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Topic : 08/20 Sister-in-Law from Hell

Number of Replies: 296
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 09, 2008, 03:52:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/12/08) They say when you marry, you marry the whole family. But what happens when a member of your new extended family is the source of chaos and pain? Five relatives claim their sister-in-law, Kelly, is toxic. They say she spreads gossip, sends stalking e-mails and acts self-centered and psychotic. Kelly’s father-in-law, Austin, calls her The Destroyer and says she’s hell-bent on ruining the relationship between his sons, Tim and Greg, and her husband, Bill. Kelly believes she’s being unfairly targeted because she showed up in court as a witness for Greg’s ex-wife. The outspoken sister-in-law may have ruffled some feathers, but is she the only one at fault? Find out why her friend, Jennifer, feels Kelly is getting a bad rap. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



Do you have someone that is toxic to your family? Tell us!

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May 10, 2008, 6:26 pm CDT

civil?

Quote From: housewife52

I agree it does take 2 to have an argument. But, because I have a SIL like the one on the show, I know sometimes ONE family member can cause a lot of trouble. The family knows how she is, and they pretty much ignore her when she starts talking about another family member. I have known her for 35 years and she is always trying to start something. I am civil to her and have always kept my distance and I have always refused to join in her gossip about other family members. And it's more than gossip, it sometimes amounts to slander. But, since we all know how she operates, we pretty much ignore her. She goes from one family member to another with gossip, gossip, gossip. She's like a pile of s***, don't stir her up she will stink worse. So, the family members avoid stirring. It's better that way.

You state that you are civil to your SIL but then you say something as crass as comparing her to a pile of s***
Is that civil?
 
May 10, 2008, 8:40 pm CDT

wow

This chick sounds like my husband's 2 older brothers. They are troublemakers in the family. They love to spread gossip lies and manipulate.
 
May 11, 2008, 2:01 am CDT

jealousy

Quote From: housewife52

You could be describing one of my SILs. She is a trouble maker. The whole family knows it, and pretty much ignores her. She has a side where butter could melt in her mouth. She has another side where she deliberately tries to cause trouble with whoever she can. I have a civil relationship with her. I have known her for 35 years and she has always been this way. I can get along with her from a distance. I have never tried to cultivate a close relationship with her. She has often tried to get close to me, telling me I am her favorite SIL and s*** like that. I have always kept my distance. She has been jealous of both of her DILs and has spread terrible lies about them. She has spread slanderous lies about her siblings. Everything is always all about her, somebody has done something to her, etc.... She will probably be this way for the rest of her life.

may be my words are strange but I heared a lot of words said by the sister_ in_ law who I now .she is very really self- centered and malicious with wife's brother. she want to impose

your opinion in brother's life . she want to make you happy and she loved him but she don't  accept how he loves his wife .she is feeling jealousy and she wants to make his wife sad . she always trys to make her brother feels his wife don't care about you . she trys to distorted this relationship and she says I repair this relationship. she good acts. she is softing and so sweet nobady can believed what is she do? she veiled the truth for the all member in family and she alleges the wife and his brother unfair with her.

 
May 11, 2008, 5:15 am CDT

Must be the name

I have an ex-sister in law named Kelli who is an complete Bitch. After my husband left me homeless and destitute when he molested and murdered a 10 yr old girl in Crothersville, IN in Jan. 2005, I had no choice but to send my kid to live with her and my husband's brother. They were the only ones financially able to take care of him. I didn't want to, but I couldn't have my kid living out of a car. I did what I had to. It was the hardest choice I ever had to make. I was granted parenting time, which they denied me for 2.5 years. I then started my own descent into hell, I couldn't deal with it. I got on drugs and lived out of my car. They wouldn't even let me talk to him on the phone, they just wouldn't answer my calls. I drove to their house and they let me see him a couple times, but i had to stay there with him, which wasn't in the court papers. That Bitch even had the nerve to tell me that I wasn' his mother anymore, and I didn't make the decisions. I have been clean now since May2006. I had my daughter in July of 2007 and my feelings for my son just hung over me like a dark cloud. I missed him so much. So on September 27, 2007, I got a lawyer to take me at a reduced fee, and she changed her tune really quick. I have been getting him practically every weekend since Thanksgiving. The major problem, she's unnecessarily drugging my son. She says he has ADHD and has had him talking 25 mg of adder all for over a year, my son was like a zombie. We have been fighting over this for a long time now, but she finally has seen things my was and has weaned him back to 10 mg of it at this point. Every time she reduces the dosage, I see more of the son I knew before. I have 19 more days before he comes home for good, and I won't have to deal with her anymore, I was awarded sole custody. Like I said, It must be the name.
 
May 11, 2008, 12:33 pm CDT

05/12 Sister-in-Law from Hell?

Quote From: tobin1


You state that you are civil to your SIL but then you say something as crass as comparing her to a pile of s***
Is that civil?
Yes, I have remained civil and distant with my pile of s*** SIL for over 35 years. We say "Hellohowareyou?" and "Finethankyou" and that's civil. If the "pile of s***" comparision doesn't work, how about "if you get too close to the fire, you'll get burned"?
 
May 11, 2008, 2:41 pm CDT

Getting Along

Quote From: tobin1

In all fights/arguments it takes two. All sides are to blame, not just the SIL. I am in a family relationship where all my in-laws are here where I live and my own family is in Montana. My SIL does not like me and it creates a large strain on the whole family. I am ready to move on and let our differences be in the past. But she refuses to forgive and forget. So again it's takes both sides to make things work out. One can't just blame this SIL for all the family problems.


I agree. I was from a family of six kids and when in-laws started being an addition to the family, many times things were said that was uncalled for, but it was family and it was not heard of to dismiss a family members partners. we accepted them as family and laughed them off if they were stupid at times. Looks alone will give a hint. If I had a sister in law that would annoy me personally My brother would warn her first then she is all mine. If i could not bare her any longer i would either kick her ass or avoid her.  Simple.

Now with my two daughter-in-laws, I couldn't ask for better. We all get a long great!

 
May 12, 2008, 8:50 am CDT

CRUELTY - MANIPULATIONS - HATRED - RAGE - REVENGE

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in self-image, behavior, moods, and interpersonal relationships.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression:  How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy OR Divorce Poison:  Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive (Relative) Ex by Richard Warshak  

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
May 12, 2008, 9:03 am CDT

Grow Up!

First of all I think that the whole family needs to grow up! I do understand how the family would react badly to her showing up in court. It showed to me that she was being nosey, Dr. Phil handled that perfectly . We all have family members or in-laws we don't see eye-to-eye with. I keep my distance, mind my own family. We should all do the same but that would be living in dreamland wouldn't it!!!!!!!!!!
 
May 12, 2008, 10:05 am CDT

"Even God Can't Change the Past"

I completely diagree with this statement.  God can do anything, including change the past.  Unlike us, he is not bound by time and space.  You cannot put God into human standards.
 
May 12, 2008, 10:11 am CDT

To whom are you sending this?

Quote From: anon_slc

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in self-image, behavior, moods, and interpersonal relationships.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression:  How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy OR Divorce Poison:  Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive (Relative) Ex by Richard Warshak  

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

I was just curious who you are sending this message to.  You say to "get out with what little bit of sanity you may have remaining" but I'm not sure who you are addressing.

 

Thanks

 
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