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Topic : 08/13 Babysitter Gone Bad

Number of Replies: 211
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Created on : Friday, May 09, 2008, 03:54:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/13/08) She was the most sought-after nanny in her neighborhood. Moms trusted her, and kids adored her. But Stephanie, 23, has been hiding a secret for two years: She’s addicted to crack and heroin. Stephanie’s mother, Kim, says she’s tried everything to help her daughter, but “when does a child listen to a parent?” Dr. Phil has some hard questions for Kim. Is she a bad influence on her addicted daughter? Joani, a former addict and guest, caught shocking evidence on videotape. Then, who does Stephanie think is partly responsible for her downward spiral? An absent father, a devoted best friend, an incarcerated boyfriend and two former employers  -- Stephanie hears from them all. Will this be the wake-up call she needs to enter rehab? Plus, when former guest and heroin addict, Sarah, shares her recovery story, will it inspire Stephanie to change her life before her addiction kills her?  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.



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May 13, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

I am a recovering addict.

Dr. Phil, please stop saying someone is an addict and an alcoholic.  ALCOHOL IS A DRUG. 

 

I have 19.r years of recovery.  Being clean does not ever mean I am a "former" addict.  I am an addict, by the grace of God, in recovery, not using one day at a time.  I do this by going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, using a sponsor and doing the 12 steps.  The disease is, yes, as you said mental, physical and emotional, but you forgot to say the most important thing:  the disease is a spiritual one also.

 

Yes, I also drank.  I include alcohol as part of my addiction.  Yes, I also go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.  However, if you are an addict, you need to go to Narcotics Anonymous.  I really wish you would emphasize 12 steps meetings more.

 

When I hear that a person has done "everything" to get clean, and not hear a mention of a 12 step program, I do not believe a word they said.  I did not go to a rehab center - I did the shake, rattle and roll cold turkey method.   And then, after all that, I still had a joint, because I was not addicted to pot yet.  Glad I learned within 4 days that I could not do that neither. 

 

Also, after folks do rehab, I never hear mention of what they are doing to stay clean.  Are they in a halfway house?  Do they go to meetings?  I would love to hear about that.

 

Thankyou for helping so many people.  Some folks would have never had a chance to change if you did not provide the help you do.

 
May 13, 2008, 3:14 pm CDT

Been there~ My friend is still n recovery

 My very close friend exactly one year ago, was a major heroin addict. On Mother's Day of last year I got a phone call telling me my friend was in the hospital for a disease she had caught from shooting up.  When the ambulance came to her house she was almost dead, she had been close to death for nearly a week before her family even called an ambuance. when they got there my friend told the ambulance drivers she thought she had shot dirty heroin, they immediately started an IV, later in the hospital she started getting violent & halucinating. (I  was told bacteria had built up around her heart, then the infection lead straight to her brain.) They strapped her down because she kept trying to leave, I spoke w/ her on the phone while she was being kept there against her will, pleading w/ her to stay & let them help. It was one of the worst days of my life, even thinking about it now makes me cry. She stayed only a couple days then took off, no one could find her & she was going to deffinately die if she did keep taking the medicine to kill the infection. Finally after a few days her family tracked her down, she kept on w/ the heroin for probably 6 months after that. She is now in recovery & I couldn't be more proud of her, her name is Karla. Sad to say our friend wasn't that lucky, we burried him last month. He went into the hospital with THE EXACT SAME THING KARLA HAD, the bacteria crowded around his heart then went straight to his brain. But when he started to get violet & tried to leave, he was put into a coma, he then suffered a stroke~ after that he flat lined. They were able to revive him but it was to late, he suffered irreversable brain damage & was placed on life support. My friend that we burried his name was Chadd, when Karla & I were at his funeral & his mom told everyone this story of what had happened, It hit Karla & I, like a smack in the face, it was truely that hard. Karla was in that same exact position only a year earlier, she was THAT close to being gone, it could've been her funeral first. Chadd was not as bad on heroin as Karla (sounds like an oxymoron) but Karla looked like the twins that were on the Dr. Phil show. When we burried Chadd he looked healthy & husky, not at all like I had imagined he would look, it only takes once or twice to catch something u can't get rid of ! Please pray for Karla she is religous now & never misses her classes. She looks wonderful & I talk to her almost everyday, I am so proud of my friend it has been such a difficult road but she's still working it!
 
