tell you Kathleen, I am proud of you...you show me you are mature beyond your years.  You also have a very good disposition and you are thoughtful.  Take care sweet girl.

 

 
 
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jessi1128
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May 9, 2008, 2:52 pm PDT

05/09 Mama Drama

Quote From: ramair

That's great! You go girl!
Thank you!!!
 
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janelli
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May 9, 2008, 3:24 pm PDT

You didn't do anything wrong

Quote From: aniblab

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

You and I have a lot in common.  Please read my post titled Poor Kathleen. 

 

We are about the same age and our mothers are the same age.  It sounds like your mother wants everything to revolve around her just like mine.  It also sounds like your mother is miserable and wants everyone to be in the same boat with her.  It sounds like your mother, as well as mine is selfish, unthinking and insulting.  Mine has been all three of those things many times.  It is always about them.  My mother thinks just because she gave birth to my sister and myself we should listen (with a smile) to whatever she wishes to hurl at us.  If I were to say some of the hurtful things my mother said to her she would have smacked me down (when I was young) or hotly told me off only to stomp off and cry at how terrible I treated her. 

 

It has taken many years and my poor sister is still working through it but I had to sort of let that kind of thing roll off my shoulders.  It was running my own blood pressure up because I had to suppress it so much.  Thing is, she is in perfect health because of her letting loose I guess and saying whatever she wants to whomever.  She can be quite the actress too.  People who meet her love her.  They think she is soo nice because they do not know her. 

 

I have raised two wonderful children because I paid attention (even at a young age) at things I knew I would never do to my children.  They are well rounded and confident.  They have high self esteem and

feel acomplished in life.  I am so proud of them and MYSELF for treating them the way I want to be treated, with respect.   Hang in there and tell yourself everyday.  You are a good person.  You care about others.  You will not make the same mistakes with your child and you can show love. 

Take care friend
 
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frillyfroo
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May 9, 2008, 3:37 pm PDT

Weight Gain

Oh my......first husband on the show was so mean to call his wife ugly names for gaining weight.
 
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cards7up
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May 9, 2008, 3:42 pm PDT

What a joke!

Quote From: justnancy

What was all of this with Jessica's husband going out of his way to tell us that he came from a cultured, wealthy background?

 

It has been my experience that if someone is a child of privilege and they have to make a point of TELLING you that well, then, all of that fancy rearing didn't help em very much! 

I didn't find his skinny a_ _ one bit attractive even with the nice suit! Go find something better honey, the money isn't worth it!
 
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nasale
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May 9, 2008, 3:52 pm PDT

I disagree with you

Quote From: mimiskb

When a child's mother is an alcoholic in their childhood years, they NEVER get over it.  Obviously she has forgiven you, but she will never forget it and act like it never happened, but YOUR behavior when she was a child changed her forever, but it sounds like you do not want to accept that.  She's controlling?  Didn't she HAVE to be as a child growing up with you? Isn't that what you trained her to be?  Her teenage daughter doesn't want to sit around chatting with a grandmother she doesn't see very often?  That sounds completely normal to me!!  She may come back around in years to come, but if you aren't here for that, then that's just the way it is for families who don't see each other all the time.  Your friends are forgiving?  Well, that's nice, but were you ever their drunk mother? Have you done bad things to them or around them that they might have a hard time forgiving? 


What you should do is be grateful for ANY time your daughter is willing to spend with you, that she is willing to let you have any access at all to her children, and take what you can get with a gracious and non-judgmental attitude.  You can never make up for her childhood, NEVER.  But, you can be a woman that she wants to know NOW.  You don't have to go along with her schedule and can speak up for yourself if you have something else you want to do, but YOU can't control THEM either. 

 

Just be grateful for what you get.  Good luck with the rest of your life and relationship with these grandchildren. 

You say that children never get over it? Sure they do. Both of my parents were raging alcoholics when I was a child. I got over it and I forgave them completely.I can't count the times when I had to rescue my mom who fell into a dead stupor with a cigarette starting her bed on fire or left the stove on, or any number of other life-threatening things that happened. My father? He was out getting drunk too and then he would come home and abuse my mother. I knew even then that it was not something they wanted to be. There was NO support systems in place for them where we lived (and at that time) to seek the help they needed. I saw them as victims of a horrible disease and forgave them. I love my mother to death and would not want to see her spend another second 'feeling guilty' about something she had no control over. She's an intelligent, kind, respectable woman who deserves some peace after the years of torture she went through. Maybe in your life there is no forgiveness, but not everybody feels that way.
 
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xx_vespa_xx
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May 9, 2008, 3:56 pm PDT

05/09 Mama Drama

he shouldn't say she looks like a pig she doesn't tell him he looks like a wanker

 

wow robin sure handed out a lot of stuff to people, she's a very generous lady :)
 
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kenzkenz
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May 9, 2008, 4:10 pm PDT

05/09 Mama Drama

Quote From: justnancy

I don't think he was blaming the husband for her gaining weight.  He was blaming the husband for making her miserable.

 

Dr. Phil even asked her point-blank, "Do you really want to lose this weight?"

 

She said that she did.  She said that being overweight was making her unhappy.  But, more than that, making her unhappy was her cruel husband comparing her to a sow and stuff. 

I agree with you.  To a certain extent, it is unfair to blame her weight issues on the husband.  Dr.Phil wasn't doing that.  I think he was identifying the fact that her weight issue could not improve unless she had some positive support from her husband.  If my fiance made me feel lousy and ugly all the time, there's no way I would feel motivated to change it.  That kind of negativity puts extreme weight on a person, and it truly just makes things worse.  If I were in that situation I would do my damn hardest to lose all that extra weight and then dump his ass.  He had the maturity of a 15 year old! 
 
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falcone614
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May 9, 2008, 4:14 pm PDT

Mama Drama - Jessica

I am a mama myself, I have a 4 year old and one in on the way, It took me 2 years to get back to my pre-prego weight but I did it!  I had to change some clothing like couldn't wear certain cuts but could wear the size.  I understand her husband about her not trying to lose the weight, I know people who have had kids back to back and some work at losing the weight and others, sorry like Jessica, are too busy making excuses as to why they won't try to lose the weight.  I am sure that if Jessica even was attempting to improve herself her husband would be a little bit nicer, but he probably watches her eat things that are unhealthy and it pisses him off.  There is no reason Jessica cannot join a gym or one of the stay at home mom stroller clubs to help get in shape.  She will always have some stomach damage just a fact of pregnancy and C-sections but she needs to start watching what she eats an try to attempt to get healthy for herself and her family. 
 
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May 9, 2008, 4:18 pm PDT

Peewee Herman ... you made me laugh!

Quote From: nasale

Now, the mean part of me would like to point out that the husband looks a lot like Peewee Herman. But, that would not nice,and something like what he did to his wife.Oh well, beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.

Peewee Herman ... you made me laugh.

 

Perhaps he's been acting like Peewee, too!

 

Now that's a sight I don't even want to think about.

 
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