May 13, 2008, 3:17 pm CDT

and how about the dad?

 i thought the dad got of the hook too easily. i know he's frustrated with his daughter and doesnt know what to say to her. but why didn't her try to get her some help? what made him think turning on a 12-year-old girl and trashing her self-esteem would do any good? sure that's about the age when she started to act out -- true of a lot of kids -- but parents areexpected tot ry to find ways to deal with it -- not just moms, but dads too.even if he was fed up with her mom, for whatever reason, what made him think it was ok to abandon his daughter? maybe he feels he's doing some sort of "tough love"thing by refusing to speak to her now, but what excuses the rejection years ago?

did he even know she was being sexually abused by a family member? if and when he found out, what did he do about it, if anything? did it occur to him that some of her bad behavior may have been a reaction to that? did he think at all? opr just react and turn away?

maybe the reason she accepts bad treatment from a boyfriend is because she only really cares about the drugs.maybe it's also b/c she was molested for so long. i don't know if it has anything to do with her father's seeming rejection of her, but i'm sure that didnt help. so often i've seen dr.phil lay that one right at the feet of the dad. why not this time? maybe b/c he wanted to focus on the addictions and getting her to go to treatment?

granted the dad can'tchange the past. but he can apoplogize for it. and he can rethink his attittude for the future.
 
May 13, 2008, 3:40 pm CDT

Mom, you have a few parenting lessons to learn.

You say you 'begged' your daughter not to do drugs, huh? That's not the way its done. I raised four kids , two who are in the military,one who worked as a drill instructor. You don't say 'please'! If one one my kids told me they wanted to do drugs, I would've been all over them like smell on dirty sock! The problem is though, you have to start from when they are small to let them know you mean business and won't let them take part in destructive behaviour without a helluva fight. Doing drugs, drinking, all the things you are doing are teaching them that its okay to kill themselves s-l-o-w-l-y .Oh, and by the way, I was also 17 when I had my first child too,  so, it can be done.You are not your daughter's 'buddy'. You are as messed up as your daughter. I can only guess that you were not shown the right way to raise kids.I wish you both lots of luck and hope you get the help you need.
 
May 13, 2008, 3:44 pm CDT

mom & drugs

What a sad state of affairs;  the mom is more of Stephanie's problem than her dad.   I watched the eye contact between mother & daughter the message sent was Stephanie this is about you not me don't say anything about my drinking or doing drugs.  Mom's attitude was Dr. Phil this is no big deal for me, it's Stephanie who needs help.  Dr. Phil & mom were certainly not in the same world.  I also caught the expression on the mother's face when Dr. Phil confronted her about her problem.  For that moment she didn't like Dr. Phil and didn't want to be in the situation she was in.  Worse than complete denial.

 

Stephanie didn't grasp the ramifications of what Sarah said about having to change every thing.  This means getting away from the places she gets drugs, neighborhoods, leaving the boyfriend, & her mother.  I believe the mother is the root of Stephanie's problems.  How very sad.   The child is more mature than the mother in this family.  Mother is just plan stupid.  This is not a mother daughter relationship, it's friend to friend.    There's more to this family than meets the eye.  The surface hasn't been scratched yet.

 

 

 

 

 
May 13, 2008, 3:47 pm CDT

Positives to Addiction and living Death

Hi, I am Karen. I have never used a message board before but while watching todays show I decided I wanted to share some info. For many years I have worked with women involved in serious addiction challenges/issues. The majority of the women were incarcerated but allowed to leave the prison for Day Treatment. Working as the lead alcohol and drug counselor along with being the clinical supervisor allowed me to really learn first hand about true addiction.  Many of the women were in treatment for their 5th , 6th, 10th treatment. For the first few years I was involved in counseling I really stuggled with why women would return to using or keep at it when it was destroying every aspect of their lives. Building a close bond with the women and really getting them to be open allowed me to recognize that there are POSITIVES to addiction. Yes Positives. Once the ladies felt comfortable with me I would have them complete an exercise on the positives to use. This exercise consisted of about 100  reasons for use. At first they would say that there were no positives. My style is VERY MUCH like Dr. Phil's so I would start going through the list with them. I would ask them if they found use to be exciting. At first they might say no but I would then review the life history they wrote that stated they were involved in the mafia, had lots of money,  men, clothes, jewelry , trips. They commited crimes without being caught.Brought drugs on planes(recently) without any problem. As I would share this I could feel them getting high off the memories. Now I can't say I live on the edge like that and yes it sounds like a very interesting movie. I tell them we all are human and want risk but know that our true values are most important.  They would also tell me the positives to being able to escape all emotions in seven seconds when using crack. Well I would tell them that each and every day I would leave work I wanted to escape for a bit. They respected my honesty, humor and down to earth approach. As I have not used meth I would ask them what was so wonderful about it. The ladies would tell me that in a few seconds you feel thin, beautiful, secure, confident, in control, energized, sexy etc... You also don't feel likeeating which can lead to weight loss. Hey that sounds damn good to be is what I would share. I would go on and share that I can tell my daughter how to be confident without use. I read a great deal of research about meth and yes it quickly builds thousands of chemicals in the brain that make one feel great. Compare it to the natural high of a meal, sex, running etc... but realize that makes for example 60 feel good chemicals while the meth can build 600,000 Thus a positive to use. Just a few more positives-Not having to work. A client once told me how stupid I was for earning a low income when I could make hundreds an hour by dancing, running drugs or engaging in prostituion acts that did not involve direct sex. Well that sounds awesome(as I am human) and I think risk is cool but I am not going to degrade myself in that manner. One client laughed at me when I spoke of paying taxes, paying off an insurance bill, buying groceries etc...I would ask the women how they had survived for all those years with no job, car, insurance, home etc... The answer was always"a guy or a girlfriend" I would then share that we could all go to the local bar and I promise we would each find a man who would say"oh come on over. The old lady left so I have extra clothes and a bed for you. Don't worry about money as I work on cars part time and have some dope to sell. " The ladies would say"Karen how do you know this?" Yes the list of positives I prepared was a tool that many women say finally got them to"get it" and understand why they kept returning to use despite going through detox and being sober for a bit. It is not what one gets from the drugs that is the issues it is how they get it. I truly helped many ladies stay sober once they learned this. I also taught them that apositive to use was that they would never have to do the hard work. I would visit the ladies in prison for intake appointments. It was beautiful and they could smoke, wear their clothing, go to work, walk around outside, eat well, pay no bills. I had to ask many of the ladies to stop glamorizing the place. One final point I want to share. I have worked with thousands of ladies. I value all of them and did not judge what they did. I just worked on helping them get honest. When the young lady today said she would be dead in five years, I can tell you that seriously I have lost only 2 clients to addiction. They say one hits bottom and changes. Well they live in the bottom. As stated earlier they would come to me after 10 treatments. At each treatment they would say that if they did not get clean theyt would die. No these were ladies that made todays guest look like a one time experimental user. They were suicidal, sick, beat and barely living when entering TX. Interesting how they would be back in 3, 5, 10 years and they had not died. I would say "Oh my goodness you said you would be dead. "These were ladies who had serious liver iussues, holes in their noses,totally black lungs. One was shooting the drugs in a vein near her heart. She went on to live and came back to treatment 6 more times. May I say that I tried to get the ladies to see that it was all about better quality of life. I could see many positives to the drug use in both the mom and the  daughter on todays show.A 26 year old husband for the mom. I am her age and my hubby is bald(sorry Dr. Phil) and looks his age. The daughters friend was there to support her through all of this despite all the negative consequences(legal, physical) that could come to her. My friends would tell me to pull my head out of my __________ and call when sober for a yr. If my dad was still alive he would have kicked my _____ Please consider why it is so hard to change as we ONLY engage in behaviors that give us positive results. Thanks for reading.
 
May 13, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

05/13 Babysitter Gone Bad

Quote From: nasale

You say you 'begged' your daughter not to do drugs, huh? That's not the way its done. I raised four kids , two who are in the military,one who worked as a drill instructor. You don't say 'please'! If one one my kids told me they wanted to do drugs, I would've been all over them like smell on dirty sock! The problem is though, you have to start from when they are small to let them know you mean business and won't let them take part in destructive behaviour without a helluva fight. Doing drugs, drinking, all the things you are doing are teaching them that its okay to kill themselves s-l-o-w-l-y .Oh, and by the way, I was also 17 when I had my first child too,  so, it can be done.You are not your daughter's 'buddy'. You are as messed up as your daughter. I can only guess that you were not shown the right way to raise kids.I wish you both lots of luck and hope you get the help you need.
I agree with you.  Couldn't have said it any better.
 
May 13, 2008, 3:52 pm CDT

This poor girl....

was doomed from childhood. Her mom only fed her problem. Her mother is SSOOO blind! Hello mom, open your freaking eyes!!! You mom have a problem as well. I hope Dr. Phil helps the both of you. Way to go Dr. Phil!! Tell that mom!!
 
May 13, 2008, 3:52 pm CDT

baby sitter gone mad

I could not believe the mother on the show, what a horrible example of a parent she made light of everything and definitely needs help I felt like going through the t.v. and beaten the heck out of her. I hope the daughter gets the help she needs and stays far from the toxic mother. Carol
 
May 13, 2008, 3:57 pm CDT

mom gone bad as well

I think her mother was a big part of this girls problems, she didn't believe her when she went to her with the family member molesting her, the guy the mom is with now had sex with the daughter before the mom got with him, then the party the mom had , this lady is in big denial and Stephanie really won't do good if she goes in treatment and then comes out to her mom doing the same thing. She is setting her daughter up for failure. SHE NEEDS TO GET HELP AS WELL!!!!
 
